Norbit Movie Quotes
Mr. Wong
Remember, black people run very fast. But problem run faster.
Norbit
...That's kinda racist.
Mr. Wong
Yes, Wong very racist. Don't like black. Don't like Jew either. But black and Jew love Chinese food. Go figure.
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Teen Attendant
Excuse me ma'am. We have a 300 lb weight limit.
Rasputia
I don't weigh no damn 300 lbs. I weigh 165! How YOU doin'?
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Norbit
Oh Floyd, what am I gonna do.
Floyd the Dog
Kill the bitch!
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Pope Sweet Jesus
It's raining little white women.
Lord Have Mercy
My prayers have been answered!
Pope Sweet Jesus
She'd better move, 'cause my prayers are for a Cadillac.
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[Rasputia is about to kill Norbit]
Mr. Wong
WHALE HO!
Rasputia
Did somebody just call me a whale?
Mr. Wong
Yeah! And a ho!
[Mr. Wong throws a flagpole which flies all the way to Rasputia's ass, piercing it and causing her to scream in pain]
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[repeated line]
Rasputia
How you doing?
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Rasputia
Then who was eating the turkey ass?
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Rasputia
Go over and get another wine cooler. It's hot as hell out here. Don't you see I'm sweltering?
Norbit
Rasputia, you can't drink wine.
Rasputia
Why the hell not?
Norbit
You're with child.
Rasputia
With child? I ain't with no... Oh. Oh, that was... I had gas. I still got it.
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Attendant
Excuse me.
Rasputia
What?
Attendant
Are you wearing bottoms?
[lifts up her roll of belly fat covering her bathing suit bottom]
Attendant
[Looks questionably at her]
All right.
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Rasputia
[laughs when Kate doesn't believe Norbit's story on Deion, a corrupt goldigger/cheater] Well, well, Norbit. You lose again! Once a loser, always a loser. Now, come on! Let's go!
Norbit
[to Kate] Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down so maybe they can tell you for themselves. LADIES!
[Deion is shocked and frightened to see his three exes and their children walk in the church]
Ex-Wife #1
Hello, Antoine! I've been looking everywhere for you.
Children
Daddy!
Ex-Wife #2
Antoine? He told me his name was Luther!
Rasputia
Who is that ho?
Ex-Wife #3
Luther? he told me he was gay!
Deion Hughes
No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther.
Ex-Wife #1
[angry] You dead, goldigger!
Deion Hughes
[the wives and children are going towards him] I'm out!
Pope Sweet Jesus
Look's like the wedding's off, bro.
Lord Have Mercy
Church!
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Norbit
Yes it did! And that makes you, the queen of WHORES!
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Rasputia
Say Tuesday again you ain't gonna see Wednesday.
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Big Jack
Here you go, Norbit. Saved the best piece for you.
[puts turkey on Norbit's plate]
Norbit - Age 9
What's that?
Big Jack
Turkey ass. Eat up sucker.
Blue Latimore
[laughing and clapping his hands]
Bon Appetitty!
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Rasputia
[Rasputia gets into her car with Norbit and her chest keeps pressing the horn]
God damm it, Norbit, how many times I got to tell you when you drive my car, don't adjust my seat?
Norbit
I haven't touched your seat.
Rasputia
Then why's it up so damn far?
Norbit
It looks like it's back as far as it goes, Rasputia.
Rasputia
No, you moved it! I can tell! Cuz look, when I inhale, my titty make the horn honk! See, listen!
[horn honks]
Rasputia
See that?
[horn honks again]
Rasputia
That ain't right!
[horn honks again]
Norbit
I hear it.
Rasputia
Uh huh, that scientifically proves that you adjusted my seat!
Norbit
That's not science.
Rasputia
It is and just let it go!
Norbit
It's not science.
Rasputia
I said 'let it go!'
Norbit
I'm just saying...
[Rasputia backhands him in the face]
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Preacher
[resumes the ceremony] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
Preacher
[resumes the ceremony] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
Norbit
I object!
[congregation gasps and murmurs]
Preacher
[frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake!
Preacher
[frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake!
Mr. Wong
[pleased] Norbit.
Pope Sweet Jesus
Pope Sweet Jesus, Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit!
Kate Thomas
[surprised] Norbit!
Choir
[singing] Norbit-t-t-t!
