Beethoven Movie Quotes
George
I really don't like our dog.
Alice
I really don't like those people, George. I don't trust them. I don't want their money. I know my opinion doesn't matter, but I'm not interested in expanding. If I had been home instead of helping you impress those morons, Emily wouldn't have fallen in the pool. And I'm not re-entering the work force, George. You're gonna have to do this on your own. And you will. Somehow, you'll make your fortune. And tucked away behind you deep in the shadows will be me and the kids.
George
That's how you see me. Suddenly, I'm a lousy husband and father. Everything was just fine until Beethoven came into our lives. I've tried to be patient, but I've had it. The dog has to go.
Alice
I'm proud of Beethoven. Those two idiots insulted your kids, they treated me like dirt, and he was the only one of us who had the nerve to give them the ride they deserved. I'm going to bed.
[she heads back inside]
George
My dream's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dog.
Alice
Your family's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dream.
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Alice Newton
I don't think words for parts of the body make very good names.
Emily Newton
He's got one of those, I looked.
Alice Newton
I'm sure he does but I don't think Daddy would want to stand on the porch at night yelling that out.
Emily Newton
But that's what you call Uncle Richard.
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Alice Newton
Just change your pants, George.
George Newton
I'm gonna change my pants, Alice. But if I change my pants, I gotta change my jacket! If I change my jacket, I gotta change my shirt! If I change my shirt, I gotta change my tie! I hafta change my belt! I gotta change my shoes! I gotta change my socks!
Alice Newton
Just change your pants, George.
[George throws his pants down to Alice]
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George Newton
[the family is arguing about what to call the puppy]
This is ridiculous! It's a dog, he doesn't have preferences! You could call him Ding-Dong Head and he wouldn't know the difference!
Emily Newton
Yes, he would! He'll tell us what he wants to be called.
[Emily starts playing the famous four-note opening motif of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the piano. The puppy responds to it with barks]
George Newton
Beethoven.
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Reporter
Have you always been a dog lover?
George Newton
Um, well, maybe not. Not as much as-as now, thank you.
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Devonia Pest
[to Emily after she was discovered having almost drowned in the neighbours' pool]
Now, we don't want you to get into trouble, so we'll this be our little secret!
Ryce Newton
[Pushes Emily out of the way and furiously to Devonia]
I'd like to call my mother please.
Devonia Pest
Your mother?
Ryce Newton
Immediately.
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[the Newtons discover that Dr. Varnick has been deceiving them; they barge into the veterinary surgery looking for Beethoven but he isn't there, despite the receptionist telling George earlier that they were going to keep him there overnight and put him down the next day]
George Newton
Where's my dog?
Dr. Varnick
I don't have to answer your questions. You ordered that dog destroyed and it was done. Now get out.
[George grips Varnick's collar]
Dr. Varnick
You hit me, I'll have you put in jail for assault and battery!
[George lets go of Varnick. Then suddenly he punches him in the face, knocking him backwards into an empty animal cage]
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Alice Newton
[Dr. Varnick has warned George about St. Bernards attacking people]
George, come on. Beethoven isn't even remotely dangerous. He'd never hurt the kids. He might take a bite out of you, though.
George Newton
First snarl, any kind of weirdness and he's gone.
Alice Newton
Weirdness? What should I watch for, hon? Wearing my clothes around the house?
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[Beethoven has saved Emily from drowning in the pool]
Emily Newton
I love you, too. Thanks Beethoven, you saved my life but you better go home now.Mom said to stay in the back yard.
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George Newton
[chasing Beethoven out of the house]
How dare you! How dare you! Are you crazy? Did you think you were gonna get away with it?
[sees Beethoven crawl under the hole he dug back into his kennel]
George Newton
Oh, that's how you do it! I'll put a stop to that! You've ruined my life! You've ruined my furniture, you've ruined my clothes! My family likes you more than they like me! Why? All you do is drool and shed and eat! But you're never getting out of there again! Never! Do we understand each other? Do we?
[the sprinklers come on, ending his rant]
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George Newton
[driving Beethoven to the vet to be put down]
My dad had to take my dog to the vet to be put down. I hated him for it. Now I'm doing it myself. I know you don't believe me but I don't want to do this.
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[she takes out a piece of paper, but doesn't read it out loud and looks at George in silence]
George Newton
You asked for my input.
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Devonia Pest
[after Alice picks up the kids and heads to the car]
She must have snuck out while I was watching Ted and Ryce. It was hot out, so I guess she wanted to take a little swim.
