Oscar Movie Quotes
Snaps
Of course I knew. I just had no idea!
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Snaps
If it's Poole you want, it's Poole you'll get. But, Lisa, you've *got* to cross the finish line on this one! This is your third fiance today and it ain't even lunch yet!
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Snaps
[after stumbling over the classic elocution exercise, "Round the rough and rugged rocks the ragged rascal rudely ran."]
Aw, it's no use, Doc. I'll never learn to speak good.
Dr. Thornton Poole
Do not despair, Mr. Provolon-e. We shall try a different tack.
[takes out a book and reads]
Dr. Thornton Poole
"Rocco the rum-runner rubbed out Rico the Rat with his Rosco for robbing his rum-running receipts."
Snaps
[repeats the sentence perfectly and enthusiastically]
Dr. Thornton Poole
You've got it!
Snaps
Well, sure! You finally came up with something that made sense!
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Connie
Even in the old days he was known as an honest crook.
Dr. Thornton Poole
That's an oxymoron.
Connie
Gee, you shouldn't oughta said that, Doc.
Snaps
Yeah, leave Connie alone. He does the best he can.
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Lisa Provolone
I'm not a little girl anymore! Look!
[opens robe to reveal nightie]
Snaps
Put that away, I'M YOUR FATHER!
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Snaps
You're going to marry this bum, just as soon as I get my hands on him.
Lisa Provolone
Oh, Daddy, you changed your mind!
[hugs him]
Snaps
What choice do I have, you tramp.
[hugs her back]
Snaps
And after the wedding, you'll move into a nice ground floor apartment.
Lisa Provolone
Why a ground floor apartment?
Snaps
Because after I break his legs, he's not gonna make it up any steps!
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Eduardo Provolone
Ah, so now you wanna make-a peace with you papa? You wanna me die happy.
Snaps
Of course, Papa.
Eduardo Provolone
So now you *wanna* me die!
[slaps him]
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Lt. Toomey, Chicago PD
A leopard don't change its stripes.
Officer Keough
You mean "spots."
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Snaps
Poole was right! You are an ox *and* a moron!
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Connie
I got it! You daughter's not your daughter, and the cash that used to be the jewels is now your underwear!
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Snaps
That's what got her into this jam!
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Lisa Provolone
...I wanna lay on the beach in Honolulu!
Snaps
Do whatever you want, just don't leave this room!
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Snaps
Aldo, you're the witness.
[turns paper towards him]
Snaps
Witness!
Aldo
Aw, boss, you know the rules: Never witness nuthin'. You live longer.
Snaps
Just sign it!
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Kirkwood
I hate to say I told you so, but that's what we get for going into business with a crook!
Snaps
I'm a crook?
[standing up, buttoning his coat]
Snaps
You come into my house with your fine print and addendums and try to con me out of my dough? Geez, I'm used to dealing with mobsters, bootleggers, and gunzles, but you bankers... are scary.
Kirkwood
[rising out of the chair]
I have never been so insulted in all my life.
Snaps
Wait. You're young yet.
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[Poole is Mr. Provolone's grammar instructor]
Snaps
Mornin', Doc!
Dr. Thornton Poole
Mr. Provolon-e. Where are those G's?
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Anthony
All that travel must cut into your home life.
Dr. Thornton Poole
Well, I don't spend as much time with mother as I'd like. But she's got the cats.
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Snaps
You're a butler now! Butle!
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Dr. Thornton Poole
Aldo is a treasure trove of linguistic anomolies.
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Lisa Provolone
You kept me a prisoner up here - like Rapunzel.
Snaps
Well, you certainly ain't Snow White!
Sofia Provolone
Look at the example you've set! Filling the house with thugs, goons, and hit men!
Snaps
All right... sometimes I had to bring my work home with me.
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Snaps
What a day this turned out to be! Both my girls are getting married!
Sofia Provolone
Your... daughter?
Snaps
I just found out myself.
Theresa
Me, too!
Sofia Provolone
If she's your daughter, then who is her mother?
Roxanne
I am.
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Lisa Provolone
...I want to go to the top of the Empire State Building!
