Benny & Joon Movie Quotes
Sam
You don't like raisins?
Joon
Not really.
Sam
Why?
Joon
They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I am a big supporter of the raisin council.
Sam
Did you see those, those raisins on TV? The ones that sing and dance and stuff?
Joon
They scare me.
Sam
Yeah me too
Joon
It's sick. The commercial people they make them sing and dance so people will eat them.
Sam
It's a shame about raisins.
Joon
Cannibals.
Sam
Yeah. Do you like avocados?
Joon
They're a fruit you know.
Sam
Ruthie, do you got any avocados?
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Sam
How sick is she?
Benny
She's plenty sick. Now listen to me, I've been doin' some thinkin'...
Sam
Because, you know, it seems to me that, I mean, except for being a little mentally ill, she's pretty normal.
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Joon
Having a Boo Radley moment, are we?
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Joon
Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese.
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Benny
Hey. Where's Sam?
Joon
I didn't mean to kick him out. I mean, I didn't kick him out, he just - he just left.
Benny
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What - What happened? Did something happen?
Joon
He just - he just left. He was - he was in the air and-and-and - with a thing and - that was really loud. It was really loud. And all- I-I just kept seeing... He didn't mean to do it.
Benny
Do it? What? What- Did he- What did he do?
Joon
He cleaned the house.
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Joon
She was given to fits of semi-precious metaphors.
Benny
The woman is a housekeeper, Joon, not an English professor.
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Sam
Oh my God! "I've just been looking for my boyfriend. Have you seen him? He's a cute guy with a little mole on his right cheek."
Local
Hey, Ruthie. One of your ghosts come back to haunt ya?
Sam
"AH! Oh, Brad! Oh, Brad. Brad, please don't be dead. Brad, I never had a chance to tell you what you meant to me. Oh, Brad, please!" It's you! You're you! Ruthie Melony, co-star of the Prom Queen Mutilator with Dick Bebe!
Ruthie
You saw that?
Sam
"He was mine! He was mine!" "No, Cindy. You're sick. Cindy, you need help. No, Cindy! No, no!"
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Joon
You can't throw him out, I won him!
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Sam
Mommy?
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Joon
You install cable.
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Sam
I'm Sam.
Benny
So I hear. I'm Benny.
Sam
With an 'n'?
Benny
Yea two of 'em. This is Joon.
Sam
With an 'n'?
Joon
One. You're out of your tree.
Sam
It's not my tree.
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Joon
He can really cook, can't he?
Benny
Uh, yeah. Although for grilled cheese, I mighta used a wool setting.
Joon
That's what I told him.
Benny
Really? What-what did he use?
Joon
Rayon.
Benny
Mm.
Joon
Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would have...
Benny
Would have burned it.
Joon
Right. Fortunately, he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it.
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Joon
Have we an internal sequin issue to deal with, Benjamin?
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Benny
I hope you're happy... I hope you're happy with what you have done to her.
[throws Sam against wall]
Benny
You just stay the hell away from my sister.
Benny
You wanna know why everyone laughs at you, Sam? Because you're an idiot. You're a first-class *moron*.
[lets go of Sam. Pauses]
Benny
I'm *what*?
Sam
You're scared. I can see it... And I know why. I used to look up to you. But... uh... now I can't look at you at all.
[walks out of hospital]
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Joon
Don't underestimate the mentally ill. We know how to count.
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Benny
You can't bet a human being!
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[looking at Joon's ear]
Sam
Kirk Douglas... Van Gogh... ear.
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Benny
So why'd you leave?
Ruthie
L.A.? I wasn't that good of an actress.
Benny
Well, that's not how Sam tells it. He's raving about you.
Ruthie
Yeah, well, he's sweeter than he is judgmental. How long have you known him?
Benny
Sam? Uh, 72 hours.
Ruthie
Be serious.
Benny
I am... serious.
Ruthie
Really?
Benny
I'm always serious. I'm too serious.
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Sam
Ow, ow.
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Joon
He's not my Smail!
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Joon
[police find Joon wearing a snorkle and directing traffic with a ping pong paddle]
I have every right to be outside, Officer, I have every right.
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Sam
Tapioca?
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[while playing cards]
Eric
Salad shooter!
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Sam
Thanks for the couch. Um... Mike made me sleep under the sink.
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[last lines]
Ruthie
Haven't we tried this before?
Ruthie
Is Joon inside? Yeah.
Benny
Yeah? OK...
[brings flowers inside and sees Joon "ironing" cheese sandwiches with Sam]
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[first lines]
Randy Burch
So we're planning our next vacation, right? I want Australia, she wants Italy. I like snorkeling, she likes garlic. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, she says to me: Do I need her? Jesus, Benny. What kind of a question is that? I mean, "need?" What does it really mean to need someone?
Eric
Benny, fuel line!
[and the phone begins ringing]
Benny
Hey Waldo, could you answer that phone?
Waldo
Hello?
UPS Man
[walks in]
I need a check, Benny. COD.
Benny
In a minute. Meet me in the office.
UPS Man
All right...
Waldo
Hey, Benny. Joon's on the phone again.
Benny
Well, tell her I'll call her back. Find out what she wants.
Waldo
It's an emergency. She says you're runnin' low on Peanut Butter Super Chunks.
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Mrs. Smail
[about taking care of Joon]
In Ireland, we have a sayin'. "When a boat runs ashore, the sea has spoken."
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Benny
D'you ever get to the point in your life where nothin' makes any sense?
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Benny
Where's Waldo? Is he not here yet?
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Dr. Garvey
Joon tells me he's a man.
Benny
Well, you know Joon, how flowery she gets with words.
Dr. Garvey
So she's lying? I mean, is it a man or isn't it?
Benny
Well - yes, technically. He's really just a guy.
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Benny
Benny, Joon: [singing] The melodious songs of the blessed, And our spirits shall sorrow no more, Not a sigh for the blessing of rest, In the sweet by-and-by, We shall meet on that beautiful shore, In the sweet by-and-by, We shall meet on that beautiful shore...
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Joon
So are you and Ruthie considering itemhood? Are you?
[singing]
Joon
Benjamin and Ruthjamin, Sittin' in a tree, K-i-s-s-i-n-g, First comes love...
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Benny
Do you realize you could be the next Buster Keaton?
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Joon
Who died and made you Ed McMahon?
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Ruthie
Do you want to come in for a while? I - um - I got that beer waiting for you.
Benny
You know what? I should probably go.
Ruthie
Okay.
Benny
Listen. Can I - can I tell you somethin'?
Ruthie
What?
Benny
Um - you see, my life is just real - complicated, and...
Ruthie
Gimme a break, Benny. I just offered you a beer, okay?
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Sam
Benny, Joon and - and I - are - you know.
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Joon
[observing Sam sitting and sulking on top of a neighborhood mail box]
Maybe I should invite him back in.
Benny
Yeah, before someone gets sticks a stamp on his head and mails him to Guam.
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Sam
I think Fred Astaire is the way to go.
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Eric
[on the phone]
Get your ass over here. Don't forget the Louis Prima record. Remember, always play for keeps.
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Benny
I can't be worried about you knocking another housekeeper into retirement. First, it was Mrs. Larkspur.
Joon
A woman deeply and hygienically disturbed. Her hair smelled.
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Benny
You got a roommate? When'd you get a roommate?
Mike
Since last week. My cousin pounded into town and life's gone from heaven to hell in seven days.
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