The Replacements Movie Quotes
Shane Falco
I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style.
[pause while everybody is in the huddle]
Shane Falco
Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever.
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Shane Falco
Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever.
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Shane Falco
You're playing and you think everything is going fine. Then one thing goes wrong. And then another. And another. You try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can't move... you can't breathe... because you're in over your head. Like quicksand.
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Jimmy McGinty
When the Washington Sentinels left the stadium that date, there was no tickertape parade, no endorsement deals for sneakers or soda pop, or breakfast cereal. Just a locker to be cleaned out, and a ride home to catch. But what they didn't know, was that their lives had been changed forever because they had been part of something great. And greatness, no matter how brief, stays with a man. Every athlete dreams of a second chance, these men lived it.
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Shane Falco
[Shane parks his truck at the stadium and sees several of the former Sentinels approaching his truck]
You gotta be kidding me. Come on Martel, I didn't park in your space.
Eddie Martel
No, no. But unfortunately, you did park in La Mont's space. And he's not nearly as lenient as I am.
Malcolm La Mont
On three fellas. One, two, three!
[the former Sentinels tip over Shane's truck. Shane begins to walk away until Jamal and Andre step up]
Andre Jackson
We got this, we got this.
Jamal Jackson
Y'all wanna put the car back?
Eddie Martel
Gentlemen, this is none of your business.
Andre Jackson
Shane's our business. We're the guards.
Jamal Jackson
And we protect our quarterback.
[the former Sentinels all crack up laughing]
Jamal Jackson
Oh, you got jokes. You got jokes. That's your ride right there, ain't it?
[Jamal nods at a very expensive looking car]
Eddie Martel
Yeah.
[Jamal whips out a pistol and shoots at the car, leaving six bullet holes in the windshield]
Eddie Martel
That's my windshield, you crazy mother...
Jamal Jackson
Put the car back!
Malcolm La Mont
Son of a bitch!
Jamal Jackson
Son of a bitch? Oh, son of a bitch. Son of a bitch? Son of a bitch?
[Jamal shoots the driver side window, shattering it]
Eddie Martel
Stop, stop, stop! Come on goddamn it, help me!
[Sentinels shove Shane's truck back over]
Malcolm La Mont
You're gonna pay for that.
Jamal Jackson
No I'm not. Stop messing with my man, and that includes his ride. Matter of fact, wax that muthafucka. Give it a tune up.
[as if nothing has happened]
Jamal Jackson
Ya ready to go to practice Shane?
Shane Falco
Yeah. Let's do that.
Andre Jackson
What's that smell?
Shane Falco
Wild yam.
Andre Jackson
That's nice. That's nice.
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Shane Falco
Hey coach, can I ask you a question?
Jimmy McGinty
Yeah, shoot.
Shane Falco
Why me?
Jimmy McGinty
I look at you and I see two men: the man you are, and the man you ought to be. Someday those two will meet. Should make for a hell of a football player.
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Eddie Martel
Nobody can beat Dallas with these losers!
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Pat Summerall
That's the second time tonight a Washington player's been knocked out by his own teammate!
John Madden
You know, there's a rule in sports, "Don't do anything great if you can't handle the congratulations."
Pat Summerall
There is?
John Madden
Yep.
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Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff
I'm wiry.
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Jimmy McGinty
Falco! If I had wanted Cochran to have the ball I would've called it that way!
Shane Falco
I read blitz.
Jimmy McGinty
Bullshit! I put the game in your hands... you got scared.
Shane Falco
I READ BLITZ.
Jimmy McGinty
[walks over and looks at Falco with disgust]
Winners always want the ball... when the game is on the line.
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Jimmy McGinty
Listen up! By this time tomorrow the strike will be officially over and you men will be out of a job. Up until now Dallas hasn't been afraid of you, and they should be because you have a powerful weapon working for you. There is no tomorrow for you, and that makes you all very dangerous people!
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Clifford Franklin
The football's like a one-man cold to Clifford Franklin. Clifford Franklin's the only man catchin' it, Clifford Franklin's the only man comin' down wid it.
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Daniel Bateman
You need the ball.
Jimmy McGinty
I need you to get me the ball.
