The Little Shop Off Horrors Movie Quotes
Fouch
Besides, I've got to get home. My wife's making gardenias for dinner.
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Sgt. Joe Fink
[voice-over]
Now we were on the case. Officer Frank Stoolie and me. My name is Fink. Sergeant Joe Fink. I'm a Fink.
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[Seymour walks into the shop holding a bag with Dr. Farb's corpse in it]
Audrey Jr.
Feed me!
Seymour
Aw, take it easy, Dracula. What do you think I'm carrying here, my dirty laundry?
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Mushnick
Oh, here are your carnations. Wait, I'll wrap them for you.
Fouch
No, that's all right, I'll eat 'em here.
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Sgt. Joe Fink
How's the wife, Frank?
Officer Frank Stoolie
Not bad, Joe.
Sgt. Joe Fink
Glad to hear it. The kids?
Officer Frank Stoolie
Lost one yesterday.
Sgt. Joe Fink
Lost one, eh? How'd that happen?
Officer Frank Stoolie
Playing with matches.
Sgt. Joe Fink
Well, those are the breaks.
Officer Frank Stoolie
Yeah, I guess so.
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Mushnick
It's a finger of speech!
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Mushnick
All right, explain me more.
Fouch
Well, I remember one place that had a whole wall covered with poison ivy. Now, people came from miles around to look at that wall and they stayed to buy.
Mushnick
The owner got rich?
Fouch
No, he scratched himself to death in an insane asylum.
Mrs. Shiva
[gasps]
That was my cousin Harry!
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Leonora Clyde
Speak for yourself, John.
[Seymour snaps out of his trance]
Seymour
My name is Seymour.
Leonora Clyde
[mockingly]
My name is Seymour!
Seymour
That's my name, too!
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sign in flower shop
Lots Plants Cheap
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Wilbur Force
[reading an article from "Pain" magazine in the waiting room of the dentist; giggling]
The patient came to me with a large hole in his abdomen, caused by a fire poker used on him by his wife. He almost bled to death and gangrene had set in. I didn't give him much of a chance. There were other complications. The man had cancer, tuberculosis, leprosy, and a touch of the grippe. I decided to operate.
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[Seymour is impersonating Dr. Farb to a new patient]
Wilbur Force
My name is Wilbur Force.
Seymour
Wilbur Force what?
Wilbur Force
Just Wilbur Force. My first name is Wilbur, my last name is Force. I don't have a middle name.
Seymour
Well, do you have an appointment, maybe?
Wilbur Force
No, but you were very highly recommended to me by one of your patients, a Mrs. S. Shiva. I do a lot of undertaking for her relatives.
Seymour
Well, as you can see I have a customer now. And I'm all booked up for the rest of the day, so you'll have to come back tomorrow.
Wilbur Force
Oh, I couldn't do that. I have three or four abscesses, I touch of pyorrhea, nine or ten cavities, I lost my pivot tooth, and I'm in terrible pain!
Seymour
Well I can't help you today.
Wilbur Force
Oh, that's all right. I'll just wait outside.
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Wilbur Force
Now, no novocaine. It dulls the senses.
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Seymour
You mean I'm fired?
Mushnick
No, I'm electing you President from the United States! *Yes*, you are fired!
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Fouch
My name is Burson Fouch.
Mushnick
Excellent. I am Gravis Mushnick.
Fouch
Oh, that's a good one.
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[repeated line]
Seymour
I didn't mean it!
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Seymour
I didn't mean it.
Mushnick
You didn't mean it. You never mean it. You didn't mean it the time when you put up the bouquet with the 'get well' card in the funeral parlor, and sent the black lilies to the old lady in the hospital, you didn't mean it. But this time, I, Gravis Mushnick, mean it!
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Seymour
Don't waste your pity on me, Audrey. I'm not worth it.
Audrey
Who says you're not?
Seymour
Everybody.
Audrey
Yeah, I know.
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Audrey
Why don't you give him a chance to resurrect himself?
Mushnick
I give him chance to quit!
Seymour
I ain't gonna quit!
Mushnick
You're a brave boy, you're fired.
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Audrey
Don't worry, you're gonna be another Luther Glendale.
Seymour
Pasadena.
Audrey
Burbank.
