Stephen Fry[quoting Albert Einstein] Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the universe.
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Rob BrydonWhen I was small and my dad just happened to hit his finger with a hammer for something new, he used to say, 'Hells bells and buckets of blood.'
Stephen FryThat's a good saying 'Hells bells and buckets of blood.' I usually just say "Fuck it!"
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GuestOne thing I learned working on the Vagina Monologues is that the clitoris has no other function than pleasure. I liked that, nice that otherwise it was purely decorative.
Sean LockHey Stephen, what are you pissing through these days?
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Phill Jupitus[during a round about the sinking of the Titanic] Is it true that someone dressed as a lady to escape detection?
Stephen FryYes, apparently it is true because it was women and children first.
Bill Bailey[laughs] I thought you said "someone dressed as a *baby*"
Phill Jupitus[putting on posh accent] "Yes, goo-goo indeed. I have a lollipop and I have no control over my urinary functions. I am, in fact, an infant. And I know you think I'm Lord Albermal, but I am in fact a little baby. With a beard. Yes, goo-goo, gaa-gaa. And Madam, may I tell you I've been a very naughty baby."!
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Stephen Fry[holding his clenched left fist out in front of him] If I've got a moth ball in this hand and a moth ball in that hand,
Alan DaviesSorry, I thought you were literally asking.
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Stephen Fry[after much teasing over flubbing the words, Stephen finally gets to say it properly] They say of the Acropolis, where the Parthenon is... there are no straight lines!
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Jo BrandWhy are there no aspirins in the jungle?
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Jo BrandThe parrots-eat-em-all!
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Stephen FryGooooooooooooooooooooodeveningoodeveningoodevening!
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Alan Davies[after his buzzer is a sexy woman's voice saying "Ahoy, hello sailor"] Hang on, hang on, who was that?
Howard GoodallThe Quite Interesting thing about Bees is that they all died out in the First World War, they caught a bad cold, and we imported loads of Mexican Bees to keep the pollination going. So when they tell you that they're all native bees, they're not, actually.
Alan DaviesDo the British National Party know about this?
Jack DeeWas there ever a Homo Sapien/Neanderthal Wedding?
Stephen FryJust go to Basildon any Saturday Night.
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Stephen FryThe Hindenburg was filled with Hydrogen, which of course is incrensely dangerous...
Phill JupitusWhat have I told you about not reading Jabberwocky before you come on?
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Phill JupitusI hate this show!
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GuestI think Swedish Socialism comes from the Vikings: they have this concept "Larghomme" in Sweden which means "Just enough", which comes from sharing out the wine after a raid, making sure that there's no-one at the back who didn't get any.
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GuestThe only South African Past-time I know about is leaving the Country when it becomes a Democracy...
Phill JupitusYou like a drink, do you, Sandi? It's a good thing you didn't take it too far! You'd be outside Oddbins with a bottle of Whiskey yelling "I WAS SANDI TOKSVIG! I HAD IT ALL!"
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Stephen Fry[a "Flange" of Baboons; a "Whoop" of Gorillas] A word from a comedy sketch has migrated to the Internet and is now being used by Academics as a real word.
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David MitchellWe are in trouble as a species if we choose not to believe in things we can't do ourselves.
Alan DaviesHere we have a QI Elf! Educated to within an inch of his Life...
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David MitchellI love the fact we live in a Country with terrible Customer Service. You know, "This is a Terrible Train, you're tearing tickets in half, of course you look miserable!" I've got respect for that.
Stephen FryYes, I mean, why stand there with a cheesy grin on your face if your job is like that?
