The Pentagon Wars Movie Quotes
Major Sayers
The Brits did a study on aluminum.
Col. J.D. Bock
That would be the same aluminum sheathing used on the Bradley, sir.
Major Sayers
When hit by a shell, it has a tendency to burn, and when it burns it gives off a toxic gas.
Major General Partridge
Goddamnit! We fought a revolution so we wouldn't have to pay any attention to the fucking British!
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Major General Partridge
Just because the tests didn't turn out the way Colonel Burton thought they would, was no reason to suspect there was anything devious going on.
Madame Chairwoman
I ask you General, filling the fuel tanks with *water* before a test to check the combustibility of those tanks, that wasn't devious?
Major General Partridge
If the tanks had been filled with fuel, there's a good chance the vehicle would have exploded.
[Stunned silence]
Congressman #1
...Isn't that the point?
Major General Partridge
If the vehicle had exploded, we wouldn't be able to run additional tests!
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Major General Partridge
[reading]
"The characterization noted in your draft, at best represents a serious misunderstanding of my concerns, especially in connection with a vehicle as flawed as the Bradley. As noted in my original report..."
[laughs bitterly]
Major General Partridge
Jesus Christ! Who did this fucking thing go to?
Col. J.D. Bock
The distribution page listed 198 names.
Major General Partridge
COURT-MARTIAL THE SON OF A BITCH! LOCK HIM UP NOW!
Col. J.D. Bock
Uh, we can't.
Major General Partridge
WE SURE AS HELL CAN!
Major Sayers
Burton's playing by the rules. His report was classified. He submitted it to you, you revised it, and sent it back to him. He wrote a memo on your revision which, in accordance with regulations, can be given to anyone involved with the Bradley, sir. In this case, 198 people!
Major General Partridge
[after a shocked pause]
I will fucking kill him... I will filet him... I will draw and quarter him, I'll stick his head in a vice...!
Col. J.D. Bock
We can't touch him, sir. It's by the book.
Major General Partridge
Then you go back and find something in the goddamn book that will help me fry the little son of a bitch!
[Partridge's aide enters]
Major General Partridge
What?
Partridge's Aide
Sir, the Washington Post is on the phone.
Col. J.D. Bock
Wow, that was fast. Leaks usually don't get to them 'til after lunch.
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Col. Robert Laurel Smith
In summation, what you have before you is...
Sgt. Fanning
A troop transport that can't carry troops, a reconnaissance vehicle that's too conspicuous to do reconnaissance...
Lt. Colonel James Burton
And a quasi-tank that has less armor than a snow-blower, but carries enough ammo to take out half of D.C... . *This* is what we're building?
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Major General Partridge
[explaining why he was against Burton's tests]
I can't order up an unlimited number of Bradleys, just to blow them up! Unless, of course, you're telling me to spend more money, which I can't imagine you are.
Madame Chairwoman
General, I believe there were attempts to make the Bradley amphibious?
Major General Partridge
[after a pause]
Yes... although how that's relevant in any way, I fail to comprehend...
Madame Chairwoman
How many Bradleys were lost during that phase, General?
Major General Partridge
Lost?
Madame Chairwoman
According to reports, four Bradleys sank during testing.
Major General Partridge
Well, that's a matter of opinion.
Madame Chairwoman
It's not "opinion," General. Four-of-them-sank.
Major General Partridge
...Technically, yes.
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[Dalton opens a shell casing that was in the Bradley during testing]
Lt. Colonel James Burton
Sand.
Sgt. Benjamn Dalton
That's correct, sir.
Lt. Colonel James Burton
Tell me, Sergeant. Has anyone around here ever mentioned the term "court martial" recently?
Sgt. Benjamn Dalton
No, sir.
Lt. Colonel James Burton
Really? That's truly amazing, Sergeant. Because here we are, watching water leak out of the gas tanks, and sand spill out of the ammunition, right before test to find out whether the damn thing is safe! And no one mentioned the word "court martial"? Why is that, Sergeant?
Sgt. Benjamn Dalton
We were under orders, sir.
