Hook Movie Quotes
[last lines]
Granny Wendy
So... your adventures are over.
Peter Banning
Oh, no. To live... to live would be an awfully big adventure.
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Tinkerbell
Say it, Peter. Say it and mean it.
Peter Banning
I believe in fairies.
Tinkerbell
You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming?
[Peter nods]
Tinkerbell
That's where I'll always love you... Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.
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Rufio
Boil-dripping beef, fart-sniffing bubble butt!
Kids
Bangarang, Rufio!
Peter Banning
Someone has a severe ca-ca mouth, you know that?
Rufio
You are fart factory, slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!
Kids
[in unison] Ugh!
Peter Banning
Substitute chemistry teacher.
Lost Boy
Come on, Rufio, hit him back.
Rufio
Mung tongue.
Peter Banning
Math tutor.
Rufio
Pinhead.
Peter Banning
Prison barber.
Rufio
Mother lover.
Peter Banning
Nearsighted gynecologist.
Rufio
In your face, camel cake!
Peter Banning
In your rear, cow derrière.
Rufio
Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig.
Peter Banning
You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude.
Thud Butt
[with the rest of the Lost Boys] Bangarang, Peter!
Rufio
You... you man! Stupid, stupid man!
Peter Banning
Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you just EAT ME! You two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin' paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!
Don't Ask
What's a paramecium brain?
Peter Banning
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT A PARAMECIUM IS! *That's* a paramecium! It's a one-celled critter with no brain that can't fly! Don't mess with me, man. I'm a lawyer!
Kids
[chanting] Banning, Banning, Banning is bangerang.
Rufio
Rufio! Rufio!
Peter Banning
Oh, Rufio, why don't you just go suck on a dead dog's nose?
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Captain James Hook
Prepare to die, Peter!
Peter Banning
To die would be a grand adventure!
Captain James Hook
Death is the only adventure you have left!
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Smee
I've just had an apostrophe.
Captain Hook
I think you mean an epiphany.
Captain Hook
Well, that must hurt.
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Peter Banning
[to Rufio, who pulls a sword at him] Okay, mister. All right, show's over. Now, you put that thing away! Now, put it down before you poke somebody's eye out.
[the Lost Boys all laugh]
Peter Banning
You're not old enough to shave! What are you doing with a sword? And flying around... this is an insurance nightmare! What is this, some sort of "Lord of the Flies" preschool? Where are your parents? Who's in charge here?
[the Lost Boys all point to Rufio, who bows]
Peter Banning
No! No, Mr. Skunkhead with too much mousse. You are just a punk kid. I want to speak to a grown-up!
Rufio
All grown-ups are pirates!
Peter Banning
Excuse me?
Rufio
[smiles] We kill pirates.
Peter Banning
I'm not a pirate. It so happens I am a lawyer.
Rufio
Kill the lawyer!
Lost Boys
[drawing their weapons] Kill the lawyer!
Peter Banning
[backs away nervously] I'm not that kind of lawyer.
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Peter Banning
You hated the deal.
Moira Banning
I hated the deal. But I'm sorry you feel so badly about it. Your children love you. They want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts? Soon Jack may not even want you to come to his games. We have a few special years with our children, when they're the ones that want us around. After that, you're going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It's so fast, Peter. It's a few years, then it's over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it.
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Pockets, Lost Boy
[the Lost Boys don't believe Peter Banning is Peter Pan, but Pockets touches his face and finally recognizes him]
Oh, there you are, Peter!
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Captain James Hook
[holding a pistol to his head]
No stopping me this time, Smee. This is it. Don't make a move, Smee, not a step. My finger's on the trigger. Don't try to stop me, Smee.
Smee
Oh, not again.
Captain James Hook
This is it. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't you dare try to stop me this time, Smee. Try to stop me. Smee, you'd better get up off your arse. Get over here, Smee!
Smee
I'm coming, I'm coming.
Captain James Hook
Stop me! This is not a joke! I'm committing suicide!
[Smee triggers the gun away from Hook's head, sinking the model ship in the pool]
Captain James Hook
Don't ever frighten me like that again.
Smee
I'm sorry.
Captain James Hook
What are you, some kind of a sadist?
Smee
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How do you feel now?
Smee
Oh, now, now.
Captain James Hook
There's no adventure here.
Captain James Hook
Death is the only great adventure I have left, Smee.
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Tinkerbell
Well, whoever you are it's still you, 'cause only one person has that smell.
Peter Banning
Smell?
Tinkerbell
The smell of someone who has ridden the back of the wind, Peter. The smell of a hundred fun summers, with sleeping in trees and adventures with Indians and Pirates. Oh remember, Peter? The world was ours. We could do everything or nothing. All it had to be was anything 'cause it was always us.
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Peter Pan
I remember you being a lot bigger.
Captain Hook
To a ten year-old I'm huge.
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Peter Banning
What's the deal? Where's the real food?
Tinkerbell
If you can't imagine yourself being Peter Pan, you won't *be* Peter Pan, so eat up.
Peter Banning
Eat what? There's nothing here. Gandhi ate more than this.
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Captain James Hook
Hear me, men. For reasons of good form, I have decided that the so-called Pan will return in three days to commit the arbitrament of the sword. Smee, translate.
Smee
In three days, we're gonna have a war! A battle between good and evil to the death!
