The Pacifier Movie Quotes
Lulu Plummer
Do you know Kung Fu?
Shane Wolfe
Yes.
Lulu Plummer
Have you ever hit a guy so hard his head came off?
Shane Wolfe
No.
Lulu Plummer
Why are your boobs so big?
Lulu Plummer
Do you have to wear a bra?
Shane Wolfe
What?
Lulu Plummer
Will mine be as big as yours one day?
Shane Wolfe
Isn't it about time you go nappy-poo in beddy-bye land?
Lulu Plummer
Do I look like I'm five?
Shane Wolfe
What did I say?
Lulu Plummer
Disrespectful. And to think I was interested in you.
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Shane Wolfe
When you're down and low, lower than the floor, And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Bom, bom, bom, Don't make a move till you're in the groove And do the Peter Panda Dance:
[Clap twice]
Shane Wolfe
'Just hop three times like a kangaroo, Side-step twice just like those/the crabs do, Three steps forward, one step back. Quick like a turtle, lie on your back!
[Whispering]
Shane Wolfe
'Roll like a log till you can't roll no more!' Better jump up quick like there ain't no floor, Hold your breath, and jump/step/slide to the left'; And that's the Peter, I swear that's the Peter, That's the Peter Panda Dance!
[And then he goes on and say]
Shane Wolfe
Goodnight, Peter Panda!
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Shane Wolfe
Mrs. Plummer, I will personally make sure your kids are...
[Gary the Duck bites him in the ear]
Shane Wolfe
Oh, my God!
Julie Plummer
[puts Gary down]
Sorry, that's Gary. He was Howard's.
Shane Wolfe
He bit me!
Julie Plummer
I know. He thinks he's a guard dog.
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Lulu Plummer
I think you're cute!
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Helga
[fearfully]
He walks like Dracula, silent as the dead.
Zoe Plummer
He's in his room.
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Firefly Scout
Den mother, you frighten me.
Shane Wolfe
Good.
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[after Shane lets Zoe drive the family to school, Lulu tumbles out of the car]
Lulu Plummer
[kissing the ground]
Land! Solid land!
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Lulu Plummer
[as her Firefly troops see Shane in nothing but a towel]
I told you he had boobs.
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[after seeing Woody Woodchuck's kiddie restaurant]
Shane Wolfe
And they say *war* is hell.
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[Scott pulls out his wallet]
Shane Wolfe
I mean push-ups!
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Seth Plummer
[as they're being chased by the police]
Zoey, you're going too fast! You're not gonna have enough time to stop!
Zoe Plummer
Who said anything about stopping? I'm parking!
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Director
We open in a week, people! The set isn't finished. Mother Abbess just quit because she has shingles. And, every step-ball change would make Bob Fosse rise from the grave just so he could have a heart attack again!
Seth Plummer
I'll get it right.
Director
No, you won't. You and your... *mother* over here can't get it right. And, I know this because I am a professional. I directed Show Boat with Greg Brady. It wasn't union, but it was good. Good! Good! Good!
[puts hand up to rest up against prop, but crashes through it and falls down and then gets up and straightens himself out]
Director
Obviously, I quit!
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Seth Plummer
[Shane kicks in Seth's bedroom door - Seth exits the bathroom]
Oh my god! What did you do?
Shane Wolfe
I was trying to protect you!
Seth Plummer
How? By pulling a shock-and-awe on my door?
Shane Wolfe
I can fix that.
Seth Plummer
No you can't! It's broken in half!
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Helga
[to Shane]
Are you licensed to kill?
Shane Wolfe
No, why?
Helga
Too bad. It could have come in handy.
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Shane Wolfe
We're going to do this my way, no highway option.
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Mr. Chun
[Seth sprays him in the face with a fire extinguisher]
That stuff doesn't hurt.
[Seth hits him in the face with the extinguisher]
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[when Lulu's tracker alarm beeps, Shane runs to her classroom, opens the door, and rolls in, ready for action - and sees the class staring at him, while Lulu is doing "show and tell."]
Lulu Plummer
See? But he usually breaks down the door.
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[from trailer]
Shane Wolfe
[to the kids he's watching]
I'm never gonna be able to remember your names so you're Red One, Red Two, Red Three, Red Baby.
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Shane Wolfe
[making it up as he goes]
Once upon a time, there was a family of... elves. And one day the... little elf... family went into the magic forest to look for a secret... gnome... facility. The gnomes were turning mushrooms into uranium, so three of the elves laid down heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes, while the others manoeuvered around to the right flank, killing all those left alive.
