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Kinoafisha Films Once Upon a Time in Mexico Once Upon a Time in Mexico Movie Quotes

Once Upon a Time in Mexico Movie Quotes

Agent Sands Are you a Mexi-CAN or a Mexi-CAN'T?

Cucuy I'm a Mexi-CAN

Agent Sands Good. Then do as I say.

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Agent Sands El, you really must try this because it's puerco pibil. It's a slow-roasted pork, nothing fancy. It just happens to be my favorite, and I order it with a tequila and lime in every dive I go to in this country. And honestly, that is the best it's ever been anywhere. In fact, it's too good. It's so good that when I'm finished, I'll pay my check, walk straight into the kitchen and shoot the cook. Because that's what I do. I restore the balance to this country. And that is what I would like from you right now. Help keep the balance by pulling the trigger.

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El Presidente Who are you guys?

El Mariachi Sons of Mexico, sir.

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Fideo The man who wants nothing is invincible, cabron.

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[after giving Belini $10,000 in cash in exchange for information]

Sands Just for my own edification, I offered you fifty. Why'd you say no?

Belini I'm not a greedy man. Not looking to get rich quick. Besides, fifty thousand is a lot for what you wanted me to find out. Could just as well put a bullet in my head as cough it up, see? But ten? Ten thousand is civilized. Ten is something we both can live with.

Sands Ten might still be too much.

Belini You'd kill me over ten thousand dollars? You wouldn't dare. You wouldn't dare.

[leaves]

Sands [whispers] Yes, I would.

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[trapped on the upper floor of a hotel by Marquez's men]

El Mariachi Any suggestions, Ms. "Why don't we get a room on the 5th floor so we can see the beautiful sunset"?

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Marquez [in Spanish, sub-titled] Carolina?

El Mariachi She died.

Marquez Your daughter?

El Mariachi She died.

Marquez You?

El Mariachi Dead.

Marquez And me?

El Mariachi Alive and well.

[Marquez draws a gun, El Mariachi draws and fires, and Marquez falls wounded. El Mariachi walks up and places his gun to Marquez's head]

El Mariachi In hell.

[Kills him]

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Sands My name is Sheldon Jeffery Sands. I work for the Central Intelligence Agency. I throw shapes. I throw shapes, I set them up, I watch them fall. I'm living la vida loca.

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[last lines]

Carolina [in Spanish]

[subtitled version]

Carolina What do you want in life?

El Mariachi To be free...

Carolina Simple.

El Mariachi No.

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El Mariachi You want me to shoot the cook?

Agent Sands No. I'll shoot the cook. My car's parked out back, anyway.

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El Mariachi Go practice.

Fideo Practice playing or shooting?

El Mariachi What do you think?

Fideo I don't think, I drink.

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Left Nut I was tortured once... I didn't like it. You know what the really fucked up part was? They tore out my left nut. That really turned me off to the whole thing.

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[standing in front of a sightless Sands with a gun]

Ajedrez See anything you like?

[shoots her in the stomach]

Agent Sands No.

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Agent Sands Can you hear me now?... Fucking bells...

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Sands FBI agents never retire, they just take it a little easier.

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Agent Sands [In Marlon Brando Voice] Failure to appear at meetings at designated times will result in forfeiture of protection... protection you will definitely need.

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Agent Sands Mexico's my beat, and I'm walking it.

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Lorenzo Practice shooting, not drinking.

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Agent Sands [Hands Belini a lunch box] I couldn't find a briefcase small enough for 10,000 dollars in cash.

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Agent Sands Bullfights. Bull hockey. Do you like this? The bull is stabbed, prodded, beaten. The bull is wounded. The bull is tired before the matador ever steps into the ring. Now, is that victory? Of course it is. Want to know the secret to winning? Creative sportsmanship. In other words...

[He leans forward and taps Cucuy, who triggers a remote control. In the ring, a taser hidden in the matador's clothes goes off, freezing him in place, and the bull tramples him]

Agent Sands One has to rig the game.

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Jorge FBI Hey!

[waves cell phone at Sands and tosses it to him. Sands catches]

Agent Sands You get your man?

Jorge FBI One of them.

Agent Sands Well, if that isn't inter-agency cooperation, I don't know what is.

Jorge FBI See you around.

Agent Sands Fuck you.