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Tinkerbell
All right, now, who am I?
Peter Banning
You're a - you're a complex Freudian hallucination having something to do with my mother and I don't know why you have wings, but you have very lovely legs and you're a very nice tiny person and what am I saying, I don't know who my mother was; I'm an orphan and I've never taken drugs because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant.
Tinkerbell
Guess again.
[Tinkerbell pulls on the floor rug and makes Peter fall down, flat on his back, on a sheet on the floor]
Tinkerbell
That's right, Peter, second star to the right and straight on till morning.
[Tinkerbell flies off with Peter folded into a sheet]
Tinkerbell
Neverland!
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Don't Ask
Don't Ask, Ace: [with the Lost Boys as they get Peter in shape] Pick 'em up! Move 'em down! Pick 'em on up! Move 'em on down! Ain't no time to celebrate! You are old and overweight! Gotta lose a million pounds! Get your fat butt off the ground! Reach on down and touch your toes! How long since you looked at those? Shape up! Lose weight! Get thin! Gotta win! Jumping jacks are good for you! Now your face is turning blue! Swing your arms around your back! Give yourself a heart attack! Gotta train! In the rain! In the sun! In the snow! Ten below! Gotta move! Gotta do! Gotta crow!
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Captain Hook
Peter Pan will fly again. He'll remember how. And if he doesn't, those dirty Lost Boys will jog his memory. Oh, yes, you'll see. He'll crow, he'll fight, he'll fly and then - he'll die.
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Peter Banning
Mr. Hook, I want those kids out of that net in less than one minute, and you better get an attorney and hope to God he's better than me.
Captain Hook
Who are you?
Peter Banning
I'm Peter Banning, Attorney at Law, these are my children and I want them back.
Captain Hook
Those are your...
Peter Banning
Children.
Captain Hook
These are your children.
Peter Banning
Yes, they are.
Captain Hook
And you're?
Peter Banning
Peter.
Captain Hook
You're Peter?
Peter Banning
Yes.
Captain Hook
You're Peter?
Peter Banning
Yes!
Captain Hook
No.
Peter Banning
Yes.
Captain Hook
You're Peter?
Peter Banning
Yes. Is there an echo in here? Yes.
Captain Hook
My great and worthy opponent?
Peter Banning
Yes!
Captain Hook
No! Smee, who is this impostor?
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Captain Hook
[yells after Peter who is leaving with Jack, Maggie, and the Lost Boys]
Peter! Where are you going? Come back here and fight me! Or I'll find you wherever you are, you hear me? Bad form, Peter, come back!
Maggie
You need a mother very, very badly!
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Captain James Hook
[to Peter as he traps him and grinds his hook near his face]
You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning - a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, is obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!
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Captain Hook
Oh, I hate being disappointed, Smee. And I hate living in this flawed body. And I hate living in Neverland. And I hate... I hate... I *hate* Peter Pan!
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Smee
Good Mooooooooooooorning, Neverland! Tie down the main mast, mateys, 'cause here he is, the cunning kingfish, the bad barracuda! A man so deep, he's almost unfathomable.
[pirates stare blankly]
Smee
A man so quick, he's even fast... asleep!
[pirates cheer]
Smee
Thank you! Now, let's give him a very big hand, 'cause he's only got one.
[pirates laugh]
Smee
I give you, the steel-handed stingray, Captain James Hook!
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Thud Butt
Peter, can I talk to you?
Peter Pan
Sure, Thud.
Thud Butt
I remember Tootles.
Peter Pan
You do?
Thud Butt
He was lost too.
Peter Pan
How could you know Tootles?
Thud Butt
He was a Lost Boy.
[Thud Butt takes out a small pouch]
Thud Butt
These are his marbles. These are his happy thoughts.
[Peter empties out the pouch of marbles into his hand and laughs]
Peter Pan
He really did lose his marbles, didn't he?
Thud Butt
[laughs]
Yeah, he lost 'em good.
[they both laugh]
Thud Butt
Peter, you know what?
Peter Pan
What?
Thud Butt
My happy thought will help you.
Peter Pan
What's your happy thought, Thud?
Thud Butt
Mine's my mother. Do you remember your mother, Peter?
Peter Pan
Wish I could.
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[Peter recalls a memory from his childhood]
Wendy Darling
Peter, I can't come with you. I've forgotten how to fly. I'm old, Peter. Ever so much more than twenty. I grew up a long time ago.
Young Peter Pan
No, no, no! You promised!
Wendy Darling
I have children of my own now. They have children of their own. That's my grandchild, Moira, asleep in the bed.
Peter Banning
[voiceover]
When I saw her lying there sleeping, that moment, something changed in me forever.
Young Peter Pan
I shall give her a kiss.
[takes out a thimble]
Wendy Darling
No. No, Peter. No buttons. No thimbles. I couldn't bear to see Moira's heart to be broken when she finds she can't keep you.
Young Peter Pan
No. I mean a real kiss.
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Wendy Darling
Boy, why are you crying?
Peter Banning
I don't know. A tear for every happy thought.
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Captain Hook
You, the cute little urchin in the front row, won't you share your thoughts with the whole class?
Maggie
Yes! I said mommy reads to us every night, because she LOVES us very much!
Captain Hook
Loves you? Isn't that the, uh, the...
