Dazed and Confused Movie Quotes
Wooderson
All right, all right, all right.
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Wooderson
That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.
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Wooderson
Say, man, you got a joint?
Mitch
No, not on me, man.
Wooderson
It'd be a lot cooler if you diid.
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Wooderson
Man, it's the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day. If it ain't that piece of paper, there's some other choice they're gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N.
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Pink
All I'm saying is that if I ever start referring to these as the best years of my life - remind me to kill myself.
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Ms. Ginny Stroud
Okay guys, one more thing, this summer when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes.
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Dawson
Well, all I'm saying is that I want to look back and say that I did I the best I could while I was stuck in this place. Had as much fun as I could while I was stuck in this place. Played as hard as I could while I was stuck in this place... Dogged as many girls as I could while I was stuck in this place.
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Slater
Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man.
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Slater
Imagine how many people out there are fuckin' right now man, just goin' at it.
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Cynthia
I call it the "every other decade" theory. The 50's were boring. The 60's rocked. The 70's, my god, they obviously suck. So maybe the 80s will be like, radical. I figure we'll be in our 20's and hey, it can't get any worse.
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Darla
What are you looking at? Wipe that face off your head, bitch.
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Dawson
You know that Julie chick? Loves you. You want her? Gotta play it cool, you know. You can't let her know how much you like ?cause if she knows, she'll dump you like that. Believe me. Like, if she asks you if you want a ride, you say, "No, I've got my own ride, but maybe I'll see you later." Sounds stupid, doesn't it? It works.
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Clint
I only came here to do two things, kick some ass and drink some beer.
[glances over his shoulder]
Clint
Looks like we're almost outta beer.
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Mike
Don't air raid for that bitch, I hate that shit. It's like that Clint fucker in front of all his friends. Huh? Huh mother fucker.
Tony
Okay Mike.
Mike
Dominant male monkey mother fucker.
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Wooderson
Let me tell you what Melba Toast is packin' right here, all right. We got 4:11 Positrac outback, 750 double pumper, Edelbrock intake, bored over 30, 11 to 1 pop-up pistons, turbo-jet 390 horsepower. We're talkin' some fuckin' muscle.
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Wooderson
I love those redheads!
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Pink
I may play ball next fall, but I will never sign that. Now me and my loser friends are gonna head out to buy Aerosmith tickets. Top priority of the summer.
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Slater
Didja ever look at a dollar bill, man? There's some spooky shit goin' on there. And it's green too.
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Freshman Girl
Will you marry me?
Dawson
I don't know. What's in it for me?
Freshman Girl
Anything you want?
Dawson
Anything?
Freshman Girl
Anything.
Dawson
[opening his mouth wide] Go like this. Do you spit or swallow?
Freshman Girl
Whatever you like.
Dawson
Whatever I like? I would definitely marry you.
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Cynthia
I'd like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, as some minor, insignificant preamble to somethin' else.
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Cynthia
God, don't you ever feel like everything we do and everything we've been taught is just to service the future?
Tony
Yeah I know, like it's all preparation.
Cynthia
Right. But what are we preparing ourselves for?
Mike
Death.
Tony
Life of the party.
Mike
It's true.
Cynthia
You know, but that's valid because if we are all gonna die anyway shouldn't we be enjoying ourselves now? You know, I'd like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, as some minor insignificant preamble to something else.
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O'Bannion
You are an embarrassment to the game of pool and should be glad I even let you play at my table.
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Slater
George Washington was in a cult, and the cult was into aliens, man.
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Jodi
Is that a beer in your hand?
Mitch
Why, yes it is.
Jodi
Have you had more than one of those?
Mitch
Few. No one's counting.
Jodi
When were you supposed to be home?
Mitch
Few hours ago I think.
Jodi
Thats bullshit. That's major bullshit. You know I was barely let out at your age?
Mitch
Aww.
Jodi
Aww. Well don't think she won't be waiting up for you. And she is tough. I've been through it.
Mitch
Just don't ask her to take it easy on me.
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Slater
This place used to be off limits, man, 'cause some drunk freshman fell off. He went right down the middle, smacking his head on every beam, man. I hear it doesn't hurt after the first couple though. Autopsy said he had one beer, how many did you have?
