Kinoafisha

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Kinoafisha Films Paul Paul Movie Quotes

Paul Movie Quotes

Agent Zoil Motherfuckin' tittysuckin' two-balled bitch!

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Graeme Willy How come I can understand you? Are you using some neural language router?

Paul Actually I'm speaking English you fucking idiot!

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Graeme Willy You are an alien!

Paul To you I am, yes.

Graeme Willy Are you gonna probe us?

Paul *Why* does everyone always assume that? What am I doing? Am I harvesting farts? How much can I learn from an ass?

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Paul [1980 collaboration phone call] Okay Steven, how 'bout cellular revivification?

Steven Spielberg I don't know what that is.

Paul Oh. Restoration of damaged tissue through telepathic manipulation of intrinsic field memory.

Steven Spielberg What's that mean?

Paul It means healing, Mr. Spielberg.

Steven Spielberg Yeah right, healing. Like by touch or something like that. Like maybe his finger lights up on the end when he reaches out and touches?

Paul Maybe... You know, sometimes I find less is more.

Steven Spielberg Hey, trust me.

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Agent Zoil Pleasure to meet you boys. You did a hell of a job.

Clive Gollings Thank you, Agent Zoil.

Agent Zoil Please call me Lorenzo.

Clive Gollings Clive Gollings, Graeme Willy: Lorenzo Zoil?

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Paul [to two rednecks] YO! fucknuts! It's Probing time.

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Ruth Buggs Fuck-a-roo, that was the best titty-farting sleep I have ever had.

Paul I got a feeling that you're new to cursing, Ruth? Look, cursing's fun, you just gotta pick your moments, okay?

Graeme Willy Hey, maybe we should stop for some food, is anybody hungry?

Paul Fuck yeeah!

Ruth Buggs You bet your big fat cock I am!

Paul Nice!

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Paul This is America. Kidnapping a Christian is worse than harboring a fugitive.

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Clive Gollings [Putting the phone to his ear] It's ringing.

Paul [Out of view] I wouldn't do that if I were you

[Clive and Graham turn around]

Paul Put... the phone... down!

Clive Gollings [Falling backwards fainting] Ha ha ha ha ha!

Paul Aw fuck me.

Graeme Willy [Looks to his right, then down, and then back at the approching alien] What did you do to him?

Paul I didn't do anything to him - he fainted!

Graeme Willy But you made him faint!

Paul It's not like I set my phaser to faint!

Graeme Willy You've got a phaser?

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Graeme Willy Whats the matter Clive?

Clive Gollings There is an alien in the kitchen making bagels and coffee.

Graeme Willy Did you want tea?

Clive Gollings No, I don't want tea!

Graeme Willy Right, because tea is weird in America.

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Tara Walton Get away from her, you bitch!

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Haggard I am authorized to use deadly force! Stand down!

Moses Buggs That thing's got my daughter!

Haggard Stand down! This is not your mission!

Moses Buggs I'm on a mission from God!

Haggard Tell him you failed!

[shoots Buggs]

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Paul [Paul is posing on the couch as Graeme prepares to draw him] Are you gonna draw me like your French girls, Jack?

[blows a kiss]

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The Big Guy Haggard.

Agent Zoil Zoil.

The Big Guy Where are the other two?

Agent Zoil One crashed and burned, the other just burned.

The Big Guy Jesus Christ! This has been one fuck-up after another. I should have handled this myself.

Agent Zoil I am very close. You give me one hour.

The Big Guy An hour? I'll be eating canapès with the governor in an hour. I need this wrapped up now!

Agent Zoil No, no. They're mine, damn it. I'm gonna finish this, once and for all.

The Big Guy Too late, Zoil. I'm bringing in the big gun...

[Zoil shoots the radio]

Agent Zoil Boring conversation anyway.

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State Trooper Where are you boys from?

Clive Gollings ...England.

State Trooper I heard about that place: no guns.

Graeme Willy Not many...

Clive Gollings No, not really, just... farmers.

State Trooper Well how are police supposed to shoot anybody?

Graeme Willy [Uncomfortable] Well they don't...

Clive Gollings They- they try not to...

[the state trooper stares at them suspiciously]

Gas Station Attendant [Cash register rings, breaking the suspense] $15.58.

Graeme Willy Um, twenty, keep the change... give it to charity or something.

[They hastily exit the store]

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Clive Gollings They're going to rape us and break our arms!

Graeme Willy I don't want my arms broken.

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Tara Walton But I don't have my toothbrush!

Paul Toothbrush? Baby, where we're going, you don't need teeth!

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Haggard [Looking at Clive's novel] What is this, nerd porn?

Graeme Willy Oh, no, that's Clive's...

Clive Gollings It's my novel.

Haggard [Looking at an alien on the cover] Ha! Three tits!

O'Reilly That's awesome. You guys should have given her four tits.

Graeme Willy [Looking disgusted] That's just sick.

O'Reilly I was just sayin'...

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[repeated line]

Adam Shadowchild 3 tits? That's awesome.

Haggard 3 tits? That's awesome.

Agent Zoil 3 tits? That's awesome.

Alien on Paul's ship 3 tits? Awesome.

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Paul [after getting frisked inappropriately by O'Reilly] Get your goddamn hands off my motherfuckin' junk!

O'Reilly [Runs and screams outside of gift shop to Haggard] It's in there! It's in there!

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Ruth Buggs [after 'partaking'] I'm hungry. We should cook up some sausages. Do we have any sausages?

Graeme Willy Uhh...

Ruth Buggs What do you mean by that? Why do you guys hate me? Can we cook up some sausages? Ohh I have wasps in my brain!

