Munna Bhai M.B.B.S. Movie Quotes
Murli Prasad Sharma
Circuit, did you know that there are 206 bones in the body?... We never thought about that while breaking them, did we?
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Dr. J. Asthana
May I ask what is happening here?
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Circuit
[Answering the phone] Who is this?
Murli Prasad Sharma
Its your dadm who do you think?
Circuit
Bro, How are you Bro?
Murli Prasad Sharma
i need a body
Circuit
Body? who's body Bro?
Murli Prasad Sharma
you know, the one they use for dissection, one of those bodies.
Circuit
Bro, how am i going to find one of those bodies?
Murli Prasad Sharma
how would i know? just find one!
Circuit
Dump the tension bro, you concentrate on your studies, i'll organize a body
[he looks out onto the street and see's a chinese tourist taking pictures of some of the other gang members posing for the camera]
Circuit
Bro, will an imported body do?
Murli Prasad Sharma
yeah it will, just bring it quickly!
Circuit
i'll be there in ten minutes bro, just ten minutes!
Circuit
Hey Butkya... get a sack
Butkya
Right away
[leaves to get a sack]
Chinese tourist
[taking pictures of Munna's gang members posing for the camera while doing there laundry] Thankyou! Thankyou!
Circuit
[walking to the chinese tourist] hey Chilli chicken, you wanna take some photos of an ambulance, its a five-star ambulance?
Chinese tourist
No, i want real india, poor people, hungry people!
Circuit
poor hungry people, inside the ambulance, they are really bleurghh!
Chinese tourist
Really? okay good!
Circuit
Hey Hakka Noodle, youve come in from abroad and you only wanna see naked, hungry people, dont you want to see the taj mahal?
Chinese tourist
no no, hungry and poor men!
Butkya
[Runs up with a small shopping bag] Bro will this bag do?
Circuit
[looks at the bag, takes and it whacks him across the head with it] you stupid! how the hell am i going to fit him in? am i going to fold him in there? hey you?
[to the chinese tourist]
Circuit
How long are you?
Chinese tourist
5 foot six
Circuit
[to the gang member] get a six foot bag!
[to the chinese tourist]
Circuit
you come with me, you dont want to see taj mahal, i will show you hungry indian!
[leads him into the ambulance]
Chinese tourist
[from inside the ambulance, as circuit knocks him out] Argh!
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Murli Prasad Sharma
[slapping a goon]
You over-acting piece of@#%! You're supposed to have a kidney problem, and instead you have a heart attack!
[He points to another goon disguised as a patient]
Murli Prasad Sharma
Look at this chap - what a natural actor! He's been playing the same role for three years and Papa's never recognised him!
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Murli Prasad Sharma
Hey circuit, check this out, who would want to marry a cry baby? he tries to commit suicide after a six month fling! Hey
[talks to the boy in the hospital bed]
Murli Prasad Sharma
your mother has loved you all your life, can't you stay alive for her?
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Murli Prasad Sharma
It's just what I feared... lymphoma of the intestines...
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Dr. J. Asthana
Are there any questions?
Murli Prasad Sharma
Yes, sir... If a man is dying in the admission ward, is it necessary for him to fill our a form?
[a shocked Asthana dismisses the class, but the next day...]
Murli Prasad Sharma
Sir, I asked you a question yesterday that you didn't answer - can't you answer it today?
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Murli Prasad Sharma
Wow, Anand bhai, you look like a hero! All the nurses are going to fight over you!
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Circuit
Bro, if it hurts you so much, why don't you tell your father the truth? Tell him that a don gets more respect in this city than any damn doc!
Murli Prasad Sharma
He'll die if he comes to know - it's just a matter of seven days, Circuit, give it a rest...
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Dr. J. Asthana
Can I ask what is going on here?
Murli Prasad Sharma
Ask! Don't be shy, ask. Come on, ask!
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Circuit
Hey, don't fuse my circuit, or you'll be sent home in three different bags!
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[Circuit and Munna have just kidnapped Ghanshyam Seth]
Murli Prasad Sharma
Circuit, I said "Point the gun," not "Shoot out all of Mumbai!"
Circuit
Chill out, bro - these are blanks, they only sting!
Ghanshyam Seth
[Trying to run]
Circuit
[Pointing gun at Ghanshyam]
Hey, Flo Jo, at this range even a fake bullet can do the job! What?