Devonia Pest
I was where I was supposed to be, inside watching the other two! If Emily stayed where I put her, none of this would ever happened!
[in a rude tone]
Devonia Pest
If you ask me, what these children need is a little discipline.
Alice Newton
What these children need is their mother.
[starts the car]
Alice Newton
You're fired.
[Devonia's jaw drops in shock]
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Dr. Varnick
Here for his shots?
George Newton
Yes.
Dr. Varnick
Well he'll be a little groggy this evening.
George Newton
That'll be nice.
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George Newton
We can't have a dog. We can't have a dog!
Alice Newton
Honey, you can't show a child a puppy and then take it away two minutes later.
George Newton
I didn't show a child a puppy. It's obviously lost. You occupy the kids, I'll run it down to the pound.
Alice Newton
Oh, no. No way. If the owner doesn't claim it, it'll be destroyed. I'm not going to live with that.
George Newton
If we keep it, the house will be destroyed!
Alice Newton
Honey, it's just a dog. Millions of people have dogs.
George Newton
Oh, no, not people like me! Dogs sniff, they lick, they chew, they drool, they scratch... Alice, they have parasites.
George Newton
The kids'll lose interest, I'll have to take care of it. It'll grow to be enormous, it'll take over the yard, the bushes will die and the lawn'll look terrible and when the dog finally settles down, it'll die. And everybody will so upset, we'll have to go get another puppy, the whole thing will start all over again. You understand?
Alice Newton
No, honey, could you be more specific?
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[the kids want to keep the puppy, George doesn't]
George Newton
It's my decision. I mean, I have decided.
Ryce Newton
I knew it.
[a pause as George looks at his kids]
George Newton
You'd better think of something to name him because when I come home and he's destroyed my house, I wanna know what to call him!
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Emily Newton
[tearfully to George]
Dog killer.
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Alice
So what?
George
We can't throw out the option of having a babysitter just because we had a bad one. We'll find somebody really responsible to look after the kids.
Alice
Over my dead body.
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[hearing gunfire after George has gone into Dr. Varnick's warehouse to rescue Beethoven, Ted gets behind the wheel of the family station wagon]
Ryce Newton
You can't drive!
Emily Newton
You don't even have a driver's license!
Ted Newton
We're going in!
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George Newton
[Beethoven has got into George's bed and is licking his neck]
Oh, baby. Oh, baby. It's not even Saturday night. Oh, Alice, you drive me crazy. Is daddy's little girl being naughty tonight?
[George turns over and comes face-to-face with Beethoven]
George Newton
[Screams]
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Emily Newton
[about Brie]
I hope Beethoven slimes that lady's dress.
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Alice Newton
Beethoven made this house real. He put the dents in it.
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Harvey
Sorry, I'm just a little bit excited. That's my very first felony. I've committed a lot of misdemeanors but I do believe that was my very first felony!
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George Newton
No matter how many showers I take I still smell Beethoven all over me.
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George Newton
We are "people" people here. I mean, we are goldfish people, uh, we're antfarm people. We're not dog people.
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Brad
We want to get in bed with Newton Auto Air Freshners!
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Brie
I just love these big dumb animals!
Alice Newton
I bet you do.
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Biker Woman
[looking at Beethoven the puppy]
How big's he gonna be?
Pet Shop Owner
St. Bernards get to be about 150 pounds.
Biker Woman
I got a junkyard, I need a big, mean junkyard dog. Let me see him.
[the pet shop owner takes Beethoven out of his enclosure and hands him to the biker woman]
Biker Woman
[holds him up in front of her]
He looks good and mean.
Pet Shop Owner
I don't know, he's pretty sweet.
Biker Woman
You can make any dog mean.
[Beethoven urinates on her leather jacket]
Biker Woman
Hey! Damn little beast! God!
[the pet shop owner smiles and takes him off her]
Biker Woman
[wiping the urine off her jacket]
You got any pit bulls?
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Ted Newton
Sic' them, boy!
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Devonia Pest
You kids might be an interested to know that I'm a featured performer Saturday nights at the Padded Zebra.
[giggling]
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Harvey
I really don't like it when you tease the dogs.
Vernon
What are you, some kind of animal lover?
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Brie
Let us take you out to dinner. Are there any good restaurants in this burg?
Alice Newton
Why don't you just come over to our house? We can barbecue.
George Newton
Come to our house, we'll barbecue.
Brie
Barbecue? Let's live dangerously.
[they laugh, George and Alice do forced laughter]
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Vernon
[has chosen the Jack Russell for an animal test]
Congratulations. You're going to be a pioneer.
