Couples Retreat Movie Quotes
Salvadore
Please, allow me to put on something more proper.
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Dave
Hi, I'm Dave.
Ronnie
Ronnie.
Dave
Ronnie. That's a great name.
Ronnie
Thank you.
Dave
Do you have a cell phone I can use?
Ronnie
Why?
Dave
Someone's got to call God and let him know one of his angels are missing.
Ronnie
Wow, that is the worst lines I've ever heard.
Dave
Well what do you want from me? I've been out of the game for a while. I've been slumming it with a really hot redhead.
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Joey
When you're living in my house, you're a Taliban! Okay? You keep your body a secret. Except you get to, you know, go to school and read books.
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Salvadore
Encouragement, Yes!
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Dave
The Code?Asstastic... Yes, Asstastic. A-S-S-TASTIC did you get that? Are we good? Good.
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Joey
What are... What are you wearing?
Lacey
Shorts.
Joey
Shorts? That's... That's a Maxi Pad.
Lacey
Dad, they're designer shorts. They're French. Goodbye.
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Joey
Holy shit, it's like a screensaver!
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Kevin
[First line while lying in his parents' bed]
I peed!
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Jason
What if someone put a gun to your head right now and said, "You have to answer this second or I'II shoot. "Are they going to make it?" What do you say? What would you say?
Therapist #2
Whoa! Okay, no one has a gun to my head, Mr. Smith.
Jason
It's hypothetical.
Therapist #2
It's not a place for inappropriate behavior. And you definitely don't pull a hypothetical gun on your therapist!
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Therapist #1
David, how did that make you feel?
Dave
I know my truth.
Therapist #1
Excuse me?
Dave
I know my truth.
Therapist #1
Did you say,"I know my truth"? Oh, boy.
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Dave
I don't want to see a video about ball cancer.
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Dave
What we need to do now is get focused and stop pointing fingers. You're a problem. You're a real, real problem.
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Dave
You got a pose called yoga guy gets his ass kicked? Cause that's my favorite one.
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Dave
Take the French out of your mouth and tell me what to do.
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Jason
You have kids, you have guns, you have grandpas.
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Dave
You own a zebra, I own a goat, what the hell does that have to do with cheating on your wife?
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Joey
Please take the bikini pictures off of your facebook page.
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Dave
Please don't pee in that, it's not a real toilet.
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Joey
You know what kind of guy you attract like that?
Joey
You attract the guy with his pants around his ass at the mall.
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Dave
I am going to be the biggest ass ever.
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[Trudy has pulled down Shane's pants to reveal he has no underwear on]
Dave
Is his junk out?
Ronnie
Yep.
Dave
Is his junk literally out of his pants?
Cynthia
Yep.
Dave
Now it's a party.
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Therapist #2
It's like a little kid gets a puppy for the first time, just hugs it so much, snaps it's neck. It's puppy cradle death syndrome. All that love is gonna snap that puppy.
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Therapist #2
[During Jason & Cynthia's therapy session, talking to Jason]
It's like a little kid who gets a puppy for the first time,just hugs it so much,snaps its neck. Cynthia's your puppy. It's puppy-cradle death syndrome. All that love is going to snap that puppy.
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Sctanley
My name is Sctanley, spelled with a C.
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Kevin
Help me get my shirt off!
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Dave
Come on, let's go glass house!
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Dave
Look, if you want to go play guess your disease, or translate your tribal tattoo, go knock yourself out.
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[post credits scene]
Shane
The Federal Reserve is a pimp. They want you to be in debt. That's how it works: they give you these credit cards you can't pay for, HD, motorcycles. It's all a pimp game.
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