Planet 51 Movie Quotes
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General Grawl
[to Chuck] Tell us your invasion plans! And don't bother taking over my mind. If you do, Captain Kisno has orders to shoot me. If you take over Captain Kisno's mind, Lieutenant Groit has orders to shoot him. If you take over Lieutenant Groit's mind, Sergeant York will shoot Captain Kisno, Lieutenant Groit and myself along with these three soldiers. Each man has a designated target in the squad. Should you succeed in taking over all of our minds, Corporal Hisk has orders to electrocute everyone. If this fails, the entire base is rigged to blow at the touch of a button.
Soldier #1
Uh, General, sir? Am I to shoot Hecknavar or Kolski?
Soldier #2
I shoot Kolski.
General Grawl
No. You shoot Meckavoy.
Soldier #2
Then who shoots Kolski?
Soldier #3
I can shoot myself.
General Grawl
That won't be necessary. Hecknavar, you shoot Kolski, Captain Kisno and and graze Corporal Hisk.
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Lem
What do you want?
Captain Charles T. Baker
Thanks for asking. Coffee, light, two sugars. Do you have any Frappucino up here? Any puff pastry, too. Thanks.
Lem
No, I mean are you here to take over our world and, like, eat our brains?
Captain Charles T. Baker
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. What kind of sick planet is this? First of all, it's supposed to be uninhabited, okay? Nut full of sea monkeys dancing to the oldies. My mission was to plant Old Glory, whack a few golf balls and head back to the Kids Choice Awards. I'm getting slimed.
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Lem
You were just talking alien.
Captain Charles T. Baker
Hey, I'm not the alien here. You are.
Lem
Me? You are.
Captain Charles T. Baker
No, you are.
Lem
You are. You... You came to my planet.
Captain Charles T. Baker
An alien planet. Hello.
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Eckle
Wow. Humaniacs III: The Final Battle for Our World.
Skiff
Skiff, Eckle: Victory or extinction!
Lem
If you guys go in costume, I'm pretending we never met.
Eckle
Did you just say what I think you just said?
Lem
I'm a planetarium professional now. I don't have time for kids' movies anymore.
Lem
Duh!
Skiff
Ha! Just as I thought! You're not Lem. You're an alien zombie, like in Humaniacs II.
Lem
Skiff, I'm not a zombie.
Skiff
Yeah, that's what you zombies are programmed to say. Tell me something the real Lem would know.
Lem
Well, I know Skiff is the only nutcase who thinks the government is hiding all alien evidence in Base 9. And you give candy to your puppy so he'll poop jelly beans.
Eckle
[exclaims in disgust]
Skiff
It was just an experiment.
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Lem
A cork?
Skiff
It's your best defense against the aliens' favorite form of research. The probe. You put it...
[points at his butt]
Lem
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I get it.
Skiff
Oh, wait. This is yours. I already used that one.
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Captain Charles T. Baker
What the... . Duck?
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Eckle
That's our planet after the attack of the Humaniacs. They're gonna eat our brains for dinner!
Lem
Everybody, please, that's ridiculous.
Skiff
Totally ridiculous! Brains for dinner? Come on! Brains are breakfast with cereal and milk. Dinner is organs and eyeballs.
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Neera
Lem, I always thought we'd be together, but I need someone who doesn't always believe what he's been told. It's like Glar says, "The times, they are a-different."
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[first lines]
girl
I've never gone parking before. I'm really not that kind of a girl.
boy
Well, I'm not the kind of a guy who would go with *that* kind of girl.
girl
Why that's so sweet - I think.
boy
There's nothing to be scared of.
[as alien craft rears up in front of them]
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General Grawl
Look at it, Professor. It's hideous. And that smell...
Captain Charles T. Baker
Hey, you try wearing the same suit for three weeks.
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Captain Charles T. Baker
I'm on Facebook!
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Lem
Oh good, then you do it.
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Captain Charles T. Baker
You'd destroy the whole base just to get me?
Neera
That is sick!
Captain Charles T. Baker
Actually I'm kinda flattered.
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Lem
What are we supposed to do?
Captain Charles T. Baker
Give them their daily minimum dose of Chuck.
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Lem
Lem. Lem.
Captain Charles T. Baker
Either your name is Lem, or you want to mate with me. Houston, we have a little problem.
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Lem
Especially you, Bubbles.
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[last lines]
Captain Charles T. Baker
You're a great planet, and your 50's are fine, but give me a call when get to the 60's, 'cause that's gonna be fun.
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Lem
Hey, Neera? Umm... Now that this is all over... would you... want to-?
[Neera passionately kisses him]
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Captain Charles T. Baker
Oh, just great! Perfect! John Glenn goes around the world, he's a senator for life. I went across the fricking universe! I should be governor, minimum! But, no, I'm marooned here on this stupid rock!
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Skiff
I love fake-alien-poop day.
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Skiff
[to Captain Baker]
If you have to do a number 1, use these papers. If you have to do a number 2, go outside. And, if it's number 3, I can't help you.
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