Heartbreakers Movie Quotes
Jack's Mother
Uh, what it is you do, Mr. Staggliano?
Vinny Staggliano
College professor.
Jack's Mother
Oh! Uh, what do you teach?
Vinny Staggliano
College stuff. What are you, a fucking cop?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jack Withrowe
Hi. Can I get you a drink?
Page Conners
Wow! I've never heard that one before. You really blow me away with your creativity.
Jack Withrowe
Well, I...
Page Conners
"Well, I, uh..." Your recovery's even better! Do you even care at all who I am? I mean, I could be the Antichrist or have the intelligence of a thermos, but unfortunately *those* are not the matters the male penis ponders. So please tell me, why did you walk all the way over here to ask to get me a drink?
Jack Withrowe
Well, because... I'm the bartender.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
Yeah, right. You let your own daughter seduce me? Do you have any idea how much therapy you people need?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
I'll protect her.
Dean Cumanno
From what? From love?
Max Conners
From pain.
Dean Cumanno
Love *is* pain! Life is pain. You can't protect anybody from it, it's always gonna get you. But sometimes, life could also be good. But you got to be open. You got to takes chances. You got to let go!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
I'm sorry, Page. I'm a terrible mother. I'm a terrible everything.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
No more conning! No more! If you're gonna be my wife, you're gonna live a respectable life, chopping cars!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jack Withrowe
Tell me to my face you don't love me.
Page Conners
I don't love you.
Jack Withrowe
Wow. More believable than I thought it would be.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Ulga
We mustn't. God is everywhere.
William B. Tensy
Yes, he is. Isn't he? Nosy bastard.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jack Withrowe
Well, they egged my car.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jack Withrowe
My car doesn't drive so well with a tree in it.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Woman
I'm sorry, sir, but smoking is not permitted.
William B. Tensy
Oh, terribly sorry.
[drops cigarette in her wine glass, then, as he walks away, mutters:]
William B. Tensy
Nazi...
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jack Withrowe
Look, I'm willing to explore the whole being dominated thing, okay? But let's just take it slow.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
[Jack appears from behind "Jane's" car]
Jack Withrowe
Then why are you here?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
[greeting Page-as-Wendy at her interview]
Sorry I'm late. I've been passing out more frequently lately.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
How do I look?
Page Conners
If I were a guy, I'd do you.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Well, I'd have to kiss that way more than you.
Page Conners
Maybe you're into necrophilia.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
[to Jack]
Listen, mouth-breather, I'm fully capable and in the mood to beat the shit out of your psychotic, sulking ass!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
Shut up, junior slut! Get over there! Ya know, you two got some brass balls in those panties, I'll give ya that. And in the few moments you have left, I wanna see some beggin' and some pleadin'.
[points gun at Max and Page]
Page Conners
Uh, Mom...
Max Conners
Dean... you've got so many tells. You are not the killing type.
Dean Cumanno
Don't screw with me. I'm on a fine edge, here. Don't!
Dean Cumanno
Fine. So I'm not that big on homicide!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
[regarding the cigarette lighter present]
I'm not trying to get you to take up smoking, just thought it'd be a nice... incentive.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
There's no love. It's the trick of the brain. It's the combination of chemicals and hormones.
Jack Withrowe
Then why are you here?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
What do you do? Spy on people humping in boats? That's so perverted.
Jack Withrowe
I photograph stars.
Page Conners
Look, just because they're famous doesn't mean they don't deserve their privacy too. Who ya got?
Jack Withrowe
The stars up there.
[points to sky]
Page Conners
You sneak all the way out here to stare at space and shit?
Jack Withrowe
No, I come out here to get away from the lights of the city so I can *see* the space and shit.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
[pulls his gun out and starts shooting at the water]
Dean Cumanno
Huh, got it. This is gonna be a fun trip!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Bill
Well, Jack, looks like she got a free drink *and* one of your balls.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Forget it. You're not gonna kill yourself and stink up my new car.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
Marry me... again.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
Oh, yeah. His liver spots are positively glowing.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
Completely restored. Only seven thousand for a new willy.
Ulga
It's so nice.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
You gold-diggin' whore, you're already working someone else!
