The World According to Garp Movie Quotes
Walt
Daddy, what's gradual school?
T. S. Garp
What?
Walt
Gradual school. Mommy says she teaches at gradual school.
T. S. Garp
Oh. Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don't want to go to school anymore.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jenny Fields
You know, everybody dies. My parents died. Your father died. Everybody dies. I'm going to die too. So will you. The thing is, to have a life before we die. It can be a real adventure having a life.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Roberta
I mean, I had mine removed surgically under general anesthesia. But to have it bitten off in a Buick...
Jenny Fields
It's lust!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
[noticing scantily clad prostitutes]
Jenny Fields
Is that the latest fashion?
T. S. Garp
No, Mom, that's the oldest profession.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
We'll take the house. Honey, the chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. It's been pre-disastered. We're going to be safe here.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
[last lines]
T. S. Garp
Helen, remember.
Helen Holm
What, my love?
T. S. Garp
Everything, Helen.
Helen Holm
Yes, my love.
T. S. Garp
I'm flying, Helen.
Helen Holm
Yes, my love.
T. S. Garp
I'm flying. Ta-ranta-ranta-ra.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jenny Fields
Are you gonna go to sleep or you gonna stay up and think your weird thoughts?
Young Garp
I'll stay up and think weird thoughts for a while.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
Men die young in my family, Helen!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
[telling Dean Bodger and her son about his father, who was a brain-damaged WWII veteran she tended as a nurse]
Jenny Fields
Where was I?
T. S. Garp
He kept having erections.
Jenny Fields
Thank you. He was dying. I wanted a child. Seemed like a good way to have one without the bother of a husband around who had legal rights to my body. So, one night when I was on duty and the the wounded and maimed were all asleep, I went to him. He was asleep. But his erection was there, as always. I removed my undergarments and climbed on top of him. He woke up then. He said the only word other than his name that I ever heard him utter. He said, "good." It didn't take very long, and that once was all that was needed.
Dean Bodger
You raped him! You raped a dying man!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Roberta
[telling Garp he cannot go to his mother's feminist memorial]
They're not going to allow any men. A man *killed* her! They're very *upset*!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion
[to Roberta]
Hey, you! Dildo! Is this the nut house where you're keeping my Laurel?
Roberta
Laurel's here but we're not exactly keeping her.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion
Bullshit, ya big dyke.
Roberta
I'm not a dyke. Is Laurel expecting you?
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion
I'll kill you, douchebag!
Roberta
That's all you men understand is violence.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion
Now look. I know what sort of freaks hang around here. It's a big lesbian scene.
[Garp walks on to porch]
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion
Ooooh, oooh, what are you, the man of the house or the court eunuch? Laurel, you in there, you bitch?
Jenny Fields
Hello.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion
Oh, I know who you are. My Laurel's not your type sweetie.
Jenny Fields
Perhaps she's not your type either.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion
Listen, goddammit. If you don't get Laurel's ass out here I'm gonna...
[Roberta knocks down Randy]
Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion
Randy!
Jenny Fields
Are you all right?
Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion
Baby, you found me.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion
Oh, I don't think I can drive the fuckin' car.
Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion
That's all right. I can drive, you just never let me.
[to Jenny]
Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion
I guess Randy needs me.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion
Easy!
[In pain as Laurel helps him to the car]
Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion
Sorry, baby, I'm sorry.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion
Crazy dyke blind-sided me.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
[Duncan blows raspberry at Garp]
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
[after being told he shouldn't go to his nom's feminist memorial]
I will grieve alone for the rest of my life, but right now I want to be around people who loved her.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Roberta
I love kids.
T. S. Garp
Oh, me, too.
Roberta
I didn't know I loved them so much until I became a woman. Had I known, I would've had some while I was still a man.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
[first lines]
Mrs. Fields
Garp?
Jenny Fields
Garp.
Mrs. Fields
Garp.
Mr. Fields
Garp?
Mrs. Fields
Yes, Garp.
Mr. Fields
Sounds like a fish.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Garp
I have just read in Time Magazine, my mother's book has been translated into Apache. Apache, Helen. Not even Shakespeare or Dickens has been translated into Apache.
Helen Holm
She's timely. She struck a chord women wanted to hear. The reviewers took her to pieces. They said wonderful things about your book.