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Dr. J. Asthana
Mamu, he called me MAMU!
[Mamu means "dude" and/or "doofus"]
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Murli Prasad Sharma
Circuit, I'm missing Mom. I keep remembering her.
Circuit
Your memory is very solid, man, so solid that I can see her. Hey, are you missing Dad also. I can see him too.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
Circuit, I've decided I'm going to be a doctor...
Circuit
Uh... bro, why don't you go to sleep, and we'll talk about it in the morning...
Murli Prasad Sharma
I knew you'd say that - you think I'm sloshed, don't you? I'm serious!
Circuit
But, bro, what's the point?
Murli Prasad Sharma
The point? Circuit, the point is that my father will be proud of me! You should've been there - that baldy stood there insulting my father, and I just kept quiet! I'll show him! I'll become a doctor like him and marry his daughter! Circuit, find me the best medical college in Mumbai...!
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[Circuit accompanies Munnabhai to his college room]
Circuit
[looking around]
What the...? It ends almost right where it begins!
Murli Prasad Sharma
Circuit, do you know why God sent me to this college?
Circuit
God certainly never told me!
Murli Prasad Sharma
Because he wants me to settle a score with the man who made my father cry!
Circuit
Okay, if it's settled with God, all right!
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Murli Prasad Sharma
Circuit, have you ever felt as though you were going to die?
Circuit
You know that dude Shakeel?
Murli Prasad Sharma
Yeah?
Circuit
He once went after me with a knife - I thought I was gonna go that day!
Murli Prasad Sharma
Not that, Circuit - I meant, have you ever felt as though you were fatally ill, and could only wait, helpless? Watching the clock and calendar go by like a time bomb, and your life, your dreams coming face to face with THE END...
Circuit
Bro, my mother used to say that we became stars when we die...
[He starts pointing at stars in the sky]
Circuit
Look, there's my father - the bugger used to beat me a lot! And there's Uncle - he was a cool dude! Hey... where's Mom? Aaah, Mumbai's getting too polluted, man...
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Murli Prasad Sharma
[seeing goons taking down the hospital sign]
HEY! Don't touch that signboard! My father's name is on that sign! Hands off! Bastards! Don't you dare!
[He goes berserk, and has to be restrained by Circuit]
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[Circuit has received a telegram from Hari Prasad Sharma about his arrival]
Murli Prasad Sharma
When?
Circuit
Today, at five o'clock!
Murli Prasad Sharma
Damn! We're screwed!
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[Munnabhai is on the phone when his gang tells him he has entered the college]
Murli Prasad Sharma
Ninavati Hospital? Hang on a moment! Lilavati Hospital? I can't come to work today! Apollo Hospital? Hold your horses! Huh? Bread Candy Hospital? Hold, man, hold, I am busy...
[He hangs up and with Circuit and the others, rushes off to celebrate]
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Shri Hari Prasad Sharma
Only a doctor can understand a doctor's pressures.
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Shri Hari Prasad Sharma
This standing around, laughing loudly... what is that?
Dr. J. Asthana
Laughter therapy. If you're tense, or angry, you laugh loudly... it lowers the blood pressure.
Shri Hari Prasad Sharma
But how do you laugh when you're tense?
Dr. J. Asthana
Practice. Look at me. The angrier I get, the harder I laugh.
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Shri Hari Prasad Sharma
[to a pickpocket who was being attacked by a crowd]
Do you know who they are? These are the people of our country. Look at their faces. Someone's fought with his wife, another's son won't listen to him. One's jealous of his neighbor's success... and one has had it with his landlord's demands. From the government's corruption to the cricket team's defeat... they're upset about everything. But their anger is silent, bottled up. They'll pour it out on you. Should I hand you over to them? They'll definitely crack your skull.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
Have some chickpeas, they're good for your bones. Lots of calcium.
Nagarajan Swami
Let me study. I came second in the entrance exams.
Murli Prasad Sharma
How do you think I got the first place? By eating chickpeas. Have some.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
[to a doctor who had shined a light into an unresponsive patient's eyes]
Yo, boss. Hello. Turn off the torch.
Doctor attending Anand Banerjee
Why?
Murli Prasad Sharma
That must cause him discomfort.
Doctor attending Anand Banerjee
Out of the question. The subject can't feel anything.
Murli Prasad Sharma
Say what? Subject? Doesn't he have a name?
