Hobbs & Shaw Movie Quotes
Brixton
Look at me. I'm Black Superman!
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British Customs Officer
[sees the name Mike Oxsmaull on Luke's boarding pass]
My cock's small?
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Luke Hobbs
I'm what you call an ice-cold can of whoop-ass.
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[When Hobbs and Shaw are told to work together]
Luke Hobbs
Luke Hobbs, Deckard Shaw: No fucking way!
[Hobbs and Shaw point at each other]
Luke Hobbs
Luke Hobbs, Deckard Shaw: This guy's a real asshole!
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[middle-credit scene]
Locke
Can you believe that Game of Thrones' ending?
Luke Hobbs
I didn't see it.
Locke
You watched the shit of it, you dirty little liar!
Locke
My problem is that Jon Snow had sex with his aunt, then killed her, and nobody wants to talk about it!
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[Brixton nabs Hattie and he and his thugs scale down the skyscraper. Hobbs and Shaw decide to chase after them through ropes]
Luke Hobbs
On my three.
Deckard Shaw
Sure.
Luke Hobbs
One, two, three!
[Hobbs jumps and grabs his rope, but realizes that Shaw doesn't do the same. Shaw waves at Hobbs and takes the elevator, engaging the emergency release to drop him faster than Hobbs. Hobbs then jumps and knocks out a thug by sending him crashing head-first to the elevator window]
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Deckard Shaw
This job requires stealth. Look at you.
Luke Hobbs
I'm trying to save the world, which, for the record, will be my fourth time. 'Cause I'm really good at it.
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Luke Hobbs
Pick a door.
Deckard Shaw
[thumbs at the door behind him] All right, then.
Luke Hobbs
No. That's my door. Pick another door.
Deckard Shaw
What's wrong with you?
[Shaw picks his door and opens it, revealing eight thugs inside]
Deckard Shaw
You know what? You're right. This is your door.
Luke Hobbs
What's the matter? You got a lot of bad guys behind that door?
[Shaw fights off the thugs behind his door. Hobbs opens his door and sees a 7-foot thug in front of him. The thug throws around his monkeywrench, but Hobbs knocks him out with one punch. Hobbs grabs the thug and shoves his face against the facial recognition pad]
Computer
Access granted.
[Shaw takes the last thug in his room and shoves his face against the facial recognition pad]
Computer
Access denied.
[Shaw tries again]
Computer
Access denied.
[Shaw tries again]
Computer
Access denied.
[Hobbs shrugs as Shaw lets go of the thug and tries another thug against the facial recognition pad]
Computer
Access denied.
[Shaw tries the other thugs but gets denied access again and again and then tries the thug at the other end of the room against the facial recognition pad]
Computer
Access granted.
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[after Hobbs and Shaw are defeated by Brixton in hand-to-hand combat]
Luke Hobbs
He really is Black Superman.
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Hattie Shaw
Who in the hell are you?
Brixton
Bad guy.
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Luke Hobbs
You wanna tell me just what the hell we're dealing with here?
Deckard Shaw
It's my sister. Family business!
Luke Hobbs
When it's the fate of the world, it becomes my business.
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Sefina Hobbs
My baby's come home!
Luke Hobbs
I'm sorry to bring trouble here, Momma, but I need my brothers. This family is going to war. We're gonna need cars... and guns.
[Hobbs opens the armory and discovers that all of the guns have been replaced with traditional Samoan spears and handheld weapons]
Luke Hobbs
Momma, where's all our guns?
Sefina Hobbs
I get rid of them.
Deckard Shaw
Very noble, Mrs. Hobbs.
[whispers to Hattie]
Deckard Shaw
We're in serious trouble.
Hattie Shaw
That's an understatement.
[Hobbs grabs a spiked club]
Luke Hobbs
Let's get old-school.
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[Hobbs and Shaw are on a stealth jet]
Deckard Shaw
On my three! One...
[Hobbs suddenly ejects Shaw]
Luke Hobbs
Ha ha ha ha! Whoo! All right, you see the look on his face? You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that.
[Shaw opens his parachute and gives Hobbs the double finger]
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[Brixton has Hobbs and Shaw chained to an electric torture device]
Brixton
Three shocks will kill a man.
Luke Hobbs
Here we go. It's a bad guy speech.
[Brixton gives them one shock]
Deckard Shaw
You had to open your big mouth, did ya, huh?
Luke Hobbs
Yeah, I thought it was a cool thing to say at the moment.
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Deckard Shaw
I'm what you might call a champagne problem.
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Luke Hobbs
Welcome to my Island, you Motha~
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[sees Deckard Shaw]
Luke Hobbs
F U.
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Brixton
Shaw's sister took something from me. A virus that could wipe out half the population. And I want it back.
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Luke Hobbs
Here comes the Kryptonite.
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Brixton
Hobbs and Shaw, you want a war? You've got one.
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Brixton
Luke Hobbs and Deckard Shaw. We have got unfinished business.
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Luke Hobbs
Jonah, I hear you, but we ain't kids anymore you better watch how you talk to me.
Jonah
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, boy it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Luke Hobbs
No, it's always the size of the dog.
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Sefina Hobbs
You have some respect for your uso. If he needs anything, we're gonna give it to him. The food off our tables, the clothes off our backs, even the mana of the islands.
Sefina Hobbs
And you boys, all of you boys, you show our guests here fa'aaloalo, or so help me God, I'm gonna take this here slippah, and I'm gonna sasa your big, fat heads! You boys hear me?
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[Post-credit scene]
Deckard Shaw
[On the phone to Hobbs] Let me guess. You have a mission to save the world. You just can't do it without me.
Luke Hobbs
No, man. I was just checking in on you. Seeing how my good friend is doing. And I, um... I really wanted to hear this.
Police Officers
Police! Come out with your hands up! We know you're in there Hugh Janus.
Deckard Shaw
You bastard.
Luke Hobbs
I warned you, you bald-headed sumbitch. When you least expect it... expect it.
Deckard Shaw
You have no idea what you've started.
Luke Hobbs
I'm pretty sure it involves rubber gloves and a body cavity search.
Deckard Shaw
Not a chance.
[Walks out of the pub]
Police Officers
Police! Get on the ground Hugh Janus!
Deckard Shaw
This ain't gonna go down how you boys expect. I'll be seeing you Hobbs
[hangs up]
Luke Hobbs
Looking forward to it, Shaw.
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Brixton
I'm indeed the future of the planet. I'm the necessary shot to the system. I am human evolutionary change. Bulletproof. Superhuman.
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[walking into a basement hideout of Shaw's below a bar called The Carpenters Arms, along a row of parked sports cars, together with Shaw and Hattie]
Luke Hobbs
Wow, look at all these. Somebody's overcompensating.
Deckard Shaw
If anything, I'm undercompensating.
Deckard Shaw
Used it for a job over in Italy. Shame we didn't need a weightlifting bus driver. Woulda given you a call.
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Brixton
Genocide, schmenocide.
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[first lines]
UK Police Leader
All right, touchdown in two. Rules of engagement: electric rounds only. MI6 wants him alive for questioning. The target's in a metal coffer. Every agency and terror cell is looking for it.
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