True Lies Movie Quotes
Helen Tasker
Have you ever killed anyone?
Harry
Yeah, but they were all bad.
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Gib
[to Harry]
Same thing happened to me with wife number two, 'member? I have no idea nothing's going on, right? I come home one day and the house is empty, and I mean completely empty. She even took the ice cube trays out of the freezer. What kind of a sick bitch takes the ICE CUBE trays out of the FREEZER?
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[while preparing to fire a Harrier missile, from which Salim Abu Aziz is hanging from]
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[Harry is under the influence of a truth serum,in private room located on a deserted island]
Samir
Is there anything you'd like to tell me before we start?
Harry
Yeah. I'm going to kill you pretty soon.
Samir
I see. How, exactly?
Harry
First I'm going to use you as a human shield. Then I'm going to kill this guard over here with the Patterson trocar on the table. And then I was thinking about breaking your neck.
Samir
And what makes you think you can do all that?
Harry
You know my handcuffs?
Samir
Mmm-hmm.
[Samir gasps. Harry springs up from his chair and grabs Samir, using him as a shield while he kills the guard, then breaks Samir's neck]
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[after watching her husband kill dozens of men,on a deserted island]
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Harry
[holding Simon at the edge of an aquaduct]
Son of a bitch, Did you think you can elude us forever, Carlos, huh?
Simon
Hey, you got the wrong guy! My name's Simon! Just let me go. There's no need to kill me. I haven't seen your...
[Harry and Gib remove their masks]
Simon
face. No, no, no I didn't see it, I didn't see it!
[realizes that it is Harry]
Simon
Oh, it's you! Hey, you still interested in that 'Vette at all?
Gib
Hey, Carlos? Game's over. Your career as an international terrorist is well documented.
Simon
No...
Gib
-Oh, yeah.
Simon
No...
Gib
Oh, yeah!
Simon
No!
Gib
OH, YEAH!
Simon
No, I sell cars! That's all! C'mon, I'm not a terrorist. I'm actually a complete coward, if I ever saw a gun, I'd...
Harry
[Harry takes his gun out and points it in Simon's face]
Simon
[Whining and pleading]
Oh God, no, please don't kill me. I'm not a spy. I'm nothing. I'm navel lint! I have to lie to women to get laid, and I don't score much. I got a little dick, it's pathetic!
[Harry and Gib gave Simon a weird look, then Simon pees his pants]
Simon
Wha, uh, oh God. Would a spy pee himself, huh? Please, I'm not worth a bullet. Oh, mercy sir!
Simon
No, no, as soon as I turn, you're gonna shoot me! You're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me!
[fires a few rounds into the ground near Simon]
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Gib
Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em!
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Faisil
[in a conference room in their counter terrorism sector]
They call him the Sand Spider.
Spencer Trilby
Why?
Faisil
Probably because it sounds scary.
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[last lines to himself, inside a surveillance van]
Gib
You know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You guys are going to be in the van next time. I've been in the van for 15 years, Harry.
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Simon
[hitting on a woman at the party]
Here, let me pour you some more champaigne. I gotta keep up the waiter bit, these stakeouts can be a little tricky you know, you never know if things can explode to a life or death situation, just stay low and I'll contact you later. Maybe you should give me your tele...
Simon
Oh god.
[pees in his pants]
Helen Tasker
Fear is not an option.
[Simon runs out of the party nervously screaming]
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[Salim Abu Aziz reveals a nuclear weapon]
Salim Abu Aziz
Do you know what this is?
Harry
I know what this is...
[Salim smiles]
Harry
This is an espresso machine.
[Salim frowns]
Harry
No, no wait. It's a snow cone maker.
[Salim approaches Harry]
Harry
Is it a water heater?
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Simon
[trying to sell Harry a Corvette with Simon driving]
You see, it's not just a car. It's a total image. An identity you have to go for. This isn't some high-tech sports car. Tell you the truth, it doesn't even handle that great. But that's not the idea, is it? What are we talking about here? Pussy, right?
Simon
Let's face it, Harry. The 'Vette gets 'em wet.
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Simon
Sometimes a story's a mask for a covert operation. See "Two men killed in a restroom and two unidentified men in a running shootout ending at the Marriot."