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Leonora Clyde
What's the matter? Don't you like me?
Seymour
Too bony.
Leonora Clyde
Too bony? Nobody's ever told me that before.
Seymour
Beef is better than veal.
[she stands up]
Leonora Clyde
You're such a do-do! What do you call this, chopped liver?
[he pokes her side]
Seymour
Master would like more fat.
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[first lines]
Sgt. Joe Fink
[voiceover over a panning shot of a drawing of a sleazy neighbourhood]
My name is Sergeant Joe Fink, working the 24-hour shift out of homicide. And this is my workshop. The part of town that everybody knows about, but that nobody wants to see - where the tragedies are deeper, the ecstasy's wilder and the crime rate consistently higher than anywhere else. Skid Row... my beat.
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[shouting at Seymour, who has been singing off-camera]
Mushnick
Shut up from the back!
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Mushnick
Bring me whisky, rum, wine, gin, bourbon...
Waitress
What?
Mushnick
...scotch, rye, tequila, sake, Manischewitz...
Waitress
Did you bring the money?
Mushnick
Don't work me with the money. I've got to get drunk, now!
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Fouch
Good night. And I'll see you tomorrow. I'm crazy about kosher flowers.
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Audrey
[excited about the overnight growth of Audrey Jr]
Isn't it empirical?
Mushnick
It grows like a cold sore from the lip.
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sign in flower shop
We don't LETTING YOU SPEND so much
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[repeated line]
Seymour
Oh boy!
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Mrs. Shiva
Oh! Such a thing, eating flowers!
Fouch
Look, don't knock it 'til you try it, huh?
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Audrey Jr.
I need some chow!
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[after pulling out one of Seymour's teeth]
Dr. Phoebus Farb
Look at that! Would you look at that, Seymour? I didn't know you were an elk!
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Seymour
Did you call me, Mr. Mushnick?
Mushnick
No, I was calling John D. Rockefeller for to make a loan on my Rolls Royce!
Seymour
Sorry I said it.
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Mushnick
Who... I mean... what did it eat this time?
Seymour
Uh... about a million Japanese beetles.
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Mushnick
You have perhaps an explanation?
Seymour
No, but if you give me a minute I'll think of one.
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Seymour
This is gonna hurt you more than it is me.
Wilbur Force
Oh, goody, goody. Here it comes.
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[a patient has just ran out of Farb's office screaming]
Dr. Phoebus Farb
Seymour, Seymour, got a bad tooth, huh?
Seymour
[frightened; turns around to leave]
No, I thought this was the men's room.
Dr. Phoebus Farb
Seymour, come back here, you bad dog, you, get in there!
[Farb grabs Seymour and pushes him into his office]
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[repeated line]
Audrey Jr.
Feed me!
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Seymour
[after getting dumped by Audrey, for which Audrey Jr. is responsible]
I'm getting pretty tired of you.
Audrey Jr.
[oblivious to Seymour's situation]
I need food!
Seymour
I don't care what you need. Look what you done to me, you not only made a butcher out of me but you drove my girl away.
Audrey Jr.
[completely rude]
Shut up and bring on the food!
Seymour
[fed up with the plant's selfish rudeness]
Don't tell me to shut up - YOU shut up! Who raised you from a bunch of little seeds? Who fed you all them high-class fertilizers and sat up with you when you were sick? Nodody else would have done that for you. You think anybody else would have brought you human beings to eat?
Audrey Jr.
[appalled that Seymour has just dared to talk back to him]
Damn right, they wouldn't.
Seymour
Well, I've helped you and you've helped me. Now shut your trap and go to sleep. I'm tired.
Audrey Jr.
[still not taking no for answer, Jr. starts to hypnotize him]
Krelborn! Turn around! Close your eyes. You are asleep. Open your eyes. Now you will do as I say. Will you follow me?
Seymour
Yes, master.
Audrey Jr.
You will go out and find me some food!
Seymour
Yes, master.
Audrey Jr.
Now begone. And waste no time.
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Shirley
Well, we're from Cucamonga High School...
Shirley's Friend
...and we're building a float...
Shirley
...for the Rose Bowl Parade...
Shirley's Friend
...which is made out of flowers...
Shirley
...thousands of them...
