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Kinoafisha Films Fanboys Fanboys Movie Quotes

Fanboys Movie Quotes

[last lines]

Eric Hey guys.

Windows What?

Hutch What, man?

Eric What if the movie sucks?

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Windows You guys both got to stop perpetuating this myth that Boba Fett is some kind of bad-ass. All right? He has a jet pack. So did the Rocketeer. Really cool. When it comes time for battle, the man's Michael Bay - all style, no substance.

Hutch If you diss the Fett the again, I will corn-hole you with a lightsaber!

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Hutch You gotta find your Death Star.

Eric Okay, I'll bite.

Hutch Greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did was take down the Death Star, right? As far as I'm concerned, that's what everybody needs. You need that one bad-ass thing that lets you live on forever, you know.

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Linus [Linus gives the Doctor a big kiss] I love you.

Doctor I know.

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Hutch Nobody calls Han Solo a bitch!

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THX Security Guard #2 [to Windows] Time for you to get mauled, boy.

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Hutch What's the Klingon for "I'm going to die a virgin"?

Admiral Seasholtz [Replies in fluent Klingon]

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Windows Harrison Ford is the greatest actor of all time!

Eric In the history of cinema?

Windows He's Han Solo, Indiana Jones. Yes!

Eric Deckard from Blade Runner.

Windows Yes. Exactly. Greatest actor of all time. He's never done a bad movie.

[the van drives by a billboard for the 1998 movie "Six Days, Seven Nights"]

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Linus [Shatner has given them the access codes to Skywalker Ranch] How did you score all of this?

William Shatner Are you kidding? I'm William Shatner; I can score anything.

Eric How about Jeri Ryan's panties?

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Zoe You might wanna hit the showers. 'Cause you smell like something shit *in* my nose.

Hutch Yes, Your Highnessness.

[Hutch takes off his t-shirt]

Zoe Ew! What in god's name is living on your chest? It looks like you fell on ALF.

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[laying down together, Windows spooning Zoe]

Zoe That better be your lucky R2 poking me.

Windows Nope. My penis.

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[repeated line]

Hutch You want to take your shirt off.

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[after having landed in the garbage disposal room]

Windows I have a bad feeling about this.

Hutch Um, you guys don't think that the, um...

Linus We are in George Lucas' trash room.

Eric Don't be ridiculous, okay? The walls are not gonna close in on us.

[the walls begin to move in]

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Hutch Rule number one: In my van, it's Rush. All Rush, all the time. No exceptions. Rule number two: Nobody touch the red button. And I mean never touch the red button. Most importantly, rule number three: There's no jerking it in my van!

Windows [throwing up his hands] Fine...

Hutch [amid laughter] Don't roll your eyes at ME, Admiral Jackbar!

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Crystal We're not hookers, we're escorts!

Windows The difference being...?

Crystal I don't know.

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Linus Official Episode 1 countdown is six months, 12 days, eight hours and some change.

Windows I would sell my soul to see that movie right here right now.

Hutch Dude, I would sell my left nut. And I only have the one nut. So you see how serious I am?

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Eric [hands him a vacuum cleaner] Your mom said clean up this shit-hole or no grilled cheese for a week?

Hutch [sticks his head out on the door] That's emotional blackmail, and you know it!

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Windows What's your game plan?

Eric We storm the ranch or we die trying.

Windows Yeah.

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Harry Knowles You are only as strong as your weakest link...

[walks up to Eric]

Harry Knowles Hello weakest link.

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Chaz [to Hutch and Windows] Holy shit. If it ain't C-3Penis Face and R2-Dickhead.

Hutch What did you just say, you giant bastard?

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Windows Stop humping. Please stop humping. Just high five.

Hutch Oh, God. I'm Jabba the Hump.

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Admiral Seasholtz Just take a look-see here.

Hutch What's with the man-purse?

Admiral Seasholtz Yep. As I thought, scanner reads "douche bag."