Mitch
Four.
Slater
You're dead, man, you're so dead. Look at the blood stains right there.
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O'Bannion
Hey Slater, you fuckin' hippie, give me drugs, man.
Slater
Go get some from your mother, man.
O'Bannion
We just bagged your mother.
Slater
Okay, fuck you dickhead.
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Pink
Marijuana on one. Reefer on two.
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Mitch
[after seniors threaten him]
Er, Mr. Payne. Sir. You know every second that you could let us out early would really increase our chances of survival.
Mr. Payne, junior high school teacher
It's like our sergeant told us before one trip into the jungle.
[shouts]
Mr. Payne, junior high school teacher
Men!
[the boys jump]
Mr. Payne, junior high school teacher
Fifty of you are leaving on a mission. Twenty-five of you ain't coming back.
Mitch
Okay.
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Mike
It's what everybody in this car needs is some good ol' worthwhile visceral experience.
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Slater
I'm letting you have shotgun. But cuz it's cuz only 'cuz I'm goin' inside.
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Mike
Wait, why are you smiling?
Cynthia
[shrugs]
I thought he was cute.
Tony
Ugh, that's disgusting!
Mike
You thought he was cute? Do you realize when he graduated we were like three years old?
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Darla
What did she say? Like, what did she call me?
Shavonne Wright
Nothing!
Darla
Oh, come on, "nothing", I know you're lying when you do that. I know you're lying, you bitch.
Simone
Come on, we know they talk about us, just tell us.
Shavonne Wright
You swear you're not gonna get mad?
Simone
I'm not gonna get mad, I'm just curious.
Darla
I'm not gonna get mad, I think it's a riot. I don't care what she thinks.
Shavonne Wright
OK, she called you a bitch and you a slut.
Simone
A slut? She called me a slut? Oh my god, what a bitch.
Shavonne Wright
[laughing]
Simone, everybody calls you a slut.
Darla
Oh, shit!
Simone
Shavonne! That bitch, I'm gonna kick her ass!
Shavonne Wright
I thought you said you weren't gonna get mad?
Simone
I'm not mad.
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Wooderson
Yeah, well, listen. You ought to ditch the two geeks you're in the car with now and get in with us. But that's all right, we'll worry about that later. I will see you there. All right?
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Pickford
Don, give the beer back, man!
Don
I paid for the beer, man.
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Dawson
Not bad for a little freshman but you gotta watch out for older girls
Melvin Spivey
Hey. Come here. We just wanna know something. You gonna be fucking that tonight, or are you gonna be a little wimp?
Mitch
[laughs]
How do you know I haven't already
Melvin Spivey
[clearly pleased, laughs]
Go along man, I think its past your bedtime!
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Jodi
Hey, I got a favour to ask you guys. You know my little brother?
Benny O'Donnell
Yeah, Mitch Kramer
Jodi
Ya, Mitch Kramer. Well, take it easy on him this summer will ya?
Pink
Don't worry sis, little brother's safe with us.
Jodi
Well just don't get him worse than the other guys. He's kinda little.
[walks off]
Benny O'Donnell
Ok. I promise.
[Jodi walks off]
Dawson
There was just a little bit of bullshit in all that right?
Benny O'Donnell
Major bullshit. He's a dead man.
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Clint
What did you just say?
Mike
What?
Clint
Just now, man. When you walked past, what'd you say?
Mike
About what?
Clint
You said, "Someone's tokin' some reefer."
Mike
No, I meant somewhere I smell some pot, you know? It was just an observation.
Clint
Oh, an observation, huh? Well who the hell are you, man? Isaac fucking Newton?
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Mrs. Kramer, Mitch's Mother
Have you been drinking?
Mitch
No
[falls on bed and can't even take off both boots]
Mrs. Kramer, Mitch's Mother
Are you drunk?
Mitch
[clearly drunk]
Psshh
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Mike
What?
Tony
I can't say.
Mike
No, you can't give a build-up like that and not deliver. You know, a perfect female body, it's not a bad start.
Tony
But with the head of Abraham Lincoln. With the hat and the beard, everything.