Smee
The 'L' word, Captain.
Captain Hook
Ooh, yes!
[grimly chuckles]
Captain Hook
No, child, Your mother wants to read to you every night in order to stupefy to sleep, so that she and daddy could sit down for three measly minutes without you. And you mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive, and nagging demands: He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a party! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, now!
[inhales deeply]
Captain Hook
Can't you understand, child? They tell you stories to shut you up.
Smee
-And conk you out.
Maggie
That's not true, Jack!
[to Hook]
Maggie
You're a liar!
[inhales deeply again]
Captain Hook
The TRUTH is far too much fun.
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Wendy Darling
[leaving the room after putting Maggie and Jack to bed]
Dear night-lights, protect my sleeping babes. Burn clear and steadfast tonight.
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Wendy Darling
And what's so terribly important about your terribly important business?
Jack
Well, you see, when a big company's in trouble, Dad sails in, and if there's *any* resistance...
Peter Banning
Well, he's exaggerating. I'm still into mergers and acquisitions. And I'm dabbling in some land development.
Jack
Any resistance - and he *blows* them out of the water.
Wendy Darling
So, Peter, you've become a pirate.
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Toodles
Have to fly, have to fight, have to crow. Have to save Maggie, have to save Jack. Hook is back.
Toodles
Have to fly, have to fight, have to crow. Have to save Maggie, have to save Jack. Hook is back.
Peter Banning
Who?
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Peter Pan
Jack, Maggie, all you have to do is think one happy thought, and you'll fly like me.
Maggie
Mommy.
Jack
My dad, Peter Pan.
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Peter Banning
I never should have come here. I should have stayed until the deal was done.
Moira Banning
You haven't been here for ten years, though Granny asked you to visit every year.
Peter Banning
I've been a little busy, Moira.
Moira Banning
You promised the children some real time here...
Peter Banning
I just got here, what are you talking about?
Moira Banning
...and you haven't even looked at them except to examine them or yell at them.
Peter Banning
That's not true.
Moira Banning
How many more broken promises, Peter?
[Peter's phone rings; Peter and Moira share a tense moment of silence]
Peter Banning
It's Brad, Moira. I gotta take this call. I gotta fix this.
Moira Banning
No, you've got to fix your family first.
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Maggie
[singing]
The stars are all my friends / Till the nighttime ends / So I know I'm not alone / When I'm here, on my own. / Isn't that a wonder? / When you're alone / You're not alone / Not really alone.
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Intercom
[over the airplane intercom, The airplane shakes the seats and the food trays people are eating on, Peter Banning is bracing himself on the seat] Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen your Captain's in, please do not allow the flight of turbulence to disturb you and we shall soon prepare to arrive the plane safely to London's kernel to yourselves, for the down lights served in setting, for now please sit back, enjoy the the remainder of the flight thank you.
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Peter Banning
[unearthing his cell phone]
Wow. Brad, hi! You been holding this long? Uh huh. I'm incredible. Yeah, Neverland. Uh-huh. Lost Boys. Jim Hook, duel to the death. I'll fill you in later. Listen, I'd love to chat, but I gotta climb a drain pipe right now. Why? Because I ran out of fairy dust, if not I would've flown up.
[surprised he asks]
Peter Banning
Why?
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Lost Boys
Rufio! Rufio! Ru-Fi-OOOOOOOOOOOOOh!
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Maggie
But Jack says you're not the really real Wendy.
Wendy Darling
Ahh. Well, do you see where Jack is, hmm? Well, that is the same window and this is the same room where we made up our bedtime stories about Peter and Neverland and scary old Captain Hook. And did you know? Mr. Barrie - well, Sir James, our neighbor - he loved our stories so much, he wrote them all down in a book, oh dear me, eighty years ago.
Maggie
You're really old.
Wendy Darling
That's very true.
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Maggie
[while seeing Peter fighting a pirate, smiles]
Peter Pan's my... dad?
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Peter Banning
[arriving at Wendy's home, knocks on the door]
Remember, you're in England, land of good manners.
[the door opens, to old man behind the door]
Peter Banning
Uncle Toodles!
Toodles
IT'S SNOWING!
Toodles
IT'S SNOWING!
[slams the door closed on the Bannings]
Jack
[chuckles and starts choking and Peter pats his chest out of his gum]
[a housekeeper happily screamed in high pitch, when Peter yells happily and Moira shrieks suprisingly with all the kids]
Liza, Wendy's Housekeeper
LOOK AT THESE ADORABLE CHILDREN!
Peter Banning
It's good to see you, Libby, Linda... Lisa!
Liza, Wendy's Housekeeper
Liza.
Peter Banning
I said that.
Liza, Wendy's Housekeeper
OH!
[points at him, smiling]
Liza, Wendy's Housekeeper
Ho ho ho! Oh, Moira, how are you?
[she exclaming excitedly at Moira and started hugging]
Liza, Wendy's Housekeeper
Look at the size of you... Look at you, such a big, sweet thing.
[she looks at Moira]
Liza, Wendy's Housekeeper
Granny Wendy will be right down.
Moira Banning
She's upstairs? Oh, good.
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Captain James Hook
[watching Peter try - and fail - to rescue his children]
Smee, I don't understand. Why doesn't he fly? Is he not Peter Pan?
