Something's Gotta Give Movie Quotes
Julian Mercer
When something happens to you that hasn't happened before, don't you at least have to find out what it is?
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Zoe
This is really fascinating, what's going on at this table. Let's take you and Erica. You've been around the block a few times. What are you, around 60? 63. Fantastic! Never married, which as we know, if you were a woman, would be a curse. You'd be an old maid, a spinster. Blah, blah, blah. So instead of pitying you, they write an article about you. Celebrate your never marrying. You're elusive and ungetable, a real catch. Then, there's my gorgeous sister here. Look at her. She is so accomplished. Most successful female playwright since who? Lillian Hellmann? She's over 50, divorced, and she sits in night after night after night because available guys her age want something-forgive me, they want somebody that looks like Marin. The over-50 dating scene is geared towards men leaving older women out. And as a result, the women become more and more productive and therefore, more and more interesting. Which, in turn, makes them even less desirable because as we all know, men- especially older men- are threatened and afraid of productive, interesting women. It is just so clear! Single older women as a demographic are about as fucked a group as can ever exist.
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Harry Sanborn
Some people consider rap poetry.
Erica Barry
C'mon, how many words can you rhyme with bitch?
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Harry
Erica, you are a woman to love.
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Harry
I've never seen a woman that age naked before.
Julian Mercer
You're kidding.
Harry
Hey! We're not all doctors, baby.
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Harry
I just have one question: What's with the turtlenecks? I mean it's the middle of summer.
Erica
Well I guess I'm just a turtleneck kind of gal.
Harry
You never get hot?
Erica
No.
Harry
Never?
Erica
Not lately.
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Harry
Schmucks are people too.
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Erica Barry
I'm like the dumb girl that doesn't get it. I've never been the dumb girl before. It ain't great.
Harry
Let's just calm down. I had these plans before I even met you. I mean, I do like seeing you. I do.
Harry
I'm always surprised by it.
Erica Barry
Surprised by it? What was I thinking?
Harry
I have never lied to you. I have always told you some version of the truth.
Erica Barry
The truth doesn't have versions, okay?
Harry
Will you cut me a little slack? My life has just been turned upside down.
Erica Barry
Mine too!
Harry
Well, then let's just each get our bearings.
Erica Barry
I don't want my bearings. I've had my bearings my whole goddamn life. I feel something with you I never really knew existed. Do you know what that's like, after a 20-year marriage to feel something for another person that is so...? That... Oh, Right. Right. Not your problem. God. Do you know that I've written this, but I never really got it? Do you know what this is?
Harry
No.
Harry
You're killing me.
Erica Barry
I just wish that it had lasted more than a week.
Harry
Me too.
Erica Barry
That is a terrible thing to say. You know, the life I had before you I knew how to do that. I could do that forever. But now look at me. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do with all this?
Harry
Erica. Can you wait just a second? The truth is, I... I just... I don't know how to be a boyfriend.
Erica Barry
That's what you have to say after all of this? That you don't know how to be a boyfriend?
Harry
That's not a small thing.
Harry
I don't know.
Erica Barry
Oh, my God.
[Erica gets in taxi and drives away]
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Erica Barry
No! STOP!
Harry
OH! OOH!
Erica Barry
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Harry
I'm sorry! I didn't see anything. Except maybe a few tits!
[Diane screams and runs away]
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Harry
Where's Julian?
Erica
He's back at the hotel. He said when he saw me with you, he knew I was still in love with you... what do you have to say about that?
Harry
If... if it's true, my life just got made.
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Erica Barry
[on her play]
It's about a divorced woman, a writer. She's this high-strung, overamped, controlling, know-it-all neurotic.
[Everyone stares at her]
Erica Barry
... who's incredibly *cute*, and lovable.
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Marin
Are you crying?
Erica Barry
Yeah. It's my new thing. I've gotten abnormally brilliant at it.
Marin
Why? What is it?
Erica Barry
I'm in love. Ain't it great? Seems like I gotta learn how to that... love-them-and-leave-them stuff, you know?
Marin
Oh mom, I hate this. Now do you get my theory about all this? You gotta self-protect.
Erica Barry
You don't really buy this stuff you say, do you? You don't actually think that you can outsmart getting hurt?
Marin
I think it's worth trying.
Erica Barry
Listen to me. You can't hide from love for the rest of your life because maybe it won't work out... maybe you'll become unglued? It's just not a way to live.
Marin
Are you telling me this is good? What's happened to you?
Erica Barry
I think you should consider the possibility that you and I are more alike than you realize. I let someone in, and I had the time of my life.
Marin
I've never had the time of my life.
Erica Barry
I know, baby. And I say this from the deepest part of my heart. What are you waiting for?
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Julian Mercer
Look who's answering the door!
Harry Sanborn
Look who's at the door!
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Harry Sanborn
I love ya.
Erica Barry
Well, I love you too! If that's what you said. I don't know if it ends in a 'ya' if it's a true 'I love you.'
