Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - Quotes from the Series

Larry Nice house.

Susie Yeah, come on. I'll give you a tour.

Larry Naw, it's ok.

Susie No, come on.

Larry No, it's ok. I-I get it.

Susie You get it?

Larry Yeah, it's a house. It's new. I get it. It's nice.

Susie You get it? Ok, you know what? Get the fuck out of my house, Larry.

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[repeated line]

Larry David Pretty good. Pret-ty pret-ty pret-ty good.

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Man Are you Jewish?

Larry David You want to check my penis?

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Susie Greene You four-eyed fuck.

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Cheryl [Larry discusses becoming a restaurant host] I thought you didn't like talking to people.

Larry David I don't like talking to... to people I KNOW, but strangers, I have no problem with.

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Restaraunt Chef [Larry hires a chef who has Tourette's Syndrome] Fuckhead shitface cocksucker asshole son of a bitch!

[the restaurant suddenly turns silent]

Larry David [Remembering seeing some high school students support a kid with cancer] Maybe one day I'll get a chance to do something good for somebody like that.

Larry David [Aloud] Scum-sucking motherfucking whore!

Jeff Greene Cock! Cock! Jism! Grandma! Cock!

Michael York Bum! Fuck, turd, fart... cunt, piss, shit, bugger and balls!

Restaurant Manager Dammit... hell... crap... ssssssshit!

Cheryl Ya goddamn motherfuckin' bitch!

Susie Greene [Thinking Cheryl is yelling at her] Fuck you, you car wash cunt! I HAD A DENTAL APPOINTMENT!

Cheryl's Dad Fellatio, cunnilingus, french kissing! Rimjob.

Richard Lewis Pussy pig fucker!

Jeff Greene's Dad Boy cock, girl cock, E-I-E-I-O!

[Everyone in the restaurant is now laughing hysterically]

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Larry He insulted me. He implied that I was lying about my stepfather!

Jeff Greene You don't have a stepfather.

Larry I know, but I didn't like the implication!

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[Cheryl is reading a draft of her renewed wedding vows to Larry]

Cheryl "We'll love each other throughout this lifetime, but after death through all eternity."

Larry You mean this is... this is continuing into the afterlife?

Cheryl Yeah, that's the idea. Do you have a problem with that?

Larry Well, I... I thought this was over at death. I didn't know we went into eternity together. Isn't that what it said in... "'til death do us part, " I thought it was...

Cheryl Do you have a problem with eternity?

Larry Well...

Cheryl We finally found each other, Larry, and we're celebrating this for all eternity.

Larry I guess I had a different plan for eternity. I thought... I thought I'd be single again.

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[Larry just found out the show tempo is a lot faster than the rehearsal tempo]

Larry David Bullshit, that's not the tempo. Get out of here.

Blind Man I think it is.

Larry David What?

Blind Man Pretty much.

Larry David Well, I don't know any human could dance to that tempo. You'd have to be "Flash" to dance like that.

Blind Man Who?

Larry David Oh, forget it. It's a comic book character wearing the red costume. The guy in the red costume!

Blind Man I don't even know what red is.

Larry David Hm. It's hard to talk to a blind guy, you have no references.

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Marty Funkhouser Why do you pee sitting down?

Larry David Many reasons.

Marty Funkhouser Do you crap standing up?

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Donald You know what you are? You're a self-loathing Jew.

Larry David Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.

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Richard You'd better call me later on, alright? By sundown.

Larry "By sundown"? What are you... what are you, Gary Cooper? "By sundown"? What's gonna happen?

Richard That's funny. You know, I'm tryin' not to laugh, but that's funny.

Larry Yeah, okay.

Richard You better call me by sundown.

Larry "By sundown"? Is the posse gonna come get me?

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[Larry has a flat tire in the city, and doesn't know how to fix it]

Larry David [to various passerby] You know anything about changing a tire? Wanna help me change a tire here? No? I could use a little help. I need a little assistance. I never took a shop class, and I need a little help. Okay, I'm just coming flat out and saying 'help me'. Anybody want to help a semi-retarded individual change a tire? 25, 30 dollars. 30 dollars to change this tire. 35 dollars to change this tire right now.

[People are ignoring him]

Larry David I'll give you 10 dollars for a verbal response. 10 dollars. Anybody want to make 10 dollars and respond verbally? No?

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Ben Stiller You wouldn't even shake my hand the first time we met...

Larry David You sneezed... you had snot all over your hand!

