Three Amigos Movie Quotes
Jefe
I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little surprises.
El Guapo
Many pinatas?
Jefe
Oh yes, many!
El Guapo
Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe
A what?
El Guapo
A *plethora*.
Jefe
Oh yes, you have a plethora.
El Guapo
Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe
Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo
Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe
Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else and are looking to take it out on me?
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Lucky Day
You dirt-eating piece of slime! You scum-sucking pig! You son of a motherless goat!
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Rosita
Have you ever kissed a girl?
Dusty Bottoms
Oh yeah, sure. Lots of times.
Rosita
Would you like to kiss me?
Dusty Bottoms
Yeah.
Rosita
Well?
Dusty Bottoms
What? Now? Here?
Rosita
Well, we could take a walk and you could kiss me on the veranda.
Dusty Bottoms
Lips would be fine.
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Lucky Day
In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!
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El Guapo
Are gringos falling from the sky?
[Ned falls from overhead and lands with a thud]
Jefe
Yes, El Guapo.
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Juanita
Which one do you like?
Carmen
I like the one that's not so smart.
Juanita
Which one is that?
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Lucky Day
Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.
Ned Nederlander
Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: Damn it!
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Lucky Day
Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!
Dusty Bottoms
How was I supposed to know where he was?
Lucky Day
You were supposed to fire up. *We* both fired *up*.
[aside]
Lucky Day
It's like living with a six-year old.
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Lucky Day
Wherever there is injustice, you will find us.
Ned Nederlander
Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there.
Dusty Bottoms
Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...
Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: The Three Amigos!
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Dusty Bottoms
Do you have anything here besides Mexican food?
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El Guapo
Jefe, you do not understand women. You cannot force open the petals of a flower. When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you.
Jefe
So when do you think Carmen will open up her flower to you?
El Guapo
Tonight, or I will kill her!
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Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: [singing] My little Buttercup has the sweetest smile/ Dear little Buttercup, won't you stay a while?/ We'll settle down together in a cottage built for two/ Oh, Dear little Buttercup, I love you!
Lucky Day
[motioning for people to join in singing] C'mon, everybody!
Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: My little Buttercup has the sweetest...
[points to man]
Patron
Es-smile!
Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Dear little Buttercup, won't you stay a...
[points to a scared patron at another table who exclaims]
Patron #2
While! While!
Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: We'll settle down together in a cottage built for two, ohh...
[Lucky and Ned point to group at table]
Crowd at Bar
Dear!
Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Little Buttercup!
[Lucky and Ned point to another group]
Crowd at Bar
Sweet!
Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Little Buttercup!
[Lucky points to bartender]
Bartender
My little Buttercup!
Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: I love you!
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Lucky Day
Not so fast, El Guapo! Or I'll pump you so full of lead you'll be using your dick for a pencil!
El Guapo
What do you mean?
Lucky Day
I don't know.
Jefe
I think he means that if you...
El Guapo
Shut up!
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Lucky Day
Reading telegram: "Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo."
Dusty Bottoms
What does that mean, in-famous?
Ned Nederlander
Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous.
Lucky Day
100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!
Dusty Bottoms
Wow, in-famous? In-famous?
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Bartender
We don't have beer. Just tequila.
Ned Nederlander
What's tequila?
Bartender
Uh, it's like beer.
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Pablo
Can I have your watch when you are dead?
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[Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day thinks Ned Nederlander is saying "mail" plane]
Dusty Bottoms
What is it doing here?
Ned Nederlander
I think it's a male plane.
Dusty Bottoms
How can you tell?
Ned Nederlander
Didn't you notice its little balls?
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Ned Nederlander
Sew, very old one! Sew like the wind!
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[Dusty Bottoms is posing as one of El Guapo's men, and El Guapo is struggling to remember who he is and what they've done together]
El Guapo
Oh-ho, you...
Dusty Bottoms
Jose!
[the bandidos cheer]
El Guapo
Together, we...
Dusty Bottoms
Burned the village!
El Guapo
Burned the village!
[the bandidos cheer]
El Guapo
And, uh...
[the banditos cheer]
El Guapo
And we...
Dusty Bottoms
Rode off on de wimmin!
El Guapo
Rode off on de wimmin!
[the banditos cheer, a bit more quietly]
El Guapo
And uh...
Dusty Bottoms
Plundered!
El Guapo
Plundered!
