Lady Bird 2017 - Movie Quotes

Marion McPherson I want you to be the very best version of yourself that you can be.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson What if this is the best version?

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Sister Sarah Joan You clearly love Sacramento.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I do?

Sister Sarah Joan You write about Sacramento so affectionately and with such care.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I was just describing it.

Sister Sarah Joan Well, it comes across as love.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Sure, I guess I pay attention.

Sister Sarah Joan Don't you think maybe they are the same thing? Love and attention?

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean that it's morally wrong.

Casey Kelly You think dead children aren't morally wrong?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson No. I'm just saying that, if you took up close pictures of my vagina while I was on my period, it would be disturbing but it doesn't make it wrong.

Casey Kelly Excuse me?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Listen, if your mother had had the abortion, we wouldn't have to sit through this stupid assembly!

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Kyle Scheible Do you have any like, awareness about how many civilians we've killed since invasion in Iraq started?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Shut up! Shut up. Different things can be sad. It's not all war. Are we still going to prom together?

Kyle Scheible Sure.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson People call each other the names their parents made up for them, but they won't believe in God.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Why can't you say I look nice?

Marion McPherson I thought you didn't even care what I think.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I still want you to think I look good.

Marion McPherson Okay, I'm sorry. I was telling you the truth, do you want me to lie?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson No, I mean, I just, I wish that you liked me.

Marion McPherson Of course I love you.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson But do you like me?

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Julie Steffans Some people aren't built happy, you know.

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[last lines]

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Hi, Mom and Dad, it's me, Christine. It's the name you gave me. It's a good one. Dad, this is more for Mom. Hey, Mom, did you feel emotional the first time that you drove in Sacramento? I did and I wanted to tell you, but we weren't really talking when it happened. All those bends I've known my whole life, and stores, and the whole thing. But I wanted to tell you I love you. Thank you, I'm... thank you.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I was on top! Who the fuck is on top their first time!

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson The only thing exciting about 2002 is that it's a palindrome.

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Parish Priest We're afraid that we will never escape our past. We're afraid of what the future will bring. We're afraid we won't be loved, we won't be liked. And we won't succeed.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I found when it happened that I really like dry humping more.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I just wanted it to be special.

Kyle Scheible Why? You're going to have so much un-special sex in your life.

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Larry McPherson You're not gonna get in a car with a guy that honks, are ya?

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Marion McPherson Money is not life's report card. Being successful doesn't mean anything in and of itself. It just means that you're successful. But that doesn't mean that you're happy.

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Julie Steffans Miss Patty assigned you a role by the way, you just never showed up to claim it.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson What role ?

Julie Steffans The Tempest.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson There is no role of the Tempest!

Julie Steffans It is the titular role!

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson No! It's a made-up thing so we all can participate.

Julie Steffans You can't do anything unless you're the center of attention, can you!

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Yeah, well you know, your mom's tits, they're fake! Totally fake!

Julie Steffans She made one bad decision at 19!

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Two bad decisions!

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Sister Sarah Joan Six inches for the Holy Spirit.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Are you and Mom gonna get a divorce over this?

Larry McPherson No. We can't afford to.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I hate California, I want to go to the East Coast. I want to go where culture is like, New York, or Connecticut or New Hampshire.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Hey.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I like your band. With Jonah Ruiz? L'Enfance Nue?

Kyle Scheible [in french accent] L'Enfance Nue.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Uh. Well, I saw your Thanksgiving show. My name's Lady Bird.

Kyle Scheible It's weird you shake hands.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Yeah.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I'm friends with Jenna and she's always talking about how great your band is so I wanted to check it out.

Kyle Scheible Yeah, Jenna's hella tight.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Yeah.

Kyle Scheible Maybe I'll see you at the Deuce or something?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Sure, see you at the Deuce.

Miguel McPherson Hey, I'm not paying you to flirt.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson [exhales] I wasn't flirting.

Kyle Scheible I wish you had been.

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Marion McPherson If you're tired, we can sit down.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I'm not tired.

Marion McPherson Oh, okay. I just couldn't tell because you were dragging your feet.

Marion McPherson [Lady Bird rolls her eyes] Well, I just couldn't tell.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Why didn't you just say "pick up your feet"?

Marion McPherson I didn't know if you were tired.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson You're being passive aggressive.

Marion McPherson No, I wasn't.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson You are SO INFURIATING!

Marion McPherson Please stop yelling.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I'm not yelling.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson [Marion picks out a pink dress] Oh, it's perfect!

Marion McPherson Do you love it?

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Kyle Scheible What you do is very baller. You're very anarchist.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Yeah. Fuck' em.

Kyle Scheible Don't worry, I'm not gonna snitch on you.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Well, I hope not 'cause I'd fucking kill your family.

Kyle Scheible What?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Sorry. I... that was an exaggeration.

Kyle Scheible It's okay. My dad has cancer, so I guess God's doing that for us.

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Julie Steffans What about terrorism?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Don't be a Republican.

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Title Card "Anyone who talks about California hedonism has never spent a Christmas in Sacramento." - Joan Didion

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Kyle Scheible I didn't lose my virginity to you.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Wait, what?

Kyle Scheible I lost my virginity to Cassie Duvall.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Excuse me? You said you were a virgin.

Kyle Scheible No, I didn't. 'Cause I'm not. And I haven't lied in two years.

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Father Leviatch Lady Bird. Is that your given name?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Yeah.

Father Leviatch Why is it in quotes?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Well, I gave it to myself. It's given to me, by me.

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Guidance Counselor So I understand you're not interested in any Catholic colleges?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson No way. Sorry, but yes, no way.

Guidance Counselor Then you'll be applying to UCs and State schools?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Yeah, but also those East Coast liberal arts schools. Like Yale, but not Yale because I probably couldn't get in.

Guidance Counselor [laughs inappropriately] You definitely couldn't get in. Part of my job is to help you be realistic.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Yeah. That seems like everyone's job.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson You know, you can touch my boobs, right?

Danny O'Neill I know. It's just that I respect you too much for that.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Cool. Awesome. I totally get that. Thank you.

Danny O'Neill You're welcome.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson If you had boobs, I wouldn't touch them either.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Uh, it's my parents' number.

Kyle Scheible You don't have a cell phone?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson No.

Kyle Scheible Good girl. The government didn't have to put tracking devices on us. We bought them and put them on ourselves.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I don't own a tracking device.

Kyle Scheible No, no, no. The cellphones. You see?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Wow.

Kyle Scheible Yeah I know. I mean, you'll have one eventually. Everyones gonna have one. And then, it'll be a matter of time.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Before what?

Kyle Scheible Before they put them in our brains.

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Larry McPherson Hey, I'm like Keith Richards. I'm just happy to be anywhere.

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Danny O'Neill Your mom is crazy. I'm scared of her.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson She's not crazy. She just, you know, she has a big heart. She's very warm.

Danny O'Neill I don't find your mother warm.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson You don't?

Danny O'Neill No. No, she's warm, yeah, but she's also kind of scary.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Well, you can't be scary and warm.

Danny O'Neill I think you can, your mom is.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson You're gay!

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Marion McPherson We don't need to buy that.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson It's only three dollars. I'm having a hard week.

Marion McPherson Well, if you wanna read it, we can go down to the public library.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I wanna read it in bed.

Marion McPherson That's something that rich people do. We're not rich people.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson If Danny and I get married and then his grandma died, I'd inherit the dream house.

Julie Steffans Wouldn't his parents get it?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Oh yeah, we'd have to kill them. And we'd have to kill his older brothers, too.

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Diana Greenway I heard that before he became a priest, he was married, and had a son named Etienne, who died at 17 of a drug overdose, which maybe was a suicide. But my mom says same difference, if you're that careless with your life.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson It's normal to not touch a penis

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Sister Sarah Joan Some of the students were disturbed by your posters.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson It's just a bird head in a lady body, or vice versa.

Sister Sarah Joan I think it's a little upsetting.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson It's my tradition to run for office. Don't worry, I won't win.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson The only exciting thing about 2002 is that it's a palindrome.

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NYC Nurse What do you want us to do? She's drunk.

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Darlene Bell You're not supposed to eat the wafers.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson They're not consecrated.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I just don't get why I'm not good at math. My dad is really good at math. Even Miguel has a math degree.

Julie Steffans Maybe it's your mom's fault.

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[first lines]

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Do you think I look like I'm from Sacramento?

Marion McPherson [while cleaning up their motel room] You are from Sacramento.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson You don't have to do that.

Marion McPherson Well, it's nice to make things neat and clean. You ready to go home?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Ready.

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Danny O'Neill I just remembered I had a dream about you.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Really?

Danny O'Neill Yeah.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson What happened?

Danny O'Neill We were - we were flying to Disneyland on a giant carrot.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson That's awesome!

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Sister Sarah Joan I'm going to write you a citation Miss Walton. No more short skirts.

[leaves]

Jenna Walton Sarah Joan is all up in my jock.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson She's a cunt.

Julie Steffans Birdy, you like her.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Yeah but, she's a cunt.

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Sister Sarah Joan They do a fall musical and a spring play, and from what I hear it's a real blast.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson What I'd really like is to be on Math Olympiad.

Sister Sarah Joan But math isn't something you're terribly strong in.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson That we know of yet.

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Marion McPherson Do you think that Shelly and Miguel have sex on the pull-out couch?

Larry McPherson Oh, yeah.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Is that your family?

Danny O'Neill Yeah.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Wow, there's so many of you.

Danny O'Neill Irish-Catholic. It's hard to find a girl to date that's not my cousin.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Who is Jim Morrison again?

Miguel McPherson He was in a rock band, moron, The Doors.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I knew that.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I have to get out of Sacramento.

Jenna Walton Why?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Because it's soul-killing.

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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson In the tub I just - I scoot myself under, just like now, like this, and then the water just - whoop...

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson, Julie Steffans: Whoop.

Julie Steffans We are so gross.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I think I figured it out when I was like three or something.

Julie Steffans I use, I take the shower head...

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Oh my God.

Julie Steffans This is embarrassing! I use that.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson I don't know if mine is the right kind though. Maybe it's different when you actually have a penis in there, like it's more intense.

Julie Steffans Mine is pretty intense, I think.

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Sister Sarah Joan There are the classics: St. Augustine, of course, Aquinas. My favorite, Kierkegaard. Oh, wait until you hear his love story. It will make - you swoon.

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Julie Steffans I don't even know how I got cast in my part.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Me neither. I was the one who had a dress and prepared a song.

Julie Steffans I know.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Now you're going to be all romantic with Danny on stage.

Julie Steffans It's probably my only shot at that, you know?

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Shelly Yuhan Your mom is really sad you weren't here tonight for Thanksgiving.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson Yeah, well, she hates me.

Shelly Yuhan She has a big heart, your Mom.

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Father Leviatch Okay. Take it away, Lady Bird.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson [singing] Everybody says don't, Everybody says don't, Everybody says don't it isn't right, Don't it isn't nice, Everybody says don't, Everybody says don't, Everybody says don't walk on the grass...

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Lady Bird Movie Quotes