Helen Tasker
That was you.
Harry Tasker
[listening to their conversation with Gib]
Simon
You see...
Simon
You're very good. You recognize my style. You're a natural at this.
Gib
The guy's a fake, man. He's taking credit for our moves.
Helen Tasker
What happened?
Simon
Hardly worth talking about. Two of them won't bother me again.
Gib
Unbelievable!
Helen Tasker
You chased one?
Simon
Something came over me. I just had to nail this guy no matter what the risk. Pretty hairy. I thought he had me a couple of times. But I can't take credit.
Helen Tasker
Why not?
Simon
It's the training. It shapes you into a lethal instrument. You react in a microsecond without thinking.
[Harry gives him a mean look]
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Harry
I'm gonna walk right out of the front gate.
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[to Dana, who's wearing a helmet,]
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Harry
[over the radio, riding in the middle of a park]
Make it quick because my horse is getting tired.
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Simon
I always got a few on the line. But there's this one chick I got right now. I got her panting like a dog. Its great.
Harry
What does she do?
Simon
Some sort of legal secretary. Married to some boring jerk.
Harry
Married to some boring jerk.
Simon
Aww, but she could be so hot if she wanted to. She's like all these babes, you get their pilot lit, they could suck start a leafblower. And she's got the most incredible body too and a pair of titties that make you wanna stand up and beg for buttermilk. Ass like a ten year old boy! AHAHAHAHA!
Simon
[Harry punches him in the face instantly breaking Simon's neck and the daydream ends]
AHAHAHAHAHA!
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Gib
What are you talking about, I'm as clean as a preacher's sheets. I'm as clean as...
Harry
What about that time you blew a six-week operation because you were too busy getting a blow job?
Gib
You knew about that?
Harry
Uh-huh.
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Harry
[Loopy from the truth serum he's been given, in private room located on a deserted island]
Ask me a question I would normally lie to.
Harry
Yep!
Helen Tasker
I'd say it's working.
Harry
They're gonna shoot us in the head or they gonna torture us to death or they gonna leave us here when the bomb blows up...
Helen Tasker
Harry!
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[talking about Harry Tasker's wife, in a car with Simon]
Helicopter Pilot
Oh yeah, she's got her head in the guy's lap all right. Yahoo.
[to Harry Tasker]
Gib
Maybe she's sleepy.
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Harry
Well, you see, this is the problem with terrorists. They're really inconsiderate when it comes to people's schedules.
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Gib
So your life's in the crapper. So you wife is banging a used car salesman - it's humiliating, I know. But goddamnit, Harry, take it like a man!
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Harry
[translating the terrorist celebrations for Helen]
... We're cool, we're badasses, blah, blah, blah.
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[Simon attempting to have sex with Helen on the couch in his trailer]
Helen Tasker
No, I can't. I can't!
[Simon still pursuing]
Simon
If not for me, Helen, do it for your country!
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Helen Tasker
[confessing on why she wants to go with Simon to Paris]
I wanted to do something outrageous, and it felt really good, to be needed, and to be trusted. It's just there's so much I want to do with this life and it feels that I haven't done any of it. You know, the sand is running out of the hourglass, and I want to look back and say, see, I did that, that was me, I was reckless and I was wild, and I fucking did it.
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Harry
[talking through microphones and speakers]
The code name of your assignment will be... Boris. And your code name will be...
Harry
No... Doris.
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Harry
[viewing Aziz and his behind the railing on one of the upper balconies,trying to translate for Helen what Aziz is saying]
In 90 minutes, the holy fire, will light up the skies.
[the terrorists are covering the nuclear warhead with an american flag and cement]
Harry
We will tell the the whole world, that we speak, the truth. No force can stop us now, we're cool, we're badasses, blah, blah, blah.
Helen Tasker
Honey, if we're on an island, why are they using trucks?
Harry
We must be in the Florida Keys. These are the islands that have highways that connect the islands to the mainland.
Helen Tasker
There's no borders, no customs. They can go anywhere in the U.S. They're will be no one to stop them.
Harry
But, us. Here take this
[hands Helen an Uzi]
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Faisil
Yes, I would.