Lt. Colonel James Burton
And do you believe that following those orders is conscionable, Sergeant?
Sgt. Benjamn Dalton
It doesn't matter what I think or do, sir. One way or another, one of you weekend warriors from Washington will always make sure the tests come out the way you want them to.
Lt. Colonel James Burton
I'm not here to manipulate test results, Sergeant. I'm here to learn the truth.
Sgt. Benjamn Dalton
The truth? We get a new white knight here every six months, sir, and they all start out like you - big speeches that turn to shit until your next promotion comes due, and then it's business as usual.
Lt. Colonel James Burton
Really? And where did you develop this lousy attitude, Sergeant?
Sgt. Benjamn Dalton
Right here, sir. Watching guys like you.
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Soldier
Sir, Major Sayers needs to see you in the library.
Major General Partridge
Tell Major Sayers I'm busy.
Soldier
But, sir, he told me to tell you that the little prick ordered tests on the Bradley.
Major General Partridge
What? I'll have his ass in a sling so fast...
Soldier
Whose ass, sir, Major Sayers or the little prick?
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Major General Partridge
I think if would be simpler for me to clarify a few things right off the bat. By simple definition, we are in the business of winning wars. What else do you need an army for? Take the Cold War. We won, without firing a single shot. Why? One, we just flat-out out-spent them. The Russians couldn't shovel money into the fire faster than we could. Two, and this is where my command comes in, technology. No one shapes nature the way we do. We take atoms and molecules, and by the time we're finished with them, they're everything from combat boots to bombs, the kind of bombs no one from the other side will ever see until the damn thing's plowing down their chimney like Santa Claus from hell!
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Major General Partridge
But even a heat-seeking missile can miss a target.
Madame Chairwoman
General, it says here that you taped electric hotplates to the surface of the vehicle to help your heat-seeking missile find its target, and that the surface temperature of the vehicle was so high it could have fried an egg at twenty feet!
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Madame Chairwoman
Seventeen years, and fourteen billion dollars of the taxpayers' money, to design and build one armored vehicle.
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[the budget of the entire Bradley project]
Major General Partridge
Fourteen.
Madame Chairwoman
Million?
Madame Chairwoman
What?
Major General Partridge
Billion.
Madame Chairwoman
Billion? With a "B"?
Major General Partridge
With a "B".
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Major General Partridge
I'm not going to sit here and tell you the Paveway never missed.
Madame Chairwoman
It missed by a mean distance of five miles, and nearly fifty percent of the time.
Major General Partridge
You know, in baseball, a guy that hits .400 is considered pretty damned great.
Congressman #1
In baseball, the losing team isn't killed by their opponents.
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Brig. General Robert Laurel Smith
Are you out of your mind, Colonel? If the Pentagon had their choice of busting us or nailing a Soviet spy, they would choose us in a heartbeat!
Lt. Colonel James Burton
Who exactly is "us," General?
Brig. General Robert Laurel Smith
There are some people who work in the Pentagon who are fed up watching billions of dollars thrown away on defective weapons upon which our troops are supposed to stake their lives. People like you, Colonel. We are the enemy!
Lt. Colonel James Burton
To whom?
Brig. General Robert Laurel Smith
To majors who want to be colonels, to colonels who want to be generals, to generals who want that fourth star, you bet we are the enemy! Nobody moves up without getting things done! So what you don't want to be is the one who drops the ball, 'cause if you're the one who drops the ball: no promotion! no star! no cushy job with a contract when you retire!
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Lt. Colonel James Burton
You know what's really ironic? General Omar Bradley was a brilliant tactician, and a great leader. No ego, just did the job. And he always looked out for the morale and safety of his men. And then they go and put his name on *this* thing. Talk about a kick in the ass.
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Congressman #1
Did you, or did you not confront Colonel Burton at the Pentagon pharmacy and say to him:
[reading]
Congressman #1
"If I hear one more word about your - expletive deleted - report, you're gonna be sitting on your brains"?
Major General Partridge
Does that sound like me, sir?