Ben Stiller That was a dry sneeze, Larry!

Larry David I can't assume dry, I gotta assume wet!

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Jeff Greene All of the women at HBO, they don't want to work with you.

Larry David Oh, come on. That's ridiculous.

Jeff Greene They think you're a misogynist.

Larry David Why, 'cause I called the guy a cunt? So what!

Jeff Greene 'Cause you called the guy a cunt.

Larry David Big deal, I call men pricks all the time, men want to work with me.

Jeff Greene Well, cunt's worse.

Larry David Cunt's not worse. Pricks and cunts, they're equal. Pricks, cunts, come on. They balance out.

Jeff Greene No, cunt is worse. Cunt's much heavier.

Larry David Why? Why is cunt heavier?

Jeff Greene I never questioned, it just is.

Larry David That's sexist to me! Come on.

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Susie Greene [shows Larry a gawdy, sequined shirt she has made] Now, is this cute? I mean how much fun is this? Huh? Great, right?

Larry You know, it's nice.

Susie Greene Yeah.

Larry Not quite my cup of tea, but... y'know, uh, it's nice.

Susie Greene All right, you know what? Fuck you... and fuck your tea.

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[during a fight with his business partner named Hugh]

Larry David Fuck Hugh. Fuck Huuuuugh.

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[Getting out of jury duty]

Larry Uh... well, your honor, I believe it would be hard to remain impartial seeing as the defendant is a negro.

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[Larry notices a picture on his rabbi's desk]

Larry Is that you?

Rabbi That's... that's Eddie Solomon. My brother-in-law. He, ummm... he died on September 11th.

Larry Oh my gosh. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Rabbi Yeah. Terrible.

Larry He was in the building?

Rabbi No, no. He, he was... uptown on 57th Street. He got hit by a bike messenger.

Larry Uptown?

Rabbi Yeah, yeah. Bike messenger. Hit 'em.

Larry [Long pause] What a shame.

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Richard How could you not help a blind man?

Larry How could you say "blind man" in front of a blind man?

Blind Man Oh pleeeeeeease, don't...

Larry You called him a blind man right in front of him.

Richard No, I didn't, I didn't mean that in a bad way, no, I got...

Blind Man Oh no, no, no no...

Richard I meant sightless. I didn't mean... I mean I respect the blind as much as anybody, I...

Blind Man Oh, of course, it's not a problem, believe me.

Richard No, I didn't mean that in a, in a derogatory sense. I got my own problems, really...

Blind Man No no!

Richard ...and I'm a recovering alcoholic, I have, I have intimacy problems, so...

Blind Man Oh really?

Larry Poor guy. Terrible intimacy problems.

Blind Man Ohhhhhh.

Richard I do have problems! I had...

Larry Can't get close to a woman, it's a terrible thing!

Richard It happens to be true! I'm just sayin' we're all in the same...

Blind Man Yeah, right.

Larry We're all the same. He can't see, and you have intimacy problems. You guys have a lot in common, don't ya?

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Larry You don't work. You're unemployed.

Cheryl Loving you is my job, Larry.

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Richard Lewis Can't we have lunch or something and discuss this?

Larry I can't.

Richard Lewis Why not?

Larry I've been auctioned off for some charity.

Richard Lewis What is this, "Roots"?

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[after leaving a terrible dinner party]

Larry What's the level of anger here? What am I dealing with?

Cheryl Well, I'd have to say at least an 8.7.

Larry 8.7? That's not that bad. I thought it would be at least a 9.

Cheryl It was a 9. Then you broke that lamp, and the crazy woman screamed at you, and it got you some pity points.

Larry Pity points. That's fabulous, I love pity points. But how can I get to a 7? I know a 6 is out of the question, but is there any way I can get to a 7?

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Larry David I pee sitting down.

Jeff Greene You pee sitting down?

Larry David Yeah! Have you ever tried it?

Jeff Greene No!

Larry David It's more comfortable. When you get up during the night you don't have to turn on the light and wake up, and you get to read.

Jeff Greene What are you reading?

Larry David I'm reading a lot of stuff.

Jeff Greene What stuff?

Larry David If I peed twenty times during a day I can get through a whole New York Times for god's sake!

Jeff Greene Twenty times?

Larry David Yeah! Hey buddy, when you're peeing all over your shoe, I'm learnin' somethin'!

Jeff Greene What makes you think I'm peeing all over my shoe while you're learnin' somethin'?