[points a gun at Tensy]
Dean Cumanno
Get off of her, asshole. Get off, asshole!
Max Conners
Don't shoot him, Dean.
Dean Cumanno
Why not?
Max Conners
Because he's already dead.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
Smoking is part of the fun of being a kid. We just did some tests on some 9-year-olds. After a little puking, why, you couldn't drag 'em away from the stuff. Heh-heh-heh.
[cough]
William B. Tensy
You're only young once. Why not indulge, though, I always say.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
There is nothing sexier than smoke billowing proudly out of a woman's hot, red, engorged nostrils.
Ulga
That image will - haunt me.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jack Withrowe
You *are* good. You may not know it, but I *do*. You come on tough, but it's all just an act. I mean, you don't even believe in sleeping together before marriage. You're like a Brady or an Osmond or something.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
Angela, I've changed. I've totally changed. Look, look, look! This place is crawling with prime trim; I'm barely even noticing.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
[last lines]
Vinny Staggliano
I never realized I could feel this wa again. That I could be so totally in love with someone.
Barbara
Oh, I feel the same way Stanley...
Vinny Staggliano
You're beautiful.
Barbara
Thank you.
Max Conners
[watching with binoculars and a big grin]
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
I love a woman who eats raw meat.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Here's the last of our cash: 1,150... 1,170... 1,190. That's $1300 each. Wow! Have a nice life with that, Princess.
Page Conners
I'll economize.
Max Conners
Sure. You can do your own hair, your own nails. They actually have some great shoes at Wal-Mart.
Page Conners
UGH! Alright... one more con, but only if we do it right.
Max Conners
What does that mean?
Page Conners
It means no more small-time crap. It has to be big, one big final score to pay off the IRS and set me up on my own.
Max Conners
What are you talking about?
Page Conners
Palm Beach.
Max Conners
Palm Beach? Forget it! People that rich are already suspicious, it's too hard to play!
Page Conners
Palm beach or nothing.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
Why, for once, can't we pick someone who's just a little bit cute?
Max Conners
Dean was kind of cute.
Page Conners
You're in serious denial.
Max Conners
Cute is dangerous. Cute leads to feeling, which leads to screwing, which leads to screwed.
Page Conners
I know that we can make that Doctor and his Mom work for us.
Max Conners
Page, we're going with Tensy and that's that.
Page Conners
That is not that! Look, if you wanna go with Tensy, go with Tensy, okay? I'm working Davis.
Max Conners
Page, I've told you before. No simultaneous cons, too many angles. They always go bad.
Page Conners
Yeah, but it's not just that, is it?
Max Conners
What?
Page Conners
You don't think I can be the primary, do you?
Max Conners
I didn't say that, although it does take an enormous amount of skill.
Page Conners
I can make men do anything.
Max Conners
Boys. You can make boys do anything: Gas station attendants, bartenders, the occasional migrant worker. A one-shot seduction is child's play compared to getting someone to marry you in three months.
Page Conners
Four months.
Max Conners
What?
Page Conners
Well, it took you four months this time. You used to be able to do it in three.
Max Conners
What are you saying? That I'm losing it? I'm getting too old?
Page Conners
I didn't say that.
Max Conners
I'm in terrific shape. Feel my butt.
Page Conners
Ugh, I am not going to feel your butt again, Mother, okay? We all know it's wonderful.
Max Conners
Tell you what. We'll play for it. Winner picks the mark.
Page Conners
Great. I've got cards.
Max Conners
Right. I'm gonna to trust your cards. See that guy over there at the bar? First one to get him to buy her a drink wins.
Page Conners
Deal.
Man at the Bar
Yeah. Sure is.
Man at the Bar
[smiles at Max and turns back to page, holding a cigarette in her mouth]
Let me get that for ya.
[lights her cigarette]
Man at the Bar
Sure.
[eagerly places her shoe back on her foot]
Max Conners
You're so kind. I'm Betty.
Max Conners
Hi, my name is...
[eats one of his peanuts]
Page Conners
Mmm, salty.
[Max begins coughing]
Max Conners
Are you okay? Can I get you a drink?