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Shavonne Wright
You're an asshole.
Dawson
I know I am.
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Jodi
Heard they got you pretty bad.
Mitch
Yeah.
Jodi
They just got Hersh too
Mitch
Was it bad?
Sabrina Davis
Yeah.
Mitch
Was it O'Bannion?
Sabrina Davis
I think so
Mitch
Man I hate that jerk!
Sabrina Davis
Hey I didn't know Jodi was you're big sister
Mitch
Oh, yeah
Jodi
Hey, I hear my name over here? You guys talking about me? Mitch, I heard they got you pretty bad. Those guys... you know I asked them to take it easy on you?
Mitch
What? Well no wonder!
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Pink
It was vicious. Had some pretty cool seniors though. Like, they'd beat the hell out of you and then get you drunk, that sort of thing.
Mitch
Cool.
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O'Bannion
This first lick I'd like to dedicate to your mother... fuck her.
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Pink
Have you seen Jodi around?
Wooderson
No she left your ass.
Pink
Well you win some you lose some.
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Mike
I'm just trying to be honest about being a misanthrope.
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Pickford
[mockingly, to Mike and Tony]
Woodward, Bernstein.
Mike
Guess that makes you Deep Throat.
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Tony
[to Sabrina about the hazing]
We were just discussing the utter stupidity of these initiation rituals, and we were wondering how someone such as you would subject themselves to the losing end of it all.
Jodi
What are we, having social hour over here? You're supposed to be being a bitch.
Mike
[after Jodi takes Sabrina away]
Am I mistaken or was there some unspoken thing between you and that young vixen... you stud.
Tony
Well you know how it is.
Mike
Yeah, I bet she's pretty cute once you clean all the shit off her.
Tony
Yeah I bet she is.
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Michelle Burroughs
Watch them fly... away
Pickford
Hey you guys know what that song is about? Its about the aliens. We're the aliens man, we're the savages. We're the savages man.
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Kaye Faulkner
And there you guys were in class, trying to list all the Gilligan's Island episodes without even a *hint* of irony.
Shavonne Wright
What the hell are you talking about, girl?
Kaye Faulkner
Weren't thinking about it, were you?
Shavonne Wright
Gilligan's Island?
Kaye Faulkner
It's what known as a male pornographic fantasy.
Shavonne Wright
[laughs]
Oh my...
Kaye Faulkner
Think about it! You're basically alone on a deserted island with two readily available women. One, a seductive sex goddess type. The other... a healthy girl-next-door type with a nice butt. So guys have it all - the Madonna and the whore. And women get nothing! We get a geek... an overweight middle-aged guy... some nerdy scientific type, I mean...
Jodi
[interrupts]
The professor... is sexy.
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[repeated line]
Slater
Shotgun!
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Tony
So your earlier offer still stands?
Sabrina Davis
What should I say? Whatever you like.
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Darla
Lick me, all of you.
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Julie Simms
They actually let you buy it?
Mitch
Course
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Dawson
There's Shavonne. I think she might still be mad at me Watch me get something going here.
[the girls show up]
Dawson
Hey, what's going on?
Shavonne
Hey, not much. How about you?
Slater
Oh, a little weed, you know. There may be a beer bust later on.
Shavonne
Oh really? Cool, so I guess we'll see ya there?
Slater
All right, check ya later!
[the girls leave]
Dawson
Slate man, why are you always such a dork man?
Slater
What are you talking about man?
Dawson
Check ya later! Check ya later!
Slater
Hey man, get off my case man.
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Simone
You act like you're so oppressed. You guys are kings of the school. What are you bitching about?
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John Hirschfelder
I was getting there! I had my hand under her shirt!
Tommy Houston
Hear that, he was 'getting there'. Son, you wouldn't even know what to do if you got there.
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Benny O'Donnell
Mitchy. Mitchy, mitchy, mitchy...
[all the guys laugh]
Benny O'Donnell
We're lookin' for you pal. Your ass will be purple before the day is over!
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Randall 'Pink' Floyd
Yeah, there's always one senior who has to be the bad-ass.
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Tony
NeoMcCarthyism, I like that.
