Klaus Movie Quotes
Klaus
A true selfless act always sparks another.
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[last lines]
Jesper
What happened to him after that, how, why, I can't even begin to comprehend. I stopped trying to make sense of it a long time ago. But I do know: once, every year, I get to see my friend.
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[first lines]
Jesper
[narrating]
Letters. You don't really write many these days, do you? But I bet there's one you never forget. Send it off to a certain plump guy in a red suit and, provided you've kept your act together more or less, he'll drop off a toy or two. And yet, no one seems to wonder how the whole thing got started in the first place. This is a story about letters, and it began... with this one...
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Jesper
Ha! Eat our snow, you-
[since the reindeer aren't attached, the sleigh starts to roll backwards]
Jesper
They're not attached. Why aren't they attached? I thought they were attached. I never in a million years would've done what I just did if I didn't think these were attached.
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Mrs. Krum
Do you know what this is, little boy?
Mr. Ellingboe
This is tradition!
Mrs. Krum
Centuries of glorious hatred, passed down through generations! There was the hundred-day brawl of '45...
Mr. Ellingboe
...which we totally won!
Mrs. Krum
The maritime game of chicken.
Mr. Ellingboe
The Great Mooning of '86.
Mrs. Krum
So, if there's something we know...
Mr. Ellingboe
...going back as far as we can remember...
Mrs. Krum
...it's that a Krum despises an Ellingboe...
Mr. Ellingboe
...and an Ellingboe can't stand a Krum!
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Mrs. Krum
This town was built on resentment and spite. And it'll stay that way as long as a Krum...
Mr. Ellingboe
Or an Ellingboe!
Mrs. Krum
Ugh. Have something to say about it.
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[from trailer]
Jesper
Good morning, madam! Ah, and a good morning it is indeed! For, you see, today is the day when progress arrives in this charming little town of yours! Now, let me steal a few moments of your time to introduce to you the novel concept that is the postal service...
[the door slams in his face]
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Mrs. Krum
Look around, Aksel! Where is your clan?
Mr. Ellingboe
Uh...
Mrs. Krum
I'll tell you where they are - they're at block parties! Hayrides! And COOK-OUTS!
Concerned Ellingboe Man
Don't forget about the brunches!
Ellingboe Councilwoman
[sobbing]
It was a book club that took my poor Sven!
Mrs. Krum
You see? The postman and that old toy maker are brainwashing everyone!
Mr. Ellingboe
What are you saying?
Mrs. Krum
I'm saying it's time to join forces against a common enemy! I'm saying... we need a TRUCE.
[all gasp]
Mr. Ellingboe
A truce? Have you gone mad?
Mrs. Krum
Either we band together to take care of this, or it's gonna be all book clubs and cookouts from here on...
Concerned Ellingboe Man
And brunches! Don't forget about the brunches!
Mrs. Krum
Yes, that. That too.
Mr. Ellingboe
So... we must join together in peace, to stop this peace?
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Jesper
[from trailer]
Mister Klaus, you have a gift. You were meant for making toys. So, I figured, if you donate your old toys, I'll deliver them for free!
Klaus
Tonight. I go with you.
Jesper
There's no need for you to come with me, really.
[Klaus shuts the door and a pile of snow lands on Jesper's head]
Jesper
Tonight, then.
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[from trailer]
Jesper
[greets a little girl]
Awww, aren't you the cutest little thing! Tell me, sweetie, is your mommy home?
[the girl sets her dog on him]
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[Jesper approaches a wooden hut beside a docked boat. A scruffy, middle-aged man rests inside the hut. Jesper huffs, then clears his throat]
Mogens
You go back to the intersection, you make a left at the dead tree. You're welcome.
Jesper
What? No. I'm not lost.
Mogens
Trust me, you are.
[Jesper laughs sarcastically]
Jesper
Funny. Say, nice boat! Any chance you might actually get on it today?
[Mogens lifts his hat]
Mogens
What was that?
Jesper
New postman. Smeerensburg. Which is on an island, which is surrounded by water, which I need a boat to get to, which you have. Are we starting to connect the dots?
[Mogens gives Jesper a jaded smile]
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Klaus
What are you doing here?
Mrs. Krum
Why, we were just thinking... don't our children also deserve a present?
Mr. Ellingboe
[gesturing at the sack of toys]
And lookee here - you've already got her favorite thing in the world! A nice, big piñata!
Alva
Hey, you put one hand on those toys, and I swear...!
Klaus
[restraining her]
Stand back! All right, do what you will with the toys. But no one gets hurt!
Mrs. Krum
Suits us just fine. How long until children go back to the old ways once there are no toys to bribe them with? How long until they turn against each other? And how long until the grownups follow?
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Alva
[from trailer]
Hey! What do you guys think you're doing? This is Smeerensburg, the unhappiest place on Earth. And you two can't change that!
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Mogens
Ah, young love - takes me back, you know. The intense looks, the palpitation of the heart... the whimpering and the soiling of the pants? No - I can't relate to so much.
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Postmaster General
Anchors aweigh captain, we're sailing off at once.
Mogens
[looking at Jesper]
Well, that's a first.
Postmaster General
I beg your pardon?
Mogens
Never saw a postman looking more miserable leaving than on the day they came in... Oh well, best leave it alone I say. I'm sure it's nothing that could eventually fester and become a source of regret.
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Alva
Are... you going... to buy something? Herring's on sale today.
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[firm voice]
Jesper
NO! You can't leave! Remember? You'll be broke! Out in the streets!
[sobbing]
Jesper
But I hate it here, it's so cold and icky and the people are mean to me and I miss my silk sheets...
[slaps himself]
Jesper
Shut up! Stop being weak! Focus!
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[Jesper is woken by a knock at the door]
Jesper
[clumsily swinging a makeshift spear around and dropping it on the floor]
He's here to finish the job! Oh no!
Annelise
Mr. Postman? Are you in there?
[Jesper peers through the door at the kids]
Jesper
Go away! Go! Leave! He'll hear you!
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Mogens
[mocking Jesper's failure to post letters]
Is this a bad time? I can see you're pretty swamped!
Mogens
Why, sure I do! I'm here to pick up all the outgoing mail! So - where is it? Now, you're gonna have to help me with the heavier bags. Bad back, don't you know.
Jesper
Man, I hate you.
Mogens
I know.
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Alva
What are you doing? Telling children to go to school to learn to write, what is wrong with you?
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