Never So Few Movie Quotes
Capt. Tom Reynolds
You know, the movies have got it all wrong, a cigarette tastes lousy when you're wounded.
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Capt. Danny De Mortimer
[DeMortimer and the others have arrived in time for a Christmas banquet put together by the Kachins. Unfamiliar foods abound]
A little breast of peacock, water buffalo... and the tiniest dollop of monkey brains. I'm a hairy brute with an empty stomach.
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Sgt. Jim Norby
[to Capt. Tom Reynolds]
Well, hi, boss. Hey, old Dad's kind of on a Yale-afternoon drunk. Hey, did you see what Billingsly got me for Christmas? He went out on a mule-buying expedish- expedish- He went out to buy some mules and he came back with this. I took her off his hands real cheap. She's fine, boss, she's really fine.
Shan Girl
I am humble before you, Dua. I have heard great tales about your many battles.
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Capt. Grey Travis
Grenade? That's a funny way to kill fish.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Or people.
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Head Nurse
[Sternly]
You get back into bed. That's an order. Get back into bed!
Capt. Tom Reynolds
One of these days, I'm gonna meet a nurse who doesn't sound like a troop commander.
Head Nurse
Captain, I'm going to report you to the colonel.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Tattletale.
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Capt. Danny De Mortimer
[down with cerebral malaria]
I feel like an old serial. When does the train run over me?
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Cpl. Bill Ringa
Excuse me for saying so, sir... but you look terrible.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Inside of my mouth tastes like the outside of a crocodile.
Cpl. Bill Ringa
Well, there's some toothpaste in here, sir. You can use it on your finger for washing your teeth. I've got some water for rinsing out your mouth. But I'd like to caution the captain against drinking that water. It has a tendency to cause ulcers. Now, for swallowing, I suggest the gin, sir.
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Carla Vesari
If I stay with you, Nikko, it won't be because I'm afraid of you.
Nikko Regas
In this day and age, my dear, fear is a very good basis for a relationship.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[Meeting with his commanding officer at Army headquarters, Calcutta]
I want a doctor, Fred, and I want one right away. Or you won't have a single Kachin left.
Col. Fred Parkson
Did you fly down here just to bicker about doctors?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Among other things. But most important, the doctor. We've only been here a few hours, but I've seen 10, 15 doctors. Where they coming from? Where they going?
Col. Fred Parkson
I'll listen to anything you gotta' say. But just who do you think you are? You and your jungle wallahs coming here, flexing your muscles. You're not the only guys fighting a backwash war.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
We're the only ones without a doctor.
Col. Fred Parkson
Find yourself an unassigned doctor, and I'll tag him for your outfit.
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Col. Fred Parkson
Want you and Danny to take a holiday. Pick any rest area in the Himalayas. Take two weeks.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Holiday? No. Out of the question. I couldn't stay out of the hills for two weeks.
Col. Fred Parkson
Kachins got by for hundreds of years before you... and they'll get by long after I spit on your grave.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[while checking in at the hotel, receiving an unexpected invite from Nikko Regas]
Well, we're invited to a party tonight. By Mr. Nikko Regas.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
[Suspicious about how Regas knew they were there]
And how did he know? There's something spooky about that man.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
How can you say that? He's the squarest shooter on the road to Mandalay.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
I wish I had a copy of 'Who 's Who in India.' Or 'The Bombay Police Blotter.' I'd like to look up friend Regas.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Anybody who invites *us* to a party can't be all that bad. And let's not bite the hand that buys the booze.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Mr. Regas.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
We didn't realize you were tossing a gala.
Nikko Regas
Oh, nonsense. This sort of thing goes on every night. But I want you to consider this your home in Chandigarh. Your 'foxhole away from your foxhole,' so to speak.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[Upon seeing a Sadhu - a Hindu ascetic holy man - while they are visiting a shrine]
Danny lived like that once.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
For a while, but I couldn't stand it. So I came back to the world of men and their commodities. I couldn't stand that, either.
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Nikko Regas
Now, let me dwell just for one moment on the American male. They're absolutely insidious, Carla. They're full of the lonesome prairie and the smell of tumbleweed. They're sincere and dedicated, and your Tom Reynolds...
Carla Vesari
Really, Nikko, he's not 'my Tom Reynolds.'
Nikko Regas
Your Tom Reynolds is no exception. A regular Abe Lincoln in North Burma. A girl like you with a sophisticated palate... is a pushover for the type.
