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Your tickets in your personal cabinet
[Opening narration]
Capt. Kirk Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its 5-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.
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Dr. McCoy "He's dead, Jim."
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[repeated line]
James T. Kirk Beam me up, Scotty. - This line was never actually spoken in the television series.
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Capt. Kirk All right, you mutinous, disloyal, computerized half-breed. We'll see about you deserting my ship.
Spock The term "half-breed" is somewhat applicable, but "computerized" is inaccurate. A machine can be computerized, not a man.
Capt. Kirk What makes you think you're a man? You're an overgrown jackrabbit. An elf with a hyperactive thyroid.
Spock Jim, I don't understand...
Capt. Kirk Of course you don't understand. You don't have the brains to understand. All you have is printed circuits.
Spock Captain, if you will excuse me.
[Tries to activate the transporter]
Capt. Kirk [blocks Spock's way and interupts] What can you expect from a simpering, devil-eared freak whose father was a computer and his mother an encyclopedia.
Spock My mother was a teacher. My father an ambassador.
Capt. Kirk Your father was a computer, like his son. An ambassador from a planet of traitors. The Vulcan never lived who had an ounce of integrity...
Spock Captain, please don't...
Capt. Kirk You're a traitor from a race of traitors. Disloyal to the core. Rotten! Like the rest of your subhuman race. And you've got the GALL... to make love to that girl!
Spock That's enough.
Capt. Kirk Does she know what she's getting, Spock? A carcass full of memory banks who should be squatting on a mushroom? Instead of passing himself off as a man? You belong in the circus, Spock, not a starship. Right next to the dog face boy!
[Spock begins beating the stew out of Kirk - he picks up a stool, ready to hit Kirk, then stops - the spore's influence is gone]
Capt. Kirk Had enough? I never realized what it took to get under that thick hide of yours. Anyhow, I don't know what you're so mad about. It isn't every first officer who gets to belt his captain... several times.
Spock You did that to me deliberately.
Capt. Kirk Believe me, Mr. Spock. It was painful. In more ways than one.
[Grabs his hurting arm]
Spock The spores. They're gone. I don't belong anymore.
Capt. Kirk You said they were benevolent and peaceful. Violent emotions overwhelm them, destroy them. I had to make you angry enough to shake off their influence. That's the answer, Mr. Spock.
Spock That may be correct, Captain, but trying to initiate a brawl with over 500 crewmen and colonists is hardly logical.
Capt. Kirk I had something else in mind. Can you put together a subsonic transmitter? Something we can hook into the communication station and broadcast over the communicators?
Spock It can be done.
Capt. Kirk Good. Let's get to work.
Spock Captain! Striking a fellow officer is a court-martial offense.
Capt. Kirk Well, if we're both in the brig, who's gonna build the subsonic transmitter?
Spock That is quite logical, Captain.
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Scotty When are ya gonna get off of that milk diet Laddy? Now Scotch is a real drink for a man.
Chekov Scotch was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad.
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James T. Kirk There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere...
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Capt. Kirk You'd make a splendid computer, Mr Spock. Spock
Spock [taken aback] That is very kind of you, Captain!
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Dr. McCoy I'm a doctor, not an engineer.
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Capt. Kirk There's no such thing as the unknown- only things temporarily hidden, temporarily not understood.
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Dr. McCoy The next thing you'll know, I'll be talking to myself.
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Chekov A madman got us into this, and it's beginning to look like only a madman can get us out.
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[repeated line]
Spock Facinating
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[repeated line]
Uhura Bridge to Captain Kirk!
Capt. Kirk Kirk, here.
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