Anthony Rossano
And what am I doing during all this? Babysitting Oscar's kid?
Lisa Provolone
You always this nasty?
Anthony Rossano
YES! Get used to it!
Lisa Provolone
[gasps]
I'm marrying a brute! I never want to see your face again... until the wedding!
Anthony Rossano
That's fine with me! And separate honeymoons!
Lisa Provolone
Fine!
Anthony Rossano
See you in church!
Lisa Provolone
Hmph!
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Anthony Rossano
When I took over, your books were a mess.
Snaps
They don't sound like they're in no great shape now!
[to himself]
Snaps
Damn, a double-negative.
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Snaps
Now take Louie 'The Lug' McGurk. He died tragically at 25.
Anthony
I'm twenty five. What happened?
Aldo
Somebody stepped on his fingers.
Anthony
And that killed him?
Aldo
He was hanging from a window ledge of the Edison Hotel at the time.
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Connie
I warned him, boss.
Aldo
Anthony said it was a matter of life and death, boss.
Snaps
And will you two mugs stop callin' me "boss"? It ain't respectable!
Connie
Connie, Aldo: Sorry, boss.
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Anthony
[choking]
We met at Club-33.
Anthony
[choking]
It's a very respectable speakeasy.
Snaps
You couldn't even pick one that bought *my* beer!
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Nora
I'm glad to be getting out of this house. From now on, I'll have servants of me own!
Snaps
You'll find out what a picnic that is!
[Nora grabs the wrong valise and exits]
Dr. Thornton Poole
Shocking insolence! I would have terminated her immediately.
Snaps
I can't do that anymore. Best I could do is fire her.
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Sofia Provolone
Now you fired the maid?
Snaps
No! She quit to marry Bruce Underwood!
Sofia Provolone
When did that happen?
Snaps
I don't know... somewhere between my vest and my pants.
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Aldo
Boss! We can't have a stiff in the house with company coming!
Snaps
You're right. It ain't proper.
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Snaps
Let's get started, I got until noon to look like a banker.
Luigi Finucci
Oh, we make-a you look like a banker. Take off-a you pants.
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Snaps
[Theresa is looking for Anthony and is asking Snaps where she might find him]
I may have an idea where he is.
Theresa
Where?
Snaps
Closer than I thought. Now, I want you to stay here and don't come out. You owe me this, sister.
Connie
I thought she was your daughter.
Snaps
Shut up!
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Nora
Mr. Provolone! I'm leaving you to go to the Underwood's.
Snaps
Underwood's? You're going to work for Bruce?
Nora
I'm marrying Bruce.
Snaps
You're marrying Bruce? I found him first! I mean, for my daughter.
Nora
We met the day he called on Lisa. Oh, it was love at first sight.
Snaps
Congratulations... You're fired!
Nora
You can't fire me... I quit!
[to himself]
Snaps
Great! The maid gets a millionaire, and my daughter gets a chauffeur.
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Dr. Thornton Poole
Now remember, Mr. Provolone, speech is man's most important tool for the conveyance of thought.
Snaps
Yeah, Doc, but when am I gonna start sounding like a banker?
Dr. Thornton Poole
[Dr. Poole rolls his "r"s while teaching Snaps elocution]
After me: "Round the rough and rugged rocks, the ragged rascal rudely ran.
Dr. Thornton Poole
[repeating the speech, with emphasis on the word "the"]
Round the rough and rugged rocks, the ragged...
Snaps
[tries again]
Round the rough and rascal, the ragged... Aw, look, Doc, I just can't do it. I'll never learn to speak good.
Dr. Thornton Poole
Do not despair, Mr. Provolone. Let's try a new line of attack, shall we? After me: "Rocco the rum-runner rubbed out Rico the Rat with his roscoe for robbing his rum-running receipts."
Snaps
"Rocco the rum-runner rubbed out Rico the Rat with his roscoe for robbing his rum-running receipts."
Dr. Thornton Poole
You've got it!
Snaps
Well, sure! You finally came up with something that made sense!
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Aldo
Oh, Dr. Poole! Come on in. The boss been expecting you.