Norbit
This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.
Kate Thomas
Norbit, what are you doing?
Norbit
I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.
Rasputia
[Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say?
Norbit
You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right. I love you, Kate. And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your BITCH!
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[after harpooning Rasputia in the ass]
Mr. Wong
Bingo! Right in the blowhole!
[Rasputia runs away screaming with Floyd The Dog chasing her out of the town]
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Preacher
But you can't object yet.
Preacher
But you can't object yet.
Pope Sweet Jesus
Well I am objeculatin' prematurely!
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Mr. Wong
Norbit! Why you run off like little bitch?
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[Norbit rides his bike towards the church when he's approached by Big Jack, Earl, and Rasputia]
Rasputia
Where the hell you goin', Norbit?
Rasputia
Look at you, you old stupid fool. You can't even ride a bike!
Norbit
Oh, yes I can, because Kate TAUGHT ME!
[Rasputia screams and grabs Norbit's neck]
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Mr. Wong
[Doing the wedding toast]
I want to say Norbit that I very... very confused, why you marry Latimore. I don't understand it, because when you was little boy, you say,
Mr. Wong
[as the Latimore brothers stand]
I joke, I joke, I joke. Why you not know joke when you hear joke? Why you wanna make fight at wedding?
Mr. Wong
[the Latimore brothers sit and Wong continues the story]
When Norbit just little boy, he like to always run allover the place naked. Always naked. And Norbit, when he was just little boy, had a pee pee, the size of an egg roll. You know, Norbit.
Norbit
That's true.
Mr. Wong
And one day, down by the creek, Norbit run around naked and poisonous snake jump up and bite Norbit, right on ass. Very close to whole. Norbit pass out. I think Norbit is dead. I go to check the boy pulse. He is still alive. He is still alive!
Mr. Wong
[Quoting himself]
"Okay" I say "I must do something to save child." So, I start to think. "Do I suck poison out of Norbit's ass, or do I let him die?"
Mr. Wong
[after a pause]
I do most responsible thing. I say "hell to the no. Norbit is out of here, because it is long time in hell, before Wong suck poison out of another man's ass."
Mr. Wong
[after laughter from crowd]
But strange mystical thing happen, Norbit. Even though poison is in Norbit, he not die. Norbit get stronger and stronger. That's why I know Norbit, deep down inside, you very, very strong. Strong like warrior. That's why I say to you, Norbit, you can survive anything. Even...
Mr. Wong
[Covertly points at Rasputia, as crowd laughs again]
So I say to everyone here, and to Norbit, I wish you much happiness, and peace, and love, and lots of bananas for you and your new gorilla. I only kidding. To Norbit, and Rasputia.
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Deion Hughes
Did you say a titty bar?
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Pope Sweet Jesus
The wrapper says 'Ribbed for her pleasure' but turn it inside out and it's ribbed for YOUR pleasure
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Rasputia
[singing along with the radio]
Don't you wish your girlfriend was as hot like me? Don't you wish your girlfriend was a FREAK like me?
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Rasputia
What... the...? What just fell on my car?
Mr. Wong
Not what - who! Who just fell on your car? Ching chong ching chong!
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[after Norbit ruins the wedding and their future of opening a strip joint, the Latimore Brothers come at him, staring in anger]
Big Jack
You messed up, boy.
Earl Latimore
[whispers]
That's right.
Abe the Tailor
[furious and growling]
Latimore! Keep your "fakakta" hands off him!
Big Jack
Go back to your shop, Abe! Before I kill you too!
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Event Organizer
I wanna be a ho. How do I apply?
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Pope Sweet Jesus
Poor Norbit. Man. Back when I was in the game, used to tell my hos, "Hos, ain't no man gonna pay for the cow if he can get the milk for free." You ain't gonna worry about this brother buying the milk, 'cause he just bought the whole damn cow.
Lord Have Mercy
That's a special cow, too. That must be where butter milk come from.
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Mr. Wong
When Norbit was little boy he say "One day i'll have the girl of my dream" and then you and marry a gorilla!
[Latimore brothers get up]
Mr. Wong
I joke, I joke, why you not know joke when you hear joke, what you want to make fight at wedding.
[to himself]
Mr. Wong
better cool off before i have to bust somebody ass in here
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Norbit
Oh! Rasputia! Good Morning, Rasputia! How are you this morning?