Carla Vesari
What a terribly civilized man you are. You never lose your balance.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[Having entered Carla's bathroom, in which she is bathing in a large bathtub]
Is that why you invited me in your bath?
Carla Vesari
Don't be so provincial. In Japan, men and women bathe together.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
This is not Japan, and you well know it.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[Referring to the American supply detachment that is supposed to truck weapons from the Chinese border to Reynolds and his men in support of their impending raid on Ubachi airfield]
That's a lousy detail. I'd rather shinny up a thorn tree with an armful of eels.
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Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Tom, you're a man of gruesome courage... but moving on Ubachi without support is as sensible as a hotfoot in hell.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Nothing in this war makes sense. Why do you expect it to make sense now?
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Capt. Alofson - Psychiatrist
Reynolds, I've got to examine you.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Okay. Mind if I smoke?
Capt. Alofson - Psychiatrist
Supposing I said I wished you wouldn't?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
If you gave me a good reason, I probably wouldn't. But seeing as how you don't outrank me, I think I will.
Capt. Alofson - Psychiatrist
[Grudgingly impressed]
That's a specific, logical answer.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Thank you, doc.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[to Ringa, after Capt. De Mortimer has been killed]
I'm giving you a field commission: Second Lieutenant. You let it change your ways, and you're a damned fool.
Cpl. Bill Ringa
Yeah. A meat-headed Second Lieutenant. William Lewis Ringa, a gentleman, by act of Congress. I'm just sorry it had to happen this way. But I'll tell you one thing: I'd give you the shirt off my back.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
You already did, remember?
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Get out.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Tom. Tom, you can't do it.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Would you rather he suffer for another 12 or 15 hours? You'd shoot a lousy horse with a broken leg to end his misery. Now, get out.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
A human being is not an animal.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Don't give me any sermons. You're not the chaplain.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
You can't murder a man without killing part of yourself.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
I've been killing men all night long. Now, get out!
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Capt. Danny De Mortimer
This is a grand way to live.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
It's even a better way to die.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Where's the colonel?
Cpl. Bill Ringa
Well, he's locked in a military mission. He said he'd meet you at headquarters at zero - at zero eight hundred in the morning, sir.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
What's he expect us to do till zero eight hundred in the morning? Play a fast game of jacks?
Cpl. Bill Ringa
Well, he suggested the captain use the time to adjust himself to civilization. You know, girls, booze.
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Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Well, when do we eat?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Take it easy, Pappy. This isn't hurrying-up time. This is slowing-down time. Let's drink easy and long and consistently.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Right-o. We'll drink ourselves into a *tortured* hunger.
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Capt. Danny De Mortimer
What pumpkin did you pop out of?
Margaret Fitch
The Empress Hotel.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Margaret, don't ask him how he keeps it in.
Sgt. Jim Norby
How do you keep it in?
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Well, the problem is getting it out.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Sometimes men brawl to forget combat.
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Sgt. Jim Norby
Would you think me terribly jay if I were to ask just what you're doing in the war?
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Hey, you all right, chum?
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
I feel a bit clammy. Too much nightlife and lazy living.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Relax.
Carla Vesari
I beg your pardon?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Let it go. I'm a mild-mannered, soft-spoken man, and I'm a gentleman and an officer. And I never make a sudden move.
Carla Vesari
I'm very pleased to hear it.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
And what's your rank and serial number?
Carla Vesari
I'm cautious, conventional, and very, very careful.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
And you're on the green side of 25. You're put together like a Christmas package. And you remind me of a pretty girl I once saw in a perfume ad before I became a lonely soldier.
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Carla Vesari
I'm always interested in improving myself. What could you offer me?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Well, I could send you flowers, I could mow your lawn. I could buy you an ice cream soda. And we could hold hands in the movies.
Carla Vesari
You tempt me.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Nikko tells me you ride every morning.
Carla Vesari
Not *every* morning.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Would you ride with me tomorrow?
Carla Vesari
Perhaps.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
All right, you wanted me to squirm, so I did. But there's another thing. I don't like striking out until I get to bat.
Carla Vesari
You've got the wrong girl. Wrong place, wrong time.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Okay. I'll see you get a Good Conduct Medal to add to the rest of your loot. Meantime, let me pin this one on you.
[kiss]
Carla Vesari
You're very sure of yourself.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
I am now. I kissed you, lady, and you kissed me back.
Carla Vesari
You!
Capt. Tom Reynolds
I got the message.