Man at the Bar
We go with Tensy.
Page Conners
Stupid jerk!
[gets up and walks away, leaving the man confused]
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
What the Hell's taking so long?
Max Conners
[Pissed]
Oh, relax! You'll get your money. You destroyed my daughter, but you'll get it.
Dean Cumanno
Hey, I was standing around, minding my own business when you bitches came along and ripped out my heart for a game of hackeysack. Don't give me that.
Max Conners
Come off it! We're both the same: We're scum!
Dean Cumanno
We are not the same! I wasn't lying when I said, "I do".
Max Conners
No, you were lying when you tried to nail Page!
Dean Cumanno
Pfft. Look, where I come from, guys make mistakes, sometimes. Didn't change the fact that I loved you.
[Brief pause]
Dean Cumanno
I just know I wouldn't do it again.
Max Conners
'Cause you got caught.
Dean Cumanno
No, because of what I lost. You know, I'm not the only guy in the world that's ever screwed up. Even a goodie goodie like Jack couldn't keep his wang in the hanger.
Max Conners
Nothing.
Dean Cumanno
No, no, wait a minute, wait a minute. What did you say?
Max Conners
I micked him.
[Dean becomes shocked]
Max Conners
Strictotoxin...
[flashback to Max spiking Jack's drink]
Max Conners
... somewhere between out and awake. It just makes people easier to handle.
Dean Cumanno
Whoa, whoa, wait a-wait a minute, you're kidding! He said "no" and you still let her believe that he went for a soil sample? You know what? That's a new low, even for you!
Max Conners
Look, you wanted your money! What was I supposed to do? Tell her that the man you forced us to con was the only decent guy she'd ever met?
Dean Cumanno
What? You know what? This is just too sick! I thought this whole revenge thing was gonna be fun, but you've done whatever you can to ruin it! I don't even want this guy's money now!
Max Conners
Well, I don't want it, either!
Dean Cumanno
Well, I'm not taking it!
Max Conners
Well, neither am I!
Dean Cumanno
Well, neither am I!
Max Conners
All right, I'll take it.
Dean Cumanno
What?
Max Conners
You said you didn't want it.
Dean Cumanno
You should tell your daughter the truth!
Max Conners
What for? He's only gonna end up hurting her, anyway. She's better off with me, okay? I'll protect her.
Dean Cumanno
From what? From love?
Max Conners
From pain.
Dean Cumanno
Love is pain! Life is pain! You can't protect anybody from it! It's always gonna get ya, but sometimes, life could also be good! But you gotta be open, you gotta take chances, you gotta let go!
Max Conners
What self-help guru moron taught you that?
Dean Cumanno
Nobody had to teach me nothing, it's common sense. And Deepak Chopra is not a moron! I've seen a lot of crap in my life, but the way you're cheating her out of any chance for a decent future, it really sucks. Of all the lousy things you've done, you should be most ashamed of that. And what you did to me, too, I don't wanna completely leave that out.
Dean Cumanno
I don't want the money. Good luck with Psycho Mom here.
[Walks away]
Max Conners
I took care of him.
Page Conners
How?
Max Conners
I don't want to talk about it. Let's just get this Goddamn place!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
For once, she's telling the truth!
Dean Cumanno
Like I'm gonna believe the seed of Satan!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
Not "hmm"! I am not dating the walking dead!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
[slipping the arresting officer cash as he takes a housekeeper to jail]
If it's at all possible, could you slap her around a little bit?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
Excuse me, may I grab your nuts? Mmm. Salty.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
[catching Dean with another woman before their marriage was consumated]
You just lost the best thing you never had.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Have you any idea what that meat is doing to your arteries?
Page Conners
Haven't you heard? Cigarettes dissolve cholesterol.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Forget it. He's taken. Mama's boy.
Page Conners
We can get around her.
Max Conners
Pass. Mothers are death.
Page Conners
Can't argue that.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
[to Jack]
Since you can't seem to read my subtle signals, I'll help you out. Piss! Off!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
Look, just give it to me, or would you rather have my heel up your ass?
