Romance & Cigarettes Movie Quotes
Nick Murder
Would you give me one more chance? Please? I'll do anything! Anything! I'll give you anything! I love you. Maybe I don't know how to show it like they do in the movies or in books but I love. I have love to give.
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Tula
[to Nick Murder]
G-strings, push-up bras, teddies, garter belts, crotchless pantyhose. Fuck bloomers. That's what I sell. To rich, tan, bored housewives who take the fat from the ass cheeks and inject it into their lips. You gonna kiss someone's ass then you should know that that's what you're kissing. Personally, I think that kissing's sexier than shagging, but you're sucking on chicken fat there. Not that their husbands mind. You know, they're out buying big homes, buying paintings, going to the fuckin' opera, taking one up the bum for the queen while the misses are out sticking their fannies in my face. "Does my bum look big in this? Can you see my cellulite?" What they need, these women, is a good old-fashioned horse-fuck. They can buy all the new panties they want, but they get stained, don't they? Stained panties are part of life no matter how hard you wipe.
Tula
I think you're dead sexy. Not at first, then one day I looked up and saw you working with your shirt off and your gut out. That's a man, I said to meself. A real man. Someone to take me down the pub for a pint. You're way too old for me, but I figure you only go around once in life. I got, what, 75 years? Don't get hit by a bus. I want to kiss you, big man. Give you a big sloppy, wet kiss. You won't tell anyone that? Inch by inch the elephant fucked the ant.
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Cousin Bo
Man is a beast! Take myself, for instance. I see a young girl, get up on a school bus, jeans riding low, showing a thong. My first thought is, "I want to buzz your butt."
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Nick Murder
Two, two things a man should know how to do: Be romantic and smoke his brains out.
Gene Vincent
I agree.
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Kitty Kane
[reading from a piece of paper]
"If God's gift of grace, Or the light on your face, Could make me forget, Your vagina is wet."
Nick Murder
Let me see that.
Kitty Kane
"To Tula, my Tula, my red flower of love."
Nick Murder
What are you, a private dick?
Kitty Kane
How different could it be, huh? It's just a hole.
Nick Murder
You can't incriminate a man over some words.
Kitty Kane
What do you think you're gonna find there? Peanuts?
Nick Murder
It's poetry!
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Baby
You're the best kisser in the whole wide world, Fryburg.
Fryburg
I'm gonna make out with your whole family, baby.
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Kitty Kane
You whoremaster. You...
Nick Murder
No.
Kitty Kane
Whoremaster. I smoked your ass out. You two-faced Judas!
Nick Murder
I am not a whoremaster! My brothers, they're the whoremasters! Not me!
Kitty Kane
Ever since you grew that filthy little moustache!
Nick Murder
I am not a whoremaster!
Kitty Kane
Preening in the mirror like Maria Callas! "Put the cologne all over my back, sweetie." I cook you chicken, fish, no butter low-cal this, low-cal that. I trim your nose hairs, you fuck!
Nick Murder
I swear on my father's grave, okay?
Kitty Kane
Oh, another whoremaster!
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Angelo
I'd like to fucka woman tennis player. You know, with the outfit on. And a tennis ball stuck in her panties.
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Fryburg
One, two, three, uh!
[singing]
Fryburg
Hot pants! Hey, hot pants! Hot pants! Smokin'! Hot pants! Where it's at? That's where it's at...
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Nick Murder
Are you circumcised?
Angelo
Hell, no. That shit hurts. Somebody cuts my dick it better be for vengeance.
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Kitty Kane
Get a life and then do love. Don't throw your dreams into the never-never. Life doesn't give you second chances.
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Nick Murder
Living till you die is hard work.
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Nick's Mother
I've got one foot on the banana peel and one foot in the grave. And you do this to me? You have got dinosaur balls, buster. I should have clopped them off when you were a kid.
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Nick's Mother
Did I tell you his grandfather tried to have sex with me?
Angelo
Really?
Nick's Mother
I'm telling you. Told me my husband was a boy. That he could do things to me that I couldn't imagine.
Angelo
Sexually?
Nick's Mother
Well, yeah, sure. He wasn't talking about going to Jersey.
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Angelo
Mrs Murder. Nice to see you. How are you?
Nick's Mother
Every breath is a victory.
Nick Murder
Hi ya, Mom.
Nick's Mother
Don't you, "Hi, Mom" me. I told you. I told you! In the sixth grade, I told you, "Never tell a woman your business. You just do your thing and you keep it to yourself!"
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Constance
What's going on, Mom?
Kitty Kane
Oh, your father went on a beaver diet!
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Kitty Kane
You two must think I'm the cucumber in the gardener's ass.
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Kitty Kane
What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing.
Cousin Bo
Who knows what anybody's doing? Some people fear the Lord. I fear women.
Kitty Kane
What really happened - between you and Roe?
Cousin Bo
Roe - was my first love. I traced her name in cow shit. She was my first, my last, my everything.
Kitty Kane
Was it - um - true? I mean that, you had...?
Cousin Bo
What?
Kitty Kane
Um, trouble.