Smee
He's Peter Pan, all right, Captain. He's just been away from Neverland so long, his mind's been junk-tified. He's forgotten everything.
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[Encountering Tinkerbell for the first time]
Peter Banning
Firefly from hell. Big damn bug.
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Jack
[hearing Maggie singing "When You're Alone"]
My mom sang that song.
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Too Small
[shouts]
Goodnight, Neverland!
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Jack
Who is that, Captain?
Captain Hook
It's Peter Pan. Has it been three days? 'Tis true, Peter, time does fly. And so do you, I see.
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Wendy Darling
The stories are true! I swear to you! I swear on everything I adore, and now he's come back to seek his revenge. The fight isn't over for Captain James Hook. He wants you back. He knows that you'll follow Jack and Maggie to the ends of the earth and beyond. And by heaven, you must find a way. Only you can save your children. Somehow, you must go back. You must make yourself remember.
Peter Banning
Remember what?
Wendy Darling
Peter, don't you know who you are?
[Wendy opens up the book and shows an illustration of Peter Pan as Peter looks in disbelief]
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Captain Hook
I have waited long to shake your hand with this. Peter Pan, prepare to meet thy doom!
[draws sword]
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Maggie
[after Peter rescues her and Jack from Captain Hook]
Daddy, let's go home, please? He's just a mean old man without a mommy.
Jack
Yeah, dad, let's go. He can't hurt us anymore.
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Thud Butt
[sadly]
Don't leave us Peter, and don't say goodbye.
Too Small
What's goodbye?
Ace
[voice breaking]
It's going away, that's what it is. Forgetting about us all over again.
Peter Banning
You're all my Lost Boys. I'll never forget you, never. So who will I leave in charge?
[Peter takes out his sword and tries to figure out who will be the new Pan, he chooses Thud Butt]
Peter Banning
Now I want you to take care of everything that's smaller than you.
Thud Butt
Okay.
Too Small
Then who do I look after?
Peter Banning
Neverbugs - little ones.
[Peter backs away and flies off as the Lost Boys watch him as they all smile]
Too Small
That was a great game!
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Peter Banning
I do not believe in fairies.
Tinkerbell
Every time someone says 'I do not believe in fairies', somewhere there's a fairy that falls down dead.
Peter Banning
I DO NOT BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!
[Tinkerbell falls down the stairs of the dollhouse unconscious]
Peter Banning
Oh my God, I think I've killed it.
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Smee
Smee, Smee. What About Smee? Smee! Smee! Smee. Smee. What about Smee? Smee's me. What about me?
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Captain Hook
[wielding his sword ready to fight Peter, after Rufio's death]
Are you ready for me Peter? Come on, humor the Hook.
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Captain James Hook
[to Peter, in disbelief]
Is it you? My great and worthy opponent? But it can't be. Not this pitiful, spineless, pasty, bloated codfish I see before me. You're not even a shadow of Peter Pan.
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Tinkerbell
If less is more, there's no end to me, Peter Pan.
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Captain Hook
Gentlemen, I'm afraid I have decided to cancel the war. Kill them. Kill them all.
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[in the Museum where all clocks are destroyed. Hook hands Jack a hammer to destroy his father's watch]
Captain James Hook
You know you want to. Give it a try. Go on.
Jack
This is for... never letting me blow bubbles in my chocolate milk!
[smashes his father's watch]
Captain James Hook
Good form! Bravo!
[claps]
Smee
Isn't that wonderful?
Jack
This is for never letting me jump on my own bed!
[smashes another clock]
Captain James Hook
Make time stand still, laddie.
Jack
For always making promises and breaking them!
[smashes another clock]
Jack
For never doing anything with me.
[smashes another clock]
Captain James Hook
For a father who's never there, Jack? Jack, for a father who didn't save you on the ship.
Jack
[starts to cry]
Who wouldn't save us...
Captain James Hook
Who *couldn't* save you, Jack.
Jack
[tearfully]
Well, he - he wouldn't. And he didn't even try. He was there and we were there and he wouldn't try.
[pulls his cap down as he cries]
Captain James Hook
[pulls his cap up]
Jack... he will try. And the question will be: When the time comes, do you want to be saved? Now, don't you answer now. No, no, no, no, no. Now it's time to be whatever you want to be. Put behind you any thoughts of home; that place of broken promises.
Jack
That what?
Captain James Hook
Have I ever made a promise, Jack... I have not kept?
[gives him a baseball]
Captain James Hook
Have I, son?
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Pirate
He's stealing second!
[the catcher shoots the base stealer with his pistol and the crowd cheers]
Captain Hook
No, no, no! Now stop it! We're playing this game by Master Jack's rules. Bad form! Sit down, now. Let's resume the game.
[to his lady]
Captain Hook
A very violent sport, isn't it, baseball?
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Kids
[sits at the dinner table and clasps hands together for prayer] Everybody say Grace.
Peter Banning
Bless this, O Lord...
Kids
- GRACE!
[quickly grab at the food all at once]
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Tinkerbell
I believe in you, Peter Pan.
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Peter Banning
It's okay. Hang on, son. I'm coming, sweetheart.
[begins to climb up a rope ladder]
Peter Banning
Someone give me a hand?
Captain Hook
I already have.
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[Hook hangs Maggie and Jack from a net atop the mast]
Captain Hook
I'll make you a deal, Mr. Chairman-of-the-Board. Fly up there and touch the outstretched fingers of your frightened children, and I'll set them free.
