Despicable Me 2 Movie Quotes
Jillian
Gru! It's Jillian!
Agnes
Gru's not here!
Jillian
Are you sure?
Agnes
Yes, he just told me.
[Gru zips his lip]
Agnes
He's... putting on lipstick!
[Gru swings his arms wildly, making buzzing sounds]
Agnes
He's... swatting on flies!
[Gru slices his hand beneath his chin]
Agnes
He's... chopping his head off!
[Gru covers his head, groaning loudly]
Agnes
He's...
[confused]
Agnes
pooping?
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[after Gru lied about his fear of dating]
Gru
Good night, Edith.
[gives her a good night kiss and gently pulls the beanie over Edith's eyes]
Gru
Good night, Margo.
[gives her a goodnight kiss, but returns in suspicion]
Gru
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the horses. Who are you texting?
Margo
No one. Just my friend Avery.
Gru
Avery...
[confused]
Gru
Avery? Is that a girl's name or a boy's name?
Margo
Does it matter?
Gru
No. No, it doesn't matter, unless it's a boy!
Agnes
I know what makes you a boy.
Agnes
Your bald head.
Agnes
It's really smooth. Sometimes I stare it, and imagine a little chick popping out.
[imitating a chick]
Agnes
Peep-peep-peep.
Gru
Good night, Agnes.
[kisses her forehead]
Gru
Never get older.
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Gru
I'm a father now, with responsibilities, and a legitimate businessman. I'm developing a delicious line of jams and jellies.
Gru
Oh, attitude. That's right! So thanks, but no thanks. And here's a tip: instead of tasing people and kidnapping them, maybe you should give them a call! Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt.
Silas
Ramsbottom.
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Gru
[in falsetto] It is I, Gru-
[pauses]
Gru
zinkerbell, the most magical faerie princess of all!
Young Boy
[interrupts] How come you're so fat?
Gru
[annoyed] Because my house is made out of candy, and sometimes,
[while hitting boy with wand]
Gru
I eat instead of facing my problems!
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[sprays her again]
Gru
or there.
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Gru
Well, what do you mean? Why not?
Agnes
I don't even have a mom.
Gru
Well, you don't need one to do the show. I mean, you did the Veteran's Day pageant and you haven't been in combat.
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[chuckles]
Margo
You're so complicated.
Gru
Margo...
[the tweens look up and, once seeing Gru, Margo gasps in astonisment]
Margo
Oh, Gru. Se llama, Antonio. Me llamo, Margo.
Gru
Me llamo-llama-ding dong.
[serious]
Gru
Who cares? Let's go.
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El Macho
I am not afraid of your jelly guns.
Dr. Nefario
Oh, this ain't no jelly gun, sunshine.
[uses the fart gun on El Macho, knocking him out cold from the stench]
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Gru
The highest honor awarded to Dr. Nefario for your years of service, the 21-fart gun salute!
[21 fart guns fire]
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[frantically]
Lucy
Okay, that's not entirely true, I'm actually kind of freaking out up here!
Gru
Don't worry, I will get you out of this!
[They both freeze when they see Pollito approach the remote control. They both gasp. Pollito narrows his eyes, then pecks the remote button]
[the rocket launches]
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Lucy
Mr Gru?
[shows her AVL credentials; noticing she shows her ID-card upside-down]
Lucy
Oops.
[giggles, then clears her throat]
Gru
Oh, sorry, I...
[takes his freeze ray out of his polo and fires it]
Gru
Freeze Ray!
[At the same moment, Lucy pulls out a retractable flamethrower, blocking the ray of ice]
Lucy
[puts her flamethrower back in and gently pulls a lipstick-like weapon out of her purse]
You know, you really should announce your weapons *after* you fire them, Mr. Gru. For example...
[fires the weapon at Gru, making him drop his freeze ray and flail though some weird movements before finally passing out]
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Gru
Huh... You usually don't see that in bunnies.
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Gru
I have accepted a new job.
Margo
Whoa! Really?
Gru
Yes, I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world!
Edith
You're gonna be a spy?
Gru
*That's* right, baby! Gru's back in the game with gadgets and weapons and cool cars! The whole deal!
Agnes
Are you really gonna save the world?
[puts on a pair of sunglasses]
Gru
Yes, I am.