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Major General Partridge
All right, let's just make the fuselage in Michigan and the landing gear in Mississippi! Yeah, by all means, let's keep Congressman Groves and his blood-sucking buddies happy!
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[after redesigning the Bradley to carry a gun turret]
Col. Robert Laurel Smith
That's one hell of a cannon.
Jones
That's the problem.
Col. Robert Laurel Smith
What is?
Jones
You go out on the battlefield with this pecker sticking out of your turret, and the enemy's going to unload on you with everything they got. Might as well put a big red bullseye on the side.
Col. Robert Laurel Smith
But it's a troop carrier, not a tank.
Jones
Do you want me to put a sign on it in fifty languages, "I am a troop carrier, not a tank, please don't shoot at me"?
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[the generals want to add a rapid-fire cannon to the Bradley]
Jones
Where am I supposed to put the extra ammo?
Col. Robert Laurel Smith
I don't know.
Jones
You've already got 30,000 rounds of machine gun ammunition, now he wants to add 30-millimeter shells?
Col. Robert Laurel Smith
The general wants his ammo.
Jones
He can't have his ammo, not unless he runs alongside this thing carrying it.
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Madame Chairwoman
Am I to understand you were not in favor of the tests Col. Burton proposed?
Major General Partridge
Absolutely not.
Madame Chairwoman
Absolutely not yes or absolutely not no?
Major General Partridge
Absolutely not absolutely.
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Major General Partridge
Every other year, Congress decides we're spending too much money, a bunch of eggheads put their pointy little heads together and come up with a plan. This year it's the Joint Live-Fire Test Program. So now we've got the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines doing a circle-jerk over weapons testing, and you get to hold the big dick!
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Major General Partridge
The Paveway is one hell of a bomb. Laser-guided, state-of-the-art.
Madame Chairwoman
And it proved what? That we have an effective weapon as long as the enemy allows us to build a two-story crane over their tanks?
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Major General Partridge
We have had some spectacular successes.
Congressman #1
Such as?
Major General Partridge
That's classified information!
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Major General Partridge
If the army acted on the advice of every Tom, Dick and Harry who had an opinion on these matters, we'd all end up with a bunch of B-52s powered by outboard motors.
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Caspar Weinberger
Please be seated. This will be brief, as I'm needed at the Oval Office. I'd like to call your attention to this morning's New York Times. If you'll turn to the editorial page? It essentially says that every weapon we produce is an over-priced piece of junk. Now, that's not news, critics have said it for years. What was news to me touched on our supposedly "spectacular" Sergeant York Anti-Aircraft Gun. It says there that when the Sergeant York proved incapable of hitting airplanes, we test-fired it at hovering helicopters. When it failed to hit hovering helicopters, we test-fired it at stationary targets, and it missed those. Now is this possible, General Keane?
Keane
There was a problem with the proximity fusing.
Caspar Weinberger
According to this, one missile locked on to a ventilation fan in the latrine, and destroyed the latrine! Were we test-firing at latrines that day?
Keane
My First Sergeant was on that latrine at the time, and I can assure you, sir, he's around to swear otherwise...
Caspar Weinberger
Why am I learning about these things in the newspaper? It makes me look foolish, and I am not a foolish man!
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Lt. Colonel James Burton
This is not just a report, it's a deadly weapon.
Sgt. Fanning
Sir, an M-16 is a deadly weapon. A report is just a pile of paper, unless you're planning to inflict a lot of extremely vicious paper cuts.
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Caspar Weinberger
[Weinberger's phone buzzes] Yes?
Weinberger's Aide
Congressman Stratton is on the phone.
Caspar Weinberger
[picks up] Sam, what can I do for you? What article? Oh, that article! Yes... no, completely untrue, of course. File it under "creative journalism." I'm looking into it now, you'll be the first to know. Right... right. My best to Ellen.
[hangs up]
Caspar Weinberger
General, I want a full update on the Bradley, and I want it in writing.
Major General Partridge
Right away, sir.