Harvey
Like Davy Crockett, right?
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George Newton
He slimed me!
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[last lines]
George Newton
Good night, honey.
Alice Newton
Good night.
George Newton
Sleep tight. Good night, Beethoven.
[the picture zooms out to reveal lots of other dogs sleeping in the bedroom]
Alice Newton
Good night, Sparky.
George Newton
Good night, Mitch.
Alice Newton
Good night, Murphy.
George Newton
Good night, Sally.
Alice Newton
Good night, Lacey.
George Newton
Good night, Fred.
Alice Newton
Good night, Eliot.
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Ryce Newton
Oh my gosh Emily's in the pool!
Devonia Pest
The pool?
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Emily Newton
[Mr. Newton looks at Dr. Varnick's "injured" arm]
I told you he was lying!
George Newton
What the hell are you trying to pull?
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[Beethoven grabs a stick and walks over to Mark]
Mark
Hey, check out Fido.
Mark
What a cool looking dog. I bet you wanna play fetch.
Mark
C'mon, you got to give me the stick if you want me to throw it.
[Mark grabs the stick in Beethoven's mouth, then Beethoven walks Mark over to Ryce]
Mark
Hey, where we going?
Mark
Cool dog.
Mark's Friend
Cool dog.
Mark
Is he yours?
[Ryce nods her head]
Mark
What's his name?
Ryce Newton
Beethoven.
Mark
Wow. Hi, Beethoven.
Mark's Friend
Hey, Beethoven.
Mark
Cool dog.
Mark's Friend
Good boy.
Mark
Well, see ya later, Ryce.
Ryce Newton
Yes, he knows my name!
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Brad
I pitched in college.
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[Channel 3 News reports that Dr. Varnick and his 2 associates were indicted on 123 counts of animal abuse. Dr Varnick and his associates were shown on the news leaving the courthouse arrested]
Dr. Varnick
These were scientific investigations!
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Alice Newton
Well, instead of listening to some guy we've met only twice in our lives, maybe we should try listening to our own child.
Alice Newton
Honey, please something doesn't make sense. Can't we just go down there and talk to him?
George Newton
What do you want me to do?
[George is mocking a conversation between him and Dr. Varnick]
George Newton
Uh, Dr. Varnick, are you sure you didn't hit our dog? Oh, yes, Mr. Newton, I just remembered, I did hit your dog.
George Newton
C'mon!
Alice Newton
You c'mon!
Alice Newton
Please, it would make me feel better. Lets just go.
[Ryce, Ted, and Emily opens the door and come outside]
Ryce Newton
I'm coming with you.
Emily Newton
So am I.
Ted Newton
We're all going with you.
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[Dr. Varnick is about to shoot George]
Dr. Varnick
You're a very foolish man, Mr. Newton. You should have left well enough alone.
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Dr. Varnick
This must be Beethoven. He's a magnificent animal. Magnificent! Magnificent!
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Ammunition Company Representative
We've developed a new type of ammunition. It explodes on contact. We'd like you to use this revolver for the tests. We want to know the extent of the damage at close range.
Dr. Varnick
You want to know how messy it is.
[the Ammunition Company Representative laughs]
Ammunition Company Representative
I presume you can get dogs with big skulls for the tests. Newfoundlands, Great Danes, Saint Bernards.
Dr. Varnick
Large dogs are difficult to come by, harder to manage.
[the Ammunition Company Representative gives Dr. Varnick an envelope full of money]
Dr. Varnick
I'm sure we'll be able to handle it.
[Dr. Varnick has a big grin on his face]
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Brad
Dogs obey so much better than children. Don't they?
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Ted Newton
[following Dr. Varnick's car]
Dad, turn your lights off, haven't you ever followed someone at night before?
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[Three bullies are bullying Ted when Beethoven shows up behind Ted, without him noticing. The three bullies see Beethoven and are immediately scared]
Bully #1
What's going on here?
Bully #2
He looks mean.
Bully #1
Yeah.
Ted Newton
[Beethoven growls at the three bullies]
Bully #1
Give him the glasses.
[One of the bullies gives Ted his glasses back]
Bully #3
Sorry. Sorry.
[the three bullies run away]
Bully #3
[Ted thinks the bullies ran away because they were afraid of him]
Ted Newton
And don't come back!
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Emily Newton
[as George is eating breakfast they prepared for him]
I dropped part of an eggshell in there.
[George stops eating, Bryce and Ted look at each other tensely]
Emily Newton
Chew carefully, Dad.
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Alice Newton
Honey, you sure you wanna signne-wignee right now?
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