Doctor attending Anand Banerjee
[after checking paperwork]
His name is Anand Banerjee.
Murli Prasad Sharma
And he's many years your senior, talk respectfully about him.
Doctor attending Anand Banerjee
Why are you getting emotional? I told you he can't hear a thing. Relax. Sit down.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
I'm not a ruffian, babe. I'm a social worker. I provide financial help, get it?
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Dr. J. Asthana
If such guys become doctors... then patients will only hear, 'Dude, lie down, you're screwed!'
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Meena
[explaining why she thinks she would be a good doctor]
Sir, I love people. I believe I can feel the patients suffering. I want to treat them as friends, not just as patients.
Dr. J. Asthana
We are not here to make friends. In my 25-year career I haven't befriended a single patient. I have not felt their pain, just cured it. And I've done well. I do not love my patients. Confused? Let me explain. See this hand... Rock steady. It's done thousands of operations, but it never shook. But if I were to operate on my daughter, it will shake for sure. Why? Because I love my daughter. Friendship, empathy, attachment... these are weaknesses for a doctor. For the next five years... you'll be taught that a patient is just a sick body, nothing else.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
[singing]
My dreams were shattered, my heart was too. Yes it hurt... but that's life, dude.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
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Circuit
Eat curd and sugar before an exam... you'll get good marks.
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Dr. J. Asthana
Congratulations, here's your rustication letter. I want you out by tomorrow.
Murli Prasad Sharma
Your luck's run out, buddy. I was about to split... when someone held my hand and asked me to stay. Do your worst. Now I'm here to stay.
Dr. J. Asthana
If you don't leave, the police will escort you out.
Murli Prasad Sharma
Police? They couldn't keep me in, how will they pull me out?
Dr. J. Asthana
You will go, Mr. Sharma.
Murli Prasad Sharma
See, if the cops kick me out the front door... I'll return through the back door.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
Everyone thanks doctors for making them well. No one thanks you for picking up their rubbish.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
So, how do you feel about me?
Dr. Suman Asthana
I don't feel anything. I mean, I like you. I know you can make any woman really happy.
Murli Prasad Sharma
You are the woman I want to make happy. Ms. Suman, when you smile... life is beautiful. I want to see you smiling forever. So?
Dr. Suman Asthana
So what?
Murli Prasad Sharma
Please marry me.
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Shalini
Life is very short. So we have to have fun.
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Zaheer
Tell me, doctor. I never drank or smoked. I've never been with a woman... then, why me? All my friends go to strip bars, smoke, drink themselves silly. Even I felt like doing it. But I always buried my desires... to fulfill my responsibilities first. Thought I'd have long life... there'll be time for this.
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Nandini (Dancer in Song: Dekh le)
[singing]
Learn to live before you die.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
Dude, he's like the Incredible Sulk. Why doesn't someone just give him a Magic Hug?
Dr. Suman Asthana
Hug?
Murli Prasad Sharma
An honest hug is magical. My mom calls it the Magic Hug. It's an anti-tension drug.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
I swear she heard me, brother Anand. I didn't even move my lips... and she knew what I was thinking. Is that possible, brother? You know, this happens in love. Circuit also says if feelings are strong... you can talk long distance clearly without a phone.
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Circuit
[to a dying patient]
When you have less time... you gotta live twice as much.
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Doctor attending Anand Banerjee
In your medical careers, you'll face this question many times. Tell me, is it right to keep a vegetable alive by using medicines... especially in a country where there is a shortage of hospitals... the subject has been occupying a bed for the last 12 years.
Murli Prasad Sharma
Screw you! You're concerned about the bed. How do you know he won't wake up?
Doctor attending Anand Banerjee
I'm a doctor.
Murli Prasad Sharma
But not God! Did you get inside his head? I should thwack you in the head!
Doctor attending Anand Banerjee
Leave the class.
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Maqsood Bhai
I've been working for you for thirty years and you don't even know my name.
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Nandini (Dancer in Song: Dekh le)
It's not about whether you live long, it's about whether you live it up.
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Dr. J. Asthana
Do you think I don't know that you've cheated? I don't know how, but I will find out, Mister.
Murli Prasad Sharma
You think I've cheated? Let me declare that I have. And will do it again. Do what you can.
Dr. J. Asthana
Shut up! No one has ever spoken to me like this!
Murli Prasad Sharma
There's always a first time, dude.