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[Harry is commandeering a Harrier to rescue his daughter]
Gib
Harry, do you realize it has, in fact, been 10 years since you've been behind the wheel of one of these things?
Harry Tasker
If I break it, they can take it outta my pay.
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Party Guard
[on the driveway of the castle] Can I see your invitation?
Harry
[takes out a cigarette case and presses a button on it] Sure, here's my invitation.
[blows shed sky-high]
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Gib
[in their SUV, following Simon and Helen, arrived at Simon's used car dealership]
The guy is a goddamn used car salesman!
[amused]
Gib
I mean, this just keeps getting better and better!
[Harry gives him a dirty look]
Gib
I'm sorry, Harry, I know this has got to be painful. But you gotta admit, it's pretty damn funny. I mean, if it was just some idiot and not you, you'd be laughing your ass off.
[starts to laugh]
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Simon
[leaning on Simon's corvette, having lunch]
Okay, just ask yourself: What do women really want? You take these bored housewives, married to the same guy for years, they're stuck in a rut, then need some release! Promise of adventure, a hint of danger. I create that for them.
Harry
So basically, your lying your ass off the whole time. See, I can't do that.
Simon
What are you, a boy scout? No, no, no, think of it as playing a role as fantasy. I mean, you got to work on their dreams. Get them out of their daily surburban grind for a few hours.
Harry
But what about their husbands?
Simon
Dickless! I mean, let's face it, if they took care of business, I'd be out of business! You know what I mean?
[laughs]
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Gib
[helping Harry into their SUV]
You know what? I say we concentrate on work, buddy. That's what I do every time my life turns to dog shit. I concentrate on work, and that gets me by. All right, buddy? This is gonna be great. You know what? We're gonna catch some terrorists, we're gonna beat the crap out of them, you're gonna feel a hell of a lot better.
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[hangs up the phone]
Gib
I'm going to hell.
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[Harry has just returned from Helen's office and is shell-shocked]
Harry
Helen... Helen...
Gib
Helen...?
Harry
Helen...
Gib
It's got something to do with Helen, I'm guessing.
Harry
Helen...
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[about Harry's daughter, just having entered the fake computer company]
Gib
Do you think she's still a virgin?
Harry
Dont be ridiculous, she's only - -what is she now?
Gib
She's fourteen!
Harry
She's fourteen years old!
Gib
Yeah, and her little hormones are going off like a car alarm.
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Gib
You aren't her parents anymore, her parents are Axl Rose and Madonna, you can't compete with that kind of bombardment.
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Gib
[to Harry, who thinks his wife is having an affair]
Hey, Harry. Listen, Helen still loves you. You know, she just wants to bang this guy for a while. You know? It's nothing serious. You'll get used to it soon...
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Faisil
[the van is slipping on ice]
Hey, watch it.
Gib
It's called ice, and it gets a little slick.
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Salim Abu Aziz
[filming his video when the cameraman abruptly lowers the camera]
What's the problem?
Jihad Cameraman
Batter-Aziz!
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Gib
Kids - 10 seconds of joy, 30 years of misery.
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Harry
[Harry is reading the tapped phone conversations from Helen, notices something, and quickly pulls the car over to the side of the road and up onto the curb]
Harry
Give me the page!
Gib
What?
Harry
This jumps from page 9 to page 11, where's page 10?
Harry
ok
[Gib looks at the window, and quickly grabs page 10 from his coat]
Harry
OK.
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Harry
Put a tap on her phone.
Gib
What are you talking about? I already did that.
Harry
I'm talking about Helen's. Put a tap on her office line and the line to my house. Do it NOW.
Gib
Okay. All right. Just come over her. Sounds great. I just wanna ask you about something.
[takes him aside]
Gib
I got two words to describe that idea, in-sane. An unauthorized wire tap is a felony, pard...
Harry
[slams him up against the wall]
And we're doing it twenty times a day! So don't give me that crap.
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Harry
[speaking to the horse]
What the hell were you thinking? I had the guy, and you let him get away. Look at me when I talk to you. What kind of a cop are you anyway?
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[Harry lights up a cigarette and starts coughing]
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[Harry returns to the van after escaping the castle]
Harry
Hi guys.
Gib
Well that worked real good. Right out the old front gate.
Harry
Can you lean back a second...
