Kinoafisha Films Spider-Man: Far from Home Spider-Man: Far from Home Movie Quotes

Spider-Man: Far from Home Movie Quotes

Nick Fury We have a job to do, and you're coming with us.

Peter Parker There's gotta be someone else you can use. What about Thor?

Nick Fury Off-world.

Peter Parker Doctor Strange

Maria Hill Unavailable.

Peter Parker Captain Marvel.

Nick Fury Don't you invoke her name!

Peter Parker I'm just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Nick Fury Bitch, please! You've been to space.

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Happy Hogan You take care of the suit. I'll take care of the music.

['Back in Black' by AC/DC plays]

Peter Parker Oh, I love Led Zeppelin!

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Quentin Beck Don't ever apologize for being the smartest one in the room.

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Flash Thompson [about Mysterio] He's all right. He's no Spider-Man.

MJ What is it with you and Spider-Man?

Flash Thompson What? He's just awesome, okay? He protects the neighborhood and, you know, he's inspiring. He's inspires me to be a better man.

[Peter walks into the room]

Flash Thompson What's up, dickwad? I thought you drowned.

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Happy Hogan I'm in love with Spider-Man's aunt!

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Peter Parker MJ, I...

MJ ...am Spider-Man?

Peter Parker No. Of course not!

MJ I mean it's... kind of obvious.

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[mid-credit scene]

Pat Kiernan We come to you now with revelations about last week's attack in London. An anonymous source provided this video, it shows Quentin Beck, aka, Mysterio, moments before his death. A warning: You may find this video disturbing.

Mysterio I managed to send the Elemental back into the dimensional rift but I don't think I'm gonna make it off this bridge alive. Spider-Man attacked me for some reason. He has an army of weaponized drones, Stark technology. He's saying he's the only one who's gonna be the new Iron Man, no one else.

[cut to altered footage of the Tower Bridge battle]

E.D.I.T.H. Are you sure you want to commence the drone attack? There'll be significant causalities.

Spider-Man Do it. Execute them all.

Pat Kiernan This shocking video was released earlier today on the controversial news website 'thedailybugle.net.'

J. Jonah Jameson There you have it folks: conclusive proof that Spider-Man was responsible for the brutal murder of Mysterio! An interdimensional warrior who gave his life to protect our planet, and who will no doubt, go down in history as the greatest superhero of all time! But that's not all folks, here's the real blockbuster. Brace yourselves, you might wanna sit down.

Mysterio Spider-Man's real... Spider-Man's real name is - Spider-Man's name is Peter Parker!

[cut back to a mortified Spider-Man in NYC]

Spider-Man What the fu - !

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Peter Parker Everywhere I go, I see his face. I just really miss him.

Happy Hogan Yeah, I miss him too. I don't think Tony would've done what he did, if he didn't know you were gonna be here after he was gone.

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Happy Hogan Heads-up. Nick Fury's calling you.

[Peter notices his phone ringing]

Peter Parker I don't really wanna talk to Nick Fury.

Happy Hogan Answer the phone.

Peter Parker Why?

Happy Hogan Because if you don't talk to him, I have to talk to him. I don't want to talk to him.

[Peter declines Fury's call]

Happy Hogan You sent Nick Fury to voicemail?

Peter Parker I gotta go.

Happy Hogan You do not ghost Nick Fury!

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Peter Parker How could you do all of this?

Quentin Beck You'll see, Peter. People... need to believe. And nowadays, they'll believe anything.

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Happy Hogan I gotta get you guys out of here! Get on the jet!

MJ Who are you?

Happy Hogan I work with Spider-Man!

Flash Thompson You work for Spider-Man?

Happy Hogan I work *with* Spider-Man, not *for* Spider-Man!

[jet is suddenly destroyed]

Happy Hogan New plan!

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Peter Parker I think Nick Fury just hijacked our summer vacation.

Ned Leeds Awesome.

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Peter Parker Peter Parker here to pick up a passport please!

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Mysterio It's easy to fool people when they're already fooling themselves.

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[first lines]

Maria Hill Nick, this was a tragedy, but it's not why we're here. What are we fighting the weather now?

Nick Fury Locals say the cyclone had a face.

Maria Hill People see things when they're under stress.