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El Mariachi Why me?

Sands Frankly, because you've got nothing to live for... and in a way you're already dead and Marquez is the one that killed you so why not return the favor?

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Cab Driver Look out there, its a fucking coup d'Ètat.

Agent Sands I can't see, fuck-mook. I have no eyes.

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[El meets Cucuy in the middle of town]

Cucuy There's cartel on every corner.

El Mariachi Sands told me you handle protection.

Cucuy I don't work for Sands anymore. And since I'm a Mexi-can, I can do whatever I want.

El Mariachi Then I guess I don't work for Sands neither. Goodbye.

[Cucuy grabs his arm]

Cucuy There's a price on your head. I'm going to collect. Why don't you just tell Barillo everything you know and then maybe he'll just cut off your hands.

El Mariachi And if I don't?

Cucuy Remember that old man I killed in your village? What if your whole village was next?

El Mariachi Would you kill them?

Cucuy Me?

[Points to his men]

Cucuy They certainly would.

El Mariachi Then I guess I have no choice... but to kill you all.

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Soldier The Mariachi has escaped.

Marquez You too will escape.

[shoots him]

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Belini This story is well-traveled. It might have picked up some embellishments along the way. Just read between the lines.

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Ajedrez [Sands burst through the door after picking the lock] You're gonna pay for that cop.

Sands Why doesn't my key work any more?

Ajedrez It's too small.

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Agent Sands I want you to have a bite of my pork.

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Agent Sands That spill just cost you your life.

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Billy You want me to break his fingers?

Barillo No. I want you to chop them off.

Billy I was making a joke.

Barillo I wasn't.

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Sands Belini... How long have you and I done business together? A long time. And in a way, I almost, could have the tiniest smidgen of respect for you. Almost. But you need to stop farting around. Now, do you have the information on Barillo or do you not?

Belini I have what you need. I'm just enjoying this temporary position of power. That make you nervous?

Sands You know that withholding vital information from a federal officer is a serious offence. Especially when that officer has paid handsomely for it and wouldn't think twice about ripping that patch off your eye hole and skull-fucking you to death.

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Chicle Boy Are you going to be OK?

Agent Sands I don't know, kid, I don't know.

Chicle Boy You will be.

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Agent Sands Look me in the eyes... and then kill me.

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Advisor I am not the prince, I am the man behind the prince.

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Belini They used to say he was the biggest Mexican they'd ever seen.

[laughs]

Belini That was total bullshit. He was five-nine, five-ten tops, which is no record, but bigger than most of us.

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Agent Sands [referring to the man that the Boy spots following Sands] Is he close?

Chicle Boy Si.

Agent Sands [gives him a gun] Ok. Smoke him... Smoke the fucker! Send him straight to fucking Broadway.

Chicle Boy [hesitates] No Puedo.

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Agent Sands [on phone] Listen, I cannot do everything by myself. I need someone to go in there with me. No! I lost my inside man, probably dead. And Cucuy, greedy turd that he is, has ratted me out and has disappeared. Plus, I'm pretty sure the Cartel's shadowing me. Now, listen. I have got a swell bunch of guys going to intercept Marquez's army, but they've got no guns! Now listen. I want you to understand me. This is no time to screw the pooch because this is supposed to be the big dance number. Hello? Hello, are you there? Ok, ok I'm going to freak right out!

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Agent Sands [searching Belini's dead body] Where is it? I know it's on you somewhere... all right, time to get messy.

[he pulls on a rubber glove and reaches for Belini's trousers, then pauses and lifts Belini's eye-patch, finding a piece of paper wrapped in plastic]

Agent Sands Well, I guess I should thank you for not sticking it up your ass. However...

[reaches into Belini's pants anyway]

Agent Sands You're about a quart low.

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[the Barillo Cartel has captured Sands]

Agent Sands I feel its only fair to warn you, that killing me is crossing the line and you will have every single Marine from here to Guantanamo Bay up your keester mister, so just know that.

Barillo Fortunately for you, nothing you did is worth dying for. You have only seen too much. We are going to make sure this does not happen again.

[the Doctor picks up a drill and moves it toward Sand's eyes]

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Agent Sands [pulls out a gun] Have you ever seen one of these? Have you ever used one? Don't ever because, they're very very bad. But right now I need you to aim it at the bad guy who's following us, and shoot him in the head.

