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Kinoafisha Films Houseboat Houseboat Movie Quotes

Houseboat Movie Quotes

Cinzia Zaccardi [singing] Bing, bang, bong! Bing, bang, bong! Presto, presto, do your very best-o, Don't hang back like a shy little kid, You'll be so glad that you did what you did, If you do it with a bing, bang, bong!

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Robert Winters That's you, sir.

Tom Winters Who, sir? Me, sir?

Cinzia Zaccardi Yes, sir. You, sir.

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Capt. Alan Wilson [to Cinzia in an evening dress] I love your new uniform. What do you wear on your day off? Eleanor, we're going to have to get rid of Sadie the Scrubber. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what i call a maid.

[spanks Cinzia's behind]

Cinzia Zaccardi Uhh! There are those who require alcohol to give them courage. I'm not one of them.

[throws a Martini in Alan's face]

Cinzia Zaccardi Is it dry enough?

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Cinzia Zaccardi I can make boiled eggs very well now, and cereal. I just pour in milk, and it goes crack, pop, and snap. It does all the work. Even I cannot spoil it.

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Tom Winters [after punishing his son] Well, now, where were we?

Cinzia Zaccardi [She turns on the spray paint and sprays him in the face on purpose] Oops.

Tom Winters Thank you, Michelangelo. Thank you.

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Cinzia Zaccardi I'm tired of the best people. I wish I could meet some of the worst people!

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Angelo Donatello The Sons of Italy Ball. We'll tie one on together, huh? What do you say? You want to be the lucky girl this year?

Cinzia Zaccardi Mr. Donatello, you have a certain native charm. Please reserve it for the natives.

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Elizabeth Winters Cinzia's getting melon and prosciutto. That's ham. You eat it cold and you don't have to cook it.

Carolyn Gibson Who's Cinzia?

Elizabeth Winters Cinzia's our maid. She doesn't know how to cook.

Carolyn Gibson So I see. Where's your father?

Elizabeth Winters Oh, he's doing the laundry for the weekend at the laundromat. We have to bring the clothes there because Cinzia doesn't know how to wash.

Carolyn Gibson Just what does she do?

Elizabeth Winters Oh, everything!

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Tom Winters How long is it since you had a bath?

Cinzia Zaccardi Che cosa?

Tom Winters A bath! You look as if you need a good scrubbing.

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Tom Winters I'm delighted you're the belle of the ball, but may I have this next dance?

Cinzia Zaccardi Oh, yes.

Tom Winters My recollection is a little hazy, but I believe I'm the fellow who brought you.

Cinzia Zaccardi Oh, yes, you are the *stuffy* one.

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Elizabeth Winters Listen, about married people.

Cinzia Zaccardi What?

Elizabeth Winters Do they sleep in the same bed together?

Cinzia Zaccardi In America, sometimes. In Italy, always.

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David Winters Aunt Carolyn, you're from another planet.

Carolyn Gibson Thank you, dear. I think that's a compliment.

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Tom Winters Well, you must have had a lot of experience raising children.

Cinzia Zaccardi No, I have no experience. But I know when a little child is unhappy. I know, and how I know, when a father is unreasonable. Try to be a parent, not a policeman.

Tom Winters I don't know what you know about parents. But I imagine you've had a wide acquaintance amongst policemen.

[Cinzia slaps him]

Tom Winters I'll have to call one if you keep that up.

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Angelo Donatello Welcome to historic Virginia. My card. You ever want anything moved

[looks Cinzia up and down]

Angelo Donatello anything, call on Angelo.

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Cinzia Zaccardi I am already 22 and I haven't yet given my first performance for a man, any man!

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Cinzia Zaccardi Where is their mother?

Tom Winters What did you say?

Cinzia Zaccardi Their mother?

Tom Winters You are looking at her. I'm a little new at the job.

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Robert Winters We don't have no mother! She's dead!

David Winters Oh, shut up. You give me the creeps!

Robert Winters She's dead. Leave me alone. Our mother's dead!

David Winters [to Elizabeth] Come on, let's go down. We'll leave little Frankenstein here.

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Cinzia Zaccardi Can you select a melon for me?

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Tom Winters You'll get a spanking you'll never forget.

Cinzia Zaccardi Oh, yes. A *spanking* solves so many things. Or a slap in the face. It's so much easier than understanding.

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Cinzia Zaccardi [singing] One step, two step, Step into a new step, Live your life with a zip and a zing, You'll have the world on the end of a string...

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Cinzia Zaccardi [singing] Prego, prego, Anywhere you may go, Make each day be a day full of fun...

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Robert Winters Anybody does anything to you again, just let me know, no matter who.

Cinzia Zaccardi Whom!

Robert Winters Who.

Cinzia Zaccardi Who.

Robert Winters Cinzia?

Cinzia Zaccardi What?

