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Kinoafisha Films Bad Company Bad Company Movie Quotes

Bad Company Movie Quotes

Gaylord Oaks Where are You?

Jake Hayes At the corner of eat shit and fuck you.

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Roland Yates Don't worry, son, there'll be extra money for this mission.

Jake Hayes Hey, man, first of all, I'm not your son. Second of all, did it ever occur to you that I might want to do something 'cause it's the right thing? Hey, I'm the one with the dead brother, I'm the one who misses his girl, and I'm supposed to put up with your shit 'cause you're a spy? Big deal! Every woman on the planet's a spy! Man, you guys can't even find Saddam Hussein! You know, if you told a woman, right now at 8:00 in the morning, that her husband was sleeping with Saddam Hussein, she'd be able to find Saddam by 8:00 that night, and say "Saddam, don't you ever come around my house no more!" Hey, I did you a favor, OK? You called me! Now, if you ever talk down to me again, I will beat your ass so bad you'll be the only guy in heaven with a wheelchair. You better act right before you get smacked right, Bitch.

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Gaylord Oaks Did you see what happened there?

Jake Hayes I got jacked!

Gaylord Oaks No, you panicked. Your brain shut down. What's the good of having a brain if you won't use it?

Jake Hayes My brain didn't shut down. I knew it was Swanson 'cause I could feel her tits on my back.

[Swanson takes off her mask, looking mad]

Jake Hayes I knew it was Carew, because his breath smelled like shit, probably from kissing your ass so much!

[Carew takes off his mask, looking mad]

Jake Hayes I knew it was Seale, 'cause I took his wallet. Hey Seale, why's a married man need a condom? Your wife know?

[Seale takes off his mask and snatches his wallet]

Jake Hayes You want to know how I knew it was you?

Gaylord Oaks Okay, that's enough. Thank you very much, goodnight.

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Gaylord Oaks [after trying to guilt Jake into coming back] Well, that didn't work did it?

Jake Hayes No!

[mocking Oaks]

Jake Hayes "I'm going to go outside and count to ten"? Who the hell are you? You'd would have done better with "Bitch, get in the car".

Gaylord Oaks Okay. Get in the car... bitch.

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[third day: Oaks enters with a pitcher of water]

Gaylord Oaks Good morning, Mr. Hayes. Five A.M.

[he pours the water on an empty bed]

Jake Hayes No, 5:01!

[Jake appears, fully dressed, and throws a pitcher of water in Oaks's face]

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Jake Hayes If you stayed on top of things, you'd understand that the traditional checks are not 100% fool-proof. This last test was designed by the head of nuclear science at Caltech, a Dr. Dre. Dr. Dre, along with Dr. Irving and Professor Griffin and the rest of the Wu Tang Clan, know that it is best when you have a baseline screen situation to achieve a pulsopular cataclysmic calibration or something we like to call the Shaq Attack.

Michelle Petrov Shaq Attack?

Jake Hayes Yes, named after Dr. O'Neal of Los Angeles, formerly of Orlando.

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[first day]

Gaylord Oaks Good morning, Mr. Hayes, five A.M., time to begin.

Jake Hayes [not getting up] How about three more hours of sleep and some breakfast?

Gaylord Oaks How about a nice shower?

[he pours a pitcher of water on Jake's head]

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[Jake is watching his twin brother on tape]

Jake Hayes Man, this is buggin' me out. I feel like Michael Jackson lookin' at old album covers.

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Seale Bomb on American soil. That's a nightmare we always talked about. How do you think they got it here?

Gaylord Oaks You'd be surprised what you can send by air freight.

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Jake Hayes Is this fish?

Nicole Yeah, of course. You love fish.

Jake Hayes That's right. I love fish, but that's before I became a vegetarian. Oh, waiter, waiter! I can't eat this. Can you get me something else? How about a steak, medium well, please.

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[second day; Jake wakes up when water is dumped on his head]

Gaylord Oaks Get dressed.

Jake Hayes It's 4:59!

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Jake Hayes You didn't know chess was a contact sport, did'ja.

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Gaylord Oaks I'm never going to get married, never again.

Jake Hayes You never gonna get married again? First thing you gotta learn is, you don't take your girlfriend to a wedding.

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Jake Hayes [to Agent Oakes while their car falls down a cliff after being chased by shooters] I hate you! I hate you!

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Lenka Mr. Turner, it's so glad to have you back so soon.

Jake Hayes Thank you, Lepenka, I hope you haven't given up my room.

Lenka Certainly not, sir.

Jake Hayes This is beautiful.

Gaylord Oaks Her name is Lenka. You just called her Lepenka, which means cardboard.

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Jake Hayes You got the wrong guy. I don't even have a brother. That's just a picture of me in a suit. You could've got that off the internet. I saw a picture of Bill Gates with three titties on the net.