[Harry shoots two remaining pursuers]
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[Harry becomes angered when he discovers that Helen may be having an affair]
Gib
What did you expect, Harry? Helen's a flesh and blood woman and you're never there. It was only a matter of time.
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Faisil
[in a conference room in their counter terrorism sector]
It's a scale really, with a perfect mission at one end and a total pooch screw at the other, and we're right about in the middle.
Spencer Trilby
You're new on Harry's team, aren't you?
Faisil
Yes.
Spencer Trilby
So what makes you think that the slack I cut him in anyway translates to you?
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[Harry sticks an unconscious terrorist's head in a bathroom urinal and flushes it]
Harry Tasker
Cool off.
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Faisil
[sitting next to Albert, hacking into a computer inside their surveillance van]
Yes! Files are unlocked! Fast Faisil strikes again. I'm doing, man! I've got my hand up her skirt, and I AM GOIN...
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Helen Tasker
[has the upper hand on Juno in the back of a limo and grabs a champagne bottle]
LIKE ONE?
[hits her with it]
Helen Tasker
HOW 'BOUT TWO?
[clobbers her a second time]
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Gib
Harry? Harry? You do not have time to tango, buddy. You copy?
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Salim Abu Aziz
[his message to the United States while being video taped]
You have murdered our women, and our children, and bombed our cities from afar, like cowards, and you dare to call "us" terrorists?Now, we have the ability to strike back at our enemies. Unless "you" "America" pull all military forces out of the Persian gulf area, immediately, and forever, Crimson Jihad will rain fire on one major U.S. city each week, until our demands are met. First, we will detonate one nuclear weapon on this uninhabited island as a demonstration of our power. But, if these demands are not met, Crimson Jihad will rain fire on one major U.S. city each week.
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Simon
[after taken out of his trailer by Harry's government agents]
Take her! Take her! Oh, god, don't hurt me!
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Spencer Trilby
So far, this is not blowing my skirt up, gentlemen.
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Harry
And I can verify that they have the arming box and all the equipment necessary to detonate all four warheads.
[a guard drags Harry off-camera. Aziz takes his place]
Salim Abu Aziz
You have killed our women and our children, bombed our cities from afar like cowards, and you dare to call us terrorists? Now, the oppressed have been given a mighty sword with which to strike back at their enemies.
[a Low Battery warning begins to flash]
Salim Abu Aziz
Unless you, America, pulls all military forces out of the Persian Gulf area immediately and forever, the Crimson Jihad will rain fire on one major U.S. city each week until our demands are met.
[Battery warning flashing faster]
Salim Abu Aziz
First, we will detonate one weapon on this uninhabited island as a demonstration of our power and Crimson Jihad's willingness to be humanitarian.
[In a burst of static, the image GOES BLACK]
Salim Abu Aziz
However, if these demands are not met, Crimson Jihad will rain fire on one major American city each week...
[the cameraman nervously lowers the camera, ashen-faced. Aziz looks at him as if to say, "What the hell?"]
Jihad Cameraman
Battery, Aziz!
Jihad Cameraman
I think I have one...
Salim Abu Aziz
Shh!
Jihad Cameraman
...in the truck.
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Juno Skinner
[pouring a glass of champagne in a limo while Helen watches, thinking Harry is dead]
Would you like one?
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Juno Skinner
Ok, Suzie Homemaker. Let's go.
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Harry Tasker
[Harry is chasing Salim through the city. He comes across a police officer riding a horse] Federal officer in pursuit of suspect!
Harry Tasker
[knocks the officer off his horse] Sorry.
Police Officer
[getting up off the ground as Harry rides off] Hey!
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Gib
[about Juno meeting Harry]
Son of a bitch is with her two minutes, and she's ready to bear his children.
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Gib
Kids ten seconds of joy 30 years of misery I got married 3 times but was never dumb enough to have any.
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Harry
To the horse, what the hell were you thinking? I had the guy and then you let him get away?
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Gib
[shouting to civilians after pursuing Aziz throughout the hotel]
Federal officer! Get down now! Duck or Die!
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Spencer Trilby
[in a conference room in their counter terrorism sector]
Sweet Jesus, Harry, you surely screwed the pooch last night, didn't you?
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