[chuckles]
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Gru
I'm just chillin' with my guac from my chip hat.
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Additional Minions
Kevin?
Additional Minions
Hm? Tom? Hello!
Additional Minions
Kampai!
Additional Minions
Kampai!
Additional Minions
[Tom hits the syringe with a banana and then injected and turns into a purple minion]
Bah!
Additional Minions
Pfft HAHAHAHAHA
[Is injected by another syringe]
Additional Minions
Ohh.
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Margo
Hey, what celebrity do you look like?
Gru
Uh, Bruce Willis.
Margo
Mmm, no.
Agnes
Humpty Dumpty!
Edith
Ooh, Gollum!
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[Agent Lucy sends Gru, completely soaked and with a starfish stuck to his head, out of the car trunk of her spy car]
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Agnes
Eat jelly, you purple freaks!
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[mildly]
Lucy
Yay.
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[to the stewardess]
Lucy
I choose Gru!
[runs to the plane's emergency hatch and opens it]
Lucy
Thank you, Gru-stewardess!
Flight Attendant
You're welcome!
[Lucy jumps out of the plane and presses the clasp of her purse, which turns into a hang glider, parasailing off in search of Gru]
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Lucy
What is wrong with that chicken? Hey, that pollo es loco.
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Gru
You brought the girls?
Dr. Nefario
Yes. Oh. Was that wrong?
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Lucy
[about being relocated to Australia]
I've even been working on my accent. Wallaby. Didgeridoo. Hugh Jackman.
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[after meeting Margo, Edith, and Agnes]
Gru
Ha-ha... kids, they're funny.
Lucy
Those girls totally adore you! I bet you're a fun dad.
Gru
Huh... I am pretty fun.
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[arriving at the Cinco de Mayo party]
Gru
Okay, let's party! But first, let's go over the rules. Because what is fun without the rules?
[looks at Agnes, whose arms and mouth are already full of churros]
Gru
Agnes, easy on the churros.
[looks at Edith, practicing with her sword]
Gru
Edith, try not to kill anyone.
Gru
Margo...?
[sees she is already cozy with Antonio]
Antonio
Hello, Mr. Gru.
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Gru
[after meeting Eduardo]
That guy looks exactly like a villain named El Macho... from about 20 years ago. He was ruthless! He was dangerous. And as the name implies, very macho. He had a reputation for pulling off heists using only his bare hands! Ah, but sadly, like all the greats, El Macho was gone too soon. He died in the most macho way possible: riding a shark with 250 pounds of dynamite strapped to his chest into the mouth in an active volcano! It was glorious.
Lucy
Yeah, sounds like El Macho's pretty dead.
Gru
They never found the body. Oh, no. All that was ever retrieved was a pile of singed chest hair. But that face! It has got to be El Macho.
Lucy
Then what do you say you and I break into his restaurant tonight?
Gru
Yes, that's good, 'cause I'm telling you, if anybody in this place has the PX-41 serum...
[pointing to Eduardo on an escalator outside]
Gru
...it's him.
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[repeated line]
Edith
Can I be the first to say "eww"?
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Eduardo
[noticing his restaurant was broken into; in a serious tone]
Somebody going to die tonight...
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Lucy
I wasn't expecting that. Or was I?
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Little Girl #2
Ew! Gru touched Lisa! Gru touched Lisa! Lisa's got GRU-TIES!
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Gru
Why are you here?
Lucy
On assignment from Silas. I'm your new partner. Yay!
Gru
What? No. No "yay". Ramsbottom didn't say anything about a partner.
Lucy
Well, seems that because of your checkered past, everyone else refused to work with you. But not me. I stepped up. And I'm new, so I kind of have to do what they tell me anyway.
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[Gru and Lucy force themselves to act natural]
Eduardo
Buenos dias, my friends! I am Eduardo Perez, owner of Salsa y Salsa restaurant, across the mall. Now open for breakfast. And you are?
Gru
Gru. And this is Lucy. And we are closed.
Eduardo
This is just gonna take un momento. I am throwing a big Cinco de Mayo party, and I am going to need two hundred of your best cupcakes decorated with the Mexican flag. It looks something like this.
[rips his shirt open, revealing a giant tattoo of the Mexican flag on his chest]
Eduardo
What do you think?