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Jodi
Ask Tony to marry you.
Sabrina Davis
Will you marry me?
Tony
Oh god, what am I supposed to say?
Mike
I dont know.
Tony
Uh, whadda ya do for me?
Sabrina Davis
Umm, anything you like.
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Pink
Wait a minute. Who put the keg all the way out here in the woods?
Jodi
I dunno. This is where they said it would be
Pink
Really?
Jodi
Really? We don't need the beer anyway.
Jodi
Jodi, Pink: [start making out]
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O'Bannion
What are you looking at? Huh? I'll kick your fucking ass, right now! What are you smiling at? Freshman faggot!
[shoves Mitch]
O'Bannion
Fuck all of you! Fuck you!
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Tony
Nothing like piling on old pancakes and syrup after a night of beer drinking.
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Carl Burnett
We're not in Junior High any more. We're freshmen. We're in the big time now... where the girls will be puttin' out all the time.
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Dawson
Did you hear that O'Bannion flunked?
Pink
Yeah, what a dumbshit.
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Sabrina Davis
So what do you guys do... for fun I mean
Jodi
Mostly hang out, y'know? There's gonna be a big party tonight, should be fun.
Sabrina Davis
Oh, cool. Sounds fun.
Jodi
[nice]
You wanna come?
Sabrina Davis
[happy]
Sure!
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Mike
[after the fight with Clint]
I got some good ones in there, right? I mean, you wouldn't say I got my ass kicked, would you?
Cynthia
Oh no, I mean, after a few years, no one will even remember really, who won or lost.
Mike
Right, like when you read about Hemingway and those guys, no one ever talks about who won, just they got in a brawl.
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Dawson
Mmm... bowling ball. Bowling ball. Yeah throw it. Faggot, sissy, pussy, freshman.
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Mitch
Man I hate that guy, he's a jerk. He is a jerk, right?
Pink
Yeah. He's kind of a joke.
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Darla
Air raid or it's your ass.
Tony
Don't do it Sabrina
[laughs and walks off]
Darla
LICK ME! All of you!
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Simone
I did it when I was a freshman, and you'll do it when you're seniors. but you're doing great. Now fry like bacon, you little freshman piggies. Fry!
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Pickford
Slater-san, how's it goin'?
Slater
Fixin' to be a lot better, man.
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Jodi
What are we having social hour over here? I'm supposed to be being a bitch.
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Coach Conrad
Before next fall you're in need of a serious attitude adjustment, young man. You'd better get your priorities straight. And watch out with that other crowd you're runnin' with. Don't think I haven't noticed.
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Assistant Coach
Hey ladies, are you gonna be ready to play football this fall? huh?
Benny O'Donnell
I don't know coach, I've been doin' so well in english I thought I might work on bein' a writer. What do ya think about that?
Assistant Coach
Boy, you woudln't know how to spell your own name if it wasn't stencilled on your locker.
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Pickford
Slater alligator
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Pickford
Step into my head.
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Simone
I can't believe she called me a slut. What a bitch!
Shavonne Wright
[laughing]
Simone everyone calls you a slut
Simone
Shavonne!
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Kaye Faulkner
Let's go smoke that joint
Jodi
Is he in for a surprise
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Darla
We Seniors, we tried, we gave you all a chance. But, since you little prick teases can't follow instructions, we're just going to have to try something else. Won't we?
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Pickford
Walkin' down the hall, by myself, smokin' a jay with fifty elves.
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Mike
Look, I've got a confession to make.
Tony
What do you mean a confession?
Mike
You know how for like the last year or so I've been talking about going to law school so I can become a ACLU lawyer to be in a position to help people getting............... .ed over and all that? Well I'm standing in line at the post office yesterday you know, and I'm looking around and everybody's looking really pathetic you know what I mean. Like people have just got drool sticking there, and like this guy's bending over and you can see the crack of his... It was all just like wife beaters, it was.. Anyway. I realise that I just don't want to do it. You know what I mean it sounds good and all but I just have to confront the fact that I really don't like the people I've been talking about helping out. You know what I'm saying. I don't like people period. I mean you guys are okay. I don't know. I'm just trying to be honest about being a misanthrope.
