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Kinoafisha Films Splash Splash Movie Quotes

Splash Movie Quotes

Freddie People fall in love every day, huh? Is that what you said?

Allen Yeah.

Freddie Yeah? Well, that's a crock. It doesn't work that way. Look, do you realize how happy you were with her? That is, of course, when you weren't driving yourself crazy. Every day? Come on. Some people will never BE that happy. I'LL never be that happy. What am I talking to you for? You don't know anything.

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Walter Kornbluth I'm really a nice guy. If I had friends you could ask them.

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Stan, the Tour Guide Welcome to the Statue of Liberty. The Statue is a gift from French citizens and has come to symbolize hope

[spots nude Madison jaywalking:]

Stan, the Tour Guide for naked women everywhere. *Bocce balls!*

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Allen Hi.

Madison Hi.

Allen Um, is this the big secret you've been keeping from me? Is it, that you're a mermaid, or is there something else?

Madison No, that's it.

[remembering his first reaction to her 'reveal']

Madison Allen, don't feel guilty.

Allen Guilty? About what?

Madison About not loving me anymore.

Allen Oh, Madison. All the time we were together, you always knew how I was feeling. Can't you tell now?

[Madison smiles, and they kiss]

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[repeated lines]

Walter Kornbluth What a week I'm having!

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Allen Are there any messages?

Mrs Stimler Oh, yes.

[She goes back to working]

Allen [pause] And they are?

Mrs Stimler Huh? Oh, your father called. He wants you to call him back.

Allen [pause] Mrs. Stimler, our father passed away about five years ago. Do you remember?

Mrs Stimler [confused look] Right. Shall I get him for you?

Allen No, thanks.

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Claude There's a guy down the beach that runs people out to the island.

Allen What's the name?

Claude The guy, or the island?

Allen I'll find him.

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Allen Hello.

[Madison is watching TV, crying]

Allen [concerned] Madison, what is it? What happened?

Madison [still watching the TV] It's the saddest thing I ever saw.

Allen [looks at the TV] It's 'Bonanza.'

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Allen I hope we have a boy and a girl.

Madison [worriedly] What 'kind?'

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Dr. Ross Tomorrow I want to see how she interacts with other marine life, then we'll be ready for the internal examination.

Walter Kornbluth Internal examination?

Dr. Ross Of course, I want to study her pulmonary system, reproductive organs, everything.

Walter Kornbluth Doctor Ross, are we considering how the subject is responding to the examination procedures?

Dr. Ross I'm considering everything.

Walter Kornbluth Oh yes, I'm sure you are Doctor Ross. How stupid of me! But let me ask you this, are you considering the possibility that you might be a sadistic pig?

Dr. Ross While we are baring our souls, Mr. Kornbluth, I must honestly tell you I have never considered you a man of science. You're not a member of my team. Run along, Walter. See if you can't find a unicorn.

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Allen [standing naked in a tank with wires trailing from his body] I AM NOT A FISH! How many times do I have to tell you people that? So, can you please just let me outta here? Huh? Please? People?

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Allen [explaining why Madison is eating lobster without first breaking the shell] She's really hungry.

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[Allen is being mobbed by reporters]

Freddie Allen. You all right?

Allen Yeah. Get me outta here.

Freddie Is anyone here from Penthouse Magazine?

Reporters No.

Freddie Then we ain't talkin'.

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Freddie [Allen is passed out and laying on the bar in a snack bowl] You see, drinking is a matter of algebraic ratio. How drunk you get is caused by the amount of alcohol you consume in relation to your total body weight. You see my point? It's not that you had too much to drink. You're just too skinny.

[Allen remains comatose]

Freddie Bartender! Another round for my friend and I here!

Allen No, no, Freddie. I don't want to get drunk!

Freddie But you *are* drunk. You see, a sober person would have reached for the pretzels.

Bartender Is he gonna' be up there all day?

Freddie I don't know.

Allen [coming to] Ohhhh... I'm on the bar!

Freddie Oh, you're on the bar. Here, let me help you down.

[Allen slips and falls to the floor]

Freddie Uh-oh, you fell.

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Allen I don't understand. All my life I've been waiting for someone and when I find her, she's... she's a fish.

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Freddie [in Swedish, he is posing as a Swedish doctor looking at the mermaid] Hey babe! I got a twelve inch penis!

[he later reveals that this was from a Swedish porn movie he saw]

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Allen [drunk] I don't ask for much. I don't ask to be rich, and I don't ask to be famous, and I don't ask to play center field for the New York Yankees. I just want meet a woman, and I want to fall in love, and I want to get married, and I want to have a kid, and I want to go see him be a tooth in the school play!

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Allen What is your name?

Madison It's hard to say in English.

Allen Then just say it in your language.

Madison All right. My name is...

[High-pitched squeals that shatter all the television screens]

Allen [nervously to the store clerks] So, how about those Knicks?

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Walter Kornbluth I suppose you're just some harmless beachcomber who happens to wear a TUXEDO.

