Captain Ron Movie Quotes
[as Ben, who's 12, moves Captain Ron's beer]
Captain Ron
Hey. Get your hands off that.
Benjamin Harvey
I was just moving it. I wasn't gonna drink it.
Captain Ron
You bet your little booty, you wasn't. You want a beer, you get your own beer.
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Caroline Harvey
Captain Ron, I was wondering. Are we going to be going to any more "human" type places?
Captain Ron
Well, you heard of St. Croix?
Caroline Harvey
Yeah.
Captain Ron
We're going to the island just to the left of it.
Caroline Harvey
What's it called?
Captain Ron
Ted's.
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Captain Ron
Alright, that's more like it, now you're talking! You can do it, mates! I've never seen such sailors. Not in all my born days, I ain't. Naturals! My God, everyone of you, naturals...
[beat; to himself]
Captain Ron
We're gonna fucking die!
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Captain Ron
[telling how he lost his eye]
Yeah, it happened when I went down off the coast of Australia.
Katherine Harvey
Your boat sank?
Captain Ron
No, no, no, no. Not my boat. My boss's boat. Yeah, we hit this reef. Huge son-of-a-bitch. Ran the whole coast.
Katherine Harvey
Wait. The Great Barrier Reef?
Captain Ron
You've heard of it, huh? Smart lady.
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[Lost in a heavy storm]
Captain Ron
The boss is right. We should be okay. 'Cause I know we're near land.
Martin Harvey
Great, Cap. Great. Ya hear that? We're almost there. Explain to the kids how you know that, Captain Ron. Someone translate for General Armando.
Captain Ron
Alright, now stay with me: When we left, we had just enough fuel to make it to San Juan. And now... we are out of fuel!
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Captain Ron
Captain Ron: A diesel loves her oil same as a sailor loves rum
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Captain Ron
Hey, you wouldn't be trying to cheat Captain Ron there, would you, swab?
Benjamin Harvey
Uh, no sir. Uh, so what happened?
Captain Ron
Ah, nothing. They were just playing hide-the-salami in the shower
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Captain Ron
Hey! Uh, leg feels a lot better now, boss. I always been a fast healer, you know. 'Course I believe in Jesus, so that helps.
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Martin Harvey
[stressing to his family that they need to learn all the things about seamanship that Capt. Ron is trying to drill into them]
You gotta' learn the basics.
Captain Ron
And, you gotta' be prepared.
Martin Harvey
That's right...
Captain Ron
I'm not talkin' Boy Scout prepared, I mean *big-time* prepared.
Captain Ron
This is the Caribbean, guys. "El Caribe." The Spanish Main. The land of hoo-doo and voodoo and all kinda' weird shit.
Benjamin Harvey
Whoa!
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[Approaching Martin and Katherine in a holding cell on San Juan]
Bill Zachary
Mr. and Mrs. Harvey? I'm Bill Zachary from the U.S. State Department. I've got some good news for you.
Katherine Harvey
Oh. You found our children.
Bill Zachary
No. But you're not being charged with subversion.
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Benjamin Harvey
Man. What happened to your eye?
Martin Harvey
Ben.
Katherine Harvey
Sweetie, that's rude.
Captain Ron
No, that's alright. Shark attack, swab.
Benjamin Harvey
A shark ate your eye?
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Captain Ron
[to Ben]
Hey swab. C'mere. Listen up. Now, the way it works shipboard is, you do your job. You do it good, you get a better job. Maybe you get promoted from swab to mate.
[Ben nods]
Captain Ron
Alright. Get on it.
Martin Harvey
Ah. Good.
Captain Ron
Yeah, incentives are important. I learned that in rehab.
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Captain Ron
[after losing his glass eye]
It never did fit anyway. Guess you gotta get 'em custom made.
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Martin Harvey
Slow down! There's boats all over the place!
Captain Ron
Don't worry. They'll get out of the way. I learned that driving the Saratoga.
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Caroline Harvey
Monopoly.
Martin Harvey
No, this.
[Holding a handgun]
Benjamin Harvey
Two .45's and a Mac-10.
Caroline Harvey
It's this total macho trip, Dad, just ignore it.
Martin Harvey
Where'd they come from?
Benjamin Harvey
Captain Ron traded the Guerrillas for 'em.