Shirley's Friend
...and we're on the commitee...
Shirley
...that picks the florist...
Shirley's Friend
...and then glues on the flowers.
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Sgt. Joe Fink
We just want to ask you a few questions.
Mushnick
I didn't do it.
Officer Frank Stoolie
Do what?
Mushnick
Whatever.
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Audrey
I wish you'd break out and tell me.
Mushnick
All right, I'll tell you tomorrow right after I am telling the police.
Sgt. Joe Fink
[voice-over]
But Mushnick didn't come to the police. If he had, that might have been the finish of the unhappy story. It was not.
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[answering phone]
Mushnick
Flowers, fresh as the springtime, Mushnick's.
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Winifred
Did you stop at Dr. Mallard's and get the results of my tests?
Seymour
Yeah. He said there's nothing wrong with ya.
Winifred
Ah, not Dr. Mallard! He... He's one doctor I thought would tell the truth.
Seymour
He said you should be playing fullback for the Rams.
Winifred
He wants me dead! I'll bet he's Assistant Coroner.
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[last lines]
Winifred
SEYMOUR?
Seymour
I didn't mean it!
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Mrs. Shiva
I thought possibly because I give you all my funeral business, that maybe you should possibly give to me a little cut rate.
Mushnick
Look at me, Mrs. Shiva. What I, a philatelist?... To my throat I would be giving a cut.
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Radio announcer
[as Seymour walks into his home] This is Radio KSIK. You've been listening to "Music for Old Invalids." Our next selection is entitled, "Sickroom Serenade."
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Winifred
[reading a medicine botte label]
If you get hit by a truck, call your physician.
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Mushnick
Now that is what I call a salad. What do you call that salad?
Audrey
Caesarean.
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Mrs. Hortense Feuchtwanger
I happen to represent the Society of Silent Flower Observers of Southern California.
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Audrey
I think you're a fine figurative of a man.
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Mushnick
Girls, girls, girls, girls, girls. Please don't damage the horticulturist.
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Wilbur Force
I'd almost rather go to the dentist than anywhere, wouldn't you?
Seymour
Yeah.
Wilbur Force
Now, no novocaine. It dulls the senses.
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Seymour
But Audrey's an honest girl, ma.
Winifred
Ya never trust a woman who's too healthy.
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Shirley's Friend
Oh, now the float will be perfect!
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Seymour
Look, Ma, I've gotta go. Can I bring you anything?
Winifred
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring me the Evening News. They're running a self-diagnosis contest The winner gets to go the Mayo Clinic.
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Seymour
It's this tooth, over here.
Dr. Phoebus Farb
Seymour, who's the dentist here, you or me?
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Winifred
She's out after your money.
Seymour
I don't have any money.
Winifred
Oh, she's a smart one. She'll latch onto ya until you get some, and then goodbye fortune.
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Audrey
What kind of a plant is this, Seymour?
Seymour
Well, I'm not sure. I got the seeds from a Japanese gardener over on Central Avenue. He found them in with an order he got from a plantation next to a cranberry farm.
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Shirley
Mr. Mushnick.
Shirley's Friend
We talked to the committee.
Shirley
And they said we could use your flowers.
Shirley's Friend
On the float.
Shirley
And guess what?
Shirley's Friend
We're going to feature Audrey Jr.
Shirley
Right on top!
Shirley's Friend
Can't you just picture it?
Mushnick
I can picture it.
Shirley
Oh, won't the people just eat it up?
Mushnick
Eat up the people.
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Winifred
Here you are. Now try.
Audrey
Sure smells different.
Winifred
It's different.
Audrey
Some kind of oil, isn't it?
Winifred
Cod liver oil. Wonderful for the colon.
Seymour
And that's sulphur powder on top.
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Dr. Phoebus Farb
That'll teach you to keep your bill up to date, you deadbeat! Well, then run, you sniveling dog! Then run. I'm glad, I hurt you. I'm glad. I'm glad.
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Mushnick
By the by, I understand you want to take Audrey out on a date tonight. That's very good with me. Because I am staying to keep an eye on that meshugana plant.
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Mushnick
Don't get smart with me, girlie. I'll have you know that in my shop in the cash register. I'm having the total day's receipts, which is summing up to more than nine dollars. You'll bring the rest of the food and I'll go the the shop and get the money!