[flexes and makes his chest wave]
Eduardo
Anyway, I have to go. It's all settled! I pick 'em up next week! Have a good day. Come by if you get a chance, okay?
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Dr. Nefario
Listen, Gru, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about for some time now.
Gru
What? What's wrong?
Dr. Nefario
Um... I miss being evil. Sinister plots, large-scale crimes, it's what I live for. I mean, don't you think there's more to our future than jelly?
Gru
Well, I'm also considering a line of jams.
Dr. Nefario
Um, the thing is, Gru, I've had an offer of employment elsewhere.
Gru
Dr. Nefario! Come on. You're kidding, right?
Dr. Nefario
It's a great opportunity for me; bigger lab, more evil, full dental.
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El Macho
You have not lost your touch, my friend.
Gru
Aha! I knew it. You are El Macho.
El Macho
That's right!
Gru
Nobody believed me! Ho, ho. But I knew you weren't dead.
El Macho
Of course not. I merely faked my death. But now, it's time for me... to make a spectacular return to evil. Doctor, I think it's time we showed Gru what we're up to here.
Gru
Dr. Nefario?
Dr. Nefario
Nice to see you, Gru.
Gru
Wha... so this is your new job opportunity?
Dr. Nefario
Absolutely. You're gonna like this.
El Macho
[revealing one of the Minions]
Sorry. I had to borrow some of your minions, but it was for a worthy cause.
Gru
Ooh. Kevin. Ugh.
El Macho
No, he's not Kevin anymore. Now he is an indestructible, mindless killing machine.
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Gru
What are you doing?
Lucy
I'm checking for laser beam alarm triggers.
Gru
It's a restaurant!
Lucy
You never know what kind of booby traps this guy could have set. Huh? Come on.
Gru
There are no booby traps.
[he activates a tripwire, and the bell to which it's attached rings]
Lucy
Ha! Booby!
[a door opens, and a chicken pokes its head around the corner]
Lucy
Oh. There's a chicken. Are you lost, little guy? You must be lost.
[the chicken attacks him]
Gru
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, no, no, no! Get it off of me! Get it off of me! Get it off of me!
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Gru
Mr. Ramsbottom?
Silas
Oh, hello.
Gru
What are you doing here?
Silas
We got him.
Gru
Got who?
Silas
Floyd Eagle-san. Our agents located a secret room in his shop last night and, uh, discovered this.
[showing him an evidence baggie]
Silas
It's empty, but we found traces of the PX-41 serum in it. He's our man. So, somehow, in spite of your incompetence, we solved this one.
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Silas
We are the Anti-Villain League, an ultra-secret organization dedicated to fighting crime on a global scale. Rob a bank, we're not interested. Kill someone, not our deal. But you want to melt the polar ice caps or vaporize Mount Fuji or even steal the moon, then we notice.
Gru
First of all, you got no proof that I did that. Second, after I did do that, I put it back.
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Gru
Okay, what are you doing?
Agnes
We're signing you up for online dating.
Gru
Oh, okay. What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Edith
Aw, come on. It's fun.
Margo
And it's time for you to get out there.
Gru
No! Stop! No one is ever getting out there. Ever!
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Silas
I'm sorry, El Macho? Hadn't we eliminated him as a suspect after the whole salsa incident?
Gru
Yes, but there has been a new development, and I'm telling you, this is the guy. You need to arrest him immediately. And his deviously charming son! I'm pretty sure that the son is involved, too. The son also. You got to get the son.
[whispering in Silas' ear]
Gru
I think that the son is the mastermind. There's a look... there's a devilish look in his eyes, and I don't like it.
Silas
Yes, but I don't really see any evidence.
Gru
Evidence, schmevidence. I go with my gut, and my gut tells me that this guy is El Macho. Lock him up. Lock up the son. Don't forget about the son. The kid gives me the creeps.
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Lucy
[rescuing Gru from a bad blind date]
Well, I think you did it. You just officially had the worst date ever.
Gru
Oh, tell me about it.
Lucy
[chuckling]
Don't worry. It can only get better from here, right? But if it doesn't, you can always borrow my dart gun. Had to use it on one or two dates myself.
Gru
Yeah, you know, as far as dates go, I think I'm good with just the one.
Gru
Yes. Surprisingly, it was.
Lucy
Oh, and uh, just between you and me? You look much better bald.