Cousin Bo
Only with Roe. With other chicks, I'm Barry White. I go to the meat market. I'm in and out like car service.
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Nick Murder
Are you circumcised?
Angelo
What?
Nick Murder
Are you circumcised?
Angelo
Circularized?
Nick Murder
No, circumcised.
Angelo
My circulation's fine.
Nick Murder
No, are you circumcised?
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Kitty Kane
He's been married four times. Four times, Gracie, since he left you.
Kumar
Mickey Rooney was married eight times!
Police Officer
I don't care! I love Chester!
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Kitty Kane
[singing]
Didn't I make you feel, Like you were the only man? Didn't I give you everything a woman possibly can? But with all the love I give you, It's never enough, I'm gonna show you, baby, That a woman can be tough, So come on, come on, Come on, come on, Take it, Take another little piece of my heart now, baby... .
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Angelo
I'd like to fuck a woman with a backside as big as the world.
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Kumar
Okay, okay, that's enough now. That's enough, that's enough! Ven I see somebody hugging it's make me sick. I feel lonely. So lonely! Don't make me cry. Please, go out!
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Kitty Kane
You know, a long time ago women didn't wear underwear if they were well-bred. Only prostitutes wore panties.
Tula
Right. I didn't know that.
Kitty Kane
Well, now you know.
Tula
Right.
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Nick Murder
Tula.
Tula
My pussy's lonely, baby.
Nick Murder
Yeah?
Tula
Kiss it, nasty man. Come on. Yeah. Give me those balls that clang.
Nick Murder
Don't talk like that, will you?
Tula
Well, you know what, Nicky? I cannot talk. I'm just getting fucked by a big, hard, young, circumcised cock.
Nick Murder
What are you talking about? Are you with somebody else?
Tula
You're not here. What do you want me to do sit around and touch me self?
Nick Murder
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. I do.
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Kitty Kane
Men. They blow smoke up your ass, make you pregnant, then go hunt for new snapper.
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Fryburg
Look, I know, that you know, that I know that you want me, Connie Lingus.
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Angelo
It's cleaner. It's cleaner without the foreskin. Most guys in pornos, John Leslie nobody better.
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Baby
[singing]
I know a guy who's tough but sweet, He's so fine, he can't be beat, He's got everything that I desire, Sets the summer sun on fire, I want candy...
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Cousin Bo
Don't worry, kid. We'll find the ho. We've got to think like Kojak. "Who loves you, baby? " We'll smoke her redheaded ass out then we'll let the music play.
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Baby
I'm in love, Ma.
Kitty Kane
Love is the vaguest word in the human vocabulary.
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Nick Murder
God. You are one crude broad.
Tula
Is that what you think of me?
Nick Murder
I'm not a thinker. No.
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Tula
Tease me, tease me! Hammer me! Slam me! Drill me! You did it for me. For me! Oh! Give me all of that helldog! Pour it into my red-hot oven! Ooh, yeah, does it feel different? Oh, does it feel different? Tease me! Love me! Don't stop! Oh, it's so beautiful! Oh, yeah! It's so beautiful! Oh, yeah! I can't believe - I can't believe you: cut - it - off - for - me! You kill me! Oh! Yeah! Yes! I love it! Go on. Keep going, Nicky! You know you can! You know you can! You used to be an athlete, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did. That's it! Ooh, you filthy bugger! Oh, keep going now. I love it! I love it! Oh, God, yes! Oh, yeah! Like that. It's lovely like that! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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Tula
You know what? Next time a flag rises - you can knock on me back door. Marlon Brando style.
Nick Murder
What do you mean, up - up your stovepipe?
Tula
Yeah. Sure. Why not? Open my safe.
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Tula
This is great chicken. I'd better stop eating it. I'll blow up like a fucking whale. You don't want a fat bird for a girlfriend, do you?
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Kitty Kane
I know your tragedy.
Tula
What tragedy?
Kitty Kane
You got a loose one.
Tula
Loose what?
Kitty Kane
Pussy.
Tula
Fuck you! What did you say?
Kitty Kane
Wide fuckin' shores.
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Kitty Kane
What is it with men, huh? They think they can just whip their schlongs out whenever they want, just in broad daylight, for the whole world to see them?
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Nick Murder
There's a lot of things in this pothole of a life that don't make sense. But you do them.
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Baby
You guys don't even talk to one another anymore.
Nick Murder
Well, I don't have to talk to your mother to agree with her.
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Angelo
It's no picnic being a guy. Right? It's hard. I mean, if I was a woman I would have been a prostitute. I broke up with Wanda. Her ass was a travesty. There's just some things you can't overlook.
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Nick's Mother
He was dancing with her. He was a good dancer. And the woman Mrs Thompson was her name. She had no bloomers on. I seen it when he twirled her.
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Tula
You fit into me. You know.
Nick Murder
But I gotta change. I'm a slow learner, but I'm gonna change.
Tula
You wouldn't be able to say that if I was licking your balls.
Nick Murder
It'd be hard.
Tula
Yeah, it'd be hard. It'd be rock hard.
