The Fearless Vampire Killers Movie Quotes
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
[Magda tries to fend off Shagal, a Jewish Vampire, with a cross]
Oy yoy! Have you got the wrong vampire!
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[last lines]
Narrator
That night, fleeing from Transylvania, Professor Abronsius never guessed he was carrying away with him the very evil he had wished to destroy. Thanks to him, this evil would at last be able to spread across the world.
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Sarah Shagal
I got into the habit of it at school. It's funny Papa. You can't just change your habits in a couple of months, can you? Besides, it's good for your health. Once a day is the very least. Don't you agree?
Sarah Shagal
Do you mind if I have a quick one?
Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant
[Thinks she means something else]
Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant
I don't mind at all, but...
Sarah Shagal
Oh, thank you! You are being very nice. Now could you get me some hot water?
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Professor Abronsius
Takes me for a nincompoop, that necrophile.
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Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
What's my good little fairy up to? What she doing? Huh?
Magda, the Maid
Your good little fairy is mending your nightshirt.
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
This nightshirt is mine? No? Yeah! I could - its perfect as it is. I'll try it on.
Magda, the Maid
If you try your nightshirt in my room, I scream.
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Professor Abronsius
A castle without a crypt is like a unicorn without a horn.
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Count Von Krolock
I am a night bird. I am not much good in the daytime.
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[opening lines]
Narrator
That night, penetrating deep into the heart of Transylvania, Professor Abronsius was unaware that he was on the point of reaching the goal of his mysterious investigations. In the course of which he had journeyed throughout Central Europe for years accompanied by his one and only faithful disciple, Alfred. A scholar and scientist whose genius was unappreciated, Abronsius had given up all to devote himself body and soul to what was to him a sacred mission. He had even lost his chair at Königsberg University, where for a long time his colleagues used to refer to him as "The Nut".
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Count Von Krolock
Professor Abronsius. Königsberg University. This alters everything.
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Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant
Venice. The palaces. The sky. Venice, Sarah, Venice. The gondolas. The sun. The sea.
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Professor Abronsius
[Alfred joining the Professor in his bed]
What are you doing?
Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant
I'm going to bed.
Professor Abronsius
What has come over you? Go to your own bed!
Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant
Alone?
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Count Von Krolock
A year ago exactly on this same night we were assembled here in this very room: I your pastor, and you my beloved flock. With hopefulness in my heart I told you then that with Lucifer's aid we might look forward to a more succulent occasion. Cast back your minds. There we were, gathered together, gloomy and despondent, around a single meager woodcutter.
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Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant
Shouldn't we build a barricade?
Professor Abronsius
No, that would be bad tactics.
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Sarah Shagal
[Alfred hears her scream and makes his way to the bathroom door]
Sarah Shagal
No!
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
I told you to stay in your room! But you always take a bath!
Sarah Shagal
No! No! No!
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
I'll give you that bath!
Sarah Shagal
I won't! I won't, Papa! No!
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
[Alfred looks through a keyhole to see what's going on]
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
[spanking her]
I told you, every day you are having baths!
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
I told you, no bath! No bath! No bath! No bath!
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
[He stops]
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
Now you satisfied?
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
Now you got it.
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Professor Abronsius
Did you hear how he held his own? On the subject of the bats? Really sound arguments. Not like those morons from Königsberg.
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Count Von Krolock
Your young assistant will make an excellent companion for my son. He's already quite fond of him. He's told me so. He's a gentle, sensitive youth. In the course of the centuries, they will learn to know each other better.
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Professor Abronsius
He displeased me as much this evening as he impressed me the first time.
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Professor Abronsius
[to Shagal]
I'm not completely daft, you know.
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Professor Abronsius
[directing Alfred's attention to the hanging bunches of garlic inside the inn]
Garlic, my boy!
Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant
You think--?
Professor Abronsius
Almost without a doubt.
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Professor Abronsius
Is there a Castle nearby?
Village Idiot
There's a Castle!
[the crowd muffles him]
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Rebecca Shagal
[referring to the wooden stake]
Stick it vhere?
Professor Abronsius
Alas, Madame Shagal, I have already explained to you, the body of Mr. Shagal is destroyed; but, one can save his soul.
Rebecca Shagal
With this?
Professor Abronsius
By sticking it in.
Rebecca Shagal
Sticking it in?
Professor Abronsius
Yes.
Rebecca Shagal
Vhere?
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Professor Abronsius
For the sake of Shagal's daughter, open it!
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Herbert von Krolock
Somebody is in love. Somebody's little heart is beating around in their bosom. Pitter-pat. Pitter-pat. Pitter-pat. Like a rat in a cage.
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Count Von Krolock
[bares his fangs, then quickly closes his mouth]
I must leave you now. See you later gentlemen. Meditate - while awaiting your turn. For it will be extremely difficult to get away from here; unless, of course, you have wings...
[he flaps his elbows like wings]
Count Von Krolock
like a bat.
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Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
Come on, take it off!
Magda, the Maid
Don't you look.
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
I'm not looking. I'm not looking.
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Professor Abronsius
[shouting down the chimney like the Voice of God]
Shagal, about that girl...
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
Yeah?
Professor Abronsius
Don't you touch her!
Shagal, the Inn-Keeper
Ah! I'm not touching! Who's touching?
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Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant
[in disguise, dancing with Sarah]
It is I. Life has a meaning once more. We are going to save you.
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Professor Abronsius
After a good transfusion - and a few days rest, you will be as right as rain, my child.
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