Aldo
What?
Dr. Thornton Poole
You used the past participle without a modifier.
Aldo
I did? What's the rap on that?
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Father Clemente
Oh, by the way? Congratulations on your daughter marrying Bruce Underwood.
Sofia Provolone
Oh, I'm afraid there's been a change, Father. She's now marrying a nice Italian boy. Anthony Rosano.
Father Clemente
It's all for the better. Nothing like a big Italian wedding! Anthony Rosano!
Snaps
Well, forget Anthony, she's not marrying him any more.
Sofia Provolone
What?
Father Clemente
Well, that's a shame. But she's young. Someday she'll find the right one.
Snaps
She's found the right one.
Sofia Provolone
Who?
Snaps
Doctor Poole!
Sofia Provolone
Doctor Poole?
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Snaps
It's this music you kids listen to today! Bing Crosby, Cab Calloway... Don't think I haven't heard the lyrics to 'Minnie the Moocher.'
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Snaps
Now this guy's willing to marry you - so be nice.
Snaps
I want him more than you do. But he's on the lam and Anthony's taking the rap for him.
Lisa Provolone
Thank you very much. Whatever happened to love? Whatever happened to romance?
Snaps
Whatever happened to waiting till the wedding night?
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Oscar
I'm Oscar!
Snaps
Get rid of him!
[beat]
Snaps
Expeditiously.
Aldo
Right, boss.
[Oscar screams as he is forcibly removed]
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Snaps
That son of a...
[sees Father Clemente on the sofa]
Snaps
gun! Gosh-a-mighty! Cheese and crackers!
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Anthony Rossano
I'll make you a deal, Mr. P.
Snaps
What kind of a deal?
Anthony Rossano
Well, I've become attached to those jewels; they remind me of Theresa. I'd like to buy them back from you for $50,000.
Snaps
Now where'd you come up with another 50,000 smackers?
Anthony Rossano
I stole it from you.
Snaps
Connie!
Connie
[Snaps takes what he thinks is a gun, but is actually a leg and thigh of chicken]
You took my gun.
Snaps
[Connie leaves the room]
Now you're trying to tell me you stole another 50,000 clams since the last time I saw you?
Anthony Rossano
Remember that dummy corporation I set up for you to hide your protection income?
Snaps
Yeah.
Anthony Rossano
Remember who you made treasurer as a beard?
Snaps
You didn't!
Anthony Rossano
I just wrote out a check to myself. As treasurer, the bank asked me no questions.
Snaps
Only a rat would steal another guy's extortion money.
Anthony Rossano
Here's my offer: You give me back the jewels that are rightfully mine, and I'll give you back the money, which isn't.
Snaps
All right, I guess you outsmarted me. You give me that money, and I'll give you these jewels.
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Snaps
Okay Doc, here's the deal: marry my daughter, and you can use all the dough in this bag to start your linguistics school. Most men spend their whole lives tryin' to get their hands on what's in here.
[Snaps empties the bag, and lingerie falls on the table; he bangs his head on the desk]
Dr. Thornton Poole
[He picks up several pieces of lingerie]
Here's money, um... and here's more money, and - Oh, look. Here's a lovely new $20 bill.
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Snaps
Get him back here. He said he was taking a walk around the block.
Snaps
Put it out, get Anthony, and stash him somewhere.
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Eduardo Provolone
Angelo! Make me one promise.
Snaps
You name it, it's done!
Eduardo Provolone
Swear, in front of your family, i front of Papa Clemente, in front of JesuCristo, in front of Madonna... .
Snaps
What, What?
Eduardo Provolone
Swear to become honest man. Give up this shameful life.
Snaps
Well, Papa... .
Eduardo Provolone
Promise!
Snaps
All right, Papa, if if that's what you want, I'll go straight. I promise.
Eduardo Provolone
No, I am ready.
[He closes his eyes and appears to die. Angelo leans over his body when suddenly Eduardo wakes up again and slaps him one last time.]
Eduardo Provolone
That's so you won't forget!
[Dies.]
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Sofia Provolone
You don't have to be *that* friendly with the help.
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