Hairspray Movie Quotes
Tracy Turnblad
Oh, Link. This is so romantic. l wish - l wish l was dark-skinned.
Link Larkin
Tracy, our souls are black, even though our skin is white.
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Wilbur
Maybe Tracy could be some sort of campus leader.
Edna Turnblad
Wilbur, it's the times. They're a-changin'. Something's blowin' in the wind. Fetch me my diet pills, would you, hon?
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Amber Von Tussle
Aren't you a little fat for the show?
Tammy
That's enough, Amber.
Tracy Turnblad
I would imagine many of the other home viewers are also pleasantly plump or chunky.
Amber Von Tussle
Oh, come on. The show's not filmed in Cinemascope.
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Iggy
Would you swim in an integrated swimming pool?
Tracy Turnblad
I sure would, Iggy. I'm a modern kind of girl, I'm all for integration.
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Edna Turnblad
Tracy, I have told you about that hair. All ratted up like a teenage Jezebel!
Penny Pingleton
Tracy's flamboyant flip is all the rage, Ms. Edna. Jackie Kennedy, our First Lady, even rats her hair.
Edna Turnblad
But Tracy ain't no First Lady. Are your Tracy? No siree. She's a hair hopper, that's what she is!
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Motormouth Maybelle
Oh Papa Tooney. We've got a Looney.
Prudence Pingleton
Don't you try to cast one of your voodoo spells on me, native woman.
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Tracy Turnblad
How do you get your hair so straight and so flat?
Beatnik Chick
With an iron, man. I play my bongos, listen to Odetta, and then I iron my hair. Dig?
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Amber Von Tussle
That girl's got roaches in her hair!
Edna Turnblad
Roaches? Our little Tracy's a clean teen!
Wilbur
There's no bugs on our baby!
Amber Von Tussle
I'm not kidding. I just saw one!
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Prudence
Penny Pingleton, you know you are punished. From now on you're wearing a giant P on your blouse every day to school so that the whole world knows that Penny Pingleton is permanently, positively, punished.
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Velma Von Tussle
Hey you. Can I ask you a personal question?
Edna Turnblad
No, you may not.
Velma Von Tussle
Is your daughter mulatto?
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Tammy
Please wait outside. The council will now meet in secret, debate your personality flaws, and come to a final decision.
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Beatnik Chick
When I'm high I am Odetta. Let's get naked and smoke.
Link Larkin
Don't breathe it in. You'll be addicted.
Seaweed
Later, sister, later. Much later.
Beatnik Chick
[reading from Allen Ginsberg Howl]
'l saw the best minds of my generation, destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical, naked, dragging themselves...
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Velma Von Tussle
And you had to choose a colored record as your favorite song, didn't you? That's nice for the neighbors. You've got something against Connie Francis? Shelley Fabares? l love Shelley Fabares. Amber? Amber, are you listening to me? We have to have a little talk. You know, if your father is forced to integrate Tilted Acres, we're out of business. So, at least act white on television.
Amber Von Tussle
Leave me alone, mother. "Shake a Tail Feather" is a wild song. lts got a good beat, and you can dance to it.
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Tracy Turnblad
Mama, welcome to the sixties.
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Amber Von Tussle
[Amber is gossiping with two friends in school] Anyway, she was right there in the car, in plain sight of just everybody at the hop. She was nude.
Amber's school friend #1
No!
Amber's school friend #2
That fat thing?
Amber Von Tussle
Tracy Turnblad is a whore.
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Tracy Turnblad
Oh, Mother you're so fifties.
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I.Q. Jones
Do you relate to the music of Leslie Gore?
Nadine
Look, she ain't no James Brown, but I can dance to Lawrence Welk if I have to.
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Penny Pingleton
I'm just a little nervous.
Tammy
This is show business young lady. If you're nervous now. Hah. Wait 'til you're on the air.
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Tracy Turnblad
Mother, we're watching "The Corny Collins Show".
