30 Minutes or Less Movie Quotes
Nick
Chet, if I don't get to the money in time. This thing gonna blow.
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Chet
Okay, climb through the window.
Nick
You climb through the window!
Chet
No, I'm holding the bag.
Nick
I'm holding the bomb!
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Chet
[singing]
Painting our guns, painting our guns for the bank robbery, 'cause if we go in with our plastic guns then the cops will shoot us in our face...
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[from trailer]
Nick
[unzips a vest to show a bomb strapped to his chest]
Guess what? You just brought a gun to a bombfight, officer!
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Dwayne
What is the one thing this town is missing? I'll give you a hint. It's cash business and it's crawling with sexy bitches.
Travis
Chinese food restaurant?
Dwayne
No.
Travis
Abortion clinic.
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Kate
Why did that engine explode?
Nick
Remember that bomb I was telling you about? I kind of typed in the code, reactivated it and put in the back of that guy's van.
Chet
What? That's some John McClane shit! Yes!
Kate
How did you remember the code?
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Chet
Okay, what if we saw off both of your arms, slip the vest over your head, than go to the hospital, they'll re-attach your arms. We'll just keep your arms on ice the whole time.
Nick
Fuck that!
Chet
I don't know what to do, man. All these sites have different shit. There's not a lot of consensus in the bomb disarming community. What did they do in the Hurt Locker?
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Chet
Maybe I should just become a bank robber. I'm pretty good at it. Teachers don't make shit. Bank robbers make bank.
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Nick
[to Mr. Fisher]
Now, listen to me... We're obviously, uh, stealing the car! And you won't report it stolen until later tonight, let's say... 5 o'clock. Or 6, to be safe!
Chet
6:15!
Nick
Yeah, right! 6:15.
Chet
Don't even bother calling the cops! We own the cops!
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[from trailer]
Dwayne
I liked the bear, I don't even fucking know you.
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Chet
You wanna fuck my sister?
Nick
I said your sister was sexually attractive.
Chet
Uh, my twin sister? Which is basically like fucking me?
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Nick
Remember graduation night?
Chet
When you were nailing Tina Scotto?
Nick
Actually, I was having the best night of my life with your sister.
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Dwayne
Fucking victory tacos!
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Kate
You're late.
Nick
No, no, I'm 45 minutes late, which is, like 10 minutes early for me.
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[from trailer]
Dwayne
Sometimes fate pulls out its big ol' cock and slaps you right in face.
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Nick
I taught myself how to do this shit. Went online, looked all this up!
Dwayne
Oh I hear ya. I taught myself how to eat pussy and cut my own hair!
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Dwayne
This is like the Marines. If you hesitate, if you fuck around, I will leave you behind.
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Dwayne
You're a cold son of a bitch, dad.
The Major
That's what it takes, boy. In the Corps, pussies like you wore dresses to keep us entertained.
Dwayne
That's really fuckin' disturbing.
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[during the bank robbery, to a man sporting a handlebar moustache]
Chet
Quit lookin' at me, moustache!
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Dwayne
I've been thinking a lot about the 'polishing the scepter' deal. I know that's really not for polishing the scepter, you're just talking about sucking my dick. But I just want you to know that it's going to be mutual. You won't just have to polish my scepter, I will also lick your crown, which is a euphemism for eating your pussy. Ok, well give me a call when you get a chance. Goodbye.
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Chet
[trying to pick out the right toy gun to buy and use in the robbery by practicing with it in the store]
EVERYBODY! GET DOWN ON THE GR...
Nick
Shhh! Jesus!
Nick
Uh, how are they supposed to get the money when you just told them...
Chet
Go get us our money and THEN everybody get down on the ground!
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Dwayne
[watching Friday the 13th Part III]
I'm not afraid of Jason. Look at me. I'm fucking Jason. In his fucking mask hole.
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Rodney
[interrupting Chet's class, clearing his throat]
Nice laser.
Chet
Yeah. It's a nice laser, Rodney. You know what's not nice? Texting in my class
[takes Rodney's phone]
Chet
[reading Rodney's text, mockingly]
Hey, Steve. What time are we watching the UFC fight, bro? By the way, you think Lisa would go out with me?
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Travis
If wanting a lot of money is gay, then, yeah, I'm Elton John.
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Dwayne
Sometimes faith pulls out its big ol' cock and slaps you right in the face.
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Chango
Are you for serious, dawg? Nobody can fucking kill to me bro!
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Chango
You're a fucking badass, bro. You're a pimp! Remember, you're a pimp, that's what your mother said. Your mother told you're a pimp. You're a pimp!
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The Major
You know, I saved a beaner's life in the shit. So if I took yours, would be even.
Chango
A beaner, huh? That shit cut deep, I'm not gonna lie. That's good.
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