I'll Be Home for Christmas Movie Quotes
Allie
[Reluctantly agreeing to go home with Eddie]
First the ground rules. If you say too many stupid things, I'll have to slug you. If you say anything nasty about Jake, I'll have to slug you. If you try to feel me up, I'll have to slug you. If you make me listen to any sexist, racist, or homophobic jokes, I'm gonna have to slug you. And finally, I might just have to slug you from time to time, simply because I find the prospect of driving across the country with you incredibly stressful!
Eddie
All right. Sounds like a party to me.
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Tracey Wilkinson
When did I become your slave?
Jake Wilkinson
The day you were born.
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Nolan
My daddy always said it's better to go out in a blaze of glory than to rot in a state correctional facility!
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Allie
Well, look at that. The clock man is sexually harassing the clock lady. How typical.
Eddie
Uh, don't witness it. You might have to testify.
Allie
Wow, Eddie. That was actually clever.
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Jake Wilkinson
Say something romantic.
Officer Max
Huh.
Jake Wilkinson
say something apologetic.
Officer Max
Huh.
Jake Wilkinson
SAY SOMETHING ENGLISH.
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Nolan
Oh, man, I went and killed Santa!
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Jake Wilkinson
[stuck in the desert, dressed as Santa, thanks to Eddie and his friends. Tries to pull off the beard]
Ow! You glued it on, didn't you, you jerks!
[Tries to take off the hat]
Jake Wilkinson
The hat too?
[looks up in agony]
Jake Wilkinson
THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!
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Eddie
[as Allie emerges from her motel room]
Whoa! You're not so cute in the morning. I'm kind of glad nothing happened.
[she slugs him for that remark]
Eddie
Ow! You just slugged me!
Allie
As per our agreement.
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Allie
You know what I've always wondered?
Eddie
What?
Allie
Out of all the planets in the universe, how is it that this is the only one that's spawned intelligent life?
Eddie
Yeah. You know what I always wonder about?
Allie
What's that?
Eddie
How come more breakfast joints don't serve your food right in the skillet like Denny's? I mean, think about it. They give you your meat, your eggs, your spuds right in the pan. Man, that rocks! Or like when a homeless guy comes up to you and he says he's the Messiah. And then he asks you for money, and you just want to walk away, but then you think to yourself, 'what happens if he IS the Messiah, and I'm just blowing the dude off?' Think about it.
Allie
[unable to believe what she's hearing]
I take back what I said about intelligent life on Earth.
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Mayor Wilson
[catching Jake delivering the race money]
Hey, when did Santa start using the mail box?
Jake Wilkinson
Oh, didn't you hear about the new work-exchange program? The postman should be coming down your chimney a little later.
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Nolan
I'm an elf!
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Eddie
Hey jingle balls! Move your candycanes!
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Jake Wilkinson
You know what a swirlie is?
Officer Max
You mean when somebody jams your head in a toilet bowl and flushes it?
Jake Wilkinson
Yeah, it was basically like that.
Officer Max
Ah, man!
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Jake's Dad
Well, son, she's yours.
[offers Jake the Porsche keys]
Jake Wilkinson
But, Dad, I didn't make make it home on time.
Jake's Dad
Don't be silly. You were just a few seconds late. Here.
Jake Wilkinson
No, a deal's a deal. Besides, she isn't ready yet.
Jake's Dad
What do you mean?
Jake Wilkinson
Well, we're not really finished fixing her up yet, are we? I mean, I'm sure it's going to take a bunch more Christmases together to get all the work done. Don't you think?
Jake's Dad
Yeah. 30 or 40 at least.
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