Gremlins 1984 - Movie Quotes

Kate Beringer Now I have another reason to hate Christmas.

Billy Peltzer What are you talking about?

Kate Beringer The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney... his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus.

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Kate Beringer You say you hate Washington's Birthday or Thanksgiving and nobody cares, but you say you hate Christmas and people treat you like you're a leper.

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Chinese Boy Look Mister, there are some rules that you've got to follow.

Billy Peltzer Yeah, what kind of rules?

Chinese Boy First of all, keep him out of the light, he hates bright light, especially sunlight, it'll kill him. Second, don't give him any water, not even to drink. But the most important rule, the rule you can never forget, no matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never feed him after midnight.

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[last lines]

Randall Peltzer Well, that's the story. So if your air conditioner goes on the fritz or your washing machine blows up or your video recorder conks out; before you call the repairman, turn on all the lights, check all the closets and cupboards, look under all the beds, 'cause you never can tell --there just might be a gremlin in your house.

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[at start of film, Mr. Peltzer is willing to pay $200 for Mogwai]

Grandfather I'm sorry. Mogwai not for sale.

Randall Peltzer Why not? You said everything in your grandfather's store was for sale.

Grandfather With Mogwai, comes much responsibility. I cannot sell him at any price.

[at end of film after tons of mayhem errupted and is being shown on the news]

Grandfather I warned you. With mogwai comes much responsibility. But you didn't listen.

[gestures at television]

Grandfather And you see what happens.

Randall Peltzer I'm sorry. I didn't mean it...

Grandfather You do with mogwai what your society... has done with all of nature's gifts. You do not understand.

[entire Peltzer family is speechless with guilt]

Grandfather You are not ready.

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Kate Beringer What're they doing?

Billy Peltzer They're watching Snow White. And they love it.

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[repeated line]

Randall Peltzer Rand Peltzer, Fantastic ideas for a Fantastic World, I make the illogical logical.

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Stripe Gizmo Caca!

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Deputy Brent Let me drive.

Sheriff Frank No, you're drunk.

Deputy Brent You always get to drive.

Sheriff Frank That's cause I'm the sheriff, asshole.

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Murray Futterman Goddamn foreign TV. I told ya we should've got a Zenith.

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Gizmo [to Billy's Dog] Bye-bye, Woof Woof.

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Gizmo Bye Billy.

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Ruby Deagle [DELETED SCENE: Mrs. Deagle enters the bank and shoves her way through a long line to Kate's teller-cage] I want this check deposited immediately. Also, I know everything about that little petition you've been sending around town.

Kate Beringer Mrs. Deagle, are you sure this is the time or the place for...?

Ruby Deagle Of course it is. I *always* mix business with pleasure. And it gives me *great* pleasure to inform you that said petition has failed. Moreover, as a direct result of your efforts, I'm foreclosing *your* home as well. I'm sure that really shocks you doesn't it? Good.

Kate Beringer On the contrary, Mrs. Deagle, it doesn't surprise me at all. Actually, it's just the sort of Christmas present I can see you giving.

Ruby Deagle I'll thank you not to be impertinent, young lady.

Kate Beringer And *I'll* thank YOU, in the name of the Holiday Season, to show an ounce of decency to these families you're ruining. Most of them can't afford to move, and even the ones who can really don't have anywhere to go. Isn't there anything at all I can say or do to change your mind about destroying all those good people?

Ruby Deagle [smiling wickedly] You've got three chances of making me reconsider this Hitox deal: none, less than none, and much less than none. Now, if you'll kindly deposit this check, I'll be on my way.

Billy Peltzer [Sickened by all of this, Billy produces a broom from underneath his own teller-cage. He passes it to the miserly lady] Merry Christmas, Mrs. Deagle.

Ruby Deagle What's this?

Billy Peltzer It's your Holiday present from me.

Ruby Deagle This crummy old broom? What am I supposed to do with it?

Billy Peltzer I thought you might need a ride home.

[Mrs. Deagle gasps in outrage, as the other customers behind her chuckle. She whirls and glares at them, then whirls back and glares at Billy again]

Billy Peltzer We could have asked that you move to the back of the line and wait your turn like everyone else, but we didn't want to be rude...