Garp
Yeah, but I don't want reviews, I want an audience. A big audience.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Roberta
You have one hell of a way of making converts to civilization. The only thing you've inherited from your mother - is your natural ability to piss people off.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
How old are you?
Babysitter
18.
T. S. Garp
18. 18 - is there any word in the English language as sexy as that?
Babysitter
How old are you?
T. S. Garp
30.
Babysitter
Mmm. 30. Dirty 30?
T. S. Garp
Are you really 18?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
Michael Milton. Is that his name?
Helen Holm
Yes.
T. S. Garp
It sounds like a flavor in a gay ice cream parlor. Strawberry Swirl, Chock-full of Chocolate, Mocha Madness, Michael Milton.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
That's not fair. I showed you mine. You should show me yours.
Jenny Fields
What do you think you're doing? Playing "Doctor's Office" with Cushie?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
Sometimes you can have a whole lifetime in a day and never even notice that this is as beautiful as life gets. I just feel happy that I noticed. I had a beautiful life today. I even died and lived to tell about it. What a day. What a day!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
Do you always wear a sweat suit?
Helen Holm
Don't you like it?
T. S. Garp
Yes, I just imagining what you'd be like without it. I mean, in a dress. I spend a lot of time imagining things, you know. Part of my training as a writer. All real writers imagine.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Babysitter
What does the T.S. stand for?
T. S. Garp
Terribly Sad. It used to be Terribly Sexy, but I changed.
Babysitter
Oh, I don't think so.
T. S. Garp
Really?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
Let's make love.
Helen Holm
I don't think so.
T. S. Garp
Don't you think I want to?
Helen Holm
No, I don't think I want to.
T. S. Garp
I do. I really, really do.
Helen Holm
I don't. I really don't. I want to finish reading this story.
T. S. Garp
You're reading another writer in my bed, Helen. That's adultery!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
The Hooker
Hey, look, it's all right with me if your mother wants to buy me for you. But she can't come along with us.
T. S. Garp
Oh, Jesus, no.
The Hooker
Absolutely not. I will *not* have her watching us. I am still a Catholic, believe it or not. You want anything funny like that, you just go over to 8th Avenue.
Jenny Fields
I don't intend to watch.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
The Hooker
Don't give me money here!
Jenny Fields
Why not?
T. S. Garp
Because it's illegal, Mom.
Jenny Fields
Why?
T. S. Garp
Because it is, that's why.
Jenny Fields
That's silly. It's her body. Why shouldn't she use it the way she wants to?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jenny Fields
Do you like her?
T. S. Garp
She's very nice, Mom, but...
Jenny Fields
What is it about her that you want? I don't mean just her sex parts. I mean, is there something else that's satisfying?
T. S. Garp
Well, it's a combination.
Jenny Fields
How do you feel to be wanted in that way? Does it degrade you to have my son want you in that way? Or do you think it only degrades him?
The Hooker
I don't know.
Jenny Fields
Do you want her? Do you want her like you want Helen? Is it the same kind of want? You really want to have sex with her. Well, do you?
T. S. Garp
Yes. Of course I do.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
Am I disturbing you?
Helen Holm
I think you like to disturb me.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Midge Percy
If you don't smile, you'll never get a husband.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
My name is T.S. Garp.
Helen Holm
What's T.S. stand for?
T. S. Garp
Terribly Sexy. I used to be Terribly Shy, but I changed.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
Is this your first time?
Cushie
No. I thought so. Where's your thing?
T. S. Garp
Where's what?
Cushie
Your thing.
T. S. Garp
My thing? Don't you have a hold of it?
Cushie
No, your glove.
T. S. Garp
My glove?
Cushie
Look, I don't want babies. No glove, no love.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
The Hooker
I don't go for no kinky stuff. You want any of that, go to 8th Avenue.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jenny Fields
It was lust.
Ernie Holm
Beg your pardon?
Jenny Fields
Lust. Mr. Holm, you have a daughter. I have a son.
Ernie Holm
He's a fine boy. He's a good wrestler.
Jenny Fields
He's also full of lust. I can spot it a mile away. He's lusting after your daughter.
Ernie Holm
I wouldn't worry about that. Helen can take care of herself. After all, it's only natural.