Waitress
You are playing my favorite song. Now, look here, buster. One of you is gonna go down right now and get the loot while the other one stays here until the first one gets back. If you get what I mean?
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Shirley's Friend
She'll be so cute!
Shirley
Oh, you could just eat her up.
Mushnick
Eat up the girl.
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Audrey Jr.
Feed me!
Seymour
I am sorry, pal. I am fresh out of blood. Talk to somebody else.
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Mushnick
Here. Here are several dozen carnations on the house - courtesy of Gravis Mushnick, the bloom tycoon.
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Mushnick
I can see it all now. We are in the poorhouse. That big sign in the sky it is reading: "Seymour Krelborn. Rest in Peace." In Arabic!
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Audrey
I think you're a fine figurative of a man, and - and I know that Audrey Jr. will be the sweetest thing in the whole, wide world!
Seymour
Well, I don't know. I've given it every kind of fancy fertilizer and atomic plant food and distilled mineral water that you can buy; but, it just gets sicker and sicker.
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Dr. Phoebus Farb
Who can be a dentist on Skid Row?
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Mushnick
I'll send Seymour right away. Who am I to argue with science?
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Mushnick
Let me wrap your carnations...
Fouch
Oh no thanks, I'll eat 'em here.
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Shirley's Friend
Doesn't it have a scientific name?
Mushnick
Yes, of course. But who could denounce it?
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Winifred
I don't like my house cluttered up with rotten vegetables.
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Winifred
Don't look at me. I - I'm a terrible sight. I - I'm a complete sea hag.
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Mushnick
Hungry? And other fine kettle von fish! Who would you like to have tonight?
Audrey Jr.
You look fat enough.
Mushnick
We not only got a talking plant, we got one that makes with smart cracks. Will you listen to me, you botanical bum? Food you wouldn't get. Not from Gravis Mushnick.
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Winifred
Don't feel sorry for me. I'll just find a nice, wet alley somewhere and curl up and wait for the end.
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Winifred
You promised you wouldn't get married until you bought me an iron lung.
Seymour
You've been breathing for years, Ma.
Winifred
Well, it ain't easy. It ain't easy, son.
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Audrey
You're a nut. You tell me that you love me and then you you act like a complete idiot.
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Winifred
You know what you got?
Officer Frank Stoolie
Just the facts, ma'am.
Winifred
Trench mouth. Oh, I know, I had it back in '09.
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Mrs. Hortense Feuchtwanger
Is this a freak or can more be raised from the seeds?
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Seymour
I gave it a name.
Mushnick
What name?
Seymour
Aw, gee...
Mushnick
What? You gave it a dirty name that you can't even mention it?
Seymour
Well... I named it Audrey Jr.
Audrey
[excited]
You named it after me!
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Mushnick
Look, Audrey. Isn't he beautiful? Isn't he delicious? Isn't he got a $2 raise? What happened to your fingers?
Seymour
Bee stings. Oh, so how come I am all of a sudden so wonderful?
Mushnick
Five bees, one for each finger?
Seymour
[hold up both hands]
Ten bees.
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Mushnick
Oh, fine. In this fancy shmancy restaurant, you are holding hostages, right?
Waitress
Right.
Mushnick
Excellent. You eat up Audrey. I'll be back in a flash with the cash.
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Audrey
Try to eat something. It'll calm your agrimation.
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Seymour
Ain't it something?
Audrey
It's - it's monstrosinous!
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Seymour
Oh, boy, you kiss *good*, Audrey.
Audrey
Well, I guess I just have a good kisser.
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Audrey
There's a lady from some kind of a comitance outside.
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Mushnick
Are you hungry?
Audrey
Sure am. I could eat a hearse.
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Mushnick
Good morning, Mrs. Shiva. How are we today?
Mrs. Shiva
Oh, the same, Mr. Mushnick. My sister's nephew Henry died yesterday in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Mushnick
Oh, what happened?
Mrs. Shiva
He got blown up. Who knows how?
Mushnick
That's nice. You may want some flowers for the funeral?
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Fouch
Look, I've eaten in flower shops all over the world. And I've noticed that the places that have the most weird and unusual plants do the best business.