[the banditos cheer]
El Guapo
And uh...
Dusty Bottoms
Pruned!
El Guapo
... pruned the, uh...
Dusty Bottoms
Hedges!
El Guapo
... hedges of...
Dusty Bottoms
Many small villages!
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Lucky Day
I'll come back one day
Carmen
Why?
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Mr. Flugelman
Do you know what "nada" means?
Dusty Bottoms
Isn't that a light chicken gravy?
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Conchita
[El Guapo has kidnapped Carmen and taken her to his fortress]
Carmen, tonight you are to be El Guapo's woman. I am going to give you some hints about lovemaking with El Guapo.
Carmen
I would rather die first!
Conchita
Tell me, Carmen, do you know what foreplay is?
Carmen
[Carmen shakes her head, trembling slightly with fear]
No...
Conchita
Good! Neither does El Guapo.
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Ned Nederlander
Chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip... LONNEEEEEEEE!
[fires pistol]
Lucky Day
Farley-farley-farley-farley-farley-farley... Hafurrrrrrr...
[fires pistol]
Dusty Bottoms
Kinut, hoooooola widdle! Tas, habble... sohn.
[accidentally shoots the Invisible Swordsman]
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Lucky Day
[Lucky returning to group, now realizing that el Guapo and his gang, are real outlaws]
It's real.
Dusty Bottoms
What?
Lucky Day
This is real.
Ned Nederlander
You mean...
Lucky Day
Yes, they are going... to kill us.
[Amigos begin sobbing pathetically]
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Dusty Bottoms
Hey, Lucky, what are you gonna do with your share of the money?
Lucky Day
[thinks]
A car. A big, shiny silver car. I'll drive all over Hollywood. Show Flugleman a thing or two. What about you?
Dusty Bottoms
New York. Maybe Paris. Champagne. Parties. I'll be a big shot for a while.
Lucky Day
Yeah.
Dusty Bottoms
How about you, Ned?
Ned Nederlander
I'm gonna start a foundation to help homeless children.
Dusty Bottoms
[he and Lucky realize how selfless that is compared to their ideas]
That occurred to me to do that at one point, too.
Lucky Day
Well, I meant that I would do that first, and then I would get a big shiny car.
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Lucky Day
Oh great! Real Bullets!
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Ned Nederlander
One time, Dorothy Gish was visiting me on the set of "Little Neddy, Grab Your Gun". And she came up to me and she looked me in the face and--I'd never met her, I'd just known her on films, you know, Dorothy Gish, Lillian's sister--and she looked me in the eyes and she said, "Young man, you have got it." And. Ah! Dorothy Gish. It's a true story.
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Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: [the Three Amigos have just finished their meal of "desert bat" around the campfire]
Ned Nederlander
Well, good night!
[lies back]
Dusty Bottoms
Look at the little guy. He's tuckered out already.
Ned Nederlander
[Ned hears a howl in the distance and sits up, startled] Wha? Wha, what was that!
Lucky Day
Just a coyote.
Ned Nederlander
Oh.
[Ned nervously sits back]
Ned Nederlander
Just, I've never slept outside before...
Lucky Day
[calmly] Take it easy, take it easy. Dusty...
[he motions for Dusty to pick up his guitar and play a song to settle Ned's nerves]
Dusty Bottoms
[begins to pick an appropriate song on his guitar, and sing] Arizona moon, keep shining. From the desert sky above. You know pretty soon, that big yellow moon, will light the way back, to the one you love...
Lucky Day
[singing] Blue, Shadows, on the traiiiiiilllll. Little cowboy, close your eyeeesssss and dreeeaaaaammmm.
[Dusty joins in]
Lucky Day
All of the doggies are in the coral. All of your work is done. Just close your eyes, and dream, little pal, dream of, someone...
Ned Nederlander
[the Amigo's horses are now singing] Bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom! Bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, Bom bom bom bom!
[Ned, much calmer, now sings]
Ned Nederlander
Bluuuuuuueeee, Shadowwssss, on the traaaaaiiiiiillllll. Soft wind blowin', through the treeeeeeesssss, abooooovvvvveeee.
[gets baritone on these notes]
Lucky Day
[looks to Dusty, impressed]
Ned Nederlander
All of the other little cowboys, down in the bunkhouse now, so...
Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: [All together] Close, your, eyes and...