Harry Sanborn
You're not like anybody.
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Erica Barry
You know what, Harry. If it's all right with you, I'd like to be friends.
Harry Sanborn
Friends? I'm not ready to be your FRIEND!
Erica Barry
Fine, I understand.
Harry Sanborn
And anyway, do you really buy that horseshit that a man and a woman can be friends after they've had sex?
Erica Barry
I'm friends with my ex-husband but then again, we didn't just have sex.
Harry Sanborn
We didn't just have sex either.
Erica Barry
Then what was it? I'd love to know.
Harry Sanborn
Can I email it to ya when I figure it out?
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Harry Sanborn
I think I'm entering into another phase with this thing. I'm mad at you.
Erica Barry
I think I'm mad at you too.
Harry Sanborn
Good, because I don't LIKE thinking about you all the time and worrying about how you are...
Erica Barry
You... worry about ME?
Harry Sanborn
Yes, honey. The schmuck, who deserves to die, worries about you. Sometimes worrying about you feels like a full-time job.
Erica Barry
Well I'm doing just fine, so you don't have to work that shift anymore!
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Erica Barry
I DO like sex!
Harry Sanborn
You certainly do.
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Julian Mercer
I knew you'd smell good.
Erica
It's just... soap
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Harry Sanborn
I can't get past your damn turtleneck.
Erica Barry
Cut it off!
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Erica
I'm so glad they still work. I haven't used them for kissing in such a long time, more like for wearing lipstick... and whistling.
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Erica Barry
Oh, you fucking guy!
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Erica Barry
What effect do you think you're having on me?
Harry
I don't quite recognize it. That's how I know I never had it before.
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Julian Mercer
You know what Freud said they are no accidents.
Harry
Trust me this was an accident.
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Harry
I'm dating your daughter, Marin. She invited me here for the weekend. She is in her room right now changing.
Erica Barry
Aah! You're dating my daughter?
Harry
Now who would have thought that would be worst news?
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Harry
What's with the turtlenecks? It's the middle of summer.
Erica Barry
Honestly what do you care what I wear?
Harry
Just curious.
Erica Barry
I like them I've always liked them and I am just a turtleneck kind of gal.
Harry
You never get hot?
Erica Barry
No.
Harry
Never?
Erica Barry
Not Lately.
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Erica Barry
What are you doing here, Harry?
Harry
Turns out the heartattack was easy to get over. You... were something else. I finally get it. I'm 63 years old... and I'm in love for the first time in my life.
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Harry
Oh. *Her*. She is a *major* piece of work. Doc, the woman wears turtlenecks in the middle of summer: she's *beyond* uptight. Almost makes her fun to be around.
Julian Mercer
Uptight. That's funny, I haven't noticed that.
Harry
Try living with her.
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Erica Barry
Harry, your heart attack could be the best thing that's ever happened to me!
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Julian Mercer
How great is it for you that im not intimidated by your brilliance?
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Erica Barry
I'm like the dumb girl that doesn't get it. I've never been the dumb girl before. It ain't so great.
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Marin
We know this about me. I'm just not cut out for this kind of drama.
Erica Barry
I think it's the drama in life that makes you strong.
Marin
You always say thinks like that!
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Erica Barry
Oh my God! Your dating my daughter?
Harry
Now who would have thought that was worst news?
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Marin
Harry was once engaged to Diane Sawyer.
Zoe
Diane Sawyer? No way, I love her!
Erica Barry
That's wonderful!
Harry
Women your age love that about me.
Erica Barry
Ah.
Harry
No, that's a good thing.
Erica Barry
I'm sure you meant it as a compliment.
Harry
Yes, it was meant as a compliment.
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Erica Barry
Wait. You're leaving, Zoe's leaving, the entourage is leaving. You mean I'm going to be alone in this house... with HIM?
Marin
Well, the hospital's sending over a nurse first thing in the morning.
Erica Barry
In the morning? That's like nineteen hours from now!
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Harry
I have never lied to you, I have always told you some version of the truth.
Erica Barry
The truth doesn't have versions, okay?
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Julian Mercer
You really are a very sexy woman.
Erica Barry
No, really, swear to God, I'm NOT.
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Julian Mercer
Must we go through this every time? Come here.
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Julian Mercer
The woman is really very brilliant, but she cannot hold her liquor.
Erica Barry
I like that about me.
Harry Sanborn
Me too.
[At the same time as Harry]
Julian Mercer
Me too.
Erica Barry
If I were writing this, this is where I would write "an awkward moment".
Harry Sanborn
Honey, if you were writing this, I'd be DEAD!
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Zoe
I got you something GREAT at the farmstand...
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Harry
You know, it isn't like I wanted to stop seeing you. We could have carried on a fun thing for awhile. Why is that you broads want all or nothing?
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[after making out with Julian]
Erica Barry
Good. That's very good.
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