Kinoafisha Films Sonic the Hedgehog Sonic the Hedgehog Movie Quotes

Sonic the Hedgehog Movie Quotes

Sonic the Hedgehog Where am I? What year is it? Is the Rock president?

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Dr. Robotnik I was spitting out formulas while you were spitting up formula.

Tom I was breastfed, actually.

Dr. Robotnik Nice. Rub that in my orphan face.

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Agent Stone I just thought you might like a latte with steamed Austrian goat milk.

Dr. Robotnik What do I look like, an imbecile? Of course I want a latte. I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE THEM!

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Dr. Robotnik I don't mean to be indelicate here, but someone should get some ice, keep the body fresh. He was just a silly little alien! He didn't belong here!

Tom That little alien knew more about being human than you ever will! His name was Sonic! This was his home! And he was my friend.

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Dr. Robotnik Are you in charge here?

Major Bennington Yes I a...

Dr. Robotnik Nope!

Major Bennington My...

Dr. Robotnik Wrong!

Major Bennington Na...

Dr. Robotnik I'M IN CHARGE!

Major Bennington Is Major...

Dr. Robotnik ME!

Major Bennington Benn...

Dr. Robotnik [whispers] I'm in charge!

Dr. Robotnik [Agent Stone shows his "badge"] You've never seen anything like this before. It says I'm the top banana in a world full of hungry little monkeys. Allow me to clarify.

[makes servo noise and turns]

Dr. Robotnik In a sequentially ranked hierarchy based on level of critical importance, the disparity between us is to vast to quantify. Agent Stone?

Agent Stone The doctor thinks your basic.

Dr. Robotnik I'm initiating a sweep sequence. Ten miles in every direction should suffice.

[presses buttons and the top of the truck opens up egg drones]

Dr. Robotnik Is he still looking at me funny?

Agent Stone Yes, he is.

Dr. Robotnik Tell him to stop, or I'll pull up his search history.

Agent Stone If you don't stop looking at the doctor, he'll take a closer look at your...

Major Bennington I'm not deaf.

Dr. Robotnik And tell him his men report to me now. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah.

Major Bennington Excuse me? Listen, pal, I don't know if you realize who...

Dr. Robotnik I'm sorry, Major. What was your name?

Major Bennington Benning...

Dr. Robotnik NOBODY CARES!

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Tom Why do you keep calling me Donut Lord?

Sonic Because you talk to donuts and then eat them if they get out of line.

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Sonic the Hedgehog [from trailer] Oh, my God! Stop the car right now!

Tom Wachowski What? What?

Sonic the Hedgehog [sees sign] "The World's Largest Rubber Band Ball"? We gotta see it!

Tom Wachowski No, no. This is not some fun family road tr-

[sees Sonic isn't there. He suddenly comes back, with souvenirs]

Sonic the Hedgehog Eh, you were right. It was lame. Gift shop was cool, though.

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[arrives on Earth]

Tails If these readings are accurate, he's here. I've found him. I just hope I'm not too late.

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Sonic the Hedgehog Your egg drones are impressive, Mr. Eggman! But let's face it. You'll never catch me!

Dr. Robotnik Confidence. A fool's substitute for intelligence!

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Sonic [Tom finds Sonic in his home; he shrugs] Uhhh... meow?

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Sonic [takes down Dr. Robotnik's truck] Is that all you got?

Dr. Robotnik No, but thank you for asking.

[deploys vehicles from his truck]

Sonic Uh-oh.

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Tom [after a loud sound outside] Is this your mothership? I'm not in the mood to get probed.

Sonic You think you're worried? I'm not even wearing pants!

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Sonic Gotta go fast!

[zips fast around the kitchen]

Sonic Where am I? What year is it? Is the Rock president?

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Dr. Robotnik Do some ROCK-conaissance!

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Sonic [from trailer] I'm Sonic. A little ball of super energy, in an extremely handsome package. On my planet, people were always after my powers. So I came to yours. It gets a little lonely, but that's okay. I am living my best life on Earth.

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Tom You're not here to abduct me, are you?

Sonic You abducted me!

Tom Okay, that's a fair point.