[He glances at the other, relatively-patient clientele; his tone becomes surreptitious]

Billy Peltzer ... or worse.

Gerald [rushing up with Mr. Corben close behind] What's going on here?

[doesn't wait for an answer]

Gerald Shut up, Peltzer; I'm asking her, not you. Is there a problem, Mrs. Deagle?

Ruby Deagle This young man just asked that I *move to the back of the line and wait my turn like everybody else*! Oh, the VERY IDEA!

Gerald [Mr. Corben and Gerald both turn pale] Peltzer, how dare you! You're...!

Mr. Corben *Gerald*! This is official.

Gerald But *I* wanted to...!

Mr. Corben [sternly cutting him off] Gerald. I'm not going to tell you again.

[turns back to Billy]

Mr. Corben Peltzer, how dare you! You're fired!

Billy Peltzer [removing his name tag] Thanks, Roland.

Mr. Corben [furious] *Roland*?

Billy Peltzer That's the best present you and Ger have ever given me.

[drops the name tag on the floor, then spins on his heel and walks out cheerfully]

Mr. Corben ... Well, what are you standing around for? Pick that up!

Gerald [to Kate] You heard him. Pick it up. Now.

[Instead, she removes her own name tag and drops it on the floor as well]

Kate Beringer Pick them up yourself, Ger. I quit.

[walks out after Billy]

Mr. Corben ... You heard her, Hopkins. Pick those off the floor. Immediately.

Gerald *Me*? Since when do I get other people's dirty work?

Mr. Corben [cold and deadly] When nobody else is there to do the dirty work, as you call it, the JVP becomes JAL - that is, Just Another Lackey. Now start earning that salary I'm paying you, before I *really* blow my top and demonstrate just how rotten I *can* be. If you thought I was a schmuck with those other two...!

[Very unwillingly, Gerald picks both name tags off the floor. Then he goes to assist the long line of customers - all by himself - while Corben strolls whistling back to his office]

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Mr. Jones [seeing a picture of Ruby Deagle Billy had drawn] The old bat never looked better.

Mr. Jones It's great. You're doing fine.

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Grandfather He has something he wants to say to you.

Billy Peltzer You mean you can understand what he says when he speaks?

Grandfather To understand, one has only to listen.

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Robot Sorry miss I was giving myself an oil job

Robot This question is totally without meaning.

Robot Pardon me sir, stuff?

Robot Thick and Heavy?

Robot Would sixty gallons be sufficient?

Robot I rarely use it myself sir. It promotes rust.

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Gerald Hopkins If it isn't Captain Clip-On. Guess who almost signed for unemployment today?

Billy Peltzer I give up.

Gerald Hopkins You... But Mr. Corben had second thoughts. He gets so sentimental around the holidays.

Billy Peltzer Imagine that.

Gerald Hopkins If it was up to me, I would have fired you in a second.

Billy Peltzer Well, a Merry Christmas to you too.

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Sheriff Frank Tell me something, Billy. How come a cute little guy like this can turn into a thousand ugly monsters?

Billy Peltzer Well, you see, this is before it enters the pupal stage.

Deputy Brent The pupal stage?

Billy Peltzer Yeah, right. Plus it multiplies with water.

Deputy Brent Aw, Christ.

Sheriff Frank Brent give the kid some water.

Billy Peltzer I wouldn't do that, Sheriff.

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Lynn Peltzer Get Out Of My Kitchen!

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[repeated line]

Gizmo Bright light. Bright light.

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Kate Beringer Will you sign this petition? They're trying to close Dorie's Tavern.

Billy Peltzer Sure. That's where my dad proposed to my mom, you know.

Kate Beringer That's where everyone's dad proposed to their mom.

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Murray Futterman [drunk, looking inside his car] Gremlins...

Murray Futterman [turning to Billy and Kate] You got-you gotta watch out for them forgeiners cuz they plant gremlins in their machinery.

[he climbs inside the car]

Murray Futterman It's the same gremlins that brought down our planes in the big one.

Kate Beringer [laughing] The big one...

Murray Futterman [turning round] that's right! World war two.