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Peter Parker What's your password?

Happy Hogan Password.

Peter Parker No, what is your password?

Happy Hogan Password. The word spelled out.

Peter Parker You're head of security and your password is "password"?

Happy Hogan I don't feel good about it either.

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[deleted scene]

Police Officer You're going to be the next Iron Man now?

Spider-Man Well, no, I don't have time. I'm too busy doing your job.

Spider-Man I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Look, you're gonna have to do your job for a couple weeks, okay? Because *I* am going on vacation.

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Nick Fury And this is Mr. Beck.

Peter Parker Mysterio?

Quentin Beck What?

Peter Parker Doesn't matter. It's what my friends have been calling you.

Quentin Beck Well, you can call me Quentin. You handled yourself well out there today. I saw that you did with the tower. We could use someone like you on my world.

Peter Parker Thanks. I'm sorry. Your world?

Nick Fury Mr. Beck is from Earth. Just not yours.

Quentin Beck There are multiple realities. This is Earth Dimension 616. I'm from Earth 833.

Peter Parker [excitedly] I'm sorry, you're saying there's a multiverse? 'Cause I thought that was theoretical. That changes how we understand the initial singularity. We're talking about an eternal inflation system. How does that even work with the quantum...? It's insane.

[Fury and Hill look strangely at Peter]

Peter Parker [embarrassed] Sorry.

Quentin Beck [humorously] Don't ever apologize for being the smartest one in the room.

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Mysterio If you were good enough, maybe Tony would still be alive.

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Peter Parker The world needs the next Iron Man.

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Happy Hogan [after throwing a shield like Captain America at a drone but misses badly] How does Cap do that?

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Nick Fury Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Stark said you wouldn't get that because it's not a Star Wars reference.

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Mr. Dell I came for science. I'm leaving 'cause of witches. Welcome to the new dark ages!

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Mysterio Fury asked me to check you were OK.

Peter Parker That was nice.

Mysterio You do have sarcasm on this world, don't you?

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Mysterio You are just a scared little kid in a sweatsuit. I created Mysterio to give the world someone to believe in. I control the truth; Mysterio *is* the truth!

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Nick Fury How's the suit?

Peter Parker It's a little tight around the ol' web-shooter.

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E.D.I.T.H. EDITH stands for Even dead, I'm the hero.

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Nick Fury Beck! What's your four?

Quentin Beck Hey William, I need a response!

William Ginter Riva It's all the elementals they've all merged into something...

Quentin Beck It's something else! Something more powerful! It's storing energy from the earth's core!

Nick Fury [to Maria] See now that's some bullshit.

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Peter Parker Happy, is that you?

Happy Hogan Is it me? Yeah, of course it's me!

Peter Parker Stop! Tell me something only you would know!

Happy Hogan Only I would know... Uh... Remember when we went to Germany? You pay-per-viewed a video in your room? They didn't list the titles but I could tell by the price that it was an adult film at the front desk, and you didn't know how I knew...

Peter Parker Ok ok! Stop!

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Spider-Man Excuse me, sir! I can help! Let me help! I'm really strong and I'm... sticky!

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Peter Parker You can't trick me anymore.

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May Parker Let's go. Where are your bags? Oh right! They got blown up.

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MJ You know, Susan Yang thinks you're a male escort.

Peter Parker What? No! Of course I'm not a male escort.

MJ Well then you're Spider-Man.

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May Parker Hungry?

[May throws a banana at Peter and hits him in the face]

May Parker You can dodge bullets but not bananas?

May Parker I thought that you could sense that with your Peter-Tingle.

Peter Parker Please stop saying "Tingle", May.

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Happy Hogan [To the children he is protecting] No-one dies on my watch.

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MJ Want to go in, on a pair?

Peter Parker You mean like sit next to each other?

MJ Yeah.

Nick Fury [in Peter's earpiece] Parker, you in position?

Peter Parker No...

MJ [Thinks Peter is rejecting her] Okay... no?

Nick Fury [In Peter's Earpiece] Why the hell not?

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Mr. Harrington Did I tell you how my wife pretended to blip out? Turns out she ran off with a guy in her hiking group. We had a fake funeral for her and everything... Well the funeral was real. 'Cause we thought she was really dead.