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Cheryl Okay, you know what? I think my friend Julie was just saying that the Beverly Park Country Club might be taking new members.

Susie Greene Ah, eh...

Larry It's... pretty.

Cheryl I think they're taking new members, and it's a beautiful country club...

Susie Greene All right, look, I don't want to offend you, but there's like three fuckin' Jews in the whole club, okay? It's not for us. It's WASP, WASP, Republican city...

Cheryl Okay, you know what? I fit in with you guys all the time, for years I've been going to your thing, so...

Larry How am I even gonna get by in the interview?

Susie Greene [points at Larry] This one would stick out like a sore fuckin' thumb, this Jewface over here.

Larry Oh, I'm more of a Jewface than *you*?

Susie Greene Hey, fuck you, Larry, okay? I didn't get us into this predicament!

Larry I'm much more gentiley than you are!

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Wanda Why'd you fire the black man?

Larry I fired the black man... because... he's the guy who set up the whole system here and it doesn't work! And he's here like... every week, I'm givin' him checks, we've got five remotes, I can't turn it on... but I know, you know, *black* man can *never* do anything *wrong*, at least to get fired from a job! Black people *always* do everything right!

Wanda [Walks over to TV, pushes button, fixes it] You gotta turn the damn satellite on for the TV to work! See the little green light? Just gotta turn it on! Or you can fire the black man. Whatever works for you.

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Larry David Every time I go to the bathroom I have to have this stop-and-chat with her both before I go and after I go. You know, it's too much.

Richard Lewis She means well. By the way, she told me that you go to the bathroom like ten to fourteen times a day. You move your bowels, you piss... Are you alright? She was concerned.

Larry David Alright, you see what I'm saying? This is what I'm talking about. This is none of her business! How often I go to the bathroom, what I'm doing in there, how long I'm in there, talking to you about my personal bathroom habits! That's not good, alright? It's too much! It's too much.

Richard Lewis But someone's gonna sit there. What, would you rather have a klansman sitting there?

Larry David No, I would rather have a stranger, frankly! A stranger sitting there who I don't have to report in to.

Richard Lewis She cares about you.

Larry David Oh, she cares about me?

Richard Lewis Yeah.

Larry David Listen, it's none of her business...

Richard Lewis She has bowel concern for you and I do too!

Larry David I don't need her bowel concern! I drink a lot of water, that's all. I drink a lot of water. Big deal.

Richard Lewis A lot of water? You drink more than a porpoise. No one pisses that often without drinking like thousands of gallons a week.

Larry David Alright, let's stop talking about this. My bathroom habits are not your concern, okay?

Richard Lewis Alright then I won't care about your health. Fine.

Larry David You don't need to care about- I'm in very good health! I got a beautiful colon! You wanna take a picture of my colon?

Richard Lewis I have a VHS of mine!

Larry David Fine, fine, you can put my colon up next to your colon! We'll see who has a cleaner, healthier colon!

Richard Lewis I'll have a colon contest with you any time you want!

Larry David Any time you wanna have a colon contest, buddy!

Richard Lewis You're shitting and pissing almost seventy times a week!

Larry David Get the hell out of here! This is ridiculous!

Richard Lewis She's right next to you, she's...

Larry David I DON'T WANT HER MONITORING MY BATHROOM HABITS, OKAY?

Richard Lewis I mean, what are you eating? A lot of grains and fruits and nuts? You're like a Jew squirrel.

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Larry David This is called a Swiss Army Knife. Do you know what Switzerland is?

Tara Michaelson No, what's that?

Larry David Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

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[Larry is following directions that told him to make a turn when he saw a barn]

Larry Was that a barn? Was that a barn? I think it was too small to be a barn, it looked more like a stable. There was a cow there, does that mean... what? That it could have been a barn? There's no cows in barns. There's cows on a farm. Are there always barns on farms? There are stables in farms, right, but not necessarily barns? I don't think that was the barn.

[long pause]

Larry I think we made the wrong turn.

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Larry David I am not obsessed with asses.

Wanda Okay, assy. And what is all that shit all over your shirt? You been scrounging around, looking for ass?

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Larry [Larry is on the phone ordering a "Girls Gone Wild" tape, using a ridiculous Art Fern type voice] Yes, I was, uh... I was thinking about ordering the tape, the videotape... about the college girls and the... the wild... the wildness. They're going wild or something? Somebody told me... about going wild.