[he puts his hand to his head]

Murray Futterman Good old WWII.

Murray Futterman [Murray tries to start his car] Y'know their still shippin them over here. They put em in cars, they put em in yer tv. They put em in stereos and those little radios you stick in your ears. They even put em in watches, they have teeny gremlins for our watches!

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Lynn Peltzer [shocked to see eggs in Billy's basement] What are they?

Billy Peltzer They're the Mogwai... I guess.

Lynn Peltzer Did you give them water?

Billy Peltzer No.

Lynn Peltzer Did you feed them after midnight?

Billy Peltzer Well, I gave them some chicken

[realises about his clock]

Billy Peltzer No, wait, I made sure

[goes over to his clock and founds out that his clock has been ripped off it's cords]

Billy Peltzer Mom, what's going on here?

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[Concession Stand at Movie Theater, Stripe pears his head inside the empty popcorn bin, sniffing around]

Stripe Yum?

[looks across the street and sees the candy store]

Stripe AH. Yum. Yum.

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Stripe Water... Gun.

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Mr. Corben What is that dog doing in here?

Gerald Hopkins Peltzer, this is a bank, not a pet-store.

Mr. Corben Very good, Gerald.

Gerald Hopkins Thank you, Mr. Corben.

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Gizmo Uh oh.

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Billy Peltzer Cover your mouth. Don't breathe any gas.

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Murray Futterman Goddamn foreign cars.

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Ruby Deagle I want your dog.

Billy Peltzer Barney?

Ruby Deagle Give him to me. I'll take him to the kennel, they'll put him to sleep. It will be quick and painless compared to what I would do to him.

Billy Peltzer What could you do?

Ruby Deagle I'll catch the beast myself. He'll get what he deserves, a slow painful death.Maybe I'll put him in my spin-drier on high heat.

Mr. Anderson That would do it all right!

[Barney then jumps from the bank counter and smashes Mrs Deagle's snowman head and starts barking at her]

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Billy Peltzer They're Inside.

Kate Beringer All Of Them?

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Billy Peltzer It's the creatures!

Sheriff Frank [angered] Ah, the creatures.

Billy Peltzer The creatures are making it look like an accident!

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[menacing Billy with a crossbow]

Stripe Bye, bye.

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Kate Beringer What are they, Billy?

Billy Peltzer They're gremlins, Kate. Just like Mr. Futterman said.

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Grandfather [leaving with Gizmo, to Billy] Perhaps some day, you will be ready. Until then, Mogwai waits.

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Stripe [watching another gremlin strangle Mrs. Peltzer with Christmas tree lights] Oh neat!

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Ruby Deagle [she hears singing outside her house] Christmas carolers. I hate Christmas carolers. Screechy-voiced little glue sniffers.

[she goes to the door without noticing a Gremlin came in and comes out with a water pitcher]

Ruby Deagle I warned you brats!

[she stops and sees the carolers are the Gremlins, Mrs. Deagle screams in fright and runs back in locking the door as the Gremlin tampers with her chair]

Ruby Deagle [crying in fear] Oh, what are they! WHAT ARE THEY!

[she looks outside and screams in fright]

Ruby Deagle They're here! Oh, they've come for me! They've come...

[she breathes uncontrollably and staggers to her chair]

Ruby Deagle I... I... I'm not ready! I'm not ready yet! I'm not READY!

[she activates her chair which then zooms up with incredible speed]

Ruby Deagle AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

[she flies out the window and lands in the land to her death as the Gremlins laugh at this]

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Ruby Deagle Mrs Harris, what are you trying to tell me?

Mrs. Joe Harris I'm afraid none of us can pay for two weeks. Couldn't you just get Mr.Corben to just give us a little more time?

Ruby Deagle Mrs Harris, the bank and I have the same purpose in life - to make money. Not to support a lot of... deadbeats!

Mrs. Joe Harris Mrs Deagle! It's Christmas!

Ruby Deagle Well, now you know what to ask Santa for, don't you?

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Lynn Peltzer [answers the phone] Yes? Billy! Are you okay? Where are you?

Billy Peltzer Mom, they've hatched. Get out of the house!

