Joan PrenticeI spent the morning realizing that we're living in a modern world - where there's no place for old-fashioned wives. You seem to want a modern wife and that's what I'm going to be. In other words, I'm going to unpack my trunks. You see, I'd rather go merrily to Hell with you than alone.
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Claire HempsteadDear, why are you treating me with this devotion?
Jerry CorbettYou don't often see such fine hands. Long, slender and artistic. And a diamond ring the size of a small potato on the right little finger.
Joan PrenticeAwfully fine head. You're like an Indian. Fine chiseled features. Clean-cut as a tomahawk.
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Jerry CorbettI guess I didn't know you walked on these floors; because most of the floors I know have sawdust on them.
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Jerry CorbettYou know Miss Claire Hempstead, I met a girl who's just the opposite of your lovely, fleshly self. The first girl that's attracted me since you opened my veins and carried away my blood in a golden bowl.
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BuckWhat this country needs is more blondes like that and more men like me.
Joan PrenticePerhaps you won't think so much longer because if being a modern husband gives you privileges, then being a modern wife gives me privileges.
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Jerry CorbettSir, you're a baritone and a gentleman...
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Claire HempsteadThe only thing worse than a drunkard is a reformed drunkard.
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Jerry Corbett[singing]First she gave me ginger bread and then she gave me cake; and then she gave me creme de menthe for meeting her at the gate.
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BuckThat's what this country needs, more men who know when they've been wrong.
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Joan Prentice[seeing Jerry being carried in]Oh, Buck - is he hurt?
BuckOh, he's still alive, but a couple of bottles of scotch are dead.
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Jerry Corbett[Drunkenly]At the moment we're looking for a baritone.
Fred - Bartender[Taking offense]I don't allow them in the place!
Jerry Corbett[In unison with Buck and Claire]You don't?
[They leave]
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Richard Damery[after Jerry reads a particularly snide column about him and Joan written by Demery]Any statement to make to the press, Corbett?
Jerry CorbettAny statement I made to you wouldn't be fit to print.
Richard Damery[Officiously]Well, I don't know. Yours is just a common case. When we're young, we want to marry for love, and when we're a little older, we marry a Rolls-Royce.
[Jerry punches him]
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Jerry Corbett[Drunk and slurring]I don't believe we've met. My name's Corbett, what's yours?
Gregory 'Greg' BoleslavskyGregory Boleslavsky.
Jerry Corbett[Taking affront]Hey, now, wait a minute. I asked you a civil question and I expect a civil answer.
Jerry CorbettI'm grateful this whole thing's happened because if I had never met you again, I might have gone through life clinging to an image in my mind, a phantom that I'd been drinking to for years, when all the time I had a wonderful reality in my arms.
Claire HempsteadYou really should save those speeches for your plays.
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Jerry CorbettYou shouldn't have got me started on the subject of myself; because, I can go on and on for hours!
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Joan PrenticeDo you always make love to girls when you take them for a drive?
Jerry CorbettI don't often take them for a drive. I'm afraid as a rule I prefer the company of men - particularly if they're bartenders. You see, I figured out a long time ago a punch in the nose heals much quicker than a broken heart.
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Party Boy[laughing, drunkenly] By the way, has anyone here heard about the depression?
Joan PrenticeWhat depression?
Male Party GuestThe very charming depression between your shoulder blades, my dear.