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El Macho
[revealing his evil plan to set genetically modified Minions on the world]
We can do it together.
Gru
Together?
El Macho
Together. I have admired your work for years, amigo. Stealing the moon? Are you kidding? We would be unstoppable. Men like you, men like me... we should be ruling the world! So, are you in?
Gru
Uh, yeah, probably.
El Macho
Probably?
Gru
[nervously making his way to the exit]
I mean, yes. Yes. Of course, yes. I just have a lot going on right now. I just need to get some things off my plate before we start taking over the world, that's all.
El Macho
Excuse me?
Gru
No, no, forget it. 100% I am in. I think... what is... do you hear that? I do. That's Agnes calling me from on the surface.
[the elevator doors close, then open again, revealing him frantically pushing the floor buttons]
Gru
Totally in.
El Macho
[to Dr. Nefario as the doors close again]
Do you know what? I'm not so convinced that he is in.
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Gru
[on a rocket headed towards an active volcano]
Listen, Lucy, we may not get out of this alive, so I need to ask you a question.
Lucy
Uh, better make it quick.
Gru
If I'd asked you out on a date, what would you have said?
Lucy
Are you kidding me? Yes.
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Gru
Here is the cupcake recipe I got off the Internet.
[the Minions head to the kitchen]
Gru
And don't go nuts with the sprinkles!
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Gru
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!
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Margo
Yes, it's for his own good.
[searching through Gru's online pictures]
Margo
Okay, we need to choose a picture.
[clicks on one of Gru's photos]
Agnes
No.
[Margo shows another picture]
Agnes
Scary.
[the girls scream in horror when Margo shows a picture of Gru in his swimming trunks]
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El Macho
One push of this button, and I send that rocket straight in the same volcano where I faked my death, only this time... It's for real.
[hits the roof support and drops the remote which hits three minions on their heads and on the ground]
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[Gru arrives at Eagle Hair Club]
Lucy
[informs him at Bake My Day by monitor as he activates a chem-tracking device shaped like a belt; through headphones]
If it picks up any traces of the serum, the center of your belt buckle
[aloud]
Lucy
will make a sound like this: Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo!
[fumbles with the automatic door, then enters Eagle Hair Club]
[turns his eagle-like chair, revealing himself holding and stroking a toupee]
Floyd Eagle-san
It's about time you showed up... Mr. Gru.
[the bald eagle perched next to him squawks]
Gru
You... know my name?
Floyd Eagle-san
[chuckles]
When someone moves into the mall who is follically challenged, I make it my business to know all about them. You are bald. And that is bad.
[strokes the toupee he's holding, kisses it, then puts it on a mannequin head]
Floyd Eagle-san
There you go, my sweet.
[at Bake My Day]
Lucy
[monitoring Gru's chem-tracking device]
I'm getting nothing so far. I think you need to look around.
[at Eagle Hair Club, after listening to Lucy in the headphones; Gru walks away, smiling nervously, and starts looking around the mall, but none of the mannequin heads give a signal]
Gru
Yeah, not so much.
[walks over to a podium holding a trophy and starts thrusting his hips at it]
Gru
Oh, how about this impressive trinket?
Floyd Eagle-san
The International...
Gru
Yeah, I don't care.
[moves over to a shelf filled with wig samples and starts straddling it]
Lucy
[in headphones, startling Gru]
Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo! Hold on, I'm picking up something. Behind that wall!
Gru
Ahh... and what do we have here?
[hands Gru a bag with a wig in it]
Floyd Eagle-san
You should take one.
Gru
No thanks.
[sticks his head into the shelf]
Gru
So what's on the other side of the wall?
Floyd Eagle-san
There you are! Look at me! Focus!
Floyd Eagle-san
I promise, that this wig will transform you from ugly to irresistible.
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Agnes
[Agnes and Edith hastily storm inside Eagle Hair Club, making Gru lose his focus]
Margo has a boyfriend!
Edith
And they're going on a date!
[to Agnes]
Gru
Boyfriend?
[to Floyd]
Gru
What?
[Floyd shrugs shoulders and shakes his head nervously; Gru stares at Agnes and Edith]
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Floyd Eagle-san
[handcuffed and carried away]
I was framed! You won't get away with this! Get your mitts off of me! I am a legitimate businessman!
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