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Allen [comes into the market considerably upbeat after his first night with Madison] Hey, ev'rybody! Zip-a-dee-doo-dah!

[and sings]

Allen Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-yay - hey, Manuel!/My, oh, my, what a wonderful day... Plenty of sunshine headin' my way/Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-yay!

Allen [puts a mango on his shoulder and continues singing] Mister Mango on my shoulder... Freddy! dance with me!

[grabs his brother]

Freddie [trying to pull away] Wait! Not in front of the Teamsters!

Allen Oh, c'mon, c'mon! They're happy guys!

Freddie You're a rotten lead!

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Walter Kornbluth I was right! Behold the mermaid!

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Allen You know by the time I got there, she was already gone.

Freddie Victoria left, huh?

Allen Yeah. You know why she left Freddie? Because I didn't love her.

Freddie That bitch.

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Freddie What you looking at? You never seen a guy who slept with a fish before?

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Madison [ice skating with Allen] Is this really what happens to water when it gets cold?

Allen Yeah.

Madison [smiles] Where I come from, it never gets cold.

Allen [sarcastically] Oh, what a breakthrough there! You know, you really opened up to me!

Madison [pauses] Your voice sounds funny.

Allen Well, it's called sarcasm! What, do they not have that where you come from either?

Madison [quietly but angrily] No.

[She skates away]

Allen [skates after her] Well now they don't have anything, do they? They don't have ice. And they don't have music and they don't have clothes. Just what kind of a place is this, Madison?

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Allen It just so happens I come from a very long line of married people.

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Mrs Stimler Oh Mr. Bauer, you had a million messages. I wrote them down right here. You got calls from CBS, NBC, ABC, AP, UPI, Ted Turner, Time, Newsweek, Marineland, Ripley's Believe it or Not, and Mrs. Paul.

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Allen I didn't even LIKE you when I first met you.

Walter Kornbluth NOBODY likes me when they first meet me.

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Allen [knocking on bathroom door] Madison?

Madison [Worriedly] Allen?

Allen Yeah, of course, it's Allen. What are you doing, sweetheart?

Madison Taking a bath.

Allen [to himself] Ooo, ooo.

[to Madison]

Allen Can I come in?

Madison No!

[Madison tries to get out of the bathtub, and lands on the bathmat with a loud thump]

Allen [concerned] What was that? Madison, are you all right?

Madison Everything's fine.

Allen Well, then let me in.

Madison [using a towel to dry her fins] I'll be right there. I'm just changing.

Allen Enough is enough, Madison. Come on, open the door. Something is wrong.

Madison [trying to make him go away] Allen, can you make me some pancakes?

Allen Make you some...? Madison!

[jiggling the door handle, worriedly]

Allen All right, Madison, this is getting scary. You either open up this door, or I'm gonna break it down!

Madison [using a hair dryer to dry off her fins now] No, Allen, please!

Allen All right, that's it!

Madison Allen, no! No!

Allen [tries to break down the door, but it won't budge] Ow.

[Allen tries several more times. As he continues, Madison throws the towel over her fins. As she does so, Allen manages to open the door, to find her lying on the bathmat. As he looks around confused, she pulls the towel away, revealing her legs]

Madison Hi.

Allen Hi. Are you okay?

Madison Yeah.

Allen Well, why wouldn't you let me in?

Madison [sheepishly] I was... shy.

Allen You were shy? After the car, and the elevator, and the bedroom, and on top of the refrigerator, you were shy?

Madison [matter-of-factly] I was shy.

[slips past him out the bathroom door]

Allen [to himself] She was shy.

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Allen Freddie, the woman learned how to speak English in a single afternoon.

Freddie She could probably speak English already. I think she was in shock from bein' arrested y'know?

Allen Well now, what about that, huh? What about a woman showing up naked in a public place, Freddie?

Freddie Well I'm for it, of course.

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Madison Allen...

[Allen and Kornbluth look back to see the Marines approaching them]

Walter Kornbluth MMMMMOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVE!

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[last lines]

Allen I love you, Madison. Go. Go!

[Madison dives into water]

Loudspeaker Get that guy on the dock.

Allen Leave her alone! Just leave her alone!

Guardsman Come on you guys.

Allen Madison. Madison!

[jumps into water]

Loudspeaker Stay where you are. We'll get you out.

Allen Madison!

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Wedding Guest [Allen is an usher at a wedding and has recently ended a relationship] Hey, Allen!

Allen [frustrated] She left me! She moved out and my life's a shambles, all right? That's the news, you want the weather? Anywhere but the first three rows!

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Madison [after she and Allen hug] I was ready to stay with you forever.

Allen I know.

[stutters]

Allen Now they know who you are. They're never gonna leave you alone.

Madison I can't ever come back to you.

Allen I wish I could go with you.

Madison You can.

Allen How?

Madison It can be done.

Allen How?

Madison Remember when you were eight years old and you fell off the ship, you were safe under the water, weren't you?

Allen [a little surprised] Yeah.

Madison You were with me.

Allen You mean, that-that was real? You mean that was you?