Jack Withrowe
Who told you I'm into that?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jack Withrowe
Isn't that the shoe you wanted to jam up my ass?
Page Conners
No, that was the 6" heel.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
All right. He's sleeping. He wakes up having one of his famous coughing fits, flails around and falls right onto the statue becoming penilely impaled. That's believable, right?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
[tied to the bed, blindfolded, in his underwear]
Look. I don't need anything. Please, just get lost. Lady!
Hotel Housekeeping Maid
You know, I've been cleaning this room for three weeks and so far, no tip.
Dean Cumanno
Fine. There's 20 bucks in my pants over there.
Hotel Housekeeping Maid
20? How about I sit on your kinky face for a while, while you think about that.
Dean Cumanno
Okay, okay, okay. 50!
Hotel Housekeeping Maid
That's more like it.
Dean Cumanno
Unbelievable.
Hotel Housekeeping Maid
Both of these wallets yours?
Dean Cumanno
Two wallets? Untie me!
Hotel Housekeeping Maid
Now, that?ll be another 20.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Where's the penis?
Page Conners
It's still there. It's just the rigor mortis is gone, so there's no wood.
Max Conners
Not his, the statue's.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Angela Nardino
Kiss my foot and apologize.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
I can't protect you. I just get you hurt in different, sickways. So you might as well get hurt in your own healthy, normal ways.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Look. You brought this on yourself. You cheated on me.
Dean Cumanno
You set me up to cheat!
Page Conners
We can't make a scumbag do anything a scumbag wouldn't do anyway.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Wear whatever you want - except, what you're wearing.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
You two are gonna dry up in some filthy lesbo lockdown - with bad lighting!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
Honey! Honey! This isn't what it looks like. I... I... I swear her hair got stuck in my zipper. I-I-I-I wasn't gettin' nothin'.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jack Withrowe
Jane, Jane! I don't know what happened. It was weird.
Jane Helstrom
There is only one man in the world.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Maybe you'd like a spanking?
Page Conners
Just try it. I dare you!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Ulga
So much loudness. Can we not go somewhere I can relate to you... orally?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Wait by the phone. Timing on this is crucial.
Page Conners
Duh!
[walks away from car window]
Page Conners
...Always treating me like a child...
Max Conners
Child.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
You will respect your mother and do the con.
Page Conners
Keep dreaming, witch!
Max Conners
You are not too old to spank!
Page Conners
Try it!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
One penis coming up, Mom!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jack Withrowe
That's not very friendly. Now, I want you to go back out, and this time, when you kick the door open, say something nice.
Page Conners
[standing firm]
You stole my purse, dip-shit, and you stole it so I'd have to see your ugly-ass face again.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
[advancing upon Olga]
My love, tonight we will celebrate this ecstatic joining of our spirits with the union of our aching bodies.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
I ache for you, my pumpkin. Let's hump.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Ulga
[upon seeing Tensy in his undershirt and shorts, w/fake Russian accent]
Oh my gootness! Dat ees jarring!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
[first lines]
Priest at First Wedding
Do you, Angela Nardino, take Dean Cumanno as your lawfully wedded husband? To love, honor, and obey, 'til death do you part?
Angela Nardino
I do.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
I've assumed my husband always filed the tax return.
Gloria Vogal
Which one?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
You're not ready to con a guy without falling in love yourself.
Page Conners
Give me a break, I am in complete control!
Max Conners
I saw the kiss. Your eyes were closed.
Page Conners
That was the sun!
Max Conners
The last time the sun got in my eyes, I wound up with a daughter.
Page Conners
Yeah, and that's about the worst thing that's ever happened to you, isn't it?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Turning down a wedding gift is bad luck.
Jack Withrowe
Oh, I've never heard that before.
Max Conners
Sure, everything to do with weddings is bad luck.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
How do I look?
Page Conners
If I were a guy, I'd do you.
Max Conners
You're too kind. I'm going back to the hospital to see if I can fix the mess you made last night.
Page Conners
Be nice or I won't tell you which eye looks bigger.
Max Conners
Which?
Page Conners
Are you gonna be nice?
Max Conners
I'm always nice.
