Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj Movie Quotes
Pipp Everett, the Earl of Grey
Let's settle this the way my ancestors did!
[Reaches for the swords hanging on the wall]
Taj
You want to exploit me economically?
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Taj
As Mr. Van Wilder would say, "If you can't join them, beat them".
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Pipp Everett, the Earl of Grey
Roger, sometimes, the Almighty, in His infinite wisdom, likes to give a sliver of hope to the downtrodden and underprivileged to make up for their inferior haircuts and the fact they have to winter and summer in the same place.
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Seamus O'Toole
What did you say your name was again?
Taj Badalandabad
Taj Badalandabad, your new head of house.
Seamus O'Toole
Taj Badalandabad. That's a quite a tongue-twister.
Taj Badalandabad
It's not that hard to say. You got it right.
Seamus O'Toole
Yeah, but I've been drinking all day.
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Taj
verticle smile, scrambled eggs between the legs, sunny side up on the way to the butt
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Sadie
[staring at Simon's 11 inches]
I'm surprised you don't get out more.
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Sadie
No, Taj - I was talking about her vagina!
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Gethin
Sadie, this is Taj Badalandabad, our new head of house.
Sadie
Alright me ol' mucker, have a shake then I ain't got the clap or nothing.
Gethin
She means Handshake.
Taj
Of course, of course, Hi.
Gethin
Sadie is a cockney. It takes time to understand her words, they fit in her mouth funny.
Taj
Lucky words. You enjoying your time at Camford, Sadie?
Sadie
Yeah, It's alright. Blokes here are a bit stuffy here though. I mean I never thought it would be so hard finding someone worth slapping the ol' panhandle. You know, giving a blowjob. Nothing like getting your tongue around a nice fat one. Sliding it in, and out, in, and out, in, and out, in, and out. Milking it like a cow until it explodes in the back of your mouth.
Taj
Wow, I must have an amazing ear for dialects. I understood everything she said perfectly!
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Woman on Plane
Excuse me, is that Madamendira Bombay Hot Sauce?
Taj
No way, you know it?
Woman on Plane
I have this... thing for spices.
Taj
You have a TING?
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[repeated line]
Pipp Everett, the Earl of Grey
Can somebody get me a tidy-wipe?
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Seamus
[offering Taj liquor]
I'm sorry I lumped you in the face, mate. Fancy a sneaky quick one?
Taj
No, no, no. I think you've given me enough sneaky quick ones for the day. Thank you, Seamus.
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Taj
Simon?
Simon
I have... I have a problem.
Taj
[to the other guys]
Oh, my God, he's talking. Well, Simon, whatever you problem is, we're your friends, you can tell us.
Simon
Well, you wee, it's to do with the size of my piddler.
Taj
Your... Oh. Well, you know, it's an understood fact that a man's piddler is... Appears smaller to himself than it is in real life.
Simon
Well, you see, that's what I'm afraid of. 'Cause according to me it has some 11 inches.
Taj
Come again? Figuratively.
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Taj
A surprise in the woods? Well, can you give me a second? Let me go repack my wallet real quick.
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2026, Japan / USA, Adventure, Animation, Comedy, Family, Fantasy, Adaptation, Horror