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[playing chess in the park]

Jake Hayes I'm going to do this. Then you're going to do this. Then I'm going to do this. Now you're going to want to do this, but I'm going to do this. And when you're thinking about doing this, I'm going to do this. And then the game is over. So what say you give me twenty dollars and we save twenty minutes?

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Jake Hayes You guys still there?

Gaylord Oaks Yes, Mr. Hayes, we're still here.

Jake Hayes And you've got guns, right?

Gaylord Oaks Yes, Mr. Hayes, we have guns.

Jake Hayes Okay. Well, make sure you got bullets in them.

Gaylord Oaks Mmm-hmm, lots of bullets.

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Jake Hayes Is this shit dangerous?

Gaylord Oaks Yes there's some risk.

Jake Hayes What kind of risk, you talkin' bank credit risk, or bullet-in-ass risk?

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Jake Hayes [goofing around with Czech/English dictionary]

Roland Yates What's he saying?

Officer Swanson He said, "I haven't had my period in 3 months".

Jake Hayes [continues stringing Czech words together]

Roland Yates Now what?

Officer Swanson "Where is the hospital, I have a vaginal infection."

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Gaylord Oaks Did you know your brother died saving my life? I wish it had been the other way around, but there it is.

Jake Hayes How are his parents taking it?

[silence]

Jake Hayes You haven't told his parents. How would you feel if you died and nobody told your wife?

Gaylord Oaks I'm not married.

Jake Hayes What, there's no Mrs. Spy?

Gaylord Oaks No, relationships and attachments are useless in this business.

Jake Hayes So that's how it is. Even if they don't shoot you, they take your life.

Gaylord Oaks I know it sounds hokey, but I honestly believe that our work is about something bigger than ourselves. We're offering you the chance to become part of that, find a purpose.

Jake Hayes You ain't offering me nothing but a chance to get a bullet in my ass. I don't see the higher meaning in that.

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Jake Hayes Does it play DVDs?

Seale No. It's a portable thermonucular (sic) bomb!

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Jake Hayes In my foster house, we were so poor, we used to lick stamps for dinner.

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[after coming back from a meeting with Vas]

Gaylord Oaks They put a transponder chip in the phone they gave you that tells them everywhere you went in the last two weeks. Which is why we switched the chips, so it wouldn't tell them you went to Langley.

Jake Hayes And what if you hadn't?

Gaylord Oaks They'd have shot both of us in the head. I'm feeling hungry, how about you?

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Roland Yates If it breathes, it dies.

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[while training Jake to deal with a kidnapping]

Jake Hayes They woke me up, man!

Gaylord Oaks Yeah, that's the funny thing about an ambush. Next time we'll try to let you know.

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Roland Yates So, what are our chances?

Gaylord Oaks Oh, I'd say anywhere between... nil and zero.

Roland Yates Why do you say that?

Gaylord Oaks Oh well, I grant you he's got potential. He's pretty street-smart. Give me six months, he could probably fool his brother's own parents. But eight days? Come on, you gotta be kidding me. He'll probably get himself killed, and everyone who goes along with him.

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[studying photos of Vas and Adjanic's men on an elmo]

Jake Hayes Why do they call this guy "The Hammer"?

[another photo]

Jake Hayes WHOA!

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[first lines]

Adrik Vas Your friend is late.

Michael Turner He'll be here.

Adrik Vas Yeah, I *do* have other bidders.

Michael Turner I personally vouch for this man.

Adrik Vas Oh, well I trust you Michael. You see, each degree of separation comes with a degree of uncertainty.

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Nicole Who'd shooting at us?

Jake Hayes Rival antique dealers!

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Jake Hayes I don't speak terrorist.

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[last lines]

Gaylord Oaks Your wife is calling you, Mr. Hayes.

Julie Husband...

Gaylord Oaks Get in the car - bitch.

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Jake Hayes So you're leaving me and going back to Ken, that's what I asked you...

Julie The Ken part is just business.

Jake Hayes Then what's the leaving me part, pleasure?

Julie Pain.

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Jake Hayes I'm not goin' nowhere.I just got married.Can't a brother get a piece of cake?

Gaylord Oaks The guy who escapes is Carlos Palmeros, the world's foremost assassin.

Jake Hayes Carl - I don't care if it's Carlos Santana, the world's foremost guitarist!

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Jake Hayes [shouting at shooter on the speeding car's bonnet] Get off! Off! Take a bus!

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Agent Wells Vas' account number received, initiating wire transfer from Midlands National bank of bullshit. Man is Vas gonna be pissed when he goes to an ATM.

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Gaylord Oaks Now this is Adrik Vas. He's a Russian ex-Army colonel and a kingpin in the Russian mafia. He's up to his neck in prostitution, drugs, and extortion.

Jake Hayes [shrugs] Sounds like anybody I went to high school with.

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Gaylord Oaks Welcome to Prague!

Jake Hayes Looks like Newark...

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