Peter Banning
I can't fly!
Captain Hook
Come on, explode out of there! Stop the charade! Free you children!
Maggie
Maggie, Jack: Help, daddy!
Captain Hook
You must be joking.
[he laughs]
Captain Hook
Peter Pan has a real problem with heights!
[Hook and the other pirates burst out laughing]
Peter Banning
I'm not Peter Pan.
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Don't Ask
Don't Ask, No Nap, Latchboy, Thud Butt, Too Small: [in unison with the other Lost Boys] Peter Pan?
Don't Ask
That ain't Peter Pan.
No Nap
He's old!
Latchboy
He's fat!
Thud Butt
Not so fat to me.
Too Small
[laughs]
He's an old fat grandpa man.
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[Peter and Hook are dueling]
Peter Banning
Good form, old man.
[Hook traps Peter and grinds his hook near his face]
Captain Hook
You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning, a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, who's obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!
Too Small
I believe in you.
Latchboy
I believe in you.
No Nap
I believe in you, Peter.
Maggie
I believe in you.
Thud Butt
You are the Pan.
Jack
You're Peter Pan.
Tinkerbell
I believe in you... Peter Pan.
[Peter pushes Hook off and returns his sword. As Hook takes it, he slices Peter's arm with his hook]
Jack
Bad form!
Ace
Jack, stop!
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Peter Banning
Tick, tock! Tick, Tock! Hook's afraid of an old dead crock! I think not! I think James Hook's afraid of time, ticking away!
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[Peter takes the sword from him, draws a line in the sand between him and Rufio and all the lost boys run over to stand behind him. Rufio stands up walks towards him]
[Peter crows and bows to Rufio. Rufio does the same and the lost boys cheer]
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Captain Hook
I think your mother reads to you every night in order to stupefy you to sleep. So she and daddy can sit down for three measly minutes without you and your mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive and nagging demands. "He took my toy." "She hit my bear." "I want a party." "I want a cookie." "I want to stay up." I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now... can't you understand child? They tell you stories to shut you up.
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Captain Hook
You!
[pointing at someone in the crowd]
Captain Hook
You! That's right you! No not you! not you... you... You! You bet against me bringing Pan back here, didn't ya?
Captain Hook
Ahh
[Nods disbelievingly]
Captain Hook
... tell your captain the truth
Gutless
[Breaks down crying]
Captain Hook
Awww... say it... say it
Gutless
I did...
Captain Hook
Yes... you made a boo boo...
Gutless
I did... I did it...
Captain Hook
Mmm...
[Looks at another pirate]
Captain Hook
The boo box.
Gutless
Not that! Not the boo box!
Gutless
NOOOOOO!
Captain Hook
Yes.
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Peter Banning
[Jack is angry at his Dad and tossing his baseball to the ceiling and catching it]
Will you stop doing that? You could break a window.
Jack
They're double-layered, you can't break 'em.
[he demonstrates his point by banging his ball against the glass]
Jack
[in disbelief]
You're afraid of getting sucked out!
Jack
[insisting]
Yes, you are. You're afraid of getting sucked out.
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Inspector Good
So, Mr. and Mrs. Banning, we've wired the phones, and two of my lads will be outside at all times. Of course, you know, it is entirely possible that this whole thing is some kind of ridiculous prank.
Peter Banning
My children are missing.
Inspector Good
Yes, but the literary history of the family and everything suggests that... Well, let's hope so.
Toodles
I've forgotten how to fly.
Toodles
I've forgotten how to fly.
Inspector Good
Yeah, well, one does. Good night, ma'am. Good night, sir.
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[first lines]
Maggie
[as Wendy in the play]
Boy, why are you crying?
Peter Pan in Play
I was crying, because I couldn't get my shadow to stick. Besides, I wasn't crying.
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Peter Banning
Jack, my word is my bond.
Jack
Yeah, junk bonds!
[he hits the ceiling door in the plane with his ball, and causes the oxygen masks to drop down and scare Peter half to death]
Peter Banning
What in the hell's the matter with you? When are you gonna stop acting like a child?
Jack
[laughs]
I am a child.
Peter Banning
Grow up.
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Smee
Oh! Sorry, sir.
[Smee stamps his foot once and a red carpet appears on the stairs]
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Tinkerbell
I drank poison for you! You called me Tink.
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Garbage Sweeper in Kensington Gardens
[Peter notices that he looks exactly like Smee]
Hello. Having trouble with the missus? You will have by the time you get home.
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Smee
I don't wanna hear no more of this talk about doing away with yourself. I mean, what would the world be like without Captain Hook?
Captain Hook
Indeed. Good form, Smee. What *would* the world be like without Captain Hook?
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Wendy Darling
Hello, Boy.
Peter Banning
Hello, Wendy.
Moira Banning
I told you, Gran, I'd get him here, by hook or by crook.
Peter Banning
I'm sorry it's been so long between visits, I've just...
Wendy Darling
It's been ten years between visits. But never mind. Come and give me a skwoodge.
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Smee
He's Peter Pan or I've got a dead man's dinghy.
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Captain James Hook
Well, my stupid, sorry, parasitic sacks of entrails...
[the pirates laugh]
Captain James Hook
...revenge is mine.