[kiss]
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Carla Vesari
Now I know what kind of man you are. So brave in battle, but so afraid of life. You talk of the future, but you won't take a chance on it. I won't plead with you, Tom. I can't. I don't know how.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
What am I gonna do, Danny?
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
You're the boss. It's your decision.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
How tangled can a knot get?
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
What's the sense of fighting a war if you can't yell for what's right?
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
How can you be so damn sure you *know* what's right?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
I'm not sure. But I'm sure I'm gonna do something, even if it's wrong.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Message to Parkson. To Parkson for Chongqing: "Go to hell." To Parkson for headquarters, CBI: "Go to hell." To Parkson for Parkson, if he goes along: "Go to hell."
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Nautaung
I still can't understand how the Nips had us figured out.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Neither can I. According to the scouts, there wasn't a Yellow within 40 miles.
Sgt. John Danforth
Well, I imagine we'll soon find out. Ringa's got a Jap out there - and I imagine he'll talk.
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Cpl. Bill Ringa
You got more weapons here than a bank dick.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Yeah, we put no trust in slingshots.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Look, we don't drink to get drunk. We - we nip! The booze just helps to keep you going. Take my word for it.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
You live here with Nikko?
Carla Vesari
I want to tell you something, Captain, and then perhaps you'll let me alone. I live here with Nikko. So why don't you go back to the hills and play with your popguns?
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[explaining a kiss from a nurse]
Just a good old American salutation. You'd be surprised at some of the customs of my people.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[admiring the Himalayan landscape]
Just like Indianapolis, only this goes up and down.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
What would you like for Christmas?
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Carla Vesari
That's how I am, a lot of fun, with a heart as big as the Himalayas.
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Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Whiskey! I just liberated it.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
How do you know it's not poisoned?
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
I don't, that's why I decided to share it with you.
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Gen. Sloan
[Capt. Reynolds thinks he's tricked the General]
I've got a couple of tricksters, real star-spangled hell-for-leather tricksters, right outside that door.
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[first lines]
Sgt. John Danforth
Yeah, this is it. This is it, men!
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Carla Vesari
Tell me about when you were a kid.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Well, I was a sneak and I was satanic.
Carla Vesari
That's enough. Tell me about your grandfather.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
He was a sneak and he was satanic. And once he told me he could never trust a man who claimed that he never had a hankering for women.
Carla Vesari
"Hankering"?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Hankering. To hanker. It means to have a strong desire for something or someone. In this case, a girl.
Carla Vesari
I see. You - hanker.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
I hanker - for you alone.
Carla Vesari
Don't sweep me off my feet.
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Carla Vesari
When do you think it will be over? The war, I mean.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
I don't know. It may never be over.
Carla Vesari
When it is over, what will you do back in America?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
I've never thought about it. I may never go back to America... I better stay in the jungle. It's a lot simpler there.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[Parting words to Carla before heading back to the Kachins]
You've taken up with a no-good G.I... who's gonna' keep you barefoot and pregnant and on the edge of town. We're gonna' be married. I'll be back. Learn to cook.
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Capt. Grey Travis
[Expressing trepidation at parachuting for the first time]
Maybe I should've practiced.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
What's the sense of practicing what you can only do wrong once, doc?
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[the new doctor is nonchalantly whistling while attending the injured from the previous night's ambush on the camp]
All right, doc, knock off the whistling. Nobody's interested in how medically unconcerned you are.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[Being called in front of his superiors on account of the incursion into China to retaliate for the Chinese warlord's attack on the American supply detachment]
I've just seen 34 American GI's with their heads blown off by Chinese troops.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
[Grabs his duffel bag and theatrically dumps its contents on the table: dog tags, wallets and other personal effects of the slain American soldiers]
And I wanna' know why.
Gen. Sloan
[Reacting to the pile of dog tags etc. on the table in front of him]
This is sickening.
Col. Fred Parkson
Doesn't it strike you that your actions were, to say the least, unprecedented?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Doesn't it strike you that we're fighting a rather unprecedented kind of war? Isn't that right, general?
Gen. Sloan
Well, it has its bad moments. But in the long run...
Capt. Tom Reynolds
I don't give a damn about the long run if it adds up to this! You can't deny what's been going on or what'll continue to go on unless something's done about it! I know I'm right about this. And if you don't know it, I pity you.
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Gen. Sloan
Now, may I say that I owe you a debt of gratitude. Perhaps you're not aware of the fact that I got my Medal of Honor... for disobeying orders.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
No, sir.
Gen. Sloan
I'd forgotten how fine it feels to do what you think is right... regardless of the consequences.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[Ringa has helped repel the Japanese ambush on the camp]
You're pretty good with a mortar. Where'd you learn it?
