Happiness Movie Quotes
Andy
You think I don't appreciate art? You think I don't understand fashion? You think I'm not hip? You think I'm pathetic? A nerd? A lard-ass fat-so? You think I'm shit? Well, you're wrong, 'cause i'm champagne, and you're shit. Until the day you die, you, not me, will always be shit.
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Bill
I wake up happy, feeling good... but then I get very depressed, because I'm living in reality.
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Helen Jordan
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you.
Joy Jordan
But I'm not laughing.
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Allen
I know who you are and you are nothing. You think you are fucking something, but you are fucking nothing. You are empty. You are a zero. You are a black hole, and I'm gonna fuck you so bad you'll be coming out of your ears.
[slams down phone, pants for air]
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Joe
What do you think would happen if I got him a professional... you know...
Bill
A professional?
Joe
Hooker. You know, the kind that can teach things... first-timers, you know... break him in.
Bill
But Joe, he's 11.
Joe
You're right, you're right. It's too late.
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Allen
Pussy... need pussy.
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Detective Berman
Johnny, was there anyone in the last day or two who..."hurt" you?
Johnny Grasso
No. I... I... I don't think so.
Detective Berman
But someone did hurt you... no, Johnny?
Johnny Grasso
No. No-one hurt me.
Joe
What do ya mean no? You've been FUCKING RAPED!
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[last lines]
Billy Maplewood
I came.
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Diane
I want kids that love me as much as I hated my mother.
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[after Bill recalls his dream]
Psychiatrist
And how is this different?
Bill
I don't kill myself at the end.
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Helen Jordan
Y'know, people are always putting New Jersey down. None of my friends can believe I live here. But that's because they don't get it: I'm living in a state of irony.
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Vlad
I love New Jersey.
Joy Jordan
Don't you miss Russia?
Vlad
Fuck the cunt of Russia.
Joy Jordan
Well, I guess it's best to feel that way.
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Helen Jordan
Anyway, so the police came and looked in her freezer and found baggies filled with the doorman's genitals.
Mona
I use baggies.
Joy Jordan
Me too.
Helen Jordan
Everyone uses baggies, that's why we can all relate to this crime. Don't you see?
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Helen Jordan
If only I had been raped as a child! *Then* I would know authenticity!
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Bill
I fucked them.
Billy Maplewood
What was it like?
Bill
It was... it was great.
Billy Maplewood
Would you do it again?
Bill
Yes.
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Joy Jordan
[singing]
It seems the things I've wanted in my life I've never had. And so it's no surprise that living only leaves me sad. Happiness, where are you? I've searched so long for you. Happiness, what are you? I haven't got a clue. Happiness, why do you have to stay... so far away... from me?
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Helen Jordan
It's just I'm... I'm so tired of being admired all the time. All these men I mean... they're all beautiful, artistic minds, great sex, the whole package, but hollow, you know what I mean? I feel nobody's really honest with me. Nobody wants me for me.
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Joy Jordan
I am not a scab... I am a strikebreaker.
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Allen
Are you wet? Is your pussy all wet?
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Allen
Can I smell your panties?
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Allen
I don't know I could ever really begin to talk to her. I mean what can I talk about? I have nothing to talk about, I'm boring. And that I know, I've been told before so don't tell me it's not true 'cause it's a fact. I bore the people. People look at me and they get bored, people listen to me and they zone out... bored. 'Who is that boring person?', they think. 'I've never before met anyone so boring'. And I'm for her to see how boring I am.
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Helen Jordan
I want you to fuck me.
Allen
I don't think I can do that.
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Trish
How come no matter how much you treat me like shit, I can't help loving you even more?
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Billy Maplewood
Dickwad?
Bill
Yes, only "come" can be used as a verb as well.
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Mona
You know I wish you had told me this twenty years ago. Now I'm gonna have to get another FUCKING FACELIFT!
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Bill
Have you tried playing with yourself?
Billy Maplewood
You mean...?
Bill
With your penis?
Billy Maplewood
A little.
Bill
How did it feel?
Billy Maplewood
I don't know? I don't know what to do.
Bill
Do you want me to, uh... show you?
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Trish
Oh, I sure hope the kids don't catch whatever he's got.
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Helen Jordan
I've had you on auto-redial all night.
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Trish
Oh, Bill. Please don't get mad at me. I know you hate it when I ask, but... Do you still?
Bill
Oh.
Trish
Oh.
Bill
Yes. Very very much.
Trish
Oh, Bill, and I do too! I'm sorry I need to keep being reminded, it's just...
Bill
I know.
Trish
And we haven't been.
Bill
I know. And it's my fault.
Trish
My fault.
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Bill
What Ronald Farber doesn't know is that it's not length that matters, it's width.
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Trish
[to Joy]
Just because you've hit thirty doesn't mean you can't be fresh anymore. Y'know, Joy, I've never told you this before, but now that we're older, and I feel so bonded to you ... well, the truth is-oh, I know this is gonna sound horrible-I just feel I have to be fully open with you, just get beyond all the old barriers and the sibling nonsense. Well, the truth is, I always thought that you would never amount to much, that you would end up alone, without a career, anything. Really, it's what we all thought. Mom, Dad, Helen: everyone. Oh, I always prayed we'd be wrong, but somehow you always just seemed so doomed to failure. But now I see that's not true. There's a glimmer of hope for you after all.
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Helen Jordan
I'm just another sordid exploitationist.
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