Edna Turnblad
Penny, your mother called all frantic. She said you are punished.
Penny Pingleton
I'm always punished.
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Tracy Turnblad
I'm an integrationist. We shall overcome someday.
Beatnik Chick
Not with that hair, you won't.
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Wilbur
Tracy, we all have responsibilities in life. You may think owning The Hardy Har Joke Shop is all drudgery. Unwrapping dribble glasses, checking doggy doo, but I love it.
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Edna Turnblad
Could you turn that racket down? I'm trying to iron in here.
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Geometry Student
I can't see through her hair.
Tracy Turnblad
I can't help it if he's short.
Geometry Teacher
You're ratted hair is preventing yet another student's geometry education.
Tracy Turnblad
It's feathered, not ratted.
Geometry Teacher
Whatever you call it, it's a hair don't. You've been warned repeatedly. I want you to take a little walk down to the principle's office. Let's see what he has to say
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Tracy Turnblad
I'm so happy. Finally, all of Baltimore knows: I'm big, blonde, and beautiful!
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[last lines]
Tracy Turnblad
Let's dance!
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Edna Turnblad
Penny, you better go home now, your mother just called here all frantic.
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Beatnik Chick
You two, checkerboard chick?
Penny Pingleton
What?
Beatnik Chick
You know, black and white? Salt and pepper?
Penny Pingleton
Well, yes, I'm a checkerboard chick, I guess
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Wilbur
Tracy, did you do your chores around the house today?
Edna Turnblad
Not Miss Tracy, Cyd Charisse herself. She's too busy ratting her hair and doing the Ubangi stomp.
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Penny Pingleton
I wish I was at a hootenanny in Harlem.
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Tracy Turnblad
[to Penny]
Penny, they put me in Special Ed just because of my hair.
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Tracy Turnblad
Police Brutality! Police Brutality!
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Prudence Pingleton
[Seaweed is hiding in Penny's bedroom]
Oh my God! There's colored people in my house! I'm going to make a citizen's arrest!
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Edna Turnblad
I've got hampers of laundry and my diet pill is wearing off!
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Amber Von Tussle
Oh, God, of all nights! A Corny Collins Record Hop and l've got craters. Oh, just pop it! Pop it!
Velma Von Tussle
Just relax. Relax. Don't be ridiculous. Take it easy. Tension is the worst thing for a complexion.
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Velma Van Tussle
At least try to act white on television.
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Franklin von Tussle
Well, personally, l have nothing against them. lts merely a matter of economics. Tilted Acres will never be integrated.
Velma Von Tussle
Segregation today!
Franklin von Tussle
Segregation tomorrow.
Franklin von Tussle
Franklin von Tussle, Velma Von Tussle: Segregation forever!
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Velma Von Tussle
Don't forget, l was Miss Soft Crab in 1945 and that title wasn't handed to me on a silver platter. l worked for it.
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Motormouth Maybelle
No matter what you've heard, we are gonna teach the white children how to do The Bird!
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Amber Von Tussle
[to Penny]
Are you now or have you ever gone steady?
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Amber Von Tussle
Tracy Turnblad is a human roach nest.
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Penny Pingleton
Segregation never! lntegration now!
Penny Pingleton
Penny Pingleton, Mrs. Shipley, L'il Inez: Segregation never! lntegration now! Segregation never! lntegration now! Segregation never! lntegration now! Segregation never! lntegration now!
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Mr. Pinky
Fatty, fatty, two by four. Can't get through the dressing room door?
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Gym Teacher
Special Ed! In the red!
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Mrs. Malinski
It ain't right to be dancing on TV to that colored music.
Edna Turnblad
She's just a teenager.
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Velma Van Tussle
That fat girl's no competition.
Franklin von Tussle
White trash. Pure and simple.
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Edna Turnblad
Now what? More soiled laundry for Mommy, l suppose.