Cpl. Bill Ringa
I didn't. I was just trying to find something to shoot 'em with.
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Colonel Dr. Barry
I'm not running a bar for Kachins.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Well, you feel they're below your station, Doctor? You know, your type of so-called democratic Americans burns my butt.
Head Nurse
The captain is a mental case!
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Clever, these Japanese.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Ah, brilliant.
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Capt. Danny De Mortimer
When do you expect the Nips?
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
You're a real soldier now, Bye Ya. You have tasted the pain of wound in combat.
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Sgt. Jim Norby
We'll find you a girl, Danny. As a matter of fact, if it weren't for Tom and this and that, you'd have me completely enslaved. I think it's the monocle. I think it's very chic.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Oh, it's smashing.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Well, I have an injured eye, through which I take a rather jaundiced view of the world.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Somebody had to leash the dogs of war.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
You ever seen any combat?
Cpl. Bill Ringa
Oh, here and there, sir. A little bit.
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Well, where and where, a little bit?
Cpl. Bill Ringa
New York City, mostly. I've seen action in Williamsburg, Hell's Kitchen, Yorkville, Weehawken. Well, of course, that's in New Jersey. You know, the funny part about it is, since I've joined the Army and the war started, I've led a comparatively sheltered life.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Miss Vesari, can I see you again?
Carla Vesari
Hell no.
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Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Forty thousand Nips are rolling down from Ubachi Air Field. Forty thousand.
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Carla Vesari
You are the most depressing seducer I ever fought off.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Then don't fight.
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Carla Vesari
What do you believe in?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Live and let live. It's funny when you think of the business I'm in.
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Carla Vesari
Please, stop sniffing around me like an animal.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
All right, Doc, knock off the whistling. Nobody's interested in how medically unconcerned you are.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
I'm going to miss you. Where I'm going nobody smells of soap.
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Carla Vesari
Must it be like this just because I'm not in the market for an affair?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Oh, you're in the market. It's just a matter of price.
Carla Vesari
I know when I'm well off.
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Carla Vesari
I kiss you and the bells ring wildly in my temples. Temple bells.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Why do you suppose that is?
Carla Vesari
Because you put me in a turmoil.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Have a drink.
Capt. Grey Travis
Not while I'm working.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Don't be an ass! Have a drink.
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Soldier in Hospital
Our bellies sing with hunger. And they feed us torn-up weeds.
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Capt. Grey Travis
You're a lousy barbarian. You're a murderer!
Capt. Tom Reynolds
You're an idealist. And a lousy idealist.
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Colonel Dr. Barry
Captain, may I remind you that this is a hospital, and not a circus?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
That's just a matter of opinion.
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Carla Vesari
Can you sneak out the back door?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
I don't like back doors, Carla.
Carla Vesari
Whatever you say. I don't care, darling.
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Capt. Danny De Mortimer
I found these men in the village up ahead. They say these guys weren't killed by the Nips, they were killed by the Chinese.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
What kind of Chinese?
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Gen. Chao
Without an apology, Chongqing would suffer what many Orientals characterize as a severe loss of face.
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Sgt. John Danforth
I didn't volunteer to take orders from that Nautaung that you sent to give 'em to me. He's a gook! And I take no orders from gooks.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
I'm not sure I can even spell democracy and I don't know what the big picture even looks like but I know you've got a big mouth.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
He thinks I should pray once in awhile; because, pray never hurt anybody and it don't cost a dime.
Nautaung
America a very funny place, full of prayers and money.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Margaret, this is Danny De Mortimer. He speaks English like he hates it.
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Gen. Chao
Do you wish to speak further with me on this subject?
Gen. Sloan
In the words of an old hymn, go to hell.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
[while visiting at Regas' posh villa in northern India, noticing the mix of people present]
Europeans, Sikhs, Chinese... Doctors, lawyers, merchants and thieves.
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Carla Vesari
Captain Reynolds, is this your first war?
Capt. Tom Reynolds
It is definitely my last.
Carla Vesari
I think you love it. Like most men, you relish war.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
Miss Vesari, this may come as a shock to you, but I do not like war.
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Capt. Tom Reynolds
Danny, do you know anything about this guy, Regas?
Capt. Danny De Mortimer
Well... He's supposed to be in shipping, but I think he's an opium smuggler in wolf's clothing.
Capt. Tom Reynolds
What about Carla Vesari? She's quite a crock of curry.
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