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Betty Brant I would totally kiss you but I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Ned Leeds I- I might have a mint.

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Nick Fury If another person touches that door, you and I will be attending another funeral.

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Peter Parker Uh, I have like a sixth sense.

Happy Hogan The Peter-Tingle!

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Ned Leeds [to MJ after she finds out Spider-Man's identity] So, you know too. It's cool. I mean, I've known first and I've known longer but, it's not a competition.

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Nick Fury You got gifts, Parker. But you didn't want to be here. I'd love to have you in Berlin, but you've got to decide whether you're going to step up or not. Stark chose you. He made you an Avenger. I need that. The world needs that. Maybe Stark was wrong. The choice is yours.

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Mr. Harrington Just making rounds, seeing if anyone needs any emotional counseling after today's traumatic events.

Peter Parker No we're okay. We're- we're fine. Thank you.

Mr. Harrington Great. 'Cause, I'm not- I'm not qualified.

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Flash Thompson I post stupid videos daily for people to like me.

Happy Hogan Hey, if it wasn't for those stupid videos, Spider-Man would have never found you.

Flash Thompson Spider-Man...? Spider-Man follows me? I saved us, guys!

MJ If you saved us, why are we about to die?

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Mr. Harrington What do you think it is?

Mr. Dell You know, being a man of science, witches.

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Mr. Dell Earth, wind, fire, water. Oh, no. They joined forces like the Power Rangers.

Mr. Harrington You're thinking of Voltron.

Mr. Dell Who?

Mr. Harrington Voltron! You're thinking of Voltron!

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Peter Parker Go to the Eiffel Tower. Should be great.

MJ Yeah, I read it was secretly built as a mind control antenna to create an army of the insane.

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Flash Thompson Yo, Parker! This is called an airplane. It's like the buses you're used to, except that it flies over the poor neighborhoods instead of driving through them.

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Happy Hogan Hey, sorry I'm late.

May Parker Happy! Hey.

Happy Hogan Oh, you look lovely.

May Parker Thank you, you too.

Happy Hogan Thank you. New dress?

May Parker Uh, yeah. Yes, it is. That's a new beard.

Happy Hogan It's my blip beard, because I grew it in a blip. Blip beard.

May Parker I see.

Spider-Man What just happened?

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Peter Parker I've face a lot of deception, and I'm tired of the lies. So it's time for the truth to be out there. Are you dating?

Happy Hogan Yes.

May Parker Not really.

Happy Hogan What? I think...

May Parker It's a summer fling.

Happy Hogan Yes, that evolves and grows like any other. Open to wherever it might lead.

May Parker I still don't know where it's going to go. Anywhere. On or off.

Happy Hogan And to share with people...

May Parker But we'll always be friends, no matter what.

Peter Parker I'm going to go, because I've got a date. Uh, bye.

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Happy Hogan Nobody could live up to Tony, not even Tony. Tony was my best friend, and he was a mess. He second-guessed everything he did. He was all over the place.

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Flash Thompson BuzzFeed says there's a sailor, Morris Bench, who was exposed to an experimental underwater generator and got hydro powers.

MJ Yeah, you should definitely believe everything you read on the Internet.

Flash Thompson Spider-Man could take him.

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[Spider-Man is fighting several armed mobsters in an upper-class restaurant, wearing his Iron Spider armor]

Spider-Man Let's keep it moving guys, I got a lot to do today!

[continues to web up several of the mobsters]

Spider-Man Alright, I'm gonna give this place one star.

[a mobster unloads his entire machine gun on Spider-Man, who falls down but then re-emerges]

Spider-Man Just kidding, it's bulletproof!

[as more mobsters attack Spider-Man, he snarkily makes quips at them while webbing them up]

Spider-Man Guys, guys, I just wanted dressing on the side! Red bell pepper, anyone? That's it, I'm definitely not giving you a 20% tip!

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[Peter enters the empty pub, as instructed by Dimitri, and meets the Seamstress]

Peter Parker Hello.

The Seamstress Close the door.

[Peter closes the door and approaches the Seamstress to shake her hand]

Peter Parker Um... I'm Peter Parker.

The Seamstress Take off your clothes.

Peter Parker Excuse me?