Daniel Bateman
I'm going to get you the ball.
[then runs on the field]
Jimmy McGinty
I hope he doesn't kill someone.
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Shane Falco
Gentlemen. It's been an honor to share the field of battle with you.
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Jimmy McGinty
You know what seperates the winners from the losers?
Shane Falco
The score.
Jimmy McGinty
No, getting back on the horse after getting kicked in the teeth.
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Shane Falco
I want the ball.
Jimmy McGinty
Winners always do.
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Jimmy McGinty
The truth is, you guys have been given something that every athlete dreams of: a second chance. And you're afraid of blowing it. We all are. But now our fear is shared, and we can overcome it together.
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John Madden
I love to see a fat guy score.
Pat Summerall
Why?
John Madden
Because first you get a fat guy spike, then you get the fat guy dance.
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John Madden
According to the Sentinels, it says Ray Smith is - hey, that's weird. No college given, no high school. It just says he's been a resident of the state of Maryland for the last two years and two months, and that he likes to embroider.
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Jimmy McGinty
Hell of a game, that Sugar Bowl. What'd you lose that by, forty points?
Shane Falco
That would be forty-five.
Jimmy McGinty
Sometimes a game like that really sticks with you. You never shake it off.
Shane Falco
Got three concussions to prove it.
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Eddie Martel
This doesn't change anything Falco! I'm still an All-Pro quarterback with two Superbowl rings. You'll never be anything more than a replacement player.
Shane Falco
Yeah. Yeah, I can live with that.
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Pat Summerall
Players are not supposed to to be fraternizing with the cheerleaders.
John Madden
Yeah, but what are they gonna do, fire him?
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Banes
[prison guards are unshackling Ray Smith]
Well I'm sure that you've briefed as to your situation here. Coach McGinty has requested that you be turned over to us for the next five weeks, and the governor has been kind enough to comply. You know...
Earl Wilkinson
Nice watch.
Banes
What? Oh this. Uh... It's a... It's a fake.
[shakes watch, lifts watch to ear]
Banes
Damn thing is always broken. It's only right twice a day.
[nervous laugh]
Banes
Well, why don't we go ahead and join the others, shall we? No sense staying here, now, by ourselves... out of screaming distance.
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Jimmy McGinty
Falco, it's nasty out there.
Shane Falco
That's why girls don't play the game, coach.
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Daniel Bateman
I got you the ball.
Jimmy McGinty
You got me the ball.
Daniel Bateman
I got you the ball.
[then whistle blows]
Daniel Bateman
Okay.
[McGuinty then lets out a relieving sigh]
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Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff
That'll do, pig. That'll do.
Jumbo
Screw you, Cockroach.
Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff
You'll have to find your dick first, Shamu.
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Clifford Franklin
Now you know this don't look natural Coach. now you know it don't... I look like I just jacked off an elephant.
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Jimmy McGinty
Like a duck on the pond. On the surface everything looks calm, but beneath the water those little feet are churning a mile a minute.
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Jimmy McGinty
I want you to know that if anything like this bar fight happens again, there'll be no place on the football team for any of you!... Do I make myself perfectly clear?
Washington Sentinels
Yes coach.
Jimmy McGinty
And just for the record, I would've loved to have been there to see Martel get his ass kicked!
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Edward O'Neil
I've seen monkey-shit fights at the zoo that are more organized than this.
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Jimmy McGinty
These are people I've been keeping my eye on over the years. They all played football somewhere, not all of them in the pros, but they all have something unique to bring to the game. We're going to try to get these people together and try to put together a winning team. If nothing else, they should be fun to watch.
[shows first picture]
Jimmy McGinty
Daniel Bateman, SWAT team officer. Awarded the Purple Heart for losing a kidney during the Gulf War
[cuts to Bateman raiding a drug lab]
Jimmy McGinty
He was a walk-on at Michigan State before he gave up football to sneak back into the service for one more tour of duty.
[goes to next picture]
Jimmy McGinty
Clifford Franklin. Great attitude, great desire, and *the* fastest son of a bitch I've ever seen.
[cuts to a grocery store and a teen stealing a Twinkie and running away]
Korean Store Owner
Hey! Clifford, Twinkie!