Page Conners
The left. Here, use my eyeliner. *Realizes shift left her purse for the second time* Shit.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Vladimir
[in Russian]
Can I tickle you with my big Russian sausage?
Vladimir
Da?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
I don't understand the problem, Philip. We deposit our money and you give it back when we say so.
Philip Tinker
I'm afraid it's not that simple, Miss Conners.
[Philip looks over at Gloria Vogel]
Gloria Vogal
Hello, I'm Gloria Vogal. IRS.
Max Conners
Hello.
Gloria Vogal
Oh. I see you've heard of us. I'm surprised because we so seldom hear from you.
Max Conners
Well, I, I suppose I might be a little late with this year's return.
Gloria Vogal
Maybe even in the last 7.
Page Conners
Mother, I'm stunned! I had no idea you would evade your responsibilities as a U.S. citizen.
Gloria Vogal
[Grabs Page by the shoulder and forces back down into her seat]
Shut up, Miss Conners! We've never seen a dime from you either!
Max Conners
Look, I know what must've happened. You see, I've always assumed that my returns were filed... by my husband.
Gloria Vogal
Which one?
Max Conners
Look, just because I've had some trouble with my personal relationships...
Gloria Vogal
Miss Conners, how you earn your money is of no use to IRS. Now, how can I put this in a language that you'll understand? We just want our cut.
Page Conners
How much?
Gloria Vogal
With interest and penalties, the total comes to $247,811.
Page Conners
What?
Max Conners
Ugh!
[She takes out her checkbook, and takes a pen from Philip's desk, but Gloria takes the pen out of Max's hand]
Gloria Vogal
Oh, no no no no no. I'm afraid that amount is an addition to what used to be in your accounts. Your latest divorce settlement arrived this morning. Thanks.
Max Conners
But that's... everything.
Gloria Vogal
It's not all bad. We give you a full 90 days to pay. Or... we move forward with criminal charges, for felony, tax evasion, and fraud.
[Max and Page are speechless and in shock]
Gloria Vogal
[Whispered and with relish]
Good luck.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Angela Nardino
Take me, Dean. Don't tease me.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Leo
I believe it's tradition for the best man to dance with the beautiful bride.
Dean Cumanno
Piss off, Leo!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
Hey, hey, hey! We're talking about my wife here. A man's wedding night is his own private, sacred business. It's not to entertain lowlife scum like youse guys.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Angela Nardino
Thank you for respecting my religious beliefs. I'm really ready now.
Dean Cumanno
Thank you, God!
Angela Nardino
I'm ready to do things to you that no woman has ever done before. How about a...
[whispers in Dean's ear]
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
That's how much I love you, baby.
Angela Nardino
You must love me - a lot.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Cumanno
Thanks.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
For that I lived 4 months in a crap hotel without cable? Ugh, I'm so sick of this small-time bullshit. Plus, I had to kiss that greasy mook.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
I'll tell you exactly what's going to happen. You'll go off, you'll get lonely. Some moron hunk will come along, you'll think it's true love. You'd never been so sure of anything in your life. And then, bam. He will pull a conceive and leave - and then it's my life all over again.
Page Conners
Mom, I am not that stupid.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
You were lucky.
Page Conners
I was good.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
That's $1, 300 each. Wow. Have a nice life with that, Princess.
Page Conners
I'll economize.
Max Conners
Sure. You can do your own hair, your own nails. They actually have some great shoes at Walmart.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Ulga
[wrangled it so that the statue's stone penis broke off, so she doesn't have to buy it]
No. Man thing off, deal off. What good is to me now? He has no "pipiska."
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
David D. Cummings: 760 million. E-commerce stuff. Just ended marriage number 3.
Page Conners
Downside?
Max Conners
Very big on ironclad prenups - and, as you can see, massive competition.
Page Conners
We could handle him.
Max Conners
We'd have to be into a group kind of thing.
Page Conners
Ménage à trois?
Max Conners
Try ménage à cinq.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
What's wrong, Page? Mother can tell something's wrong.
Page Conners
Mother knows nothing.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
William B. Tensy, C.E.O. of Tensy Tobacco. Old money, but also just plain old.
Max Conners
How much?