Stripe [sees a phone cord] Phone home... CACA!

[he pulls the phone cord]

Billy Peltzer Mom? MOM!

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[first lines]

Randall Peltzer Friends, let me introduce myself. Peltzer's the name, Rand Peltzer. That's me on the corner. I'm an inventor. I have a story to tell. Yeah, I know. Who hasn't got a story? Well nobody's got a story like this one. Nobody. It all started here in Chinatown. I was hitting the shops, trying to move a little merchandise, maybe even find a present for my kid. I tried this one place.

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Billy Peltzer I always thought everyone was happy during the holidays, no matter what.

Kate Beringer Most people are, but some aren't. While everybody else opens up presents, they're opening up their wrists.

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Pete Fountaine One, two, three, four, five new ones. NOW can I have one?

Billy Peltzer I don't know, Pete.

Pete Fountaine Hey, look! That one's got a cute little stripe on its head. Hey, cutie.

[Pete attempts to pet the baby mogwai, who, in response, snarls and attempts to bite Pete]

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Deputy Brent [DELETED SCENE: Less than a minute after the Gremlins sabotage Mrs. Deagle's stair-climber, thus sending the loathsome woman hurtling to her death, she is discovered by several of her neighbors... who briefly check the body. Finding no life signs, they call out -- up and down the street -- to more of her neighbors. They all come surging out of their houses; a dozen of them break down Mrs. Deagle's door and sweep inside. They rush back out again with furniture and fistfuls of money, passing both around to the happy mob. Joe Harris's widow and their kids hug and kiss each other, weeping with joy. As this crowd of Mrs. Deagle's former debtors rejoice over the fresh turn of events, Brent and Frank look on from across the street in their car] ... Aren't we going to do anything about this?

Sheriff Frank [scoffs] What's there to do, arrest them? On what charge?

Deputy Brent Looting Mrs. Deagle's house, of course!

Sheriff Frank Brent. First of all, how are two people gonna arrest over a hundred? Second of all, even if the jail was big enough to hold them all -- which it isn't -- name one person in this county who'd convict them for it, let alone twelve. Third of all, Judge McGarrett's name was on the list of properties to be foreclosed in her Hitox deal... as were yours and mine.

Deputy Brent Wow...! Touche.

[Taking notice of some furniture being hauled from the house, he jumps out of the car and charges across the street]

Deputy Brent Hey! Excuse me... No, you're not in any trouble; that stuff's from my house...!

[Frank shakes his head, smiling to himself, then calls out on the squad car's microphone]

Sheriff Frank [over the bullhorn] ... Long as you're there, Brent, why don't you see if her phone still works? And, if so, do us the honor of telling Hitox Chemicals to go to hell!

[the whole crowd lets out a thunderous cheer]

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Randall Peltzer [as the elderly man departs with Gizmo] ... Sir, I'd like to offer you this token of my esteem, whether or not it makes up for all the damage. This is the only one of its kind, but you're welcome to it.

Grandfather Ah, a smokeless ashtray! How kind of you; my thanks.

Randall Peltzer You... you've heard of this? How--?

Grandfather The attendant from your local gas station tried to sell me his. I'm sure it will come in handy.

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Pete Fountaine What'd you say this was called? A putrid stage?

Roy Hanson Pupal. Pupal stage.

Pete Fountaine Like a butterfly?

Roy Hanson Yeah, right. Right. This is a cocoon and inside he's going through changes. Lots of changes.

Pete Fountaine Like my mother?

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Rockin' Ricky Rialto Hey! You're not Rockin' Ricky fans!

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[deleted scene]

Sheila Futterman Murray, did you hear from the noodle factory?

Murray Futterman Sheila, the noodle factory is not going to reopen.

Sheila Futterman [looks at him] Ever?

Murray Futterman Mrs. Deagle closed it down for good.

[Sheila goes shocked in pity]

Murray Futterman I guess that's the end of my career in noodles.

Sheila Futterman [smiles] There's more to life than macaroni.

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Murray Futterman There's a gremlin in my plow

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Rockin' Ricky Rialto You're on with Rockin' Ricky! Go!