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Seaweed
Wow, you cats are real beatniks.
Link Larkin
Just like New York.
Beatnik Chick
Day-o!
[bangs the bongo drum, sings]
Beatnik Chick
Day-o, Daylight's a-comin' and he wanna go home
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Mrs. Shipley
Where'd a white girl learn how to dance like that?
Edna Turnblad
Just practicing. Oh, and watching Negro Day on Corny Collins.
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Amber Von Tussle
"Shake a Tail Feather" by The Five Du-Tones.
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Tracy Turnblad
I'm home.
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Corny Collins
All right. Hold on to your hats, all you continental rockers 'cause it's *dance* contest time and we've got the wildest judge in town. You listen to her every night on WEDD and she hosts Negro Day on The Corny Collins Show, the last Thursday of every month. A warm welcome for the Queen of Baltimore soul: Miss Motormouth Maybelle herself, ladies and gentlemen! Let's hear it, Baltimore - Motormouth Maybelle! All right, here she comes, looking very fine.
[Applause]
Motormouth Maybelle
Ooh whee! Tiddley papa! l am a whopper!
[Applause]
Motormouth Maybelle
Motormouth Maybelle is my name and, sweetheart, dancin' is my game.
[Applause]
Motormouth Maybelle
Motormouth, Motormouth, Motormouth!
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Corny Collins
What's your favorite record from the survey?
I.Q. Jones
I.Q. Jones, Lou Ann Levorowski: Gravy!
Corny Collins
All right. Here's l.Q. Jones and Lou Ann Levorowski leading our next dance, give me "Gravy" on my mashed potatoes.
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[first lines]
Tracy Turnblad
Come on! Come on!
Penny Pingleton
Okay, all right.
Tracy Turnblad
Will you hurry up?
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Penny Pingleton
Look at her hair. Gosh, l wish mine was that high.
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Paddy Pingleton
You are no longer my daughter! You are punished even after you die!
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Beatnik Chick
Let's do some reefer. We'll get high, and l'll iron the chicks' hair.
Beatnik Cat (special apperances)
Reefer?
Tracy Turnblad
Drugs?
Beatnik Chick
Locoweed.
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Amber Von Tussle
Oh, God! He's violated the oath of the friendship ring!
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Tracy Turnblad
Stuck-up little spastic.
Penny Pingleton
She's such a queer.
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Beatnik Chick
Like, hi, cats. Sit down. You got the fuzz chasin' you?
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Prudence
Penny, this is Dr. Frederickson. He's a psychiatrist, and he's going to make you all better.
Dr. Fredrickson
Feeling depressed, Penny? Want to talk about it? Think of all the white boys in school and how much you'd like to date one.
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Penny Pingleton
[kiss]
Oh, Seaweed, will integration ever come?
Seaweed
Oh, Penny, my little white lily, we're outcast from both societies: black, white. Our love is taboo.
Penny Pingleton
Oh, go to second! Go to second!
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Mr. Pinky
Welcome to the Hefty Hideaway house of fashion for the ample woman.
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Edna Turnblad
Stick with me, and we'll claw our way to the top!
Tracy Turnblad
Oh, God! Fame, fortune, glamour.
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Wilbur
l just lost a $2.69 Silly Putty sale. This better be worth it.
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Corny Collins
Now, Motormouth, l think it's time we slowed things down a little with Mr. Gene Pitney.
Motormouth Maybelle
You can't hide your face in this godforsaken place. Here in your own city, there's a town without pity.
Corny Collins
Gene Pitney, ladies and gentlemen...
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Amber Von Tussle
Okay, fatso, let's see what you're made of.
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Corny Collins
Lou Ann, you're a pretty darn groovy chick.
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Penny Pingleton
Miss Edna, can I come in? There's something you've both got to see.
Edna Turnblad
Well, yeah, come on up; but, I've got ironing and Wilbur's working.
Penny Pingleton
Mr. Turnblad!
