Jay LenoNow you all have military backgrounds... North or South?
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Frank CorvinWell, what do you say, Reverend? You think a prayer's in order?
Tank SullivanI was just reciting the Shepard's Prayer. Alan Shepard's prayer. Oh Lord, please don't let us screw up. Amen.
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Frank CorvinYou know what the worst day of my life was? The day Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon. I was probably the only person in America who wanted to commit suicide that day.
Col. William 'Hawk' HawkinsWell, thanks a lot Frank. We haven't spoken in twelve years and that's basically been the big question on my mind, what could make you commit suicide.
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Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins[Frank and Hawk are inside the centrifuge/spinning machine, which is about to be started]The first one to pass out buys the beers tonight...
Eugene 'Gene' Davis[walking into the control room]WHAT the hell is going on here?
[crowd disappears]
Eugene 'Gene' Davis[really pissed, hits the emergency stop on the centrifuge]I'm sure you think you're putting on a great show, but this is not a toy! Now which one of you assholes wants to explain this?
Col. William 'Hawk' HawkinsWhat is a pancreas, anyhow? I mean, I don't know what the damn thing does for you, besides give you cancer.
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Tiny, Bar BouncerI'll put you in the hospital, old man.
Frank CorvinYeah? Well, I've got Medicare. Go ahead and shoot your best shot!
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[Frank and Hawk are asking a waitress who she would prefer to 'take home']
Col. William 'Hawk' HawkinsWould you prefer this man, with his asymmetrical sagging ass-cheeks, his love-handles the size of Nebraska, and his oh-so-ugly in-grown toenail...?
Frank Corvin[interrupting]Or this son of a bitch with the chicken-gizzard neck and the face that looks like thirty miles of Death Valley fire trail?
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Frank CorvinClock's ticking, Bob. And I'm only getting older.
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Jerry O'NeillI'm an engineer! I stopped running when Nixon was president!
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[Last Lines]
[Frank and Barbara Corvin are standing by their home and staring at the Moon]
[the younger astronauts have given Team Daedalus some Ensure as a gag]
Jerry O'NeillI'd drink this. It's good for your libido.
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Barbara CorvinWould you like me to read the instructions to you again?
Frank CorvinLet me tell you something, my dear. Those instructions were written by a fellow in Japan when they made this damn thing. They were probably translated by some gringo who was an expatriate American that couldn't get a job in this country. And then the Japanese guy probably translated him just to double check on him. You don't need these instructions. Not at all. Tear them up.