Jenny Fields
Diseases are natural, too. It doesn't mean we have to give in to them. Keep an eye on your daughter, coach.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jenny Fields
His erections continued, however, quite unabated.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jenny Fields
Bosworth! A word of warning, you filth monger! If you expose my baby one more time to cheap shots like this
[holds up a Girlie magazine]
Jenny Fields
l'll inoculate your jock strap with bubonic plague and t'll do such a job on you, you'll have nothing left to scratch down there.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Mr. Fields
Jenny! In the war - which side was he on? Was he on our side at least?
Jenny Fields
He wasn't on any side. He was flat on his back in a hospital. One night, when he had one of his usual erections, I got on top of him and he squirted it in me. He ejaculated almost immediately. And as a result, I've got a wonderful baby.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jenny Fields
Sick. Even when they're healthy they're sick with lust.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jenny Fields
Didn't want to get married. I wanted a baby.
Mrs. Fields
But a wedding ring, dear...
Jenny Fields
I didn't need a ring, Mother. I needed his sperm.
Mr. Fields
No! Don't you *dare* say sperm in this house.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
We are civilized people and civilized people obey the rules. You Neolithic dipshit!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
What the hell does she know about lust? She never felt it. Not even once. Some authority she is. It's like listening to a plant describe the motives of a mammal.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Bosworth
[looking at a Girlie magazine] Wow! What a bod! This, gentlemen, is a bod.
Friend of Bosworth
I wish I was a girl. Cause if I was a girl, I'd take off my clothes and stand in front of a mirror and look at myself for *hours*.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Roberta
I'm a hopeless romantic in a male chauvinist world.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
Let's go look at the kids.
Helen Holm
We looked at them last night.
T. S. Garp
I know. But I really feel a need to look at them. For both of us to look at them.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Cushie
Poor Garp, you're about to burst.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
Do you think I'm going to be a real writer?
Helen Holm
I do. Oh, I do!
T. S. Garp
And you said you'd only marry a real writer.
Helen Holm
I did. And I do.
T. S. Garp
I do, too.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
I wish I had known you when you were 15. I really wish I'd known you when you were 5 - near 5. I wish we grew up together as kids. That way, I could see you flat-chested and watch you as your breasts grew.
Helen Holm
You'll get to see my breasts sag, my teeth fall out, and my hair turn gray.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
Dead men don't bitch.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Walt
It's like a dream!
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
How's your fellow in New York working out?
Roberta
It isn't. He says I make him feel sexually ambiguous. Can you imagine?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Student Wrestler 1
Why can't basketball players father a child?
Student Wrestler 2
Because they're ugly.
Student Wrestler 1
No, because they dribble before they shoot.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Student Wrestler 3
Hey, what's the definition of a brassiere?
Student Wrestler 4
I don't know, what?
Student Wrestler 3
It's an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
We have to end the war because of a pot roast. Isn't that a pity?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Student Wrestler 5
What's the definition of a girdle?
Student Wrestler 6
I don't know, what?
Student Wrestler 5
It's a lower-decker-pecker-checker.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Young Cushie
I know how to make babies.
Young Garp
I know, too.
Young Cushie
How could you? You don't have a father. You're a bastard. But I'll teach you... All right, first thing is: I have a headache. Oh, my head. I have a headache. Not tonight. Now, you're supposed to attack me and pull my clothes off.
Young Garp
You sure?
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
I just really love it.
Helen Holm
What?
T. S. Garp
Being a father. Being a husband and a father. Oh, I really adore it.
[looking at the kids sleeping]
T. S. Garp
will never ever write anything that lovely.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Walt
How old are you, Granny?
Jenny Fields
Old as the hills.
Walt
Really?
Jenny Fields
That's right. You'll be old, too, someday. "Old Man Walt." It's not bad, being old. It's kind of nice, actually. You can have cake and ice cream, and you don't have to worry about cavities. You're done with school. And if you're very lucky, you'll have many, many friends and many, many memories. And you can think about them.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Roberta
Oh, God. Some of my hate mail. This one hopes that I'll get gang banged by the Oakland Raiders. There are a lot of sick people out there.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Dean Bodger
Death's like that. It just plain catches you.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
T. S. Garp
It's really nice, you know? To look back and see the arc of your life. It's all connected. How you got from there to here. To see the line, you know? It really has been an adventure.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
Jenny Fields
What happened happened. Your blaming her isn't going to change that. She's hurt and you're hurt. And you just keep pouring salt on the wounds. That's no way for the son of a nurse to behave. Heal yourself, damn it! And help her heal herself, before it's too late for both of you.
🧡
👏
🥺
🤔
🥱