Rasputia
Where the hell you going?
Norbit
Oh, ummmm... I was just going to Raging Waters.
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Big Jack
Rasputia?
Rasputia
What?
Big Jack
Car.
Rasputia
I don't give a damn 'bout no car. I'm ready to die!
[Rasputia let's go of Norbit; Norbit is yelling, sending him down a hill in the woods]
Rasputia
I'm ready to die! I'm ready to die!
Big Jack
I ain't gonna let you ruin Nipplopolis for me boy! Damn!
Rasputia
I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die up in here. Drive the car, goddamnit!
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Rasputia
Hell to the no!
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[Blue watches a Buster Perkins "Power Tap" video while doing a power tap exercise]
Blue Latimore
Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap...
[Norbit smashes the window downstairs in the basement]
Blue Latimore
[shocked; run downstairs to see that Norbit escaped]
Norbit! Norbit? Norbit? Oh, damn. He escaped. Norbit! NORBIT!
Blue Latimore
[as Norbit pedals off]
You're ass is mine, Norbit!
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[the choir finished singing; the congregation is wildly happy]
Deion Hughes
[screaming]
That's enough! THAT'S ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! Stop the music!
Pope Sweet Jesus
Hold on...
Deion Hughes
[cuts Pope off]
Shut up! You two, shut up! That's it. This is husband-and-wife time. Now, let's go. Let's go. Husband-and-wife stuff.
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Rasputia
little miss skinny bitch gon be there?
Norbit
Oh you mean miss ling ling?
Rasputia
Now you know damn well i aint talkin bout no mis lang lang im talkin about mis thang thang from that picnic
Norbit
Miss thing thing from the picnic? i dont really remember her name. Oh wait i think i remember now! It was a ferign name. Something Russian?
Rasputia
Kate bitch!
Norbit
Oh yes Kate. Well you know i dont know if Kates going to be there.
Rasputia
Well im goin.
Norbit
No! I mean you dont like water parks Rasputia
Rasputia
Who dont like water parks i love, except you dont gotta get off the ride to go to the bathroom, how you doin!
Norbit
Great
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[turns onto sidewalk and starts chasing dog]
Norbit
Wait Rasputia what are you doin?
Rasputia
Shut up! Ooh i gotcha now puppy i gotcha now!
Norbit
Wait! No No! No!
[Floyd Whimpers]
Norbit
Fliyd?
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[Big Jack confronts Norbit at the wedding]
Big Jack
Norbit, let me talk to you for a second. Look, just so we clear: If you ever hurt my sister in any way, make her cry, even make her sad one time, I'm coming at you with razor blades and lemon juice. You hear me?
Big Jack
I'm talkin' pain, boy. Searing, mind-numbing pain.
Big Jack
You understand me?
Big Jack
All right. Welcome to the family.
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Rasputia
[after Norbit discovers Buster and Rasputia in bed]
Norbit, Buster is a guest in our home! How dare you insinuate something like that?
Buster
Yeah, ORBIT! How dare you insinuate something such like that! You know, I am actually offended by your accu-si-sation!
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Pope Sweet Jesus
...Now speakin of ribs, and pleasure...
Lord Have Mercy
Uh, yes, for a limited time only, we are proud to present to you our barbequed, baby back, horseradish, mustard, and peanut butter encrusted ribs with a slight Jagermeister infusion, sprinkled with chammomile leaves, with a horseradish and dandelion salad, on a bed of rice. Buy one Pimp Platter, get the whole bones free.
Deion Hughes
Ah, ah, ah, ah. No, no, no, no, no! That's enough talking. It's time to get back to the wedding.
Pope Sweet Jesus
It ain't never enough talkin' when you're talkin' about love, brother.
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Rasputia
What is this Norbit?
Norbit
Some kind of weird, satanic potato art?
Rasputia
Umm umm. Whats this?
Norbit
Looks like the acid we used down at the quarry.
Rasputia
[stomps]
Right! And this is miss pretty little things little face. And Norbit if you ever see her again, if you ever talk to her again, if you ever so much as think about the bitch again, this is what's gon happen to her.
[Rasputia pours acid on potato and potato dissolves]
Rasputia
how YOU doin? Get the picture Norbit?
[Norbit nods his head]
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