[Ruth falls over]

Paul She'll be fine. That happened to me the first time.

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Clive Gollings It's not fat, it's power!

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Ruth Buggs So everything that I have been told my whole life, is just a big fat lie? Do you know how that feels?

Graeme Willy Look. Just because your truth, isn't the true truth, doesn't mean there is no truth, Ruth.

Ruth Buggs That's easy for you to say.

Graeme Willy It's really not.

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Ruth Buggs The world is 4000 years old and can only be the product of intelligent design.

Paul [offscreen in the bathroom] That's horseshit!

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Graeme Willy [Graeme has just been shot in the chest by Ruth's father and collapses on the ground, dying] Oh no! I really liked this T-shirt.

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O'Reilly Why not four tits?

Graeme Willy That's just sick.

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Clive Gollings What if we wake up and find him inserting a probe into our anus?

Graeme Willy Well apparently they don't do that.

Paul [Paul wiggles his finger inside the hole of a bagel] Anyone want one of these? Yeah? Anyone?

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Tara Walton My weed!

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Paul You have to spin a good yarn before you can weave a great dream.

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Ruth Buggs Sorry you got killed by my dad.

Graeme Willy That's fine. D'you want to try that kiss again?

Ruth Buggs Fuck yeah.

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[repeated line]

Haggard Haggard, Pat Stevens, Agent Zoil: Who the hell is Adam Shadowchild?

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Clive Gollings Agent Mulder was right!

Paul Agent Mulder was my idea!

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Paul [Lighting a joint and takes a hit] Do you guys partake?

Graeme Willy No. Thank you.

Ruth Buggs I'll partake.

Paul Are you sure? It's pretty strong shit. I get it from the military. I think this is the stuff that killed Dylan.

Graeme Willy Bob Dylan's not dead.

Paul [smiles] Isn't he?

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The Big Guy I'm the one holding all the cards. And when I say "cards", I of course mean big fucking gun.

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Ruth Buggs You bet your hairy love-eggs!

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Graeme Willy Paul, what happens if you get caught?

Paul Graeme, they are going to cut out my brain... Yeah it's fucked... kinda a buzz kill... Let's lighten the mood, shall we? Clive when did you last get laid?

Clive Gollings Uh. Collectormania London '08... Ewok chick.

Paul [sings] Clive likes boning space bears!

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Adam Shadowchild [Upon seeing the cover of Clive Gollings' book, which shows an alien woman with 3 breasts] Three tits? Awesome.

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Paul [about boning an Ewok chick] What was it like?

Clive Gollings Well... she was 'furry' nice!

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The Big Guy [from the extended version] Shit, I'd shoot you now if I didn't get off on the idea of you being hog-tied and pissed on in Guantanamo Bay.

Graeme Willy They've shut Guantanamo Bay.

The Big Guy Did they? Be honest with yourselves.

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Paul Ugh, look. Tara, I...

Tara Walton I didn't, just stop believing in you, you know. I've spent a very long time, trying to convince folks, all what happened that night. Everyone said I was mad, they told me it was a meteor that squashed little Paul. They took me away, and they did test, and said it was cosmic radiation and that I was cccan caused hallucinations, and I knew you were real. I pulled you out of that spaceship myself. I kept you warm and comfortable, and sat there next to you, til the men came to take you away. I tried to understand, but they would just smile and say, "there there, Tara." While, word got out about my story, yeah. Kids uses to come and throw stones at the house and call me names. I wanted to send myself away, I'd spend all night, just starring at the sky, and I'd catch a glimpse of you, and here you are.

Paul I'm sorry, you know, if I could have done it, any another way. I...

Tara Walton It's okay, you're real, it's all that matters. I was right, and all those folks that said I was crazy. While they can all just go fuck themselves.

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Clive Gollings Ever since I saw "Mac and Me", I've dreamed about meeting you!

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Graeme Willy [while under the impression that Clive and he are being chased by rednecks] This is just like Deliverance!

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Agent Zoil One of them crashed and burned, the other one just burned.

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Adam Shadowchild Well, a wise man said, "You have to spin a good yarn before you can weave a great dream."

Graeme Willy Who said that?

Adam Shadowchild I did. I just said that.

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Agent Zoil Boring conversation, anyway.

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Paul Oh, we're all made in God's image?

[Throws open the bathroom door]

Paul Then how do you explain me?

[Ruth faints]

Paul And that's Jenga.

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Paul Eyes forward butt horn.

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The Big Guy [to Zoil, about Paul] Shit, the little fucker's probably gonna phone home or something.

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Ruth Buggs So there's no Heaven? No Hell, no right, no wrong, no sin?

Graeme Willy Well...

[pause]

Ruth Buggs I can drink?

Graeme Willy If you like.

Ruth Buggs I can fornicate?

Graeme Willy Maybe.

Ruth Buggs I can curse?

Graeme Willy Well, yeah.

Ruth Buggs [gleefully] Penises!

Graeme Willy Ruth...

Ruth Buggs Assing hairy boobs poop farting buttholes!

Graeme Willy Ruth, I'm not sure this is helping...

[Ruth grabs Graeme and kisses him]

Graeme Willy Wha... What are you doing?

[Ruth grabs his hand and puts it on her breast]

Graeme Willy Aah! Stop it!

Ruth Buggs Why? Why should I?

[grabs Graeme's crotch]

Graeme Willy [winces] This is... because... you have your whole life to explore new things. Okay? Doesn't necessarily mean... you should be exploring mine right now.

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Paul [shouting out the RV window as Graeme and Clive walk into a gas station] Hey! Reese's Pieces! Thank you!

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Clive Gollings Get your own Alien!