Captain Ron
Yeah, I thought we'd ought to have them, Boss. Cause, you know, we're gettin' into pirate waters, here, pretty quick.
Martin Harvey
What pirates?
Captain Ron
Pirates, of the Caribbean.
Martin Harvey
Been to Disney World, one too many times? Have we, Captain Ron?
Benjamin Harvey
It's true, Dad! They come up on you in high speed boats!
Captain Ron
You know, I don't believe I've been to Disney World...
[Interrupted by Martin Harvey]
Captain Ron
I've been to DollyWood.
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[being chased by pirates]
Benjamin Harvey
All right! They're pirates of the Caribbean, just like you said Captain Ron.
Captain Ron
Yeah, squirt. Pirates are easy to deal with. It's the Cuban cops that you gotta worry about. Grand theft auto is a major biggie here in Cuba.
Martin Harvey
Grand theft auto? You stole this car?
Captain Ron
Nah, I didn't steal it, boss. I borrowed it. Sort of...
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Captain Ron
[Captain Ron and Benjamin are playing Monopoly for money]
Three houses, 375! That's 37 cents.
Benjamin Harvey
Well that's... half the money I have left.
Captain Ron
Yeah, shit happens. Cough it up.
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Captain Ron
The leg feel's lot better now, Boss. I always been a fast healer. Ya know, 'course I believe in Jesus, so that helps.
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Katherine Harvey
We'll be spontaneous when we have time.
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Handsome Guerilla
The American girls are very... what's the word? Superficial.
Caroline Harvey
Yeah. God, I really hate that. Like, I'm into different cultures and different ways of doing things. Like we're watching "Mr. Ed" on TV the other day, and he's speaking French, or something.
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Benjamin Harvey
[Overhearing his parents]
Wow. We're getting a boat? Too cool.
Katherine Harvey
Ben, remember our discussion about eavesdropping?
Benjamin Harvey
Okay. But we're getting a boat?
Katherine Harvey
Your father and I have to talk about it.
Benjamin Harvey
Alright. We're getting a boat.
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Katherine Harvey
What are we going to do?
Martin Harvey
What can we do? Look around you. The sun is almost up. We are marooned in an unfriendly country. We have no luggage, no money, no passports and worse still... no reason or explination for even being here!
Katherine Harvey
But we have our boat.
Martin Harvey
No dear. If you'll look again, you'll notice that the pirates have our boat.
Caroline Harvey
Now, wait a minute. That's our boat. We should do something.
Martin Harvey
What are you saying?
Katherine Harvey
I think she's saying that if the pirates have our boat, we should take it back from them. I say we fight them.
Martin Harvey
Bloodthirsty, heavily armed Cuban pirates against the Harvey clan? It would take a miracle.
[just then a 1950s retro car speeds by them]
Benjamin Harvey
Look! It's Captain Ron!
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Benjamin Harvey
What about your other eye?
Captain Ron
Glass, swab.
Benjamin Harvey
Too cool!
Captain Ron
Yeah. I won it in a crap game a few years back.
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Martin Harvey
[Captain Ron has left Martin at the wheel to pilot the boat alone. His wife comes and stands next to him]
Isn't this great? Look at this! Open ocean, uncharted islands... Who knows what's waiting for us out there? Come here.
[hugs his wife]
Martin Harvey
[Narrating]
Log entry: Day two. The adventure begins! What a thrill it is to be leaving the turmoil of civilization behind us!
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Man with Rifle
You stole my wife, but you're not gonna steal my car!
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Martin Harvey
What do you think about Captain Ron? I mean, uh, I would be certainly willing to provide someone else if you're not comfortable with him. I think it's important that you're, uh...
Katherine Harvey
No, I think he's fine... I mean, he seems to know what he's doing. He was in the Navy.
Martin Harvey
Yeah, yeah, all right... What about the eye thing, though?
Katherine Harvey
Oh, honey! I would never fire anybody because they were physically challenged. Frankly, I admire him. I mean, really, when you think about the way he parked that boat. It was unbelievable - I mean, especially for somebody with no depth perception as we know it.
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Katherine Harvey
Oh please don't let my children find me naked and drowned in the shower!
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Martin Harvey
Captain Ron! Captain Ron?
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