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Sonic I'm wet, I'm cold, there's a fish on my head, and clearly I'm not gonna be able to do this on my own!

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[Dr. Robotnik corners Sonic, Tom and Maddie]

Sonic That's not good.

Tom Uh, Sonic? I know you've got the super-speed, and everything, but Maddie and I?

Sonic Totally defenseless? Probably gonna get blown up?

Maddie Pretty much, yeah.

Sonic Don't worry. I know exactly what to do.

[pushes Tom and Maddie off the tower]

Dr. Robotnik I was not expecting that. But I was expecting to not expect something, so it doesn't count.

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Sonic This is MY power, and I'm not using it to run away anymore! I'm using it to protect my friends!

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Sonic I have to go this lame Mushroom Planet!

Tom Well, at least you won't be the only fun-gi!

Sonic No. Don't ever do that again.

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[first lines]

[Dr. Robotnik chases Sonic through San Francisco]

Sonic So, I know what you're thinking: Why is that incredibly handsome hedgehog being chased by a madman with a mustache from the Civil War? Well, to be honest, it feels like I've been running my whole life. Is this too much? Am I going too fast? It's kinda what I do. You know what? Let's back up!

[goes to Sonic's childhood]

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Sonic So, as I crashed into the cold dark water of the Pacific, I realized a few things: A - I have no idea where I'm going. B - Salt water stings. C - I shouldn't even be on this planet right now, but I am! Why? Because you shot me!

Tom I know.

Sonic YOU SHOT ME!

Tom All right. I heard you the first time. You don't have to pile it on. Good grief.

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Dr. Ivo Robotnik Is he still looking at me funny?

Agent Stone Yes, he is.

Dr. Ivo Robotnik Tell him to stop, or I'll pull up his search history.

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Crazy Carl I know you're out there! And I know you're real!

Sonic No, I'm not!

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Dr. Robotnik [stranded] Here's the sitch: Uninhabited planet, no resources, no supplies, no apparent way home. A lesser man would die here. I'll be home by Christmas.

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Sonic [watching the movie Speed] Pop quiz, hot shot. Classic line.

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Dr. Robotnik And nobody cares how proud your mommy is that you're now read at a 3rd grade level. Have you finished Charlotte's Web yet? Spoiler alert; she dies at the end. But she leaves a big creepy egg sac.

[egg drones fly out of the truck]

Dr. Robotnik Ah, my babies. Whoo! Look what came out of my egg sac.

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[the chase teleports through Paris]

Sonic Coming through!

Dr. Robotnik Excusez-moi, monsieur!

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Dr. Robotnik You know what's hard about being the smartest person in the world?

Agent Stone Everyone else seems stupid.

Dr. Robotnik Stupid, yes! Way to go! You got that one.

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Tom How are you not dead?

Sonic I have no idea!

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Sonic Say hi to Crazy Carl. He calls me the Blue Devil.

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Maddie Blue alien hedgehogs are people too.

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[a gaggle of ducks cross the road]

Tom Morning! Donald, Daisy, Daffy.

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[Sonic plays baseball with himself, but it doesn't work out]

Sonic I really am alone. All alone. Forever.

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Sonic Turns out, with great power comes great power-hungry guys!

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Dr. Robotnik Welcome to San Francisco, Mr. Wachowski. Are you enjoying the clam chowder?

Tom It's the government wack-job who keeps trying to kill us, UNSUCCESSFULLY! Nice of you to swing by on your way to Comic-Con.

Maddie Yeah, what are you wearing?

Dr. Robotnik It's a flight suit, designed to modulate my body temperature and reduce drag!

Tom And yet, you still are one.

Dr. Robotnik Woo-hoo, good one! You are catching fire, Thomas. Oh, and speaking of heat, I see you've taken a lover. Does she have a name or should we just call her "collateral damage"?

Tom Hey, watch your mouth, unless you want a little more of what I gave you earlier.

[to Maddie]

Tom I punched him in the face.

Sonic Oh, you punched him right in the face, it was awesome!

Dr. Robotnik The time for talking is over! It's time to push buttons!