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Colby [at dinner with the survivors] So, here we are in a region of Australia where, out of the world's ten most deadly snakes, nine of 'em inhabit this region. It was harrowing. You come across a taipan on the trail, you get bit, you're dead in thirty minutes flat.

Solly Oy, I'll tell you, that's a very interesting story, let me tell you. I was in a concentration camp! You never even suffered one minute in your life compared to what I went through!

Colby Look, I'm saying- I'm saying we spent 42 days trying to survive and we had very little rations, no snacks...

Solly Snacks? What you talking, "snacks"? We didn't eat sometimes for a week! For a month! We ate nothing!...

Colby I couldn't even work out when I was over there. They certainly didn't have a gym.

Solly A *what*?

Colby I mean, I wore my sneakers out and the next thing you know, I got a pair of flip-flops!

Solly Flip-flops!

Colby We sleep on the ground, on the dirt, okay? 118 degrees during the day, 98 at night with 98 percent humidity!

Solly 45 degrees below zero!

Colby Did you guys have a bathroom?

Solly A bathroom? We had twelve people at a time would go and shit...!

Colby Well, I'm sure you had toilet paper.

Solly We had newspaper!

Colby We had mosquitos.

Solly Mosquito? You see this glass eye? Eh? Eh?

Colby Have you even seen the show?

Solly Did you ever see *our* show? It was called the Holocaust!

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Larry [Larry's house has been spray painted by trick-or-treaters he has offended and he's reporting it to cops] They don't deserve candy and I don't deserve this: "Bald Asshole"? That's a hate crime!

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Nurse I have good news, gentlemen. Both of your blood types are compatible with Mr. Lewis for his kidney transplant.

Jeff Greene Goodnight, nurse...

Nurse Goodnight.

Jeff Greene It's just a saying.

Nurse I never heard of it.

Jeff Greene It's an old one.

Nurse That's nice.

Jeff Greene It is.

Nurse I know it is.

Jeff Greene Do you?

Nurse Do *you*?

Jeff Greene I do.

Nurse Good for you.

Jeff Greene It is good for me.

Nurse Oh, you think so?

Jeff Greene I know so.

Nurse I'm glad.

Jeff Greene So am I.

Nurse That makes two of us.

Jeff Greene So you say.

Nurse So I did.

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[Larry has realized he made a bad joke about Wanda's butt]

Larry David Okay, Wanda...

Wanda Oh, you know who I am, okay. I thought I would have to turn around and show you my big ass.

Larry David Okay, you completely misinterpreted that...

Wanda How am I supposed to interpret it? You shouted out 'Hey, Big Ass Wanda'.

Larry David I didn't say big ass, I was just saying hello.

Wanda Is that how you say hello?

Larry David Uh, well...

Wanda 'Hey, big ass' or 'Hey assy' or 'Hey, I know your ass'. What is that? That's not how you say hello.

Larry David Perhaps not.

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Susie Greene [Larry steals the head of a doll from Jeff's daughter's collection] You fat fuck! And you bald piece of shit! Where's the fucking head?

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Larry David [to president of ABC] Here's a question for "Who Wants to be a Millionaire"- what kind of an idiot is running ABC?

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Krazee-Eyez Killa Wanda ain't gon' find out shit! This between... you my nigga, right? This between me and you!

Larry Yes, I'm your nigger.

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Leon Get in that ass, Larry!

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Larry Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

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Larry David [watching Girls Gone Wild] You know what a woman would do if I ever asked her to lift up her top?

Jeff Greene Why do you have to analyze this? Can't we just watch this?

Larry David She would spit on me! If I ever asked a woman to lift up her top, she would kick me in the balls and spit on me!

Jeff Greene We've waited a long time to see this and all you're doing is yakking. Be quiet, come on!

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[Larry is on a bad trip, looking in a bathroom mirror]

Larry's reflection What are you looking at? You see something? Huh?

Larry Wh- What did I do?

Larry's reflection What did you do? You know what you did! You did nothing!

Larry If you want me to do something, just tell me!

Larry's reflection You've got to change the diet, I've told you about that. I don't want the red meat, you're eating the red meat. I don't like that!

Larry I'm doing the best I can.

Larry's reflection Go to a doctor. Get yourself a checkup. Colonoscopy, you afraid to get a colonoscopy? What's the matter with you?

Larry I'm sorry.

Larry's reflection Everybody gets it! Get a colonoscopy!

Larry I'm really going to do it.

Larry's reflection You got your father-in-law's birthday coming up. You going to get a card?