Ned Nederlander
drrreeeeeeaaaaaammmmmmmm.
Dusty Bottoms
[Dusty wraps up the melody, picking the last notes on the guitar]
Ned Nederlander
Good night, Lucky. Good night, Dusty.
Lucky Day
Good night, Ned.
Dusty Bottoms
Good night, Ned.
Ned's Horse
Good Night, Ned!
Dusty Bottoms
Good night, Lucky.
Lucky Day
Good night, Dusty.
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Lucky Day
[singing] My little butter cup has the sweetest.
Patron
Eh-smile!
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El Guapo
El Guapo only kills men.
[horse neighs, Three Amigos shuffle nervously]
El Guapo
He does not kill crying women!
[Three Amigos let out a sigh of relief]
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El Guapo
[as he first sees the Three Amigos riding in a circle shooting blanks in the air]
I like these guys! They are funny guys! Just kill one of them.
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Mr. Flugelman
It'll be a cold day in hell when Harry Flugelman lets an actor tell *him* what to do!
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Ned Nederlander
This is not a town of weaklings! You can use your strengths against El Guapo. Now, what is it that this town really does well?
Townspeople
Hmmm. Hmmm? Ummm.
[long pause]
Mama Sanchez
We can sew!
Dusty Bottoms
There you go, you can sew.
Ned Nederlander
Ah.
Dusty Bottoms
If only we had known this sooner.
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Lucky Day
Dusty, how do you like your bat?
Dusty Bottoms
Medium rare.
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[Before Ned's duel, Jefe gives him a heavy bandit's pistol]
Jefe
You wanna die with a man's gun. Not a little sissy gun like this.
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Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: [the Three Amigos step out into the street while Carmen gets the horses]
Bandito #3
If I don't get some tequila, somebody's gonna die!
[Shoots the clay pots off the railing at one of the nearby houses]
Lucky Day
I'm Lucky Day!
Ned Nederlander
I'm Ned Nederlander!
Dusty Bottoms
And I'm Dusty Bottoms! And together we are...
Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: The Three Amigos!
[each does the Amigo salute]
Lucky Day
[sees Carmen has brought the horses] Let's ride!
Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: [the Three Amigos mount their horses, and ride to stand, horse to horse, with the banditos]
Lucky Day
Well, you slime-eating dogs! You scum-sucking pigs! You sons of a motherless goat!
Bandito #2
Son of a motherless goat? And who are you?
Ned Nederlander
Wherever there is injustice, you will find us. Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there!
[pauses]
Ned Nederlander
Line!
Dusty Bottoms
[under breath] Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...
Ned Nederlander
Wherever liberty is threatened! You will find...
Lucky Day
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: The Three Amigos!
[begin riding their horses all over the town square, shooting their pistols in the air]
Lucky Day
Arriba! Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Dusty Bottoms
[juggles his gun back and forth from each hand, grins]
Ned Nederlander
Arriba!
Bandito #3
Who are these monkeys?
Bandito #2
I don't know!
Bandito #3
Should we kill them?
Bandito #2
No! Let's go tell El Guapo what we have seen here!
Bandito #3
Bandito #3, Bandito #2: [turn their horses around, and ride off towards their encampment]
Lucky Day
Ah Ha Ha! And don't come back!
Townspeople
Viva Los Amigos! Viva Los Amigos!
Pablo
Viva Los Amigos!
[the townspeople begin to cheer and chant the Amigos]
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Dusty Bottoms
Time for plan B. Plan A was to break into El Guapo's fortress.
Carmen
And that you have done. Now what?
Dusty Bottoms
Well, we really don't have a plan B. We didn't expect for the first plan to work. Sometimes you can overplan these things.
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Ned Nederlander
Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo
Eh?
Ned Nederlander
Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo
You *will* die like dogs.
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Dusty Bottoms
Well I'd like to continue to work for free, Mr. Flugleman.
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Dusty Bottoms
No, we will not die like dogs! We will fight like lions! Because we are...
Dusty Bottoms
Dusty Bottoms, Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: The Three Amigos!
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Jefe
I got a stopwatch.
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Morty
Yo, cowboy. Why don't you come down here and sit on my lap? I wanna show you something, honey.
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Lucky Day
Look up here!
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Ned Nederlander
Chip, chip, chip, chip, chip,
[shouts]
Ned Nederlander
Nanny!
