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Kinoafisha TV Shows The Office Quotes Q&A

The Office quotes

[repeated line]
Michael Scott That's what *she* said!
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Michael Scott If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
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[Jim looks at the camera]
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Michael Scott I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
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Michael Scott [to Toby] This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here.
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Michael Scott Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
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Andy Bernard I'm always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs.
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Michael Scott Dwight, you ignorant slut!
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Creed Bratton Hey, I want to set you up with my daughter
Jim Halpert Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
Creed Bratton I thought you were gay?
Jim Halpert Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
Creed Bratton I don't know.
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Michael Scott Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special - baseball cap on backward, baggy pants. He says something ordinary like, "Yo, that's shizzle". Okay, now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.
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[Toby comes back from Costa Rica and surprises a distraught Michael]
Toby Flenderson Hi, Mich...
Michael Scott No, God!... No, God, please, no!... No!... No!... Nooooo!
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Michael Scott Well, just tell him to call me ASAP as possible.
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Michael Scott [to whole office] I... declare... BANKRUPTCY!
[Later, Michael is in his office cutting credit cards with scissors. Oscar comes in]
Oscar Martinez Hey, I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen.
Michael Scott I didn't say it, I declared it.
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Michael Scott Occasionally, I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.
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Stanley Hudson Boy have you done lost your mind? Cause I'll HELP you find it!
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[repeated line]
Pam Beesly Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
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Robert California Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?
Jim Halpert Oh, God, nature. Please.
Robert California When two animals are having sex...
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Michael Scott I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.
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[Kevin walks into office proudly wearing a toupee]
Kevin Malone [to doc crew] Nope, it's not Ashton Kutcher! It's Kevin Malone! Equally handsome, equally smart.
[winks]
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[Jim and Dwight are about to drive out to a sale, Dwight sits behind Jim]
Jim Halpert Seriously? You're gonna sit in the back?
Dwight Schrute Uh, yeah? That's the safest part of a car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side first.
[Jim slams on the brakes, Dwight's head hits the back of Jim's headrest]
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Michael Scott I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim Halpert Oh, I think you mean the Aid to Afghanistan.
Michael Scott No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis Lapin Afghani.
Michael Scott What?
Phyllis Lapin *Afghani.*
Michael Scott That's a dog.
Pam Beesly No, that's Afghan.
Michael Scott That's a shawl.
Dwight Schrute Wait, Canine Aids?
Michael Scott No, *humans* with AIDS.
Creed Bratton Who has AIDS? Wh...
Jim Halpert Guys, the Afghanistananis.
Michael Scott Ok, you know what? No. No!
[Pam giggles to herself]
Michael Scott AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.
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Jim Halpert Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
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[repeated line]
Andy Bernard Rit-dit-dit-do-doo!
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[Jim and Dwight are trying to get revenge on Todd Packer]
Jim Halpert I was thinking maybe we could jam his drawers so they only come out two inches, and then that way you could *see* everything in them but you can't get in them.
Dwight Schrute Does Edgar Allan Poe know about that one? So sinister!
[sarcastically chuckles]
Dwight Schrute That wouldn't annoy a person at all! What do you - where do you come up with this stuff?
Jim Halpert Okay! Alright, well, this isn't my best, but call Froggy101. Say that we're the tour manager for Justin Bieber and we're giving away free tickets, we give them a number to call *for* the tickets, and it's his number.
Dwight Schrute Who is Justice Beaver?
Jim Halpert He... it's a crime-fighting beaver.
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[blooper]
Michael Scott I see the sales department are down there, they're in the engine room, and they are shoveling coal *into* the furnace. Right? I mean, who saw the movie Titanic? They were very important in the movie Titanic.
Phyllis Lapin Everyone in the engine room drowned.
[entire cast erupts in laughter]
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Kevin Malone I *kinda* know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man.
[makes unintentionally funny face]
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