Larry [nodding] Okay.

Larry's reflection You're not going to get a card! You're not going to do a fucking thing!

Larry I'll try and do better. I will.

Larry's reflection TV! TV! TV! That's what you like to do! Read a fucking book!

Larry Okay, yeah, you're right! You know everything!

Larry's reflection Who the fuck do you think you're talking to!

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[repeated line]

Larry David Hey, let me ask you something.

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[repeated line]

Susie Greene Get the fuck out of my house, Larry!

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[repeated line]

Cheryl Why would you do that?

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Larry David [to Cheryl, while they are sitting, waiting for the Dansons to call] They could at least lie to us. You know, call us and lie! We don't want to sit here like schmucks. A lie is a gesture, it's a courtesy, it's a little respect. This is very disrespectful.

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Larry David The whole cashew-raisin balance is askew!

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Thor The Wrestler I've got three kids in there scared half to death because some bald headed *turd* is shootin' at 'em!

Larry No, sir, we were, we were... we were playing cowboys and indians...

Thor The Wrestler Hey, you heard of Columbine? It's idiots like you that cause this whole society to be going crazy with violence!

Larry No, I'm not a violent...

Thor The Wrestler Shut up! You know what's you're looking at? You are looking at 245 pounds of twisted steel and drop-your-bony-butt-to-the-curb appeal. I will *body slam* you so hard that you will poop your bald pants. Hear me? Don't you ever... ever... *ever* point another finger at my kids again, because if you do, I will break it off and shove it right up your sphincter.

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Leon Black Barack Obama! I'm the president of hittin' that ass!

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Larry David I say stupid things to black people sometimes.

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Cheryl Actually, this weekend is the big NRDC benefit we've been working on for months, Alanis Morisette is going to be there...

Wanda Why don't we just call the terrorists and ask them to pick a weekend more suitable for you?

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Jeff Greene [Jeff is carting around Suzie's dog, a German Shepard] Boy, you seem to really like Oscar.

Larry David It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something German, it just doesn't happen that often.

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Larry David [considering whether he should give one of his kidneys to Richard Lewis] I gotta choose healthier friends...

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Larry David What are you doing there?

Man A little plumbing.

Larry David A little plumbing! Got to plumb! Plumb the depths! The depths of hell!

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Krazee-Eyez Killa So you think you gonna cross me and mess with my shit? Opening your fucking trap and flapping your lip. Don't fuck with me nigga or you gonna get dropped. I'll snap off your neck with a crackle and pop. If you say anything, you'll beg me to die, 'cause I'll make you suck my dick then I'll nut in your eye. I'll stomp on your world as if my name was Godzilla. I'm coming for you mother fucker, I'm your Krazee-Eyez Killa.

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Jeff Greene [referring to Larry] He's a victim of circumstance.

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Larry David [repeated line, after having a stare-off with someone he's suspicious of] Okay.

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Larry [Larry is making small talk during a long, boring car ride with Cheryl] You ever had a fresh grape? Huh? I've had... I've had fresh *apples*. Never had a fresh *grape*. Never... had a fresh *cherry*. Never had a fresh *pear*. Never *seen* a pear. Never saw a pear outside of a fruit stand.

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Richard Lewis [after Larry asks for his meditating style back] No, you can't be an East Indian giver.

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Larry David Not one Spanish person has figured out that piñata is a sick fucking game?

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Cheryl Hi, Wandering Bear.

Wandering Bear Hello. How is... your vagina?

Cheryl It's... getting better.

Wandering Bear Good!

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[in the women's room, which Larry had to use, he puts his water bottle in his pants instead of the trash to avoid being recognized]

Producer's daughter [enters] Hi, mister. Thanks for fixing my doll.

[hugs him]

Larry David Aww, don't worry about it sweetheart.

Producer's daughter [looks at him, scared, and runs out] Mommy, mommy. The old man's in the bathroom, and he's got something hard in his pants.

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Hugh Mellon Larry!

Larry Hugh!

Hugh Mellon Tell me you're enjoyin' yourself!

Larry No!

Hugh Mellon Glad you could make it.

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Wanda I thought I'd never say this but Larry is right

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Larry David [watching Girls Gone Wild] What do you mean you're not going to pause it?

Jeff Greene I'm not a pauser, I don't like pausing.

Larry David Well, that's rude, I'll miss it.

Jeff Greene I'll rewind it when you come back.

Larry David Yeah, but I can see when you rewind and it'll give it away!