[Clifford dashes past. He easily catches up to the kid, jogging alongside while the kid's dashing at full sprint]
Clifford Franklin
What's up man?
Kid in Liquor Store
What's up?
Clifford Franklin
Got any Twinkies?
Pilachowski
But can he catch?
[the theif tosses the Twinkies into the air. Clifford stands under it, ready to catch it, when the package bounces off his head and lands under his foot, where he steps down on the Twinkies, squishing them]
Jimmy McGinty
That's why I have you, Leo
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Pilachowski
Hey Jimmy, my tight end is... deaf.
Jimmy McGinty
Yeah, I know.
Pilachowski
Well Jimmy, how am I gonna coach a deaf man?
Jimmy McGinty
Oh, you don't need to. Brian Murphy would've gone in the first round 5 years ago if he hadn't been born deaf. Played his college ball right here in D.C., Gallaudet.
Pilachowski
But Jimmy, I need to communicate with him and how...?
Jimmy McGinty
Learn to sign, you know...
[does some sign language]
Pilachowski
Oh, horseshit!
Jimmy McGinty
Look at it this way; he'll never be called offsides on an audible.
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Edward O'Neil
Give me a cigarette.
Jimmy McGinty
I quit.
Edward O'Neil
Nobody likes a quitter, Jimmy.
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Jimmy McGinty
What are they going to do? Put you in football jail?
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Annabelle Farrell
[while Annabelle's driving Falco home recklessly. Falco is slightly distracted by this]
So why were you staying in the pocket in practice today? Normally, I wouldn't comment to a quarterback about his style, but you need to keep scrambling against Detroit, especially with Prescott back in the lineup.
Shane Falco
Prescott hasn't crossed.
Annabelle Farrell
He's going to on Sunday. They're keeping it quiet so you don't have time to prepare.
Shane Falco
How do you know that?
Annabelle Farrell
One of my friend's a cheerleader for Detroit, she tipped me off. Since Prescott's a left-sided linebacker; shotgun formation and roll right.
Shane Falco
Van Gundy's on the right.
Annabelle Farrell
I know, he's been All-Pro two years in a row. But, one of my cheerleaders is friends with a girl whose sister just broke up with Van Gundy, said he's been on a drinking binge ever since she left him.
Shane Falco
Yeah?
Annabelle Farrell
He's hung over! A good second slower off the snap than usual.
Shane Falco
So I should stick to the right side.
Annabelle Farrell
Unless what they say about Martinez is true.
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Jimmy McGinty
All right, Sentinels. Listen up. There are some who will say that your accomplishments today will soon be forgotten, that you're not real players, that this isn't a real team. And I say that's bullshit. Because as of today, you're all professional football players. You're being paid to play, and I want to you to remember that, because the men whose places you've taken forgot that a long time ago. Let's bring it in. Let's play some football.
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Jimmy McGinty
A real man admits his fears. That's what I'm asking you to do here tonight. Fears... lets talk about them.
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[discussing fears]
Shane Falco
Quicksand
Clifford Franklin
Aw, shit yeah. Quicksand's a scary motha, man. I mean, first of all, it suck you right in, and even if you scream, you get all that muck in your mouth...
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Jamal Jackson
The Mick's right.
Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff
I'm not a Mick. I'm bloody WELSH.
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Jamal Jackson
[Jamal, Nigel, Andre, and Jumbo are eating at the same table, eating]
What the hell is this?
Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff
Chinese spareribs.
Jumbo
You don't want 'em, get the fuck outta here.
Jamal Jackson
What I'm trying to figure out, is how did the Chinaman over here, get 700 pounds off of eating this shit?
Jumbo
I'm Japanese, not Chinese.
Jamal Jackson
It's the same difference.
Jumbo
What?
Jamal Jackson
It's the same difference. All that big...
[mimicks Japanese]
Jumbo
Nigga, please. You know Japan and China are two different countries, right?
Jamal Jackson
You know, I got an atlas, bitch.
Jumbo
You wanna be a gansta?
Jamal Jackson
Yeah!