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Seth Plummer
It's a "minivan".
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Zoe Plummer
Personal Bubble Invasion!
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Lulu Plummer
I can cross my eyes, wanna see?
Shane Wolfe
No!
Lulu Plummer
[crosses her eyes, then baby Tyler cries]
He hates it when I do that.
Shane Wolfe
I know the feeling.
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[from trailer]
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[from trailer]
Seth Plummer
We're all gonna die.
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Lulu Plummer
[Upon arriving to party taking place at the house]
Holy bologna, someone's gonna get busted.
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Julie Plummer
[after hitting Mrs. Chen and knocking her unconscious]
She was never really a good neighbor.
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Shane Wolfe
From this position, it is relatively easy to manipulate your opponent. Thus we have the chicken wing, the arm bar, the crow bar and my personal favorite - the pacifier.
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[when Mr. Chun is distracted, the Plummer children escape the room, except Lulu]
Lulu Plummer
[strikes a karate pose...]
AY-YA!
Mr. Chun
[sneers]
That's cute.
[... and kicks him in the crotch, before fleeing with the others]
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[after Shane just did the Peter Panda Dance for Peter]
Peter Plummer
Good night, Daddy!
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First Junior Grizzly
Hey Skeever, what do you put in a jar and shake till they're dead?
Second Junior Grizzly
Fireflies!
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Julie Plummer
I trusted you... Howard trusted you... you betrayed us... and you betrayed your country.
Capt. Bill Fawcett
Guess what? North Korea pays better.
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Vice Principal Murney
You mess with the bull, you get the horns!
[puts two fingers on his head]
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Shane Wolfe
Rule number one: never be too eager to rush your opponent.
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Mrs. Chun
[after eyebrows get burned off]
I just got my eyebrows done!
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Seth Plummer
There is a man in the house! It's me!
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Shane Wolfe
They were after this.
[He loads the "GHOST" disc into laptop, the movie "Ghost" begins playing]
Lulu Plummer
They want our "Ghost" movie? Haven't they heard of Blockbuster?
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Seth Plummer
Oh, bite me.
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Shane Wolfe
Give me twenty.
[Scott reaches for his wallet]
Shane Wolfe
I meant push-ups!
Shane Wolfe
Drop down! Do twenty!
[Scott drops down on the ground and begins doing push-ups. Shane begins to count]
Shane Wolfe
One...
[Later after Scott is gone, Zoe is going upstairs angrily]
Zoe Plummer
Real nice move, Lt. Smooth! Now he'll probably never want to see me again!
Shane Wolfe
Then I did you a favor.
Zoe Plummer
Whoa! Personal bubble invasion.
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Lulu Plummer
[Lulu walks up to Shane]
Hi. Zoe says you look like the Hulk; I think you're cute.
Lulu Plummer
Do you do Kung Fu?
Shane Wolfe
Yes.
Lulu Plummer
Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off?
Shane Wolfe
No.
Lulu Plummer
Why are your boobs so big?
Lulu Plummer
Do you have to wear a bra?
[Shane walks into the other room. Lulu follows him]
Lulu Plummer
So will my boobs get as big as yours someday?
Shane Wolfe
You know, little girl, I think it's time you went nappy-poo in beddy-bye land.
Lulu Plummer
Do I look like I'm five to you?
[Crossly walks away]
Shane Wolfe
What did I say?
Lulu Plummer
Disrespectful. And to think I was interested in you!
[Slams door]
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Shane Wolfe
[Lulu has talked Shane into leading her troop] Tonight, I'm your den mother. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow, you will do everything I say. Do we understand each other?
Firefly Girl Scout
Den mother, you frighten me.
Shane Wolfe
Good.
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Vice Principal Murney
[upon meeting Shane]
I'm Vice Principal Murney, or Murnanator as the wrestling team calls me. My friends call me Little Puppet.
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Mr. Chun
Okay, duck whisperer, step away.
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Shane Wolfe
Think of it as a Bradley Assault Vehicle.
Seth Plummer
Yeah, especially with Zoe driving.
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Shane Wolfe
Tracking devices. Never take them off. The panic button is for emergencies only. Touch that you'd better be dying or you're dead.
Zoe Plummer
I would rather chew off my arm then wear that, just because my mom is paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you.
Shane Wolfe
Let me explain to you have a chain of command works. I tell you what to do
[suddenly shouts]
Shane Wolfe
AND YOU DO IT!
[Regular tone]
Shane Wolfe
End of chain.
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