Tony
So you're not going to law school? What do you want to do?
Mike
I wanna dance.
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Julie Simms
You're Mitch, right? I think I heard about you.
Mitch
Oh really, what did you hear?
Julie Simms
I don't know, man, are you OK?
Mitch
[embarrassed]
Oh... yeah.
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Pink
Put some ice on it. After that, there's nothing a few beers won't take care of.
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Pink
Don, have you ever thought about why we play football? How many times have you gotten laid strictly because you're a football player?
Don
I don't know. A few, I guess.
Pink
A few? Don, all I'm saying is, I bet we could do just as well if we were in a band or something.
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Mike
I didn't think drugs and alchohol were such a big deal they had to resort to Neo-McCarthyism to get rid of it.
Pink
I think they're just worried that some of us are having too good a time.
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Mr. Pickford, Kevin's Dad
You guys know anything about a party?
Pink
No sir.
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[repeated line]
Mitch
Man I hate that guy!
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Cynthia
After a couple of years no one will even remember
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Carl Burnett
Don't let the fact that you won't be able to sit down all summer affect your game
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Pink
They're really doing this
Dawson
Yeah, they want it back by the end of the day too. Can you believe it?
Pink
And everybody's signing it?
Dawson
Just to get the coaches off our backs, they're being fucking assholes. That's why you sign it and never think about it again. Just ket it go.
Pink
[looks pissed and crumples it]
Dawson
You're gonna make a big deal outta this aren't you?
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Jodi
Who are you?
Sabrina Davis
Um... no one. I mean I'm not in the trucks
Jodi
You're freshman?
Sabrina Davis
Yeah...
Jodi
So... are you in or are you out?
Sabrina Davis
In, I guess
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Wooderson
Cynthia, man? I like it, man.
Pink
Red's a good color for you.
Wooderson
My favorite color.
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Slater
Oh, man, I'm fuckin' wasted.
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Mike
I feel like I'm being stalked by a Nazi.
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O'Bannion
Y'all ready to bust some ass?
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Darla
Ok girlies. It's really hot out here and I'm really sick of looking at you.
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Shavonne Wright
Hey can we have a couple of those beers?
Dawson
These beers? Why?
Shavonne Wright
Just gimme a beer.
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Slater
Man just wait till I get to college!
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Slater
Absolutely George toked weed! Are you kidding me man? He had fields of that stuff man. That's what I'm talking about. Fields!
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Mitch
Are you starting again next year?
Pink
I dunno man, I may not even play.
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Benny O'Donnell
Just remember, those guys don't care if you win or lose.
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Clint
Oh! observation. So I'm a fucking pothead, toking with my friends. What's it to you huh! How about you observe while I punch your teeth in.
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Benny O'Donnell
You just wasted another fucking beer.
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Wooderson
Say, you need a ride?
Cynthia
I got my own ride. Thanks.
Wooderson
Yeah you know. Because you oughta dump those two geeks you got in the car with you and ride with us but that's okay. I'll see you there.
Cynthia
Okay.
[smiles as Wooderson drives off]
Mike
Oh man! What a dick!
Cynthia
I thought he was cute.
Mike
What? Do you realize when he graduated high school, we were like three years old?
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Assistant Coach
Seriously, don't go getting soft on me this Summer. You know, you're sitting around the pool all day. Chasin' the muff around.
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Jodi
I guess I'll have to get used to seeing you at the same social functions as me. And hanging out with people I know.
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Pink
It's best to get it all at once. After the first 10 licks your ass gets so numb you don't feel it.
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Clint
You said somebody's toking some reefer.
Mike
Just an observation.
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Tommy Houston
Your days of lying around all night with Clementine are over.
John Hirschfelder
Yeah right.
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Darla
That was horrible you little slut girls! You little Freshmen sluts! Get up! Get up! Up! Up! Up!
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Wooderson
So tell me man, how's this year's crop of freshman chicks lookin'?
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Assistant Coach
Hell, man, my grandmother's quicker and tougher than you pansies!
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Dawson
Vicki. Come on, let's skip out and go get naked. Come on let's go.
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