[Nigel and Andre laugh, Jamal does some kungfu shouts and shoves Jumbo, the two start to scrap]
Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff
[Separating the two]
Hey, hey, we're on the same team! We're on the same team, now chill out!
Andre Jackson
You know, the Mick's right.
Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff
I'm not a Mick. I'm bloody Welsh!
Andre Jackson
[Grabs Nigel's head]
Whatever.
Jamal Jackson
[Taking his food]
Man, I'm going to go sit with the deaf kid.
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John Madden
I think that guy's smoking on the field.
Pat Summerall
Smoking? I'm sure you're just imagining that, John.
John Madden
No, no, I saw it. I saw the smoke and everything.
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[repeated line]
Jumbo
Nan desu ka!
[Pronounced "nan des' ka" and roughly translated from Japanese, means: "What's up with this?"]
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[Danny has tackled Shane during practice]
Jimmy McGinty
Good hit. Danny, in practice we don't hit the guys in the red shirts.
Daniel Bateman
I know, Coach, but I see that red and I just wanna go after it, like a bull, you know?
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Shane Falco
I think I'm just going to lie here for a moment and collect my thoughts.
Daniel Bateman
Work shit out, right?
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Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff
Hey Shane Falco. I lost a ton of money on that Sugar Bowl disaster of yours. What a bloody shambles that was. You could smell the stink all the way back in bloody Wales.
Shane Falco
Nice meeting you.
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Dawn
Oh my God. I forgot to tell you something.
[long pause, during which Dawn stares into space]
Heather
Oh, she always does that.
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Doris Horner/Wannabee Cheerleader
California oranges. Texas cactus. We think your team needs a little practice. Put 'em in a high chair, feed 'em with a spoon. Roll 'em up in toilet paper, kick 'em to the Moon!
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Heather
Is lap dancing a style?
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Jimmy McGinty
That's the great thing about plankton. It pretty much keeps to itself.
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Jimmy McGinty
You're looking at a 65-yard field goal here.
Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff
You just hold the ball, Shane, and I'll kick the bloody piss out of it.
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Shane Falco
You, ah, wanna come on board for a beer?
Annabelle Farrell
Nothing personal, Shane, but I don't date football players.
Shane Falco
I don't blame you. Not even quaterbacks?
Annabelle Farrell
Especially not quarterbacks. You guys are the biggest babies of all.
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Daniel Bateman
Hey!
Shane Falco
Danny! Remember what I said about red shirts in practice?
Daniel Bateman
Yeah.
Shane Falco
Forget about it!
Daniel Bateman
Ok.
Shane Falco
Martel!
[Falco punches Martel. Then Danny tackles Martel]
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Pat Summerall
[Watching the Sentinels in a huddle, dancing from one side of the field to the other]
Hey John, how long have we been calling football games?
John Madden
I dunno 19 years?
Pat Summerall
Have you ever seen anything like that?
[Watching the dance]
John Madden
Not on a football field.
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Shane Falco
Red. Means Stop.
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Heather
[looking at team]
Ooo. Yummy little monkeys.
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Jimmy McGinty
Leadership means nothing if a team doesn't believe in each other. Players spend years together before they develop trust in one another. And I'm asking you to do it in one week. That's not a reasonable request. But these are not reasonable times.
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San Diego Head Coach
They've been shaking their ass for two minutes!
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Clifford Franklin
[after the replacement players lose their first game]
We did the best we could do, that's all we could do.
Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff
You don't get points for trying. Let's face it boys, we screwed the pooch today.
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Jimmy McGinty
Falco! If I had wanted Cochran to have the ball I would've called it that way!
Shane Falco
I read blitz.
Jimmy McGinty
Bulls***! I put the game in your hands... you got scared.
Shane Falco
I READ BLITZ.
Jimmy McGinty
[walks over and looks at Falco with disgust]
Winners always want the ball... when the game is on the line.
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Jimmy McGinty
Falco! If I had wanted Cochran to have the ball I would've called it that way!
Shane Falco
I read blitz.
Jimmy McGinty
Bullshit! I put the game in your hands... you got scared.
Shane Falco
I READ BLITZ.
Jimmy McGinty
[walks over and looks at Falco with disgust]
Winners always want the ball... when the game is on the line.
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