[the pirates cheer]
Tickles
Long live the Hook!
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Little League Player
Mama wants a new pair of shoes. Drive me home, Jack!
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[Maggie and the four Lost Boys try to escape out the ship]
Pirate Jailer
Where do you think you're going? Get away from that window!
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Too Small
[at the end, watching as Peter flies back home]
That was a great game.
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[dancing and singing at the same time]
Pirates
Jack! Jack! He's our man. If he can't do it, no one can!
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Captain Hook
Finally, I'm going to kill Peter Pan, that cocky boy who cut off my hand and fed it to the crocodile!
[pirates cheer]
Captain Hook
And who killed that cunning crocodile?
Pirates
Hook!
Captain Hook
Who stuffed him?
Pirates
Hook!
Captain Hook
Who made him into a quiet clock?
Pirates
Hook!
Captain Hook
Who went into the other world and stole Pan's children?
Pirates
Hook!
Captain Hook
And who didn't believe I could do it? Who doubted me? Who amongst us does not belong? Someone here does not belong. Stranger amongst the loyal, I will weed you out!
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Peter Banning
[while the children are running around making a noise, shouting into the phone]
Wait a minute. You're telling me a 10-inch owl has a 50-mile mating radius? Why don't they just fornicate someplace else? What, a five billion dollar deal falling apart because of this? Why doesn't somebody just shoot me in the head?
Jack
[making a gun gesture with his hands]
Bang, bang!
Jack
[backing away in fright]
I'm sorry.
Peter Banning
And leave me alone for one moment! Moira, get 'em outta here, will you? I'm on the phone call of my life!
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Captain Hook
Peter. I swear to you wherever you go, wherever you are, I vow there will always be daggers bearing notes signed James Hook. They will be flung into doors of your children's children's children, do you hear me?
Peter Pan
What do you want, old man?
Captain Hook
Just you.
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Wendy Darling
What is this?
[she points to Jack's baseball mitt]
Jack
Oh, it's a baseball glove. You can catch things with it, take hot things out of the oven, or you can even hit your sister with it.
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[holding up a sign reading "Run Home Jack"]
Pirates
Run home, Jack! Run home, Jack!
Jack
"Run home, Jack."
Captain Hook
Smee, no, no, no! They've got it backwards! Tell them to turn it around!
Jack
Maggie?
Smee
Switch!
[the pirates fix the sign to read "Home Run Jack." They read it]
Pirates
Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack!
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Prostitute
Put your faces on, girls! Here comes Smee!
Prostitute
Smee?
Prostitute
Smee!
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Pegleg
Hello. If it ain't the Mother Inferior.
Peter Banning
Gentlemen, I'm... I'm looking for someone.
Pegleg
I fancy them shiny shoes for my booty!
[he whacks his shoe]
Peter Banning
Well, I think you can get them at Armani.
[they started shouting and Peter runs off from them]
[they captured Peter to slice him off]
Peter Banning
Tinkerball. Tinkerbutt!
Pegleg
DON'T GET NO BLOOD ON THEM BOOTS! THEY'S MINE!
[the pirates started to grab Peter's pants]
[Tink pulls the pirates shirt and started screaming]
Pirate
YOU PIXIE DEVIL! AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!
[he lands on the outside of the window and Peter looks at the broken window hearing a splash, then the other pirate grabs him]
Peter Banning
Oh, please don't! I have a bad back!
[he was hit by a large cooked meal. The pirate lands on the bridge the Pegleg swings the stick from left to right trying to kill her]
Pegleg
Ya pixie devil!
[Tink cuts the rope and was hit by a bunch of pots and pans the other pirate was hit by a bucket]
Peter Banning
Are you related to Mighty Mouse?
[the other pirate falls off and lands on the chest, she grabs on the pirates hat]
Tinkerbell
If you insist on seeing Hook and desire to be alive, do exactly what I say, Peter. Your left arm is dead and hangs lifeless at your side.
[he uses his left arm dead and hangs at his side]
Tinkerbell
Lean on the crutch. Left foot turned in. Tilt your head and GLARE with your good eye! Now, crack your mouth and DROOL. Now growl.
Tinkerbell
GROWL!
Peter Banning
ARGH!
Growling Pirate
[he looks at Peter pretending]
How are you?
Peter Banning
Not bad, and you?
Growling Pirate
Not bad!
Peter Banning
Alright!
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Captain James Hook
[contemplating]
Smee? Smee, I've just had a sublime vision. All the jagged parts of my life have come together to form a complete an mystical... whole. An epiphany.
Smee
A "piphy"-what?
Captain James Hook
My life is over!
Smee
Does that mean you've lost your appetite?
Captain James Hook
Yes. Goodbye.
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Peter Banning
I read recently that they're now using lawyers instead of rats for scientific experiments. They do this for two reasons. One, the scientists become less attached to the lawyers. And two, there are certain things that even rats won't do.
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Peter Banning
Don't mess with me man, I'm a lawyer!
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Thud Butt
Who's the shrub?
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Maggie
[gets up and grabs Captain Hook's hook]
I wanna tear your hook off!
Maggie
I hate... I hate you, Mr. Hook!
Smee
Yes, they do. Come on, you.
[grabs Maggie]
Smee
You're depressin' the Captain.