Caspar Weinberger
[points angrily at the phone] *That* is the *last* call I expect to receive on this matter! From Congressman Stratton, or from anyone else on the Hill. Do I make myself clear, General?
Major General Partridge
[smiling nervously] Perfectly.
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[Burton just destroryed a door in a test]
Lt. Colonel James Burton
I'll buy the army a new goddamn door.
Col. J.D. Bock
You can't afford a door like that; do you see what it stood up to?
Lt. Colonel James Burton
Exactly! Some SPITBALL from Romania!
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Caspar Weinberger
I take it you've read today's Washington Post, referring to, quote, a "high-ranking Pentagon source"?
Major General Partridge
Yes, indeed. And, like you, I am shocked that any officer within the Pentagon would...
Caspar Weinberger
Leaks within the Pentagon, General, are how I get most of my information.
Major General Partridge
Mr. Secretary, are you suggesting that the Pentagon has been less than forthcoming?
Caspar Weinberger
"Less than forthcoming"? Then perhaps you can explain to me why I have to learn from the press, that the man in charge of testing the Bradley Fighting Vehicle has been fired!
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[Burton enters Partridge's office and salutes smartly. Without looking up, Partridge waits a few moments, then returns it]
Major General Partridge
Colonel Burton, I want you to write your report on the Bradley.
Lt. Colonel James Burton
Sir, I was told that my job had been...
Major General Partridge
Your job has been reinstated. I'd like your report on my desk by 0800 tomorrow morning.
Lt. Colonel James Burton
Yes, sir.
Major General Partridge
And Colonel, in case you are unaware, as per the military manual you will deliver your report to me and to me alone. Should so much as a single copy of your report be made public, I will bring you up on charges of willful subversion of military procedure, and have you court-martialed.
[Burton salutes smartly again. After a few moments, Partridge returns it, and Burton walks out]
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Major General Partridge
Mr. Secretary, I believe the press is on a wild goose chase, looking for problems where none exist.
Caspar Weinberger
Let's hope you're right, General. Because there are people in this administration who do have problems. Terrorists in Lebanon, and Colonel Kadafi in Libya, and Sandinistas in Nicaragua. And let's not forget our ongoing problems with the Soviet Union. Frankly, I don't appreciate calls from reporters and congressmen asking me why nothing we are working on works! And I can't answer them because the men in charge of developing these systems tell me everything is just peachy!
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Caspar Weinberger
General Cushing, are you having any problems with the Maverick Missile you're testing?
General Cushing
[obviously lying through his teeth]
No, sir!
Caspar Weinberger
Admiral Morehouse, any problems with the A-12?
Admiral Morehouse
[just as obviously lying through his teeth]
None whatsoever, sir.
Caspar Weinberger
General Partridge?
Caspar Weinberger
Any problems with the Bradley?
Major General Partridge
No, sir. Absolutely not.
[Burton leans forward in his chair and starts to say something...]
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Col. J.D. Bock
You wrecked a door?
Lt. Colonel James Burton
Colonel, the ammunition that was used in the last test on Bradley is the same as we used on this door - Romania, arguably the most inefficient ammunition on the world. No wonder the Bradley came through with flying colors.
Col. J.D. Bock
Well, this is very serious.
Lt. Colonel James Burton
It is.
Col. J.D. Bock
Yes, you've detroyed a door.
Lt. Colonel James Burton
Colonel, we're talking about a test on an armored personnel carrier, a vehicle that will carry soldiers into armed combat.
Col. J.D. Bock
Right, but this door is property of the United States government. I assume you knew that.
Lt. Colonel James Burton
The shell barely penetrated the door.
Col. J.D. Bock
Okay, but now it's all bent out of shape. How are you going to get it back on its hinges?
Lt. Colonel James Burton
Right now I'm really not worried about putting it back on its hinges.
Col. J.D. Bock
Yes, but this door protects our ammunition.
Lt. Colonel James Burton
The ammunition doesn't work.
Col. J.D. Bock
But we need the ammunition for our tests.
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Major General Partridge
That's one way of looking at it.
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