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Dr. Suman Asthana
I feel strange saying this.
Murli Prasad Sharma
Strange is my middle name.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
I can't run a bulldozer through my life just because I want to bulldoze yours.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
How can I cure anyone... with hugs, smiles? The drama's over. I'm just a no-good goon, who cheated his way in here. Last night, Zaheer died thinking I'm a doctor, a god. He thought I'd help him meet his mother. I couldn't do anything, Rustom. But why didn't you doctors save him? Couldn't you even give him a few more hours... till he met his mother? I just have one request. His mother arrives at 11... please don't bury her in forms. She has just lost her young son. Just help her. I am leaving. I made a big mistake. Sorry, brother Zaheer.
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Dr. Suman Asthana
Congratulations, Dad. We'll never speak of Munna again. Why should someone speak about a goon? Absolutely not. You've won. Congratulations. Once again there will be discipline, order, and silence in the hospital. No one will ever joke, no one will hug anyone... and no patient will be heard laughing from now on. Congratulations, Dad. Munna was mad to think we would let him cure... anyone by playing carom... that we would let him make a dying man happy with song and dance... or allow him to give anyone a Magic Hug. We had to stop him. A criminal like him... He is dangerous. Look what he's done, Dad. The terrible consequence of friendship, empathy, and attachment. Your heart knows it's a miracle. But you won, Dad. No more miracles from now on. Congratulations, Dad. Congratulations.
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Dr. Suman Asthana
[concealing her identity]
Um, not too bad.
Murli Prasad Sharma
As good as you?
Dr. Suman Asthana
Better than me.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
Tell Chinki she should give her dad a Magic Hug. I swear, he'll melt like butter.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
These docs read a couple of books and think they're God.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
Hey Pops, play carom, drink juice... that's the good life.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
Her husband was so obese, the liposuction took a week.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
He got washed, rinsed, and dry cleaned that day.
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Papa
Play carom, drink juice... That's the good life.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
What is mine is yours... except for my underwear.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
What's the problem?
Dr. J. Asthana
You are the problem, Mr. Sharma. We need discipline in the college, not cabaret.
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Circuit
Hey, stop imitating a bedspread and get off the bed!
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[last lines]
Anand Banerjee
[looking though a photo album]
And so, Munna married Suman, a.k.a. Chinky... A year later, Circuit married - that's his son, his nickname is Short Circuit... Asthana retired, and now runs Munna's hospital - there you get free doses of medicines, laughs, and hugs! Everyone can be admitted; as Asthana says "Chill out, bro! Fill in the form later!" Dr. Rustom Paveri is the new dean of the college, and is unmarried - but his father still dates the queen! Munna couldn't become a doctor, but he's still called M.B.B.S. - Married with Bouncing Babies and Smiles!... That's me... Tomorrow I'm going back to Calcutta. I'm going to miss them all - especially him... Mamu!
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Circuit
[threateningly]
Are you Zaheer? Are you the one who slapped Bro?
Zaheer
Yes...
Circuit
[laughing]
You've got some guts, mamu!
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[after Munna is expelled, he and Circuit are wandering around in a drunken stupor]
Murli Prasad Sharma
Circuit, I've decided I'm going back to the village!
Circuit
[flourishing two tickets]
I knew it - that's why I've brought TWO railway tickets!
Murli Prasad Sharma
But what will you do in the village? You can't even handle a plough!
Circuit
Bro, if I do that, then what will the cows do?
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Murli Prasad Sharma
[explaining why he brought in a body to study]
What was I to do? There are 50 students to a body, you can't see diddly-squat. All I've seen in four days is the fingers. I wanna be a complete doctor, not a finger specialist... who doesn't know what's up with the knees.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
I'm up shit creek and sinking fast.
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Dr. Suman Asthana
[about Anand]
Murli, what's the point of talking to him? Nothing you say to him will reach his ears!
Murli Prasad Sharma
So what if his ears can't hear it, he hears it with his heart! You see, when two people share a strong connection, then they can communicate to each other through their hearts...
Dr. Suman Asthana
You're too much, Murli...
[She leaves, but Munna tries to prove his point]
[No response]
[No response]
[At this, Suman finally turns and looks at Munna. She smiles, blushes and leaves]
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Dr. Rustam Pavri
[Outside the Operation Theatre at IMS]
You want admission in Medical Science ? What was your HSC percentage ?