Maggie
Jack, you listen to me! Never let him make you forget! Never forget mommy and daddy!
Jack
Maggie.
Maggie
Think of a way to run home, Jack! Run home!
Jack
Run home?
Captain Hook
Jack.
[puts his hook in front of his face; Jack's eyes widen a bit]
Captain Hook
You are home.
[laughs]
Captain Hook
Right?
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Peter Banning
[flying to England on a plane in turbulence]
I'm not gonna make it to my next birthday.
Moira Banning
You're not gonna die without a phone and fax machine.
Peter Banning
I'm halfway there. I got the phone in my briefcase.
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Wendy Darling
"All children, except one, grow up." Now, you know where fairies come from, don't you, Maggie?
Wendy Darling
Wendy Darling, Maggie: "When the first baby laughed for the first time the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about. That was the beginning of fairies."
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Captain Hook
Do you know, Jack, it's a very special time when a pirate receives his first earring. Such a very very beautiful feeling. It's like the first time you run someone through with your blade.
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Wendy Darling
Now, there is one rule I insist be obeyed while you are in my house: No growing up. Stop this very instant. And that includes you, Mr. Chairman-of-the-Board Banning.
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Wendy Darling
In a crisis, we English always make a cup of tea.
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Peter Banning
We don't know each other and - I doubt that we have very much in common except this wonderful woman, Wendy Angela Darling. Granny Wendy brought me in from the cold. She taught me to read and write. She even found people to be my parents and adopt me. She's loved so many children just so efforlete - efforse - effortlessly. That's her achievement. Many of you here tonight were once lost children; but, Granny Wendy found parents and homes for each of you and saved you. That's her miracle. And I know that if you could stand now you would express much better than I have your feelings of gratitude, appreciation, and warm feelings for this wonderful woman. I guess we do have something in common. We're orphans.
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Peter Banning
I'm not a pirate, so happens I am a lawyer
Rufio
Kill the lawyer!
Lost Boys
Kill the lawyer!
Peter Banning
I'm not that kind of lawyer
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Bill Jukes
[locks up a pirate in a 'Boo Box' for betting against Hook]
You cannot lie to the Captain!
Bill Jukes
Boo!
Bill Jukes
BOOOOOOOO!
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Latchboy
Going up, he's going up!
Thud Butt
He's coming down!
[Peter fails to fly and splash]
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Peter Banning
Are you alive, little bug? Look out!
[she slapped his finger, she wasn't dead]
Tinkerbell
Clap your... hands, Peter. It's the only way to save me.
Peter Banning
Clap...
[he starts shivering and then starts clapping softly]
Tinkerbell
Louder.
[he claps loud then she shouts]
Tinkerbell
LOUDER, PETER!
[he starts clapping louder and starts shouting]
Peter Banning
Okay, I'm CLAPPING! I'm clapping!
[and Tinkerbell starts getting up]
Peter Banning
Oh God, you're alive!
Tinkerbell
All right, Now. Who am I?
[smiles]
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Peter Banning
If it's your time to go, it's your time to go.
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Peter Banning
What a nightmare. Moira?
[he hears no answer when he suddenly peaks to the spinning of a clock]
Peter Banning
[he rips off the sheets where a bunch of Pirates waking up for their call and Tink peaks out]
Pirate
Here yee! Here yee!
Parent
Roll out. Roll out!
[Pirates were laughing, coughing, and calling for their sales]
Pirate
Neverbirds! Three for a farthing.
Pirate
PIES FOR SALE!
Pirate
Lovely fish! Fresh fish! We keep the eyes so they'll see you through the week.
Peter Banning
[he walks downstairs to talk to the pirate]
Excuse me. Is there a pay phone around here?
Pirate
[he looks up at him]
Peter Banning
That is so real.
Tinkerbell
Peter, get back here! Get down, get low. HIDE!
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Captain Hook
Well, I should claw myself with my own hook. Not to kill Pan when I had the chance? What have I done? What have I done, Smee? Agreed to a preposterous plan, an absurd war. Now I'm bound by my indefatigable good form to wait.
Smee
I'll fix you a nice plate.
Captain Hook
Whether it be three days or decades, he will always be a Fat, Old Pan.
[while was smee was humming and eating while spitting and Hook was interrupted]
Captain Hook
Oh, I hate being disappointed, Smee. And I hate living in this flawed body! And I hate living in Neverland! And I hate, I Hate - I Hate Peter Pan!
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Peter Banning
We have an obligation to clarify this "Pan" problem.
Captain Hook
This disaster.
Peter Banning
Which must be remedied.
Captain Hook
Expediently, I agree.
Peter Banning
I want my children. For me, the stakes can be no higher.
Captain Hook
And for me, sir, they can have sunk no lower AND I WANT MY WAR!
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Tinkerbell
All you need is one happy thought, Peter. Just one happy thought and it will make you fly.
Peter Banning
I got it! Not being in this slingshot would make me very happy.
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[the Lost Boys chase Peter]
Peter Banning
Help me!
Lost Boys
Help me!
Peter Banning
Not *you*!
Lost Boys
Not you!
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Lost Boys
[Tinkerbell bursts through a tree house causing an explosion of feathers]
[exclaims]
Lost Boys
That Was My Pillow
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Peter Banning
Tell them there's always been casualties of evolution. Ask them if anybody misses the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
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Tinkerbell
Why are you in Neverland?