Pete Fountaine Hi Rockin' Ricky. My name's Pete. There's these little green guys with big teeth running around town wrecking things.

Rockin' Ricky Rialto Hey, kid, this is Christmas, not Halloween! Listen, gang, Rockin' Ricky's gettin' fed up with this Orson Welles crap! So, cool it, will you?

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Gizmo [seeing a deer from Snow White] Bambi!

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Billy Peltzer Look, I know it sounds crazy. I know it does. But in a matter of hours, this town's gonna be turned into a major disaster area and, now, you have got to warn people!

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Kate Beringer I don't celebrate Christmas.

Billy Peltzer What? Are you Hindu or something?

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Kate Beringer Please! Please. Please don't bite me!

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Man on Street Good morning Mrs. Deagle.

Ruby Deagle What's good about it?

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Roy Hanson Okay, class. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. If any of you wanna bring me a present - a cassette deck wouldn't be bad. Of course, tickets to the Super Bowl would be very nice.

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Deputy Brent [exhausted] Jesus, Frank! What the hell are those things? Let me see that gun.

Deputy Brent It's suppost to be Christmas. What's the hell's going on?

Sheriff Frank [shouts] SHUT UP, WILL YOU?

Deputy Brent [screams] FRANK!

Sheriff Frank [he saw a truck] OH MY GOD!

Deputy Brent [shouts] FRANK! FRANK!

Sheriff Frank [uses the break to stop]

[the police car was crushed by a truck and both made a car accident]

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Kate Beringer Cross your "t".

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Ruby Deagle Billy youre just like youre father I've ben listing to his miserable excuses for ten years the loser.

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Lynn Peltzer I hope he's housebroken.

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Gerald Hopkins Hey, Kate, You haven't seen my new apartment.

Kate Beringer I haven't seen your old apartment.

Gerald Hopkins Come on, we're talking cable. Can we have dinner tomorrow night?

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Ruby Deagle They're here! They've come for me! I'm not ready!

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[deleted scene]

Kate Beringer [whispers, from Corben's office] Billy! Billy, come here.

[Billy does so]

Kate Beringer Close the door.

Billy Peltzer [does so] Kate what are you doing?

Kate Beringer [shows him a schematic map on Corben's desk] Look at this.

Billy Peltzer [looks at it] Kingston Falls? Right, I've been there.

Kate Beringer No, but look at the places in red.

Billy Peltzer Yeah?

Kate Beringer Those are homes of people who are out of work. Most of them lost their jobs because Mrs. Deagle closes down the factory. They can't afford to make their house payments, so Mrs. Deagle is taking advantage of that.

Billy Peltzer What do you mean?

Kate Beringer She's forcing the bank to foreclose in all of their mortgages.

Billy Peltzer That's over half the town, Kate!

Kate Beringer No kidding.

[Kate turns to another map showing many red X-marks on houses]

Kate Beringer Look, your house is in red and so is mine. I heard them talking. Mrs. Deagle had a meeting with the Hitox Chemical company. I think she's going to sell them the land.

Billy Peltzer What are they going to do. Build a plant, a factory, or what?

Kate Beringer I don't know, but we got to do something.

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Murray Futterman Hey Billy, what's the matter? You need a jump?

Billy Peltzer No, thanks, Mr. Futterman. I'm pretty much late for work as it is.

Murray Futterman These goddamn foreign cars - they always freeze up on you. You don't find American machinery doing that. Our stuff can take anything. See that plow? 15 years old. Hasn't given me a day's trouble in years. You know why? Kentucky Harvester. It ain't some foreign piece of crap you pick up these days. That's a Kentucky Harvester!

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Randall Peltzer [singing] Don we now our gay apparel...

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Randall Peltzer Let me introduce myself. My name's Randall Peltzer. I'm an inventor. "Fantastic Ideas for a Fantastic World." I make the illogical logical. I have something here that I think you might be interested in. Yes, sir, I do. This is - the Peltzer Smokeless Ashtray. I think this can solve your problem here, sir.

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Sheriff Frank Tell me something, Billy. Listen, now, where do these little gremlins come from, huh?

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Grandfather You - teach him to watch television?

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Gremlins Movie Quotes