Robert Winters Darn, why do I have to be only 13 years old?

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Elizabeth Winters Would it matter, I mean, if I slept with you?

Cinzia Zaccardi No, it would be all right. But not all the time.

Elizabeth Winters Why not? I don't take up much room.

Cinzia Zaccardi It has something to do with married people.

Elizabeth Winters I guess he likes you better than he likes me.

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Tom Winters I think I should apologize for the behavior of the upper classes in America.

Cinzia Zaccardi They behave like the upper classes in Italy, also the lower classes.

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Tom Winters I'm certain you wouldn't do anything to embarrass me--or would you?

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Tom Winters Think what the world would be like if nothing ever died. There'd be no room for the new and the young and beautiful that's being born all the time.

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Arturo Zaccardi I can lock her in her room, I can take her to Italy, but the only way I can keep her is to let her go away.

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Tom Winters Everything is constantly changing. So perhaps when our souls leave our bodies, we go back into God's universe in the security of being part of all life again and of all nature. So, for all we know, that sort of life after death may be very beautiful.

David Winters If you say so. Hey, Pop.

Tom Winters What?

David Winters Don't do anything beautiful for a while, will you?

Tom Winters I'll try not to.

David Winters And give up smoking. It's bad for older people.

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Tom Winters I know how you feel. But nothing ever stays exactly the same. Everything changes. Everybody has to leave. Everybody, sooner or later, and it's not so bad. Everything's different, but it's not so bad. You'll all be leaving me before long, and I have to get used to that. You can't remain children forever, no matter how much you want to.

Elizabeth Winters Oh, why do you talk so much?

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Tom Winters There's nothing wrong with kerosene lamps. As a matter of fact, they're rather quaint.

Tom Winters [bumps into a chair]

David Winters But you can't see good with them.

Tom Winters Of course you can.

Tom Winters [bumps into a box]

David Winters I warned you.

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Cinzia Zaccardi You see? When a fish comes, the bell rings and announces his arrival. Isn't it nice?

Tom Winters Very nice. But tell me, do you think if you attach one end to a dust rag, the fish might dust the furniture for you?

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Tom Winters It happens that I care. I don't want my kids parceled out like cabbages.

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Robert Winters [singing] I hate everybody, I hate everybody in the whole wide world...

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Tom Winters How are you and John getting along these days?

Carolyn Gibson Well, it's one of those modern marriages. Electric blankets and everything.

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Angelo Donatello What a party. You like broads?

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Cinzia Zaccardi Arrivederci, Roberto.

Robert Winters Roberto's me. It's Italian.

Tom Winters Is it really?

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Angelo Donatello Did you make up your mind about the boat? Do you want to rent? Do you want to buy? Do you want to make a deal?

Tom Winters It's a leaky, broken-down soggy derelict that'll probably sink and dump us all in the river. But I wouldn't think of living any other place.

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Angelo Donatello My brother once took a dame like that to the Sons of Italy Ball. Boom: he's married.

Tom Winters Oh, boom.

Angelo Donatello And ever since, he's been having sons of Italy all over the place. You know what I mean? Six kids, doctor bills, his wife getting fat and sloppy. I mean, who needs it?

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Carolyn Gibson Hello. They've got quite a buffet tonight. Would you care to come over and watch me eat crow?

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Angelo Donatello Holy jumping cow!

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Cinzia Zaccardi Me? I?

Tom Winters Yes.

Cinzia Zaccardi With you?

Tom Winters Me. I.

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Eleanor Wilson I think you've had enough, Alan.

Capt. Alan Wilson Just one teeny-weeny Martini and then we all head for the country club. Right?

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Robert Winters You can't be our mother. You're our friend.

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Cinzia Zaccardi Sure.

David Winters Ly.

Cinzia Zaccardi Surely.

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Angelo Donatello Hey, where's the Italian pastry?

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Angelo Donatello Hey, why don't you go inside? You know, you're driving me nuts.

Cinzia Zaccardi It's a free country.

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Tom Winters Cinzia, come on. Your date is here, *straining* at the leash.

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Elizabeth Winters Well, gee whiz, I got to get in bed with somebody.

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Angelo Donatello Right down the road is my old man's grocery store. And across the river is the country club. Of course, there's a better class of people at the grocery store, but that's up to you. It's a free country.

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Robert Winters You want to go fishing for eels?

Cinzia Zaccardi Oh, yes. I couldn't think of anything nicer, please.

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Angelo Donatello I have a good business. I make a nice dollar. I own my own truck, you know. If I want to have a good time, I go out and have it. A blonde one night, a brunette the next, a redhead--mm! Smorgasbord, you know what I mean? You like a guy who speaks plain like this?

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Angelo Donatello [to Cinzia] Keep your motor running. I'll be around.

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Angelo Donatello Is the dame ready?