Page Conners
Three billion with a few million more every day.
Max Conners
Hmm...
Page Conners
Not "hmm." I am not dating the walking dead.
Max Conners
Page, the older the better. With luck they die right after the wedding and then you're talking widow money.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
Don't you ever flop me without my consent.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
Dean, wait! Look, what if we gave you back your money?
[Dean halts in his tracks]
Max Conners
Well?
Dean Cumanno
I stopped walking, didn't I?
Max Conners
But first you gotta help us make it look like this creep died here alone and peaceful so there's no questions. You know how to do that?
Dean Cumanno
I'm from Jersey, aren't I?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
[Scoping out their next potential target]
Dr. Arnold Davis. Made huge money when an old Uncle died. 45, pretty good shape.
Max Conners
Who's the old bag?
Page Conners
His Mom. She lives with him.
Max Conners
Forget it. He's taken. Mama's boy.
Page Conners
We can get around her.
Max Conners
Pass. Mothers are death.
Page Conners
Can't argue that.
Max Conners
[Onto their next potential target]
David D. Cummings. 760 million. E-commerce stuff. Just ended marriage #3.
Page Conners
Downside?
Max Conners
Very big on iron clad prenups. And as you can see, massive competition.
Page Conners
We can handle him.
Max Conners
Hmm. We'd have to be into a group kind-of-thing.
Page Conners
Menage a trois?
Max Conners
Try menage a cinq.
Page Conners
Eww. Pass.
Page Conners
William B. Tensy. CEO of Tensy Tobacco. Old money, but also, just plain old.
Page Conners
3 billion, with a few million more everyday.
Page Conners
Not hmm. I am not dating The Walking Dead.
Max Conners
Page, the older, the better. With luck, they die right after the wedding and then you're talking widow money.
Max Conners
Well, I'd have to kiss that way more than you.
Page Conners
Well, maybe you're into necrophilia.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Linda
You know, he's not really into ass play. That's just, like, his sense of humor.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Ulga
[singing]
Flew in from Miami Beach B.O.A.C., Didn't get to bed last night, On the way the paper bag was on my knee, Man, I had a dreadful flight, I'm back in U.S.S.R...
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jack Withrowe
Are you some kind of wilderness female mud wrestler?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
Why is it whenever I see you things seem to be going into the crapper?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
What? You don't believe me?
Jack Withrowe
Well, I'd like to, but...
Page Conners
What about my butt?
[kiss]
Page Conners
Oh, I got to go.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Ulga
I no understand. What is you want?
Miss Madress
I is want your ex-commie ass out of his life. I didn't put up with his crap for years just to be squeezed out right before he kicks. I've put in the time and I expect a big payoff.
Ulga
Oh, you must believe, I have true feelings for him.
Miss Madress
Oh, spare me your Bolshevik bullshit.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Miss Madress
I'm on to you.
Ulga
You're attracted to me? Oh, flattering, but I no do females.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
[Page, posing under the name Allison, is on her knees, drying off Tensy's wet lap with a towel]
Y-You seem very dedicated to your work, Allison.
Page Conners
Something inside me - this need to please my employer in any way possible.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
William B. Tensy
I think that I deserve a big kiss for that big gift.
Ulga
Oh, yes. Is no getting around that.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Ulga
Oh, William, my religion! Humping is not yet allowed.
William B. Tensy
Oh, of course it is. I proposed, you accepted. To God, everything else is just paper work.
Ulga
Oh, William, I insist we wait till after wedding.
William B. Tensy
Ulga, I am much more powerful than you. Just relax and enjoy it.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Page Conners
Not bad, huh?
[Max seems unimpressed]
Page Conners
Oh, what?
Max Conners
It's just a little hacky to go right for the member massage.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Vinny Staggliano
What do you want, baby? I'll do anything.
Angela Nardino
Anything?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Ulga
I try everything, but is very political red tape to get green card and I am loopholeless.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Ulga
I am but ignorant, unintelligible foreigner, but if you marry me, I believe that puts, uh, kibosh on deportation.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Max Conners
This is unbelievable. Oh. Oh, God. Oh. Oh, God. You are so enormous.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