Nick Murder
Yeah, look, there's more to life than that, Tula. Okay.
Tula
I let you in. I let you open my apple like a fucking flower in the fucking rain, you fuck!
Nick Murder
There's more to life than a hard on, okay?
Tula
No, there's not! It starts there, doesn't it? That's where life starts. Let me suck you before you leave me.
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Fruitman
You got one beautiful pair of little hills there, lady.
Kitty Kane
What?
Fruitman
I watch you like dessert. Bending over in them tight little clamdiggers. Feeling the tomatoes. Squeezing them. Full moons. Grand, wide open cans. Oh, woman's ass! Roundly defeating man's in every class!
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Nick Murder
[singing]
Well brunettes are fine, man, And blondes are fun, But when it comes to getting, A dirty job done, I'll take a redheaded woman...
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Nick Murder
You just twisted the cap off the tube, buddy.
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Constance
Constance, Baby, Rosebud: We are angry!
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Tula
When a woman bends over, a man sees a jelly doughnut. Her brain expands. His explodes. Dead on arrival in her powdered jelly doughnut.
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Rosebud
I heard you with Fryburg. He makes loud noises, and I hear them.
Constance
He makes loud noises?
Rosebud
Yeah, I wanna make them too. I told my psychiatrist.
Constance
What?
Rosebud
Well I had nothin' else to tell him so...
Fryburg
Hey!
Constance
Oh, fuck off, Fryburg.
Fryburg
I'm a fucking star!
Constance
Did he do his Richard Gere for you, jumping all around in his jockstrap?
Fryburg
Gere!
Rosebud
I love Richard Gere. He's hot.
Fryburg
Hot chocolate!
Rosebud
He's got an ass that yodels.
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Cousin Bo
We got the address. No last name. Find the love shack. You got a weapon?
[Kitty holds up a pen knife]
Cousin Bo
Maybe we should stop. Get somethin' bigger.
Kitty Kane
I don't need somethin' bigger.
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Kitty Kane
Every day you'll wake up alone.
Nick Murder
You don't even like me anymore, do you?
Kitty Kane
I hate you with all the hate that you can hate with!
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Kitty Kane
Oh, it's poetry. Well, I'm gonna give you some fucking poetry: Pink motels, White thighs, Deep fried, Shake it, Bake it, Rotate it, Swollen heads, Busted beds, Empty lots, Dirty red twats.
Nick Murder
You just made that up?
Kitty Kane
I'm deep.
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Nick Murder
[singing]
I cannot face this world, That's fallen down on me, So, if you see my girl please send her back to me, Tell her about my heart, That's slowly dying, Say I can't stop myself, From crying, Every day I wake up then I start to break up, Lonely is a man without love...
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Angelo
I'm not the type of guy who goes up to a woman says, "You want to go out with me? " and then takes his dick out. That's not my style. I'm no beast.
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Nick Murder
Marriage is combat, son.
Police Officer
Yes, sir.
Nick Murder
And not clean combat.
Police Officer
No, sir.
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Nick Murder
I saw her coming out of the loo at her crazy sister's apartment. She had this headful of wet hair and was wearing a soft, cream-coloured terry cloth robe. So I asked her. I need to borrow a piece of luggage.
Kitty Kane
You shacking up?
Nick Murder
Ah, ain't nothing wrong with sex.
Kitty Kane
You have big ones, buster.
Nick Murder
Yeah. Dinosaur balls.
Kitty Kane
I'm from Brooklyn. Boys don't talk to girls like that in Brooklyn.
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Police Officer
Rat shit! Bat shit! Dirty old twat! Sixty-nine assholes tied in a knot. Eat, bite, suck, fuck, nibble, gobble, chew. I'm a fucking paratrooper! Who the fuck are you? Sir!
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Nick Murder
I'd be better off a fag.
Angelo
Those guys are in shape. Randolph Scott was a fag.
Nick Murder
Not Randolph Scott?
Angelo
Yeah, him and Cary Grant.
Nick Murder
Get out of here. Not in a million years!
Angelo
The list is long. There's a lot of great fags.
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Angelo
Oh, you've got it bad, Nick. I told you. I warned you. Chicks smell a boner 10 miles away.
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Gracie
You've been wronged. I feel it. You don't have to tell me anything. I have never met one man who was faithful.
Kitty Kane
You've only been with one man, Grace.
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Nick Murder
She's a redhead.
Angelo
Au naturel?
Nick Murder
The whole megillah.
Angelo
It's rare. They feel more. That's scientifically proven.
Nick Murder
What?
Angelo
You take a natural red versus a brunette. Right? And you prod them both with a jolt of electric shock, mild. The carrot-top's gonna need 20% more anesthesia.
Nick Murder
To numb the pain?
Angelo
Pain, pleasure, it's all nerve-related! The point is, they *feel* more. Nice as she is, red as her bush is, fuckable as she is, you gotta put the fire out, my friend! Attend to it! Stamp out that Benson & Hedges bitch once and for all.
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Rosebud
Did you ever feel that you wanted to squeeze a kitten until the head pops off?
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