DerekThis next track is dedicated to all the guys out there whose hearts have been ripped out of their chests and devoured for breakfast by cute, peppy, social climbing blonde girls. Gimme a hey, gimme a ho, gimme a I Don't Know You Any More. I know it sucks.
Penelope HopeWell, some people look at an impossible situation and ask, "Why?" Others look at the same situation and ask "why not?" For the competition on Saturday, I'm asking myself, "Why?" Why bother? In a billion years, we're all gonna be obliviated by a black hole anyway!
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Tina HammersmithSweety, no double earrings. You're a state cheerleader, not a state HOOKER!
GregThat's right, I'm stayin here! But under a cloud of shame!
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Monica JonesWhit, what is a sign without glitter? That is why no one showed up!
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Marni PottsYou're the towel girl. It's an honor.
JaniceHow is it an honor?
Marni PottsWell let's just say there is no towel girl, say Greg hoisted Tina up into a cupie, and there is no one to towel off his sweaty hands, Tina slips, Tina falls and lands on her spinal chord and spends the rest of her life doing watercolors with her teeth. Do you want that to happen?
JaniceI guess not.
Marni PottsI didn't think so.
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Tina HammersmithCongratulations, my little pumpkins. You have now joined the best of the best of the best. From here on out, you must be the bomb diggity.
[Marni pulls out a dry erase pad and writes Bomb Diggity]
Tina HammersmithYou must eat leaner, train meaner, jump higher, yell louder and out-pep anyone who stands in your way. You must brush better, floss better, later rinse-and-repeat better and in other words you must *be* better...
[Marni holds up board that says Better]
Tina Hammersmith...in every aspect of your life. Are you ready for all that?
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Tina HammersmithCongratulations, my little pumpkins! You have now joined the best of the best of the best. Here's Marni with some light reading.
[heavy tomes dealt out]
Tina HammersmithNow study those rulebooks and wear those uniforms with pride. People have given their
Tina Hammersmithin service to those very uniforms you have on your taut little bodies. From here on out, you must be the bomb diggity.
[Marni pulls out a blank erase board and writes down boldly 'Bomb Diggity']
Tina HammersmithYou must eat leaner, train meaner, jump higher, yell louder and outpep anyone who stands in your way. You must brush better, floss better, lather, rinse and repeat better and in other words you must *be* better...
[Marni holds up board that says 'Better']
Tina Hammersmithin every aspect of your life. Are you ready for all that?
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Penelope HopeThe Nutcracker is a patriarchal ballet. The only good thing in the Nutcracker is the rats and they die!
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Marni Potts[to Whittier]Well, well, well, if it isn't the blonde leading the blind!