EDtv Movie Quotes
[talking about Ed's dad]
Ed
He cheated on you?
Ed's mother
Well, he had medical problems, he said the woman he was with was a nurse.
Ed
And you believed him!
Ed's mother
Well, she had white shoes.
Ed
So does Grandma! So does Sahquille O-Neil!
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Whitaker
Cynthia, another word, and you may consider yourself fired.
Cynthia
Uh-oh. Can you gimme a hint? What word? Uh, *asshole*? *Shithead*? Is that - I bet that - is that one word or two though? I never can remember that. Shithead.
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Al
How about sex?
Ed
I'm sorry, Al, but I'm gonna have to pass. And it's not an age thing, 'cause you are still a handsome man.
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Ed Pekurny
Where's Ma?
Al
She's in the kitchen. I'd yell for her but... I'd die.
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Ray Pekurny
You know, how many chances do guys like you and I get?
Ed
I don't know.
Ray Pekurny
That's right, you don't know.
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Bill Maher
Okay, since we have Ray Pekurny on the panel today, we thought we'd talk to him about his book. It is called "My Brother Pissed On Me." Is that a metaphorical title or did he really piss on you?
Ray Pekurny
I put it- I put it in the book.
Bill Maher
Okay, then. Well, I'll be honest, I haven't read it, because, frankly, it sounds kind of stupid.
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Cynthia
We don't even have money in our budget for coffee filters. We're using a yarmulke!
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Whitaker
One more word out of you, Cynthia, and you're fired.
Cynthia
Oh, and which word would that be? Asshole? Shithead?
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Ray Pekurny
I mean, I'm human.
Ed Pekurny
Come on, Ray. What do you mean? Why didn't you stop?
Ray Pekurny
Stop?
Ed Pekurny
Yeah, why didn't you stop?
Ray Pekurny
I'm the guy. I don't stop. That's the woman's job. We're the gas, they're the brakes.
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Panel member
A joyous celebration of boobery, that's what it is.
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John
Look, Ed, you put *anybody* on television sixteen hours a day, and sooner or later they're going to fall off a table and land on a cat.
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Al
I'm gonna go take a piss. Wish me luck.
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Ken
Of course I stopped payment on the plugs, you gave me DOLL'S hair!
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John
I was at this comedy club last week and this comedian says "If you're over thirty and your job requires you to wear a name tag, you screwed up your life." And I'm laughing and then I realize I wear a name tag.
Ed
So do I. So what? I'm doing all right.
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Shari
He is a bad lay. And I mean *bad*.
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Al
Don't blame your mother, I was irresistible!
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