Audrey
See?
Seymour
See?
Mrs. Shiva
See?
Mushnick
What is this, a tango?
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Audrey
Seymour, do you feel all right?
Seymour
Well, I don't know. I'm not sure.
Audrey
Well, then stop all this nonsense and kiss me.
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Seymour
It's a cross between a butterworth and a venus flytrap.
Mushnick
Venus flytrap! And what are the habbits of this Venus flytrap?
Seymour
Well, the book says it eats insects. It eats them three times in it's life - and then it's full grown.
Mushnick
Excellent! And how many times is this one eat?
Seymour
Well, once or twice.
Mushnick
You don't remember?
Seymour
Well, this is kind of an unusual type flytrap.
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Seymour
[to Audrey, Jr]
Oh, gee. You opened up just like you do every night at sunset. I wish I knew how to make you grow. Here, let me move this out of your way so you can breathe.
[accidentally pricks his finger]
Seymour
Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Hey, what happened? How come you woke up? Blood? You like blood? You must be kidding.
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Seymour
What's the matter little plant? Haven't I done everything I could for you? Where did I goof? You're the first little plant I ever tried to grow, and if you die, I dunno what I'll do! Please don't die.
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Shirley
Well, we don't have any money.
Shirley's Friend
Except 2000 dollars.
Shirley
But that's just to spend on flowers.
Shirley's Friend
So we don't have any of our own.
Shirley
Isn't that a drag?
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Mushnick
I want to talk on you about the future. Look on this fly trap. Look on it. Soon we got no more Skid Row. We will be rich. Us. I am building for you, a giant greenhouse in which you are making impossible flowers, which in turn I am selling at ridiculous prices in my giant new flower saloon in Beverly Hills. Do you see that big sign in the sky? It is saying, "Gravis Mushnick", in French.
Audrey
Isn't it exciting? And we'll have an orchestra right by the cash register, and Gravis will wave his arms and the orchestra will play Mendelssohn's Spring Song. I'll come out in a gown, wrapped by somebody expensive and say...
Mushnick
"The carnations are 600 dollars a dozen, two dozen for a thousand!"
Seymour
It's a bargain!
Audrey
Get 'em while they last!
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Audrey Jr.
Feed me!
Seymour
Look, chow-hound. Don't bother me. I got problems of my own.
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Seymour
Gee, Audrey. You don't have to kiss me.
Audrey
Don't you like me to kiss you?
Seymour
Yeah, but, you don't like to kiss me.
Audrey
Why shouldn't I?
Seymour
Nobody else ever did.
Audrey
Well, I do like to.
Seymour
You do? You really do? You like to kiss me?
Audrey
Sure, I do.
Seymour
Would - would you like to kiss me again?
Audrey
Okay.
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Winifred
You thinkin' to get married?
Audrey
He hasn't asked me yet.
Winifred
Who hasn't?
Audrey
Seymour.
Winifred
Seymour's too young to get married. Look here. A boy's got to go and play around a little bit. Go out on the makin'. Have a ball.
Seymour
Gee, Ma. I don't wanna have a ball. I wanna be with Audrey.
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Seymour
I don't think there gonna be will be any more, Miss, uh...
Mrs. Hortense Feuchtwanger
Feuchtwanger. Mrs Hortense Feuchtwanger.
Seymour
I think this is gonna be the only one, Mrs. Fishswinger.
Mrs. Hortense Feuchtwanger
Feuchtwanger.
Seymour
Feuchtwanger?
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Mushnick
Now, Seymour. Talk on me!
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Winifred
Why don't you get yourself a real female with something decent like pneumonoconiosis, or - or gall stones?
Seymour
Well, maybe she could catch something like that.
Winifred
The only thing she'll catch is you. And she'll take you off to some shady sanatorium and leave me to chiropractors and faith healers. I know when I'm not wanted.
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Mushnick
I tell you, this business is worse than being a conductor in a revoluting door. I'll be glad when this day is finished.
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Mushnick
Look, we don't need no eyes kept on nothing.
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Leonora Clyde
My name is Leonora Clyde. How's the rain on the rhubarb?
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Seymour
[singing while feeding a severed foot to Audrey Jr.]
Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la!
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