[Madison nods]

Allen That was you!

[laughs and hugs Madison]

Allen This is great. This is great! I can go with you and still come back, and-and see Freddie at Christmas.

Madison [after shaking her head 'no'] You can't ever come back.

Allen [turns his head, hears the sirens coming closer, then turns back to Madison, looking a bit sad] Madison...

Madison I understand.

[she and Allen kiss just as a helicopter is heard flying towards them]

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Dr Zidell What's happened to you? You were the brightest student in my class. True, emotionally you were twelve years old.

Walter Kornbluth I was twelve years old.

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Walter Kornbluth There is a mermaid in New York City.

Dr Zidell Oh... oh... sure... sure... y-you mean this... this... this "naked girl"? How come she's got legs?

Walter Kornbluth She has legs out of the water, she has fins in the water. You taught me that, Dr. Zidell, don't you remember? You taught me all the legends.

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Madison You said whatever my secret was, you'd understand.

Allen I know, but...

Madison You thought at least I was... a human being.

[Madison reaches for Allen, a look of pleading on her face]

Madison Allen...

[Allen jumps back and violently splashes water at Madison, looking angry]

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Claude Hey, Mr. Cornbeef?

Walter Kornbluth Kornbluth!

Claude Watcha lookin' for down there? Buried treasure?

Walter Kornbluth Wanna know what I'm looking for? Boys? I'll tell ya. *None of your Goddamned business! That's what I'm looking for!* Get outta my way!

[he dives off the ship and into the water]

Claude [to Junior] Let's pee down his air hose.

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[Excitedly waving a Penthouse magazine]

Freddie They printed my letter. Here it is, "A lesbian no more". It's a beautiful story.

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Walter Kornbluth Hey B B brain!

Claude Yeah

Walter Kornbluth You see this hose? This is so I can breathe!

Claude Uh huh.

Walter Kornbluth You wanna get your chair off it!

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[first lines]

Mary Bauer [catches Freddie looking up women's skirts] Freddie!

Young Freddie I dropped something.

Mary Bauer Ralph, talk to him.

[Ralph smacks Freddie upside the head]

Mary Bauer Listen to your father. Come on, from over there we can see Cape Cod.

Ralph Bauer We were just on Cape Cod. We could have stayed there, I would have saved twelve dollars.

Mary Bauer Allen, sweetheart, don't you want to see Cape Cod?

[Allen shakes his head]

Mary Bauer All right, darling, you know where we are if you change your mind.

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Wedding Guest Hi, guys! Hey, Bauer, where's that pretty lady of yours?

Allen She's not coming! OK? What, you want your money back?

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Mr. Ambrose [sees Kornbluth, disguised as a waiter, with his arm in a cast] Do you have a broken arm?

Walter Kornbluth No. No, it's fractured in 16 places.

Mr. Ambrose Why are you here?

Walter Kornbluth [thinking of a lie] Union sent me.

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Guardsman Hey, you! Move that cab out of here, right now!

Vinny Up yours, Gomer. I'm waiting on a fare.

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Allen So uh, how long are you going to be in town?

Madison [spoken like a gameshow host] Six fun-filled days.

Allen Oh, six days. Is that all?

Madison [sadly] Six days, and the moon is full.

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Freddie Look, if something works for me I stick with it.

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[Madison has been revealed to the world as a mermaid]

Freddie So how is she?

Allen How is she? She's... she's a *mermaid*! I don't understand. All my life, I've been waiting for someone, and when I find her, she's a fish.

Freddie Nobody said love's perfect.

Allen Oh Freddie! I don't expect it to be perfect, but for God's sake it's usually *human*!

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Freddie [12:58] You see, drinking is really a matter of algebraic ratios. How drunk you get is how much alcohol you've consumed in relation to your entire body weight. YOu see my point? It's not that you had a lot to drink, it's that you're too skinny. Marcel how about a few more drinks here, please.

Allen No Freddie, I don't want to get drunk

Freddie Oh, but you're already drunk. A sober person would have reached for the pretzels

Allen Oh, I'm on the bar!

Freddie You're on the bar!

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Allen [Considering an English name for her] There's millions of them, I guess. There's Jennifer, Joni, Kate, Karen...

[she reaches towards a pretzel stand]

Allen ... Whoa whoa... careful, those are hot!

[Pulls her hand back]

Allen Now, names... where are we?

[Looks to the street sign post where it shows Madison St]

Allen Madison... Elizabeth, Samatntha...

Madison Madison, I like Madison.

Allen Well, Madison's not a name... well, okay... all right, fine. Madison it is. Good thing we weren't at 129th St.

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The President And in Bob Hollins, you have a candidate for congress who is in touch with the people. A man who built up the business left to him by his grandfather. What was once a small pushcart on wheels is now one of the largest fast food chains in America. And how did he do it? With perseverance, with ingenuity, with fresh ideas, and last, but more importantly, with fresh meat.

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Freddie I've had a few minor fiascos in my own love life. I admit it freely.

Allen Freddie, you took a date to one of your own weddings!

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