Edna Turnblad
It's not war with Cuba, is it? Or more negro problems?
Penny Pingleton
No. You'll see.
Edna Turnblad
Did poor Debbie Reynolds have a nervous breakdown? This better be good.
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Corny Collins
Baltimore, you are seeing history being made today. White and black together for the first time on local TV. The Corny Collins Show is now integrated!
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Amber Von Tussle
I hate you, Tracy Turnblad!
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Velma Von Tussle
You had three good close-ups today, period. Why can't you dance up front where the voters can see you?
Amber Von Tussle
Leave me alone, mother. l have a pimple!
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Amber Von Tussle
Oh, Daddy!
Velma Von Tussle
No lip from you, Miss lngrate. This campaign is costing us an arm and a leg!
Franklin von Tussle
New gowns, hairdresser three times a week! Why, your hairspray bill alone is enough to eat up all the profits from the tilt-a-whirl.
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Mr. Pinky
Have an eclair. Eat up, girls, eat up. Big is beautiful!
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Principal Davidson
Once again, your hairdo is getting you in hot water. Didn't two weeks in hairdo detention have any effect?
Tracy Turnblad
l happen to be the height of teen fashion.
Principal Davidson
You're on a one-way ticket to reform school.
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Edna Turnblad
Could you throw in a pair of complimentary pettipants in the deal?
Mr. Pinky
You drive a hard bargain, Miss Edna, and rightfully so. Pettipants, pettigirdle, you just let Tracy take her pick.
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Tracy Turnblad
Hey, Penny, see the colored boy - the cute one? His mother is Motormouth Maybelle!
Penny Pingleton
He's gorgeous!
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Amber Von Tussle
Hey, thunder thighs, this one's for you!
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Mrs. Shipley
As you all know, today is special education's turn at the dodgeball tournament. So let's get into the locker room, put on those gym outfits, and show them that special education is nothing to laugh about.
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Motormouth Maybelle
Black Baltimore, your Mother is ready to show her might and fight, fight, fight! All right, now. After school, you know where to go - Tilted Acres, for the show. Segregation? No! No! No!
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Motormouth Maybelle
All right, now. l want to introduce you to my main man. l'm his biggest fan. All the way from Louisiana, just to see me, the Big Mamma Jamma. Now, l want a ball in this hall, because he's a real doll. Talkin' about Toussaint McCall.
Toussaint McCall
[singing]
l moved your picture, From my wall, And l replaced them, Both large and small, And each new day, Finds me so blue, Nothing, Takes the place of you...
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Tracy Turnblad
Two, four, six, eight. TV's got to integrate! Two, four, six, eight. TV's got to integrate! Two, four, six, eight. TV's got to integrate!
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Motormouth Maybelle
Ooh, Papa tuney, we got a loony.
Prudence Pingleton
Don't you try any of your voodoo spells on me, you native woman!
Penny Pingleton
We're just dancing!
Tracy Turnblad
Mrs. Pingleton, stop acting crazy! These are our friends.
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Paddy Pingleton
[after Penny escapes with Seaweed]
Penny Pingleton, I'm calling the cops! You are no longer my daughter! You are punished even after you die!
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Mr. Pinky
We cater to the big-boned gals like yourself who are stylish and at the same time frustrated by the lack of sizes in the department stores today.
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Seaweed
My mama says Negro Day ain't nothin' but segregation.
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Principal Davidson
Starting today, you report to class 10-D, room 108.
Edna Turnblad
Special Ed?
Principal Davidson
Yes, Miss Turnblad, special education.
Edna Turnblad
But that's for retards - and the black kids you try to hold back.
Principal Davidson
Here, you will be taught by specialists trained to deal with hairdo scoff laws in high school society.
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Carmelita
Are you aware that Negro Day is the last Thursday of every month?
Nadine
Yes. I've been on it a few times. I feel the show should be integrated - every day.
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