Chicle Boy Matalo?

Agent Sands Oh yeah. Very matalo.

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Sands Oh yeah, things may get a wee bit dangerous there sugarbutt so... can you dig it?

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[El Mariachi takes a piece of pork from Sands' plate and chews it]

Sands Was I right?

[El Mariachi spits out the piece of pork in disgust]

Sands Hmmm. Guess not.

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Carolina What's wrong?

El Mariachi [sees soldiers approaching] Everything.

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Sands You're a good rat. I like you.

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Cucuy The man I work for, Mr. Sands, is hiring El Mariachi to kill General Marquez.

Barillo So you want to join us. First you must understand. There is the bait and there is the trade.

Cucuy So El Mariachi is the trade?

Barillo You are.

[Billy Chambers strangles and kills Cucuy]

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Advisor [throws up after accepting a bribe] Every goddamn time.

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[the boy in Spanish]

Chicle Boy Is someone following you?

[Sands just got his eyes removed]

Agent Sands Well, it's a little difficult for me to tell right now, because I'm kinda having a bad day.

[Slams his head against the wall]

Agent Sands Ouch.

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[a cartel soldier sees El Mariachi coming and goes for his gun, but El Mariachi gets there first and aims his shotgun]

El Mariachi [in Spanish] What do you want in life?

[the soldier throws his gun away]

El Mariachi [in English] Good choice.

[knocks him unconscious]

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[Enters the Restaurant and Sits Down]

Agent Sands I will have the puerco pibil and a tequila with lime.

[Now on the phone]

Agent Sands Yeah, I need a new line. This one's been compromised. Okay? Thank you. I'll be waiting here at La Vaca Volanda...

[Ajedrez, accompanied by Dr. Guevara and a few Cartel lackeys enter behind Sands. Ajedrez sits across from Sands]

Agent Sands ...that's right, the flying... cow.

[He hangs up]

Ajedrez You really didn't see it coming, did you?

[Dr. Guevara stabs Sands in the neck with a needle]

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Billy [Billy is meeting Blascoe at the Barillo Estate] You know, if I was you, son, I'd turn around and go back right now. Go back to where I came from. Instead of selling my mind and soul to these cocksuckers. You speak English?

Blascoe [Shakes his head no]

Billy [sighs] I didn't think so. Come on, let's go.

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[Sands has been captured by the Barillo cartel]

Ajedrez Sorry, baby. I told you I wasn't interested in your little scheme. Too small.

Agent Sands [Noticing the bandaged Barillo] Oh my Christ. Is that Barillo?

Ajedrez That's the new Barillo. The old Barillo died in surgery a few hours ago.

Agent Sands What kind of cartel would have you running its operations?

Ajedrez I'm his daughter.

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Jorge FBI [Talking into his tape recorder] Barillo and Dr. Guevara should be inside of the building, having entered from the back or basement. They should be

[looks at his watch]

Jorge FBI mid-procedure by now.

[Screeching tires, a black sedan and a black suv stop in front of the hospital, suited men armed with rifles run into the hospital, followed by more officers clad in 'AFN' vests]

Jorge FBI Federale agents... this is going down now

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[Billy confronts Barillo in the President's Building]

Jorge FBI Do you remember a man named Archuleta?

Barillo Why?

Billy [Pulling his dog out from behind his back and stepping aside to reveal Jorge] I present to you Special Agent Jorge Ramirez.

Jorge FBI [drawing a gun] You tortured and murdered Agent Archuleta. He was my partner. He was also my friend.

Barillo Agent Ramirez. You have to follow certain rules...

Jorge FBI Oh, I'm retired. Rules don't apply to me any more than they do to you.

Barillo Mr. Chambers?

Billy [nonchalantly] Yes, sir?

Barillo You just going to stand there?

Billy I'm afraid anything but standing's going to cost you extra.

Barillo [Nods to Dr. Guevara, the reaches for his gun] You leave me no choice!

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Sands Sometimes a revolution is exactly what is needed for cleaning out the system. One giant enema, which just so happens to be my area of expertise.

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Agent Sands [after Belini finishes his story about El Mariachi] Well... that is truly unbelievable.

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[Sands prepares for a gunfight with the CHicle Boy's help]