Murli Prasad Sharma
What's that ?
Dr. Rustam Pavri
12th standard, 12th board.
Murli Prasad Sharma
How much is required for admission to the medical college ?
Dr. Rustam Pavri
Atleast 90.
Circuit
[With an idea in mind]
Sure, it was there. You'll get the certificates by this evening.
Dr. Rustam Pavri
Good. So you have to appear in a medical entrance test, if you clear it, you are through.
Murli Prasad Sharma
Is it necessary to appear in this test ?
Dr. Rustam Pavri
Of course it's compulsory.
Murli Prasad Sharma
Murli Prasad Sharma, Circuit: [Both asking together] Did YOU appear for it ?
Dr. Rustam Pavri
OBVIOUSLY. I topped in that exam.
Circuit
[Shaking Kurush Deboo's hand]
Hey, great job dude. Very good.
Dr. Rustam Pavri
Thanks, may I take your leave ?
Circuit
Of course. What's your good name ?
Dr. Rustam Pavri
Dr. Rustam Pavri.
Circuit
And where do you stay ?
Dr. Rustam Pavri
Nanavati Colony.
Murli Prasad Sharma
[to Kurush Deboo]
Hey, you should hurry, that patient inside is waiting for you. I too have to make a hell lot of preparations for the exam. Please go.
Dr. Rustam Pavri
Of course. Thank you.
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Shri Hari Prasad Sharma
[to Sanjay Dutt in the film's climax]
You didn't have shame in your eyes when you kept lying to me for 10 years. And today when I am proud of you, you've kept your head low !
[Smiling]
Shri Hari Prasad Sharma
Come give me a hug.
Shri Hari Prasad Sharma
[Proudly]
Doctors merely save lives. You taught the world how to live. Go upstairs, Chinki is waiting for you.
Shri Hari Prasad Sharma
[Jokingly]
Are you going or should I lift my stick.
[Sanjay Dutt heads to the terrace]
Murli Prasad Sharma
[On the terrace with Gracy Singh facing the opposite direction]
Hey Chinki, what are you doing here ?
Dr. Suman Asthana
I came here to discuss our marriage proposal Munna.
Murli Prasad Sharma
Chinki, there is something I must tell you. I can't marry you.
Dr. Suman Asthana
[Feigning shock]
What ? Why's that ?
Murli Prasad Sharma
Coz I love someone else.
Dr. Suman Asthana
And who's that ?
Murli Prasad Sharma
That girl back at the college, Dr. Suman. I don't know but I want to marry her.
Dr. Suman Asthana
[Suddenly turning around]
So, what are you waiting for. Go ahead.
Dr. Suman Asthana
[Joyfully]
Wrong. Chinki. YOUR CHINKI.
Dr. Suman Asthana
Well, not to the same extent as you.
[Hugs Sanjay Dutt]
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Dr. J. Asthana
[Inquiring in his cabin how Sanjay Dutt made it to the Medical College]
Sharma, Murli Prasad, Hari Prasad. 98.33 percent.
[Shocked]
Dr. J. Asthana
How ?
Dr. Rustam Pavri
[In a helpless voice, since he wrote Sanjay Dutt's entrance exam]
How'd I know Sir.
Dr. J. Asthana
Yeah how'd you know. I want to figure out how the hell did he clear those exams.
[Starts laughing to control his anger]
Dr. Suman Asthana
Dad, it's ok. Why are you getting so excited ?
Dr. J. Asthana
[Furiously]
I am not excited. Do you realise who he actually is. A goon, a BHAI, elder brother.
[Frantically]
Dr. J. Asthana
Wait, did he see YOU ?
Dr. Suman Asthana
Yeah he did.
Dr. J. Asthana
Did he recognise you ?
Dr. Suman Asthana
[laughing]
Common Dad, he hasn't seen me in all these years. How'd he recognise me !
[Turning to Kurush Deboo]
Dr. J. Asthana
Rustam, come over here.
[shouting in Kurush Deboo's ears]
Dr. J. Asthana
NOBODY should know she's my daughter, is that clear ?
Dr. Rustam Pavri
Of course Sir. Be least assured.
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Murli Prasad Sharma
If money could save lives, then the rich would never die.
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Dr. J. Asthana
Good things happen to good people.
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Shri Hari Prasad Sharma
Selflessness is the sure way to heaven.
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