Chris PontiusI'm not into bestiality, but that's a good-looking animal.
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Man on the streetGod bless you.
Chris Pontius[dressed up as Satan] God didn't bless me. He wrote a bunch of fibs about me.
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Brad PittHi! I'm Brad Pitt and I'm about to be abducted...
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Bam MargeraOh, dude ! My fucking tailbone is seriously broken ! I'm not even kidding !
Ryan DunnHe broke his tailbone... That's alright, we don't have tails anymore, what's the point of having one ?
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[the last line of the last episode]
Johnny KnoxvilleThat's it, it's over. We should probably head to the bar now.
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Johnny KnoxvilleI have a full grown, semi-nude man bound with duct tape in my truck and I was trying to get out to the desert to bury him. How do I get to 5 South?
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Johnny Knoxville[while getting doused with red wine] Now I know what it feel like to be my liver!
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Preston LacyUm, tonight we're gonna get spanked by a couple of dominatrixes, up in 301.
Chris PontiusEver since puberty, I've dreamed of being a centerfold in 'Playgirl'.
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Chris PontiusI wish life were more like a porno movie.
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Tony Hawk[dressed in a chicken suit, and about to ride a skateboard on a loop-to-ramp] I'm seriously going to die right now.
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Chris RaabI'm Jackass, and you're watching Raab Himself...
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Chris PontiusYou like this song? Kinda makes you feel like partying. I kinda feel like partying right now.
[tears his clothes away and dances]
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Chris PontiusThat guy right there is the best damn roller skater ever. Maybe even in the whole town.
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Chris PontiusMy job on the show is to be naked, not kill myself.
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Johnny KnoxvilleYou're the crappiest human bowling ball I ever saw in my whole life!
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Johnny KnoxvilleIn the movie Cool Hand Luke, Paul Newman eats fifty hard boiled eggs without puking in one hour. We didn't think that was possible, so we staged our own little contest to see if any man OR woman could eat fifty eggs without puking. Well one thing; in our contest we encourage puking.
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Johnny Knoxville[standing in the middle of the road] Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm about to get hit by a car real soon!
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Steve-OI have your name tattooed on my ass.
[while exposing a tattoo that say "Your Name" on his ass]
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Bam MargeraPhil gets off work in ten minutes, and I've got twenty paintballs up in this bitch. He's gonna die.
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Ryan DunnI gotta be horrible at everything, otherwise it just wouldn't be me.
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Chris PontiusThey say Poland is the Mexico of Europe. I'm not sure of what that means, but I like it.
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Steve-OYeah, dude!
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Ehren McGhehey - Danger EhrenHi, I'm Ehren and this is the human Bulls-eye.
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Johnny KnoxvilleSo, we've driven an hour north from Miami to Boca Raton, believe it or not, to film Steve-O jump into nine days worth of elephant poo.
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Johnny Knoxville[to a cow] Hi sweetie, I'm gonna inseminate you artificially... maybe for real if you play your cards right.
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Bam MargeraI want you to punch me in the face one second prior to take-off, so that it softens the blow.
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Ehren McGhehey - Danger EhrenSafety first!
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Dave EnglandI don't mean to toot my own horn, but BEEP BEEP!
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Ryan DunnI'm Ryan Dunn, and I'm surrounded by morons.
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Scott PotasnikYou guys are gonna hate me an hour from now.
Chris PontiusFrom my experiments with sexiness, it seems like a lot of people are afraid at first, and fear usually equals violence. But eventually I'll win their hearts, and instead of fighting, they'll want to make love to me.
Brandon DicamilloAnd today, good sirs, I will stick my lance far beyond where the light of our world shines, deep into the colon of our enemy. Sir Bam-a-lot, you will feel a lot of my lance in your ass.
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Steve-OI'm sick of the whole pooping thing... I'm gonna go get my butt cheeks pierced together.