Lucky Day
Faaaaarley, Farley, Farley, Faaaaaaarley!
Dusty Bottoms
Hfurhrmrgurny
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Lucky Day
I have three demands: One, that you stop harassing the people of Santa Poco. Two, that all the land of Mexico be redistributed equally among the people and a proportional system of government be established consisting of three separate, but equal branches, the legislative, the executive, and the judicial. And three,
[El Guapo grasps Lucky Day by the neck]
Lucky Day
, that the girl Carmen be returned to me unharmed.
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German
One moment, please, I know who this man is.
El Guapo
You do?
German
Yes! It is Ned Nederlander!
El Guapo
Who?
German
You are my favorite star of the silver screen!
Ned Nederlander
Really?
German
In Germany, the cinema is very popular - I have seen all of your films, including when you were known as Little Neddy Knickers.
Ned Nederlander
Ah, well that was a long time ago.
German
It was this man who inspired me to learn the art of the quick draw. I looked up to this man. I studied his every move. It was my dream to be as fast as Ned Nederlander. I practiced every day for hours and hours. He was a god to me.
Ned Nederlander
A god? Well, I don't know about that. But it is nice to meet a fan. You know, often I think that...
German
But then I found out about movie tricks. Trick photography. I was crushed.
Ned Nederlander
I never used trick photography!
German
That is impossible. No one can be as fast as you appear to be.
Ned Nederlander
I am that fast.
German
We shall see.
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Sam
Get a wardrobe over here right away; take the Amigos' clothes.
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Lucky Day
What we're talking about is money, real money, Amigo money. No dough, no show.
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Rodrigo
Rodrigo, Carmen: [Carmen and Rodrigo have entered the telegraph office to send a telegram to the Three Amigos to enlist their help with El Guapo] Three Amigos, Goldsmith Pictures, Hollywood California...
Telegrapher
[nods as he is typing]
Carmen
We have seen your deeds, and think you are very great.
Telegrapher
... seen your deeds...
[continues typing]
Carmen
We can pay you... One Hundred Thousand Pesos.
Rodrigo
One Hundred Thousand Pesos?
[telegrapher stops typing]
Rodrigo
We do not have a hundred thousand pesos!
Carmen
Don't worry Rodrigo, they will refuse it. But it would be an insult, not to offer it to them.
Telegrapher
[nods head, continues to type]
Carmen
One Hundred Thousand Pesos, if you come to Santo Poco, and put on a show of your strength, and stop the... the...
Rodrigo
Evil! Murdering!...
Carmen
Villaneous, El Guapo. So that once again, we can be, a peaceful village.
Telegrapher
[nods as he finishes typing]
Whew.
[wipes his brow, grabs a pencil and counts the words to determine the price]
Telegrapher
23 pesos.
[he smiles]
Carmen
[looks to Rodrigo. Rodrigo looks at the cash, looks back to Carmen and shakes his head no]
We only have... ten.
Telegrapher
Hm. Okay, I give you the ten peso version!
[begins to mark through some of the words]
Telegrapher
You are very great! One Hundred Thousand Pesos, if you come to Santo Poco, put on show, stop the...
[looks at the telegram, then looks up in thought, then back to Carmen]
Telegrapher
I put, infamous, El Guapo!
Carmen
Infamous?
Telegrapher
Si!
[Spanish for "yes"]
Telegrapher
! It means, evil, murdering, all like you said! And it will save you money!
Carmen
Oh, thank you!
Telegrapher
Como no!
[Spanish for "of course". He begins to enter the message via morse code to its destination]
Telegrapher
.
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Jefe
A toast to El Guapo!
Everybody
El Guapo!
Jefe
Today he is
[considers anxiously]
Jefe
thirty-three years old!
Everybody
[cheers]
Jefe
Salut!
Everybody
[drinks]
Jefe
On behalf of myself, Jefe, and the rest of the boys, we chipped in and got you this gift.
El Guapo
Conchita!
Conchita
[brings wrapped gift]
El Guapo
[to the German] What can you say about such men?
El Guapo
[opens gift] It's a sweater! It's a sweater!
El Guapo
[side hugs Jefe and claps him on the back] Jefe!
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Ned Nederlander
What are we even doing in Mexico?
Ned Nederlander
We're not getting paid that's for sure!
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Lucky Day
Excuse me. Were not Mexicans. We're from out of town.
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