Sonic Your flying eggs are pretty impressive, Mr. Eggman, but let's face it. You'll never catch me!

Dr. Robotnik Confidence. A fool's substitute for intelligence.

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Dr. Robotnik Mister...?

Tom Wachowski. But everyone calls me Tom. Except for my dentist, he calls me Tim. But it's gone on for so long now that it'd be weird if I corrected him.

Tom Listen, Mister...

Dr. Robotnik Doctor. Dr. Robotnik. But my dentist calls me Rob.

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Dr. Robotnik Agent Stone..

Agent Stone Doctor?

Dr. Robotnik You see anything useful in this image?

Agent Stone [Examines screen] Nothing at all Doctor..

Dr. Robotnik Of course you don't.. Your eyes weren't expertly trained to spot tracks by the Native American Shadow Wolves..

[Tilts head forward condescendingly]

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Dr. Ivo Robotnik I'm the top banana in a world full of monkeys.

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[Dr. Robotnik chases Sonic through San Francisco]

Sonic So, here we are again. We've been through so much together! Now you understand why there's a psychotic robot doctor chasing a supersonic blue hedgehog! Wanna know how it ends? Yeah, me too!

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Sonic What's a bucket list?

Tom It's a list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket.

Sonic I've never kicked a bucket either!

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Sonic [Sonic is in a duffle bag] How much longer? I can't breathe in here!

Businesswoman Do you have your child in that bag?

Tom [completely nonchalantly] No. I mean, yes, it's a child, but it's not mine.

Businessman [disturbed] That's not your child?

[both bystanders nervously edge away]

Sonic This is worse than the dog cage you kept me in!

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Dr. Robotnik Whatever this creature is, it's our job to secure it, neutralize it, uncover the source of its power.

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Longclaw Never stop running!

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Sonic So what were you expecting, a dirty little hedgehog eating berries and struggling to survive? Think again! Because I am living my best life on Earth!

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[Sonic runs up the Great Pyramid of Egypt]

Dr. Robotnik You're not allowed up there! That's one of the Seven Wonders!

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Tom All right, there's gonna be rules on this trip. Number one: do exactly as I say all the time. Got it?

Sonic Got it, Donut Lord.

Tom Would you stop with the "Donut Lord"? I have a name. It's Tom.

Sonic I'm Sonic.

Tom Sonic... Sonic. So you've been spying on us all years?

Sonic I mean, I wouldn't call it spying. We were all just hanging out only I wasn't invited and no one knew that I was there.

Tom I can't believe Crazy Carl was right all this time.

Sonic Yeah, you should call him Super Observant Carl instead!

Tom Uh-huh.

Sonic Oh, my God! Stop the car right now!

Tom What? What?

Sonic "The World's Largest Rubber Band Ball"? We gotta see it!

Tom No, no, no! This is not some family road trip, okay? The government wants to dissect you and arrest me! This is serious!

[Sonic runs out of the truck and then back in one second with souvenirs]

Sonic Eh, you were right. It was lame. Gift shop was cool, though. I got you a mouse pad. When are we gonna get there?

Tom We will get there when we get there!

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Sonic The floors were sticky, the crowd was rough, and the odds were against us, but there was no stopping Donut Lord and the Blue Blur!

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Sonic [driving a car for the first time] I feel just like Vin Diesel! It's all about family, Tom.

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Dr. Ivo Robotnik Welcome to San Francisco, Mr. Wachowski. Are you enjoying the clam chowder?

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Sonic This is Green Hills, the greatest place on Earth! These are my people, and I am their lovable space creature! So what if they don't know I exist?

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Sonic My favourite person is the Donut Lord, protector of this town and defender of all creatures big and small! Donut Lord lives with Pretzel Lady. She is super nice to animals and, strangely, was born without bones.

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Sonic Guess what, Eggman? I'm not leaving Earth! YOU are!

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Longclaw Sonic, somebody could have seen you!

Baby Sonic No one saw me, I'm too fast! And, I wanted to bring you this.

[holds up a sunflower]

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Sonic I was born with extraordinary powers. I was told to keep them a secret. And like any kid, I did the exact opposite.