The Seamstress You told Fury Spider-Man cannot be seen in Europe. So I made you this, another suit.

[Seamstress offers Peter a black package]

Peter Parker Oh, uh, thank you. I'm sure it fits fine. I don't need to try...

The Seamstress Take off your clothes.

Peter Parker Okay. Sure.

[Peter puts down the package and his backpack before unzipping his pants]

Peter Parker This is embarrassing.

The Seamstress Now. Hurry up.

Peter Parker This is weird. Heh.

[Peter pulls down his pants when Brad suddenly enters the pub. Peter runs behind the Seamstress]

Peter Parker No, no, no. Uh, don't...

Brad Davis Whoa!

Peter Parker Uh.

Brad Davis Sorry. Uh, I thought this was the bathroom.

Peter Parker This is not what it looks like! Just...

Brad Davis Yeah.

[Brad takes a picture of Peter and the Seamstress]

Peter Parker What are you doing? Brad...

Brad Davis I'll leave you alone.

[as Brad walks away, the Seamstress prepares to shoot him]

Peter Parker Oh, my God. Don't shoot anybody.

[Peter pulls his pants up and chases after Brad]

Peter Parker Brad? It's not what it looks like, buddy. Hey, man, look, that's...

Brad Davis Look, Peter. I'm not here to judge your life choices, dude. If you want to hook up with some random European chick, that's on you.

Peter Parker That's not what it was. Honestly.

Brad Davis I can't pretend I didn't see what I just saw. I know you're trying to get with MJ. It's obvious. But I like her too.

Peter Parker Wait a minute. Hey, hey. You cannot show her that photo, dude. Come on.

Brad Davis I'm sorry, man. I have to. She deserves the truth.

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Ned Leeds I wasted my whole life playing videogames and we're gonna die!

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Spider-Man Show's over, Beck.

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[the bar Mysterio and Spider-Man are in is revealed to be a fake]

Quentin Beck See? That wasn't so hard. Somebody get this stupid costume off me!

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Quentin Beck These days, you can be the smartest guy in the room, the most qualified, and no one cares. Unless you're flying around with a cape, or shooting lasers with your hands, no one will even listen. Well, I've got a cape and lasers. With our technology, and with E.D.I.T.H., Mysterio will be the greatest hero on Earth! And then everyone will listen! Not to a boozy manchild, not to a hormonal teenager. To me, and to my very wealthy crew.

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Flash Thompson [holding a glass of champagne] Yo, Parker! This is called an airplane. It's like the buses you're used to. Except it flies over the poor neighborhoods instead of driving through them.

MJ Ma'am?

Flight Attendant Hmm?

MJ He blipped, so technically he's 16, not 21.

Flight Attendant I'll take that.

[confiscates his glass]

Flash Thompson She's lying! I don't even know this girl.

Brad Davis Classic MJ, right?

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Brad Davis Is no one else going to acknowledge how crazy this is?

Mr. Dell Yeah, I get it. There's been nothing scientific about this Science Tour at all.

Brad Davis No no no, I'm talking about Peter. Has no one else here noticed how shady he is? Because I saw him in the backroom of a rest stop with some woman in his underwear! And he's always sneaking away, like back at the Opera? Huh? And now what, he's suddenly off the trip? Like with his family in Berlin? Is no one else here interested in the truth?

MJ "The very concept of objective truth is fading out of the world."

Brad Davis George Orwell. Thank you, MJ.

MJ Yeah, well, I mean since Peter's not really here to tell his truth, how about you, Brad? Why do you think it's cool to take pictures of people in the bathroom?

Flash Thompson Yeah, dude. What's that about?

Brad Davis [flustered] N-no no, it wasn't like that. It was... I was trying to...

Mr. Harrington Yeah, let's just put all this craziness behind us and have a nice, peaceful afternoon. "Sounds great, Mr. Harrington." Said the class. Okay.

Mr. Dell [to Brad] I'm gonna be the Cool Teacher right now. You gotta stop doing that, okay? It IS weird. No more photos in the bathroom, urinal, or stalls.

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Mr. Dell When you're in Rome, you do as the Romans do. When you're in Venice, your socks get wet!

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Mr. Dell There's been nothing scientific about this science tour at all.