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Admiral Seasholtz Okay. Hilarious, everyone. Looks like we got more Lucas hounds here to mock Roddenberry. Congratulations, gentleman, but I would like to see your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone. And we'll see who's laughing then. Am I right?

Windows Darth Vader can put the entire Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind.

Admiral Seasholtz Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name me one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank.

Linus Name me one Star Wars character who's gay.

Hutch Beside's you.

Admiral Seasholtz Well, no one's gay in Star Trek, so why would I even do that?

Linus Captain Picard.

Admiral Seasholtz Okay. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British.

Windows [in a swishy voice] Come on. "Make it so!"

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[waking the guys up to show them they're in Iowa]

Hutch Wakey, wakey, hands off snakey.

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[title card]

Title card/crawl The year is 1998 and it is a period of galactic civil war. Scratch that. There's no civil war. That would be crazy. However, the past fifteen years have been a dark time for Star Wars fans.

Title card/crawl But there is hope. A new Star Wars film is on the horizon. In 199 days, 3 hours, 33 minutes and 29 seconds the most anticipated movie of all time will be released.

Title card/crawl In the remote state of Ohio, two best friends and lifelong Star Wars fans have drifted apart. Little do they know that on Halloween night, their paths will cross again...

Title card/crawl Ever wonder why these words are flying? Maybe aliens in another galaxy will one day read this and think WTF?

Title card/crawl sent from my iPhone.

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Head Of Security Mr. Lucas is touched and mildly flattered by what have done here. And I have been informed that I feel the same way. So the charges are gonna be dropped. That is, of course, if you are what you appear to be.

Windows Uh, what do we appear to be?

Head Of Security Fanboys. Something we can easily determine with a simple quiz.

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Zoe Asshole. You have been trying that Jedi mind shit on me since the eighth grade. It doesn't work.

Hutch Oh, it works. Tell her, Windows.

Zoe He's been geeking out with Rogue Leader all morning. Nothing can tear him away.

[lifts her sweater, exposing her breasts to Windows who is on the Internet on his laptop, not looking up]

Zoe Ah, I love the feeling of fresh air on my naked breasts.

Hutch Oh, ho-ho!

Zoe See that? Man's immune to sweater yams.

Hutch What about me? I like sweater yams!

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Windows So, we're all hunky-dory? We're all copacetic?

Roach Well, if the word "copacetic" means I'm gonna rip off your tongue and lick your ass with it, then yeah, we're copacetic.

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Windows I met her in a Jedi chatroom. The woman is perfect. She's intelligent and acerbic, and a die-hard fan. She's even got connections inside the Lucas camp.

Linus Who's also got a man package and a goatee.

Windows You guys are all just jealous because she describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janeane Garafolo.

Hutch Tell 'em how you described yourself.

Windows I was perfectly honest with her.

Linus You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate.

Windows I *am* white chocolate.

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[after bailing the guys out of jail]

Zoe You pussies owe me, big time.

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Linus I was wondering what did Sulu find in Captain Kirk's lavatory.

Admiral Seasholtz Sulu clearly found a standard issue Starfleet Z23 personal refuse device.

Linus I believe it was the Captain's log.

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Eric Linus. Hey, stop walking. Linus! Hold up, man! Stop. What the hell, man? I did nothing to you.

Linus Exactly. You did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Eric Bottler graduates high school and never looks back. You bailed on our plan, Bottler!

Eric What plan? To be the next big thing in comics? Come on, man. That was never gonna happen. I did what I had to do, dude. I grew up. I'm the only one who did. Look at you guys.

Linus You know, you could fool anybody with this cheap suit, salesman-of-the-year pitch. But I know you better than anybody and deep down, you are one miserable son of a bitch.

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Chaz [to Star Wars fans dressed as Boba Fett] All right, let's move it, Boba Fags. End of the line.

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Hutch I'm telling you, man. I took that Vulcan down hard. I rolled him into the dirt like he was my frickin tauntaun.