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Dr. Robotnik Who the hell do you think you are?

Tom I'm the Donut Lord, you son of a b...!

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[Tom tries to get rid of a Robotnik bomb]

Sonic It's going, it's going... it's still there.

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Sonic I'm sorry I was so hard on you. I know it's a tough decision for you to leave Green Hills. Walking away from something you care about... has to be painful.

Tom You're not sure you really wanna go, huh?

Sonic I don't wanna go! But I can't stay. As long as I'm here, I put everyone in danger. I can't do that. I just want you to know that these last two days... have been the best two days of my life.

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Tom Wachowski Come on. Come on.

Sonic How much longer? I can't breathe in here. Hello? Anybody there?

Businesswoman Do you have your child in that bag?

Tom Wachowski No. I mean yes, it's a child, but it's not mine.

Businessman It's not your child?

Tom Wachowski Relax, I'm a cop, okay? Plus he likes it in there, don't you, buddy?

Sonic Why would I like it in here? This is worse than the dog cage you had me in earlier.

Tom Wachowski Such a kidder.

Maddie Okay.

Sonic No, I'm scared of the dark! Is anybody there?

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[Tom and Sonic running away from a gang bikers]

Sonic Watch this... Watch this... I've always wanted to do this

[jumps and slides across the hood and goes into the truck]

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Sonic Did you see how much toilet paper I used? The next person that goes into that bathroom will have nothing to wipe with.

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Sonic How could something so adorable be so terrible?

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Dr. Robotnik Eenie, meenie, miney, mayhem.

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Dr. Robotnik Look at that. I was right. Note the lack of surprise.

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Wade No-one's going to erase my memory here? I WILL TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THIS!

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Tom It's a pay phone. It's mostly for drug dealers and fugitives of the law. Which is us.

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Sonic I was forced from my home! Your home is PERFECT, and you're leaving it! Why would you DO that?

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[on South Island]

Sonic This is the island where I'm from. It had everything: sandy beaches, cascading waterfalls, public access to loop-the-loops! And I never had to catch a schoolbus because I can run across the island in less than two seconds - also, there was no school. I know, pretty sweet island, right?

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Maddie It talks!

Tom Almost constantly.

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Dr. Robotnik Thank you, Officer Brainfart.

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Wade Nothin' to see here! Disperse! Just another day in Green Hills! You act like you've never seen a fight between an intergalactic space rodent and a robot with a doctorate!

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Dr. Robotnik That's one small step for man, one giant leap for me.

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Wade That's our sheriff you're messing with!

Crazy Carl And our Blue Devil, who as you can all see is a very real creature, and not at all invented by me!

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[Dr. Robotnik's glasses are broken]

Dr. Robotnik Stone?

Agent Stone Doctor?

Dr. Robotnik Call Optical Illusions. Tell 'em I need new frames. They know which ones I like.

[throws away his broken glasses]

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Dr. Robotnik I'm sure you're hella popular.

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Wade Tom, we need you down on Main Street. There's been a violent gang shootout.

[laughs]

Wade Just kidding! A duck stole a bagel... But they do need it back.

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Dr. Robotnik Here's the thing: I'm never wrong.

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[Dr. Robotnik finds Sonic's glowing blue quill]

Dr. Robotnik Look at that. I was right. Note the lack of surprise. Shall we try this again?

[whistles "Ride of the Valkyries" as a large drone floats in through the front door; Sonic fearfully watches from under a table as the drone deploys guns and aims at Tom]

Dr. Robotnik I'm going to give you 5 seconds to tell me where it is. 5...

Tom Wachowski I don't know what you're talking about.

Dr. Robotnik 4...

Tom Wachowski [shows his badge] Hey, tough guy. I'm a cop. And you're threatening an officer.

Dr. Robotnik How can you threaten somebody who never existed? 3... Come on! Rack your brain! You might be able to come up with some lame excuse to go on living, in 2... *1*!

Sonic the Hedgehog [shows himself] Wait! Don't hurt him!

[Dr. Robotnik screams; Tom punches him]

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Dr. Robotnik No. Don't be bothered. You just sit there and be "u"... 'seless.

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