Jeff Greene There's no story! Give what away? There's bosoms! That's it!

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[Larry receives flowers from a doctor he promised to give 5, 000 dollars to]

Cheryl Are those from your mistress and you just haven't told me?

Larry I wish.

[He gives the flower guy a tip]

Cheryl Did you give him a five thousand dollar tip?

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[Larry has just offended a rabbi]

Nat David He doesn't know what he's doing.

Cheryl's Mom He really doesn't.

Cheryl No, he's...

Larry What do they say in The Bible? "He knows not... whereof he... "

Rabbi Don't try, don't try to quote The Bible.

Larry "... he speaks not?... "

Rabbi Just, just don't try...

Larry "... forked tongue?... He knows not whereof he... whence he speaks?... "

Cheryl's Mom Okay!

Nat David Larry... if you could be quiet.

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Larry Alright, let's roll!

Rabbi What? "Let's roll"? What did you say?

Larry What?

Rabbi You knew my brother-in-law died on September 11th! How dare you say something like that!

Larry With all due respect, wasn't that just a coincidence?

Rabbi Oh, what the...

Larry Alright, poor choice of words...

Rabbi What the hell kind of a...

Larry Alright, that's long gone...

Rabbi You know, I don't wanna do this. Forget it. Forget it.

Larry Oh, I didn't know, I didn't know that if you, that if you, you died UPTOWN on 9/11 that it was, that it was part of it, uh... the tragedy.

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[Larry and Cheryl - and their parents - are talking to the rabbi about renewing their vows]

Rabbi Right, so then uh, I'll, uh... do the blessing, uh, the last blessing, just a little bit of Hebrew, and then I will put the glass on the floor, and we'll step on it, and that'll be it.

Cheryl's Dad That's when everybody yells "a matzoh toff"?

Rabbi No no, it's "mazeltov". It means good luck.

Cheryl's Dad Could we say "yippee!" or something?

Cheryl's Mom Or "good luck" or something?

Cheryl's Dad "Hallelujah" would be good.

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Richard You're looking at my girlfriend's breasts!

Larry First of all, Richard, they're not breasts. They're not breasts, they're just big chemical balls, okay?

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Ervin Schwimmer [voice on Larry's answering machine] Larry David, this is Ervin Schwimmer. You scumsucking, motherfucking asshole! Just who the fuck do you think you are, you bald-headed son of a bitch?

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Larry We're going to put sweet potatoes on the menu... because you can't find sweet potatoes anywhere else, have you noticed that.

Cheryl Oh, everyone's noticed that.

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Larry David Have you ever played telephone before? You don't even know how to play telephone, do you?

Cheryl I *do* know how to play telephone.

Larry David Oh, do you?

Cheryl Yeah, but I usually play the "G" version. It's usually something like, "Susie lives down the lane."

Larry David The kid didn't say "Susie lives down the lane," he said "I love tits!"

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[upon finding out his birth parents are Christian]

[in horror]

Larry David Oh, my God. I'm gentile.

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Susie Greene [about Jeff] He *violates* me, Larry! He defiles me!

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Krazee-Eyez Killa You ain't got no etiquette, muthafucka!

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Richard Lewis Ya fucked it up! You don't know how to use a goddamn cell phone!

Larry It was a shit cell phone!

Richard Lewis A fucking praying mantis could use that goddamn phone!

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Susie Greene [Repeated line] What the fuck, Larry?

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Richard Lewis I'm a lucky man. I'm a lucky man to have the two of you guys come through for me. Thank you.

Larry David So, there you go, you got your choice. Two kidneys. Of course, you know I, uh, I am considerably older than him. I'm not gonna, I don't wanna get into that whole game but, you know, he's, there's a difference when you're younger obviously.

Richard Lewis Eh, a kidney is a kidney is a kidney.

Larry David Ah ha ha, I'm not so sure about that, though. You know, whatever. His are bigger, too. It's a big hefty kidney, could just handle a big load I think, you know. You could start drinking again if you wanted to with that thing!

Richard Lewis That, uh, that hurt my feelings a little bit. 11 years sober? Thank you.

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Kim An hour. In and out. Done. Boobs. Genius.

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Larry David Hey, let me ask you this question.

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Girl [a girl hugs Larry for fixing her doll and Larry has just stuffed a water bottle in his pants] Mommy, mommy! The bald man's in the bathroom and there's something hard in his pants!

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Curb Your Enthusiasm quotes