Peter Pan
That's easy. To always be a little boy and have fun.
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Captain Hook
I need my bubbly. Give me my bubbly.
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Tinkerbell
It is true, then. You did grow up. I drank poison for you. You used to call me "Tink." Have you forgotten everything?
Peter Banning
Are you in there, little bug?
Tinkerbell
I'm not a bug. I'm a fairy.
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Wendy Darling
Hand me my book, please. It's time to tell you, at last.
Peter Banning
Tell me what?
Wendy Darling
How far back can you remember, Peter?
Peter Banning
I remember the hospital on Great Ormond Street. You worked with orphans. Taught me to read. You arranged for the adoption by my American parents.
Wendy Darling
You were 12, nearly 13. I mean, before that.
Peter Banning
There's nothing before that.
Wendy Darling
Try, Peter. Do try.
Peter Banning
Nothing.
Wendy Darling
You know, when I was young no other girl held your favor the way I did.
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Captain Hook
Smee, I don't understand. Why doesn't he fly? He's a fop Peter Pan!
Smee
He's Peter Pan, 'lright, Captain. He's just been away from Neverland so long, his mind's been gentrified. He's forgotten everything.
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Peter Banning
Somebody give me a hand.
Captain Hook
I already have.
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Smee
Make way for the Hook!
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Tickles
[mocking Maggie]
"Save me, Daddy!"
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Rufio
Are you gonna follow this drooler against Captain Hook?
Pockets, Lost Boy
What's he doing here if he's not Peter Pan, huh? He don't look happy here. And who are them kids Hook's got? Give him a chance!
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Peter Banning
Oh my, a wall.
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Smee
It's a trick, Captain! Let me blast that buzzing vixen to pixie hell!
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Don't Ask
His nose got real big.
Too Small
Well, welcome back to Neverland, Pan the Man.
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Smee
Imagine Pan's puss...
Captain Hook
Yes.
Smee
When he faces you.
Captain Hook
Faces me.
Smee
And his kids...
Captain Hook
Yes.
Smee
Standing beside you, ready to fight for the sleaziest sleaze of the seven seas, Captain James Hook. Captain, it's *beautiful*.
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Smee
We could make the little buggers love you.
Captain Hook
No, Smee. No little children love me.
Smee
Captain, that is the point.
Captain Hook
What do you mean?
Smee
That is the ultimate revenge.
Captain Hook
What is?
Smee
Pan's kids in love with Hook.
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Captain Hook
I'm ready for my nightcap.
Smee
Abso-flogging-lutely. I think a bit of skulduggery would do you good. Take your mind off this Pan business. First thing tomorrow morning, we'll shoot some Indians out at Long Tom.
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Peter Pan
Pan "The Avenger" is back.
Captain Hook
And the Hook is waiting, Peter Pan.
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Captain Hook
How did you ever manage to fit into those smashing tights again, Peter?
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Captain Hook
It's Peter Pan. Has it been three days? 'Tis true, Peter, time does fly. And so do you, I see.
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Tinkerbell
Do you like my dress?
Peter Banning
You look beautiful. What's the occasion?
Tinkerbell
You are.
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Tinkerbell
What are you staring at, Peter? Save them. Go save them. You silly ass, go.
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Captain Hook
Don't you love it, laddie? Once you've shed blood... it's hard to stop! It's a pirate's life, my lad!
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Wendy Darling
Hello, Boy.
Peter Banning
Hello, Wendy Lady. Give us a skwoodge.
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Tinkerbell
Lost Boys! Lost Boys! Wake up! Pan's back! Lost Boys! Lost Boys! Wake up!
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Captain Hook
Ah! Broken clocks. Each one ticked its last tock - and now all is well.
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Captain Hook
[addressing the pirates]
Well, my stupid, sorry, parasitic sacks of entrails - revenge is mine.
Tickles
Long live the Hook!
Captain Hook
I baited that Hook and now I'm proud to announce: we have his children.
Captain Hook
Finally I'm going to kill Peter Pan - that cocky boy who cut off my hand and fed it to the crocodile!
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Captain Hook
What is that I hear? A ticking! Smee, stop it! Stop the ticking! Stop it! Stop that "tick-tick"!
Smee
There's no ticking here. There's nothing left to tick.
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Peter Banning
What's gotten into you?
Moira Banning
Oh, this house. This house has gotten to me. Some of those things I was when I was young have never left me. Oh, Peter. We were children in these rooms.
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Peter Banning
Thank you, Nigel. Norman?
Chauffeur
Neville, sir.
Peter Banning
Neville. Is that English?
[laughs]
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Tinkerbell
Whoever you are, it's still you. Because only one person has that smell.
Peter Banning
Smell?
Tinkerbell
The smell of someone who's ridden the back of the wind, Peter! The smell of a hundred fun summers, of sleeping in trees, adventures with Indians and pirates. Oh, remember, Peter? The world was ours. We could do everything or nothing. All I had to be was *anything* because it was always us.
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Peter Banning
Tink! Tink! Help! Tinkerball. Tinkerbutt!
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Tinkerbell
If less is more, there's no end to me, Peter Pan.
Peter Banning
Peter Banning.
Tinkerbell
Pan.
Peter Banning
Banning.
Tinkerbell
Pan.
Peter Banning
Banning.
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