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Best Man Down Movie Quotes

Lumpy's Mom I always felt bad my son never met anyone to love, someone to love him back. It's really good to know that I was wrong.
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Ramsey [during Lumpy's funeral service] There are a lot of moments in life, and I didn't know Lumpy very long. Most of you probably had more time with him than I did, but... just because dying on a cactus was Lumpy's last moment doesn't mean it was his most important one.
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Scott I mean... he was my best friend.
Kristin But he wasn't your best friend. He was your oldest friend. There's a difference.
Scott I don't care what you call him. I knew Lumpy better than anyone.
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Scott I know you never got Lumpy. Okay? Let's just be honest. You didn't want him to be my best man.
Kristin I didn't say that. What I said was, you two didn't spend much time together anymore.
Scott What does that mean? We're men. Men don't spend a lot of time together.
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Scott [taking out cellphone] Hey, will you hold this? It's Lumpy's. Then we can make some calls, just let people know what happened.
Kristin [browsing through cellphone] There are only six numbers stored. Two of them are for pizza delivery.
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Winston Look at me. I come back from two back-to-back tours in Iraq last year, and I got shit. No job, no degree, no money... nothin'. All I have is respect, and from you...
[menacingly]
Winston I'm gonna get respect.
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Ramsey My mom says taking drugs for fun is okay, but taking them for problems is not. 'Cause once the drugs wear off, you still have the problem.
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Roger Could somebody please pass the Mrs. Dash? She might be hiding with Mr. Dash.
Kristin Oh, we don't know if there is a Mr. Dash, Dad. Maybe things didn't go too well after their wedding or something.
Scott Well, maybe Mr. Dash had some things on his mind, and things that he has to take care of.
Kristin I just wonder if Mr. and Mrs. Dash didn't go on a honeymoon and then after that, stop communicating.
Scott Maybe Mrs. Dash should stop feeling sorry for herself.
Kristin I think that Mrs. Dash is trying really hard and maybe feels under-appreciated.
Scott [raising voice slightly] Maybe Mrs. Dash should remember she's not the only spice in the spice rack.
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Roger [reminiscing about Lumpy] Boy looked like he was a lot of fun.
Scott He was a lot of fun, Roger. He wasn't a boy though. He was a man.
Kristin Of course he was a man.
Scott No, no, no. He was a real man. Just because he drank a little too much, and quit law school and he got fired from his job, it doesn't make him less of a man. 'Cause he was a man, Kris.
Kristin Okay. We understand and we know you're upset...
Scott [shouting] You asked me to pee sitting down!
Kristin I thought it would be a nice compromise.
Scott You wanted me to carry a purse, for Christ's sake.
Kristin Why would he carry a purse?
Kristin [raising voice] It was a man bag! And I was only pointing out that some men have found it efficient. They are in Europe mostly but...
Scott We don't live in Europe. This is what I'm talking about. This is what I mean. Lumpy kept it real. He was a man.
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Kristin You have to get your job back.
Scott I can't get my job back! I don't want to get my job back! Keep shafting me on commissions, and I'm done. That's what Lumpy would have done.
Kristin Oh, well, by all means let's follow Lumpy's example. What has he done? He dropped out of law school. He got fired for embezzlement. Now I think he's committed statutory rape!
Scott Stop it! Please don't. Just don't.
[pause]
Scott You know how we could afford Mexico? Lumpy gave me the money. He got us a honeymoon, and I can't even get his funeral right.
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Ramsey [during Lumpy's funeral service] He didn't tell anyone about his heart because he didn't want his friends or his family to worry. And if he only had a little time left to live, the last thing he wanted to be was a lawyer. He just wanted to fish and have fun.
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Scott [agitatedly] Of course it matters! What are you talking about?
Kristin He's gone, Scott.
Scott I know that. I just... Kris, he told a 15-year-old girl he was dying. He didn't tell me. I just wish he'd told me.
[starts crying]
Scott I wish he'd told me.
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Kristin I assumed that the funeral would be after the honeymoon.
Scott You... you wanna postpone the funeral? Who postpones a funeral?
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Ramsey Don't you have candles to light, or like... wine and crackers to hand out?
Priest That's what you think I do? Mood lighting and catering?
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Gail Your aunt had to bring up Lumpy.
Kristin Mom, someone died. People are gonna talk about it.
Gail But that's all they talk about. Oh, your best man got drunk and died at the wedding. Do you know that he hit on your cousin Lindsay?
Kristin She's fourteen. They were just dancing.
Gail I think it's inappropriate. I don't like it.
[pause]
Gail Well, don't tell me you don't wish that it didn't happen on your wedding night?
Kristin Actually... I just wish that it didn't happen.
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Jaime You never gave it a chance.
Ramsey No one makes new friends in high school.
Jaime Oh, you're so smart though.
Ramsey Yeah, and everyone's just dying to be friends with that freak girl who does math two years ahead of everybody else.
Jaime Oh, if you try, it'll get better.
Ramsey You sure about that, Mom? Is it gonna get better like Milwaukee, where I got beat up every week? Or is it gonna get better like Rockford, where you got beat up every week?
Jaime Stop it. I did the best that I could.
Ramsey Or is it like Brooklyn Park, where I had to watch my dad O.D.? So tell me, Mom...
Jaime [interrupting] Stop it!
Ramsey ...When does it get better, because I wouldn't want to miss it.
[stomps out of house in winter weather]
Jaime Ramsey... where are you going?
Ramsey Anywhere but here.
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Ramsey I still think you should've gone to the hospital.
Lumpy Mm-mmm, no, no. No, Duluth is... like umm... two hours away from here. I took a hot shower. I'll be fine.
Ramsey Well, you look purple and bloated.
Lumpy I always look bloated.
[pause]
Lumpy It's okay, it's okay. I work really hard to look this bloated. It's a point of pride for me.
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Scott We can drive you to Minneapolis but then, how you're gonna get back home?
Ramsey I don't know. I'd take the bus or something.
Kristin I think we should figure that out before...
Scott [reciprocating] Yeah
Ramsey [interrupting] I'm pregnant.
[silence]
Ramsey It's Lumpy's.
Kristin [faces away] I knew it.
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Ramsey Hot date?
Priest What are you doing here?
Ramsey You know I like to watch. I hate it when you pull the blinds, Dad.
Priest [sighs] I'm not your dad.
Ramsey Dad, father, father, dad... Whatever. I need 50 bucks.
Priest I don't have 50 bucks. This is really your best option? Blackmailing a priest?
Ramsey Think of it as community welfare.
Priest Is there a doctor or a lawyer you can hustle?
Ramsey If you want me to go back to taking it out of the offering tray, I will.
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Lumpy [outside motel in wintery night weather] Let me at least put some clothes on, and I will drive you home.
Ramsey I can walk.
Lumpy Get your butt back in the hotel room, or I'm gonna